I hate it when you have that pained look in your eyes

Like there's something irreparably broken

Within you

A crack that can't be fixed
Or glued back together

I hate it when you reminisce
You wallow in nostalgia

And I can hear the hurt in your voice
As it wobbles along the memories
Edging around a gap that can never be filled

I want to fill it!
I want to fix it and make you feel better.

Take all of your pieces and glue them into one

One whole part.

My perfect angel.

You saved me, and I want to do the same for you.

Maybe we'll have to be at ease with being broken.

I try to hold on
To anything I can
but it's no use I'm already gone
stuck on the thought I'll always be less than

I'm drowning in my own mind
engulfed by the waves
brain taken over by the role I've been assigned
bowing down to stereotypes; to whom we're all slaves

Plastering a fake smile on my fake face
everything is plastic, cold to the touch
it's my personality I continue to deface
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be much

I am not me
I'm an alien
I'm not even sure what is a reality
Who I am is simply an alias

Honest,

that meaningless word left dangling before children,

a damoclean sword held fast in a gordian knot tied with scarlet thread,

finer than the spider's that once tied men's souls to an angry American God,

birthed in Transylvania,

over the woods, and through the dale, no lie

There is a tale of lies told in Nobel houses, never reachin' ground,

Down here, we situations manifested to, vain, again, stem the tide,

We flounder, fish out of water, why are we sent if

wait



he hears, he listens, haps he knows, and

how such as we came

to be here,

Welcome and see, dare ye ask me in? Might I ply you with lies

and you, believe 'em?

I could make a mindless robot out of your parts, but

that would take forever and

that's not how

Wisdom's child would tend to be, for first,

You must believe a lie and I, amusing as can be,

can't tell lies.

Discernment, fine points, per-spicacity per se, the only way.

Good luck (Luc, said luck in many tongues, is said Lose- as in Luc-ifer.

It means light, as in light, regular old granted light.)

Lightifier, good, take some, good light, for the travail, in the night.



You see, not so long ago, for me, five years before I'as born,

my momma moved to town.



What was that like, I axed my old uncle, while back,

movin' t'town, in 1943?

Well, he says,

We had electricity.



USA, 1943, some folks still was poor, and all the good men

was gone to war.

Cities, it was different,

if the movies got it right, Bowry Boys, n'em.



In the desert we did, okeh, in town, though,



we had electricity.



He was ten back then. He'd been huntin' rabbit's,

to buy Christmas presents from Sears and Roebucks,



since he was five.

C'mon, I say. No lie, he say,

BLM or some gover'ment

whatsajigger, was payin' 2 cents a pair fer jack rabbit ears.



'Said he bought Christmas presents for his mom and dad,

and my mom, with his first rabbit money, at five.



Shootin' with a single-shot 22, 12 cents a box,

Jack Rabbits, 2 cents a head.



Three Christmas presents, plus postage, $2.56.

Do the math, I think, and go -



Five years old, at ten, he moves to town, 1943,

we had electricity. That's all.

As I bob in the waves,
it feels safe like your arms.
Just the way that it's s'posed to

It is cold, but it's warm
your tears hidden by charm.
Just the way that I'm used to

Ocean flows around me,
frayed at the seams
Just like your hands
covered in gasoline

Smiles covered by
****** hair
But you don't
seem to care

for my mother
though she loves you so



As I bob in the waves
it feels cold like your arms
Just the way I've grown used to

I see your face, and I smile
small cuts stinging my arm
As I remember why I love you

Tears fall around me
frayed at the seams
As I remember your pain
All your broken dreams

Sobs muffled by
****** hair
You cry 'bout those
who didn't
seem to care

for a young boy
who never learned to grow

and my mother
who loved you so!

As I slip beneath the waves
My lips too blue to cry
To the moon for my father

My last memory of him
slips and becomes untied
floats away into the water

Face covered by
frost bitten tears
too cold to remember
my hopes and fears

We're all broken people
we all slip away
crumpled under water
is where we'll stay

Like my mother,
I still love you so
but must
go

Truth is not beautiful
When spoken without thought
This was not a treasure chest
I held the key for
Rather one I found propped open
It was not earned
Nor mine to claim
Yet I find myself filling my pockets
With the trinkets and gold
That come tumbling out of your mouth
Ground between teeth
Leaving your speech unintelligible
I will bury this beneath my own treasure
Leaving a map for you
To never use

i have to keep myself together
for everyone around
i can't let them see my tears
can't make a sad sound

i should be able to open up
but something inside me cringes at the thought
keeping me locked up
tying me up in a knot

i long to break free
of these bonds i have caged myself in
i misplaced the key
sewn shut in my own skin

i need to release this pressure
this sadness needs to escape
find air that is fresher
i can't keep fixing it with tape

i need to rip the bandaid off
**** this fake smile
i don't care how you scoff
i need to be real for a while

let me cry
let me sob
let me die
let me throb

let me break open
split apart at the seams
i feel like i'm choking
on my own unspoken screams

I hallucinate the havoc departure
Under the oak and warm sunshine
Among wreck and decayed matter
In the vast expanses of ghastly spirits
That dilapidated graveyard
Devastating eagle
Amidst sticks and shovels
I hallucinate..that breathless moment
Digging into labyrinth
Waving ephemerality..

it'll pass, it'll pass, it'll pass
It was more a prayer than anything
Lying, canopied by the willow tree
Whose tendrils bind and cover me

I am unruly and wild;
I peered behind closed curtains
To catch a glimpse of the sky

Climbing from limb to limb
Limp and lifeless: the bark beneath me
My arms wrestle with the branches
But my mind wrestles with the sky

I will stay here until I die