Love had scared me,
In ways, I couldn't define.
Hiding behind these walls and lies,
Made me a coward to this disguise.

I was afraid of falling,
Falling into oblivion,
Scared of getting hurt,
Reasoning, it would scar my heart.

Too many walls around my soul,
Tainted with fake interest and smiles.
Too high; the gates around my mind,
Nobody could climb this high.

Then came he; strange and carefree,
An anchor, in my times of vulnerability.
Demanding to see the imperfections,
I hid all along under this vanity.

I let him in, my broken kingdom,
In my war dress of battles lost and won,
But he stared at me like I was the most precious thing ever,
Because he looked beneath my clipped wings and broken thoughts.

The plum I’ve been waiting
to ripen
is a bit past ripe; in the fruit bowl,
the bananas speckled brown;
the lemons show no sign of age.

Monday morning I forget the plum,
which now may be a bit too sweet.
Thursday,
I buy fresh produce
on the way home.
I get a call
from my father
about my mother.

Forgotten,
beneath brighter flora,
the plum
in royal colors
sits in the bottom of the fruit bowl.

At home
two Google searches:
what to make with past ripe plums
why don’t I cry when someone dies

Tears of sorrow

Tears of pain

Tears that gleam with light


Tears of despair

Tears of heartbreak

Tears that keep you up all night


Tears of joy

Tear of grief

Tears that are buried deep inside


Tears of abuse

Tears of embrace

Tears that are too hard to hide


Tears of death

Tears of life

Tears that make you smile


Tears of hope

Tears of chance

Tears that haven't shown in a while...

Letting go, the deepest fear
I could ever imagine

But I had no choice
not if my heart was
ever to be allowed healing

Not stitched or sewn together as
a patchwork cloak that would be
a duvet for the coming months

This would be
the ultimate surrender
to loving you, knowing
wherever I was going
you may catch me up

An uncertainty, I too, let go
without a kiss goodbye or
a farewell glance
as the words
stopped falling
from your mouth into
the vacuum of space
between us

Standing in the smoke of words,
I sit, I lay down
and I watch clouds
fade to nothing.

© Sia Jane

I've come to the decision
That friendship is a knife
You grab onto one for self defense
To protect your very life

You keep it by your side
And when things are looking grey
You clutch it even tighter
To keep your enemies at bay

The knife gives you security
And you know it is always there
But sometimes after a bit of time
That knife begins to wear.

The handle might break off
Leaving nothing but the blade
But it's the knife that you are used to
So you grab it; unafraid

It cuts into your hand
but you try to ignore the pain
Hanging onto this piece of you
Is worth the open vein

As you're hurting more and more
You hold on to the knife more firmly
Until the knife begins to hurt so much
That you are begging it for mercy

The tighter you hang onto it
The more damage it can do
Only one person can make it stop
In the end, that person is *you