His voice makes me high
His eyes make me fly
He speaks my world of ache, despair
And coats it with piercing beauty instead
My world of black, my breathless world
He was there when it crumbled too
Yet I could not see through
I am behind the veil now, so I do
Existential boredom and hunger for some relief
from everything
even *** seems sickening
Yet I can't stop having it

He is not ****** - but he is a pleasure too
He is an angel - from **** heaven
He is beautiful - he doesn't have to try to
In a bodyless world (what a blessing,
what a curse) I'd be with him of course

I need my trip down the rabbit hole
I need to know
But what I really need -
A black fly interposed in my thoughts

This clarity
without a meaning
This empty vision

A world of ******
but no ***
Just a hole - clogged

Just a vessel - drained
Just desire - with pain
What did I do to deserve?
God - take me away from here
I deserve my slice of "It"

Give me rawness, go
This is no way to keep on
I've cried and sweated and felt a lot
Give me raw ***, raw love

Can I change my ways?
Can we try it again?
I love you more when I think I don't
But the truth is, I love you whole...

I will think of us.
I won't get wasted on this.
I will come back with an answer on my lips.
Can I come back now that I lost everything?
Or so it seems...
Why was I able to feel you so deep
in the shadows of my despair?
I held the key
But the demons are after me

I see the patterns
but I can't spot the answers
Happiness needs to be found
never sought after

If you are nothing to me, then
why do you flutter with pain?
I love you but I fled away
Clarity of the late night
when I heard God's voice loud.
You're a cyst stuck on me,
You're a vestigial, deep ache
How can I tell you about my hell
without it swallowing me first?
Every thought of you - has a sense

Is it that I love you?
Oh moment of clarity!
Seize me again

This was always my torture
This was always my pain
The one thing in my brain
that blew away

Why? I have no idea why
But the more time passes
I know right?

A permanent wound in my head
Was I born this way?
Clouding my understanding
But a truth never dies
What to do with two? or many of them?

Who will guide me through this path
Will you
I can do it myself
But it's better if we do...

I don't know what to do
I just see the wounds
This must make sense in the end

Oh, God!
Came to you so hard.
But I'm stepping on reaver land.
I better calm down.

What am I becoming?
My life is toiling under pleasure.
We cracked under the pressure.
These ******* are fine, (else I'd lie)
But they have a bitter taste deep inside.
Dopamine keeps me alive - but it has a price
I'm losing my mind.

*****, it's not enough! Your love, it was not enough,
back then! But every shadow of you makes me shake...
I bring you back in every ****. Or did you bring me back to God?

I'm cracking since you fled.
Can you fix the damage done?
And I am blooming in new ways,
but really I know I am withering away.
I was a strange wild flower, now I'm in the sewer.
This time it won't work, I am too broken.

Who told me I'd become an addict
to the earthquake below?
While I'm hungry on your love - no longer
just a dead beat in my guts
a hope some hours - destroyed many more
Ditch the **** - find your own
find your soul
if you are not already lost!

Why do I go to see girls ******* on men like you?
Why all my joy, fantasy of life is through?
My dear, I shipwreck without you

Am I going for a deeper ride?
Drown my hands in the shaky sand
So much fear, cemented in years
I want to scream for help
But no one's there, not even my tears.

Oh love! Elusive force
without it we rot
Impulses separated - love from lust
Don't be fooled - they are not truly apart
How come we are? How blind?
Why pain feels so fresh?
Solo ***, does it save?
I guess it does, but I miss your caress

Since we fell in love,
fear was flying around.
Fear that I might lose it,
and weird thoughts.

I fear losing my ***,
more than anything else!
All these videos we recorded.
Now I am on the other end.

So much to dig out,
expect me, I'll be back.
But you won't. And then I'll hold tight
to **** Hub.
(You'll do the same, but you are not as broken)
Oh God!! Spare me this!!

Since you left
All I do is to please myself

With any stuff that comes my way
And I don't feel as great
as it was with you, babe
******* and girls and ***** in my bed
Wish you were here, so we had fun
But I am blocking you - saddest part
I am not fulfilled like this, but if this is
what life deals for me
I will kiss that girl Mireia and run with it.

I don't know where this leads
But show me the way quick.
Came with a **** - but ah, chicks like me!
Are they the reflection to my kinks?
All the doubts are back! Again 13!
Dear, take me away from here!
Take me away from me!

Lately there's a rock
bottled up energy in my crotch
and I come every night
but it's not as sweet as it was
Do you come thinking of me? Do you?
Sweetest thing. Wish I could.

I love you...