for her


no special expertise claimed,
if anything, les contraries,
my non-expertise,
but nothing forbids
my heart from trying
red crossing,
rebuilding just this young one

build from the corners in,
like one starts a jigsaw puzzle,
the human, moving parts,
thus harder,
but eminently doable

the corners are straight edged, linear,
easier to spot, easier to start,
but for you to find them within,
go outside, and window winnow in
you will know them as your
truest words

pick the picture
of you,
you know
you must pick,
the puzzle picture
of you

that favorite one
when completed,
will, though cracked,
as jigsaw puzzles
by nature wont,
as all humans
are wont,
will be the one
that brings smiles
first, foremost

she asks:
"Where are these edges that define me,
help me to construct and the where to begin?"*

after sixty years more on this planet,
have been torn apart,
reconstructed, deconstructed,
more then ten finger and ten toe times
this I know,
there is but one beauty
in this crueled worn
every day weary-world,
it is you,
you words that betray
Beautiful You
oh so well

you see I have your picture,
you see I have your words,
deconstructed, reconstructed,
I love your picture,
I love your words,
start with me, start at the corners,
show me the pieces,
tho the world see the ex
terior,
I see the in
terior,
the shiny new
true sides, so beautiful,
wake knowing that
not just me dearest Chalsey,
I have found your chalice,
and  your grail,
and I say,
this is just one man,
this can be where you start,

this then be your mirror,
let us from the corners in,
from the eyes that penetrate,
accept that this is not debatable,
this is my poem where I do not lie,
this is my piece of you,
from inside of me
my straight edge piece was
born in your beautiful words,
and I say,
can you, see a voice,
can you, touch a voice,
no one can

but I can

your voice is transcendent,
it is the cover photo of a glossy mag,
this is the photo, the puzzle I see,
and heart each and every word

Sometimes
you don't have words
for the way he
let you go.

My secrets whisper inside him
Whispers so faint, on one could hear them but me
My secrets should never be told
Only two people know of one
And I doubt the person who did it would forget
My secrets so fragile, harsh, and embarrassing
But I can’t put them away, or bury them nicely in the ground
But I try to forget them and try not to mention them in mind or reality
But they always come back to eat at me more than they did when they came last
But it seems every time I deal with them they won’t disappear
Until… until I set them free
And it knows I won’t, so it tugs at me everyday
My secrets, the ones never spoken
They still whisper inside of him
He carries them around hoping it’s not written on his face
Our secret, I wish we’ve both forgotten
But it’s not
My secret, his secret, our secret
Something I regret everyday and every time I close my eyes
My secrets unspoken, have made me more broken
Something no one should ever deal with
So I’ll tell them, but not them all
And everyone will see it on his face
But that won’t make me feel better
So it remains hidden, because of what I won’t do
And because of what they will do
Creating havoc in his life and pity in mine
That just makes it all worst
For me and everyone around me
That secret will always follow me, anywhere I go it’ll still be with me
It’ll still be there when I say it, and it will be everywhere surrounding me in its deafening grip
Pulling the life out of me until I’m stiff with the numbness of a dark, cold soul
Those secrets, my secrets the one's unspoken
Makes my humanity break inside and my heart disappear

I'll pretend
Once again
That I don't feel bad
I'll pretend that I don't feel anything at all
While I slowly strip my walls that are already empty and stranded
While I quickly rediscover how depressed my soul is and how hollow the hole in my heart is
I'll pretend
Once again
That I'm okay,
but on the inside I don't feel like being here at all
I just want to wallow and listen to music until I have to pretend again or figure out how to end my pain
So I'll pretend
That once again
That I don't feel sad
I'll pretend that nothing hurts me until I wallow again