Hell
has a very confusing shape
how could it be other way?
Hell
lives in a strange place

Hell is your parents' words
in adulterated thoughts
Hell is not being understood
and caring way too much

Hell is being drifted away!
I miss my old pain
for it was real though

Hell ends up always, says the sage
I have no other method
than trusting what he says
Hell is being away
from yourself
Powerlessness then

It's like it was with Gitte
But now I know better
Spent years trapped
I will fight not to come back

How spaced out and disgregated
can I be?
My thoughts scattered
so I can't see
Everything out of place
Arranging madly, can't rest

I've been here before
Confusing beauty and love
But I felt your hand on me
And God I could feel
But I forgot, I chase those things

I am ******* distorted
Today
Take me away, again

This is low energy happiness
This is mush smile
This is killing time
I am hurting myself
to stay alive
Where's the fever I felt?
Gone astray - I cry
I am not real anymore

I remember these days
in a hurtful sun
Made of bricks and lost dreams
While not aware of it
Who rot them?

His voice is the only ray of light
His beauty pervades it all - my **** angel
I can't reach it - it's at hand but my hand
slips
my brain - twitch, twitch

I am happy but something's amiss
it is the hole left by your kiss
or the struggle and the bliss

Will I have to live a life on hugs?
I've already been there - it doesn't pay off
While yearning for the true love -
I am in the other side of my brain
how can I get out?

I know more than I did
but still as lost as I've been
I think

Dead inside - but with a smile

Fake, fake everything.
Gotta go to sleep - reboot me
Please God don't keep me here

Ah, my sweet Icelandic crush.
I've been through you before.
I saw your face then, thought: ***?

Beauty is beauty I guess.
I never could break away from the spell.
But I must be able to separate
types of beauty

I was just clumsy
I am clumsy

Tumblr girls dedicate their lives
to guys they will never know
I am drowning with them tonight
I was one of them back in time

And you were sweet
until you popped in my hot dreams
You never were one!
You just came to trouble me

Everything is so intrincate and delicate
Everything is everything
Everything so dual
Everything so fake, so true

And this is a love fantasy
not true love or lust
this is a beautiful face
doing damage

Male muse
You are just like all of them
So destructive
Are you real?

Know the enemy
it's you, it's them
It's a fakeness
You can't shake
It's a lack of space
It's being okay
while chronically tired
Tense

He is you
You are him
All of you - concocted here
At least your eyes are pretty

Let's erase all the pseudopoetry
let's stay within reality
(which is true poetry)

Know the enemy
How to defy him?
SO MUCH PAIN!!
Can pills or tea take it away -

I woke up this morning
feeling so odd
half bad, half good
all full of doubts

Change, I have to change!

Change because I can't stay
this way till we break
Our love is too great
"Our love defies understanding"

And get high on raw ***
and raw love
I have a thousand words
and a flickering, strong
feeling in my bones

Go ******* deep!
Sail on your ship!

How much beautiful was it with you
But you're not here, and I still have to move
Oxytocin high - can't let it pass me by
The rainbow after the rain
The rain of my desire

I spend it with myself
with my schizotypal friends
I should be laying on my bed instead...
whispering poems on your ear
It's unnatural, painful in a way
But this rush I have to take

And I substitute all my obsessions
True desire for pornographic sessions
That lack any kind of foundation
The foundation of your pleasure...

It's always you
it's never you