Wonder why I'm here
Am I here again?
Why can't I leave,
Just like the wind?

The steel blade makes a ****,
A deep slash.
Blood pours down the drain.
Am I pretty now?


I cover who I truly am.
I hide myself from the world.
I ask you...
Am I pretty now?


I have had my fair share of battle scars.
Heard words that stung like bees.
Each time we hear those words, we ask ourselves:
Is it true? What did I do?


You make us weak.
You break us down.
You make us think:
Am I really ugly now?


Look around,
Take a good look.
We hide from the world,
Because of your words.


You make us feel unwanted!
Like a disease that can be contracted!
What gave YOU the right,
To make us feel like this?


I never understood why,
People talk like this.
Have they got no heart?
Have the got no soul?





What makes them feel,
Like this is all right?
To make others suffer,
With no friends in sight?


What gives them the right,
To make fun of us?
They don’t know us.
They don’t know what we have been through.


The worst part is,
After you realize you’ve pushed too far.
They are gone,
And they are not coming back.


You mourn for their loss,
But why bother at all?
You are the one,
Who caused it all.


They might have grown up to be brilliant,
But they can’t.
They were robbed of that chance,
As soon as the first word left your mouth.


There is one word that describes you perfectly.
BULLY!
Your ruined their chances,
At a thing we call life.


It’s your fault.
They never did anything.
Why them?
What made you choose them?


It’s really disgusting.
What you did.
You know that,
Right?





How do you feel?
Proud? Happy? Accomplished?
Or do you feel ashamed?
Think about it.


YOU JUST MADE SOMEBODY
END THEIR OWN LIFE!


It’s all your fault they are gone.
So think to yourself,
‘What Have I done?’


I ask you...
Am I pretty now?

it tastes like bile in the back of your throat
feels like tears stinging behind your eyes
like a migraine just beginning
like a high pitched whine at the highest volume

it seeps into things unrelated
tinting your favorite colors
flavoring your favorite foods
putting white noise in all your favorite songs

it leaks onto your friendships
staining arms after hugs
leaving laughs polluted
reflecting in eyes that’d trust you with anything

it screams at it wins
the sound one of terrifying joy
“burn!” it commands
but you are made of stone and mortar

it fills your chest with unease
your fingertips with trembles
your mind with final conclusions
your lips with lies that taste like sugar

“I don’t” but you don’t mean that
“I don’t want” but you do
“I can’t” but you can
“I won’t” but you will.

Lonely silence is the loudest silence of all
You always notice it
It's in the air around you
And inside of you too
And when you get home
After locking the door
The silence is louder
You set your keys down on the table
Goto a fridge full of food, but there's nothing to eat to make this lonely silence go away
You go up stairs to your bedroom
To a neatly made bed and books scattered among the floor
You take off your jacket and clothes
Then leap into the shower
You can still feel the silence
And it's weighing you down
You slide down to your knees wearing a frown
You want to cry but sit there till the water runs cold
Then slip out and put on a night gown
You lie in bed thinking this boring life never gets better and will I ever get better? Will I still be lonely forever?
Then you close your eyes as billions of the same questions run around your mind just like every night
Then you fall asleep
After drinking your bottle of solution and downing all the gin you could take before finally dying
And now you've woken up from a dream you were hoping was real
Just like every night
*It's full of lonely silence

I read all of our old messages
They make a bitter smile come to my face
They make a bitter laugh come out my mouth
I am glad you at least told me the truth

However,
The truth you told me makes me feel worst
And for some reason it makes me smile

How does that make me smile?
It made me laugh too

I really must be as pitiful and as messed up as you said I was

And Ne'coe said it too

I still find it amusing

He had a girlfriend who was a harlot
And he was a church boy
She cheated on him loads of times
He knew it, but was blinded and deaf by his love for her

Mirruh,
I don't know much about you
Maybe that's one of the reasons why we weren't ever friends
Sometimes I catch myself regretting not being good enough for you
But you knew me well
You told me how you felt about me
It almost crushed my heart at the time
But I reread those messages and laugh at how I want to cry
How I want to make you feel what I felt that day
I'm still holding on to what was lost when it was never found
I sometimes catch myself being that same pitiful way
The way you told me I was
I hate myself even more now
I hate being this way
I keep holding on
I don't know how to let go
How do I let go what I still want?
I got one of the things I wanted
It was what I denied
That I was pitiful
And I am messed up
I got her and Ne'coe to admit it the hard way
I set myself up for it
I'm glad you said it
Cause now there's no way for me to deny it
Cause you admitted it too

People online say I'm fine

Is it fine that I am depressed?
Is it fine I hate myself?
Is it fine that I hate every, and I mean everything about myself?
Is it fine that I'm suicidal?

No
I don't think it is
Whether or not it's my fault I'm not sure

But I'm not fine
I'm not beautiful
Not in my opinion

Sitting on the bathroom floor with a gun in your hand
Knees pulled up to your chest
Your head rests on your knees
Your shoulders shaking cause you're laughing and crying
Gun to the side of your head
"Are you gonna do it?"
Find the sweet release when the bullet leaves the barrel of the gun and enters your brain

Click

The gun's empty
I am not dying
The gun's unloaded
I do this every time
Never strong enough to take the bullet
And never strong enough to let anyone see me like this
Always weak enough to be messed up like this
*Always thinking, always wishing I put a bullet in

"Life won't let you go,
and death won't take me..."

I wish I could say it out loud
I wish I could say it and be proud
I wish I could say it without shame
I wish I could make it sound lame
I wish I could say it and make some fame
But no
My feelings are to blame
They are the culprit
I can't say it out loud
I can't say it and be proud
I can't say it without shame
I can't make it sound lame
I can't say it and make some fame

*I can't stay here anymore
I just want to close that ******* door
And walk away from this kid called life
I hope to end it with knife

Silver Bullet Synchronicities, Literally, Layer into my Space a Perfect Union of Oblivion
The Ying, to The Yang, Baby....

Micro to Macro, Anomalous Events Don't quite Strike Me as anything Other than Normality in and of Different Scale

A For Instance

To my Eyes, the Sequoya Tree Appears to Tower, the Highest of the High
While our beloved Earth Teachers....The Ant....Grounded above and below the Mother Clay,
Will Look at Me as a Colossal Mammalian largely Trembling the World with Weight Infinite

To the Point

Perspective is simply a specific view, an angled ray of Light, Thus Strikes the Object in it's Own Precise Uniqueness

Note of Importance

If only One ray strikes angled Light, One angle of Light just won't Suffice....Every Perspective must be Offering of It's Own Accord, thus Strikes the Creation True....

Wholeness is Truth
Truth is Coherence
Coherence is Smooth and Steady
Do I know if I'll be Ready?....Not Really

This I Do Know

All Matter is full of Wholes of Space, NOT EMPTY, but Full of Life, Feeding the Flow into Motion, Flowing the Motion of Inert Mass, Spinning the Soul to Life, Spinning into Infinite Bliss

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL MOVEMENT

Some will make Life into Art with Dance
To Live Life at the Threshold, DANCE Your DREAMS into LIFE
Everyday and Every Night....DANCE
                                                  ­DANCE
                                                  DANCE

  ­              Bless You.....Bless Me...Bless Us All

One more thing
Before the day ends
I must tell you what reigns in my heart and mind
But that one more thing never happens
I am too afraid that you'll leave once you know
I'm too afraid once I say it you won't want to know
One more thing never happens
It never escapes my mouth
It always stays trapped in my heart **everyday