There are times, when you want to cut-off from the world.
And there are times, when no one's around you to hold.

There are times, when you've a lot to say but words fall short.
And there are times, when you've nothing at all but you still have to talk.

There are times, when you're strong enough but too scared to fight.
And there are times, when you're weak but you do what's right.

There are times, when you feel like crying but tears don't fall off your eyes,
And there are times, when you're happy but can't laugh as a friend next to you cries.

There are times, when you don't want to reveal the secrets buried in your heart,
And there are times, when you want to share but nobody's close enough to be a part.

All I want to say is, I could have lived through all those times,
If you had just said, "I'm with you sweetheart, so everything's gonna be fine".

I tried to write a poem
one that wasn't about you
it's more difficult than I thought
you're like a permanent tattoo

I didn't want to include love
and the way you make me feel
or how my heart is pulled
by the words you make so real

Each and every one of them
touches a place so very deep
piercing the depths of me
even while I'm asleep

A poem without mention
of the lust I feel for you
penetrating my body
just at the thought of 'us two'

I failed at writing a poem
one that wasn't about you
never to rid you from my mind
you have all of me *consumed

This is not just ***
but it is what it is
when I need it now
what I wouldn't give

A subtle weight
bearing down on me
able to release,
my desires to be freed

The passion builds
legs wrapped around you
I'll hold on tight
this is my fuel

Until you make it right
I won't let go
Keep the rhythm going
and that steady flow

Treat me rough
I really don't care
Just stay with me
until you take me there

Release the heat
that's deep inside
It's rising up
like an incoming tide

Before tonight
my body was numb
the passion is exploding
the moment ..
                
                  has ..

                       now  ..

                                come.

when you feel as
useless
as a white crayon

all you have
to do
is to find
that someone

who prefers
black paper

sorry,
i cannot save you.

i can barely save myself.

After the first
Never again
The second
The same,
Regret, pain
The third
Disappointment, shame
The fourth
A piece of paper with a name
The fifth and I’m officially insane
Confusing clouds, constant rain
Begin to drain
Me

Thoughts, a fact
A pact
To myself
My rapidly deteriorating
Physical, mental, emotional health

31 tablets, 52
What difference does
A few
More make
Another mistake
I break,
Crack, smash
Like China
A million pieces
Despair fills the air
I lay, unconscious
Without a care
In the world

Sleeping tablets
And anti depressants
Desperately searching
For the essence
Of a hopeful soul

Hospitalisation
Anticipation, frustration,
Sedation
A safe place
With locks on the inside
Reflecting on the times
I’ve tried
Cried, lied
To break free

After the first
Never again
The second
The same
Regret, pain
The third
Disappointment, shame
The fourth
A piece of paper with a name
The fifth
And I’m officially insane

It stops here
Succumbed with fear
As I walk, tread, carefully
Undress the mess,
That is me.

2010 ©

The only freedom we have is the
unconditional love we have to give
and the painful confessions
we offer to the blank page,
there is no judge
but our conscience
and the earnestness of our hearts.

Sometimes my dreams blur together,
and I wonder if I ever really had them in the first place.
I wonder if I'm as crazy as they say I am.
If there really is such a thing as striving for to much,
as impossible dreams.
Then I wipe away the self pity and remember
that no one can deem my dreams as impossible but me.
Frankly I don't even believe in the word.
As crazy as my dreams are, I will prove them wrong.

how can you end sadness

when you don’t know why

it exists

I lay on my back, absorbing the pressures
Of the rocks beneath me, I breathe.
Eyelids resting on now blind eyes, I feel.
I stretch out as high as possible and hold it...
Allowing each fingertip to tingle, arms fall.
A rush of blood and my eyes snap open,
I see colours never known to man,
Unpaintable by all extremes.
Now, I sit cross-legged
Rocking as the wind sways.
The small clearing expands, opening up,
I see more now than two 1800's explorers
Ever did as they searched the world for forgiveness.
Looking up, it has grown dark
A deep blue, a deep grey.
It proceeds to rain, closing my eyes,
I open my mouth as if to speak...
The taste of wilderness rushes in.
Heavier, precipitation grows,
Heavier and birds begin to scream,
Landing at my sides, eyelids open...
I remain still. Screaming songs so intense,
The birds, they start to dance.
A pair with the tango,
Three with the jive,
I smile... I'm alive.
Beckoning me to join...
We danced all night.

Don't judge my outer shell
Don't judge the marks or scars on my skin
Don't judge the look in my eyes as you spit the words of sin
Don't sear your judgements in my brain
Yeah ok, you think I'm insane
I hope you know that this inner pain does it
The pain you cause and from many others
So don't judge the tears that stream down my face
Sad angels cry the most
An angel as sad as I deserves to let these tears fall
So don't judge my outer shell
Don't judge it at all
Don't say I'm mental and insane
You don't know what has happened to me or what I've been through
So don't judge my outer shell
Till you've looked within me
Maybe then you'd see why I'm like this
Maybe then this will shatter your killing spree

If I closed my eyes,
drifted into a soft sleep,
would you protect me?

If I faded away into nothingness,
or foolishly left you behind
would you rapidly follow?

If it was just you and me,
just the two of us
would you be lonely?

If I carefully caressed you,
desperately needed you,
would you just take me?

If you had to leave,
disappear and never return
I beg of you to visit my dreams.

The feel of your skin envelopes me the second I close my eyes
Your lips, the very taste of you, your hand against my thigh
Racing hearts and shallow breaths of passion not denied
Dreams are filled with memories and hopes of future ties
The now has changed the status quo, I'm living in disguise
Body and mind and heart unite yet living different lives
In the throws of restlessness I awake to subtle cries
My heart, it weeps for longing, for a need I can't describe
So full of joy between us, there is more than love implied
Drawn to you completely, yet left to wonder why
Choices made against a future that seems eternally unwise
Yet painful yearning pushes to a life that we must try
An aftermath of broken hearts and tears that never dry
Still, we're drawn to one another beyond what we realize
How are we to live apart in lives where the sun won't rise
Where everything we say and do will feel like it's a lie
All the love that we could share has come as a surprise
We can't seem to hide our hearts with what our words belie