The world I feel,
Is much too quiet
Blanketed in numbing contradictions  
I often forget to mind my tongue
It's the seductress in me,
I'm addicted to certain kinds of fun

So let me ask,
Where did I go wrong?

Was it last week
When I was held tight,
Tied for most of the night?
Or yesterday when I finally gave in?
Because one more minute without you was my greatest sin

Tell me what matters
If you really wanted me
We wouldn't have shattered
So tell me,
Do I even matter?
Cause you still make my heart go pitter-patter

There is nothing worse than thinking of you
When I'm still warm from him
If this is a competition
Then I'm dead tired of trying to win

© 2014 Peach

Who are you t tell her to die
her tears fall out as she hopes to die
you call her names and you push her around
and you laugh at her as she falls to the ground
she only wants to be put in the ground
I don't think you get it even as the funeral bells toil
as he mother falls down, and her father downs another
do you wish you never had hurt her?
Because that's what happened
she was broken and sad
the world around me  she said
' Made me sad...
I don't know why I chose this path
I'm broken now its bean bad
and I feel I have to let you know
that blood is warmest in the snow
I don't get it because you said I would be fine
but as time went on
I fell out of line
and no that I'm writing as my final words
I want you to know how bad it hurts
because I don't want you to burn
just that it hurts

Summer breeze coasting through the trees
Wind chimes remind me
I've had better times
But here I am again
******,
Because I can't sleep peacefully
Mary Jane hides the worst in me

As I shut my eyes,
I only see
Darkness,
Liquid black
Like the color of my soul
I was doing so well you see

Clean
Sober
Running
Yoga

But I had a crack in my shield
And the nightmares came back
Brutally vengeful
I only had my screams to keep me company

3 hours, and one very hot shower later
And I'm back,
Contemplating life on the patio
Flicking a lighter
Breathing deep
Letting the smoke seep
Back into my system

*****
High
Still
Weak

It's a vicious cycle
Recovering from memories

My nightmare waits for me back home
2 hours and 12 minutes away
I can't put it off any longer
Just thinking about him makes me anxious
And terribly sad
Because people who tell you they love you
Shouldn't hurt you
They shouldn't force and rip their way inside of you
Until everything burns
Make no mistake
Tears don't blur the violence
Soap never disinfects the shame of silence

I think I should be over it by now
Honestly, **** happens
People get ***** every day
Anyone who tells you different is a liar
Or perhaps just blind
Either way,
I don't need prayers
I don't need sympathy
I probably need a **** lobotomy
Or maybe just a clean slate

So I continue to breathe
One breath at a time
While my eyes gradually drift close

I am alive
But parts of me are dead
I
    Am
            Not
                    Broken
But even Wonder Woman needs a day off

© 2014 Peach

aka... to those who crave limelight


There seems to be this growing
social stigma
for individuals to need to
acquire the attention of others
and hit a homerun.

This very desire can lead one to ruin.

You see,
if you want to stand out so much
it will only be a matter of time before you do, one way or another.  
And to stand out is to separate one's self, and eventually enough separation
leads to...

...isolation...

...and then you're alone,
amongst your own,
and you will have put yourself there!

The trick to winning within the tribe,
is to become one of the tribe,
and be one with the tribe.

That's all

Easy.  ;^)

“I like you for your intelligence and beauty.”
2. “I’m not saying I have doubts. I don’t.”
3. “You can trust me.”
4. “I’m sorry.”
5. “You’re beautiful.”
6. “We should take it slow.”
7. “I’m sorry that I keep leaving you.”
8. “I appreciate you.”
9. “I’m sorry.”
10. “Just be you.”
11. “I just really want this to work.”
12. “I’m sorry.”
13. “I’m glad that you’re happy.”
14. “Did I say something wrong?”
15. “I just need my little piece of freedom.”
16. “See you tomorrow, my love.”
17. “I wish I was there for you.”
18. “I really enjoy holding your hand.”
19. “You looked really pretty today.”
20. “Today I accidentally wrote your name when I was supposed to be writing about something else.”
21. “I just feel constricted, that’s all.”
22. “I got your back.”
23. “I want you to do what makes you happy.”
24. “I can’t wait to see you.”
25. “I love your smile. I love your eyes. I love your face.”
26. “If it moves quickly, everything will crash and burn.”
27. “I’m sorry.”
28. “Good morning, beautiful.”
29. “I wish I had more time off for you.”
30. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
31. “I’m sorry.”
32. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
33. “If you need me, I’m here.”
34. “I wish I could be with you right now so I could hold you in my arms.”
35. “You’re a good person.”
36. “I don’t know. All I know is that I love you.”
37. “Tell me what you’re afraid of. Please.”
38. “My heart races just thinking about you. I feel amazing around you, even though I may not seem like it. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s the way you make me feel when I am with you.”
39. “I want to be there for you when you need me.”
40. “Cheer up, sweetie.”
41. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.”
42. “I miss you.”
43. “I’m sorry, my darling.”
44. “Is breá liom tú.”
45. “I don’t think this is going to work out.”
46. “I’m sorry.”
47. “Do you ever have a good day?”
48. “I just lost interest after a while.”
49. “I’m sorry.”
50. “I’m so sorry.”

I might be over you, but I can’t forget you
Tolerating the pain you left in my heart
Only took months of bottles and packs
I remember the day I said we were through
Saying you will regret us tore me apart
Why would you say that to my face?
That made my whole world collapse
I would much rather be the one you lost
Or a fuzzy memory
Than a regret you wasted so much time on
You’re the reason my cold heart thawed
You helped me up when I was unsteady
Believe me, I fell in love that day
Never knew someone would care so much
I’ll admit I still drunkenly listen to “our song”
He’s right everything seems to mean nothing
I want to hear you sing to me in spanish
And dance with me dreamily
Your arms were home; warm and loving
Well I’m over it, now it’s time for drinks

I went to church but I couldn’t really believe in God.
The trouble was my mind was closed to the possibility.
I could not accept that there was something more to our existence.
Something impacting our lives that we can’t see or touch?
Most of all, I wanted to make my own choices
And not think they were wrong.
I killed God within me, all by myself.

Thomas, the Apostle, did not believe others.
They told him, “We have seen the Lord”!
But Thomas couldn’t accept truth. He said,
“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hand
And put my finger into the nailmarks and
Put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” John 20:25
God showed up and gave him the chance.

I always wanted proof like Thomas received.
Didn’t really want to put my hands into terrible wounds…
That sounded a bit disgusting.
I had no understanding that my wounds; were His wounds.
As I lived with deceit and rejection and dishonesty
I WAS placing my hand into His nailmarks.
When we least expected it, God will show up.

“Weeping comes for the night; but at dawn there will be rejoicing.” Psalm 30:6