it's one of those
things; how
coffee, after dinner
sounds good but
you can't sleep when you get home &
how the trees look so beautiful
dying and gold
still, outside it freezes you
down to your bones
it's when you feel like that
last slice of cake that
got left out
it's this
breathing to scream but
don't open your mouth
I've been
digging for reason
buried in doubt
to believe in what's good when
that isn't allowed &
I've swallowed my gun
it was loaded with love but
it shot out my lungs
I learned love's not enough

Saying your name leaves a metallic taste in my mouth and I wonder if it's from biting my tongue to shut myself up or from biting my lip, thinking of you at 1:48 in the morning.

you were always so inconsistent:
one moment, a rock to cling to -
the next, a crumbling cliff.
I sought a sturdy grip
but my fingers slipped all over you.
you never did have a stable foundation,
perhaps that is why you fell apart on me.

"look at the lid of your cup, there's SO much lipstick on there." You pointed this out a few times to me. What did I do? Sat there embarrassed each time and tried to sheepishly rub the red substance off. It was small things like this, feeling like I somehow let you down-that scared me the most. Little did I know, I had way more to fear. Man, were you good at wiping things off as if they never existed. I should have just handed you my coffee cups and let you wipe off the stains because you are great at hiding the evidence of anything existing at all. My heart aches at the thought of you detoxing your body from my kisses. You wiped away the feeling of my head on your chest, my lips on yours, & the happiness you felt when I called you my babe. And now November has came and gone and I'm still stuck in October with you before you destructed us. "This doesn't have to be for good and I don't even want it to be for good." It's as though everything, your words, your promises, your dignity, have been stolen from you. You gave me the chance to run yet tried holding on to me to ultimately decide you wanted her, not me. WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I'm so tired of thinking it's me but the irritation and bitterness I feel is sickening. Now December has arrived and you're so far gone it frightens me.
You were supposed to stick around.

Stop.
Stop making me believe I mean anything to you.
Stop worrying about me.
Stop caring what I've been up to.

Stop it all.

I trusted you and all of your empty promises.

I believed every word you spoke to me.

So just stop.
Stop with all of it.

I don't want to hear that you miss me.
I don't care if you're still in love with me.

You walked away. You left.

Just like I knew you would. You left.

Just like you promise me you wouldn't. So many times you reassured me that I had nothing to fear.

Ha. You used to get so angry at me because I was scared to fall for you.

Look how that turned out.

Who left who out of fear?

You did. You left.

My heart is still a broken clock,
it stopped when you said "We need to talk."
It hasn't ticked a beat since then,
it only sits inside my chest.
It stuck where we were sickly green-
Yours gone blue, now red and mean.
All I see are plants and trees,
frozen with the honey bees.
There is no other soul in sight,
just your face etched in my eyes.
I haven't heard another sound,
since your backwards singing
comes around.
Circling in my ears all night,
my sleep is taken by your lies.
You've gone on living day by day,
I'm still standing in last May.
I'll watch you thrive for another year,
and then you'll have to disappear.