your words were
sweet like chocolate

now you launch bitter daggers
that pierce my heart

Picked from a high shelf; me,
no stranger to quiet and dust.
Examine my spine
before you crack it.
Part my pages to
finger my words.
Messages and meanings
ravenously devoured—
syllables and syntax,
contentedly noshed.
Happy to have something
to hold; me,
just happy to be held.
Yet, no place was marked
when you snapped me shut
without warning or regard.
Back to the shelf I went,
unfinished and untold—
into the familiar dust; me,
never knowing just
how I end.

Darkness consumes me
Swallows me in
Waves of destruction
crashing around me
Chiseling at my soul
Hacking away
All resolve and reason
until all that is left
Is a corroded soul
Desolate
Destroyed
Depraved
A silent echo
Of the woman I once was

Unable to breathe
My heart, in a state of panic
My soul, half joy/ half pain
With the darkness a true void
And the light, divine
So twisted in two
That breaking is imminent
Which survives
Darkness...
Or
Divinity
For to live as two
Is not living

slumber is fleeting
so is the promise of love
which can easily
be lost

I became your favorite obsession
I wondered if my last hour had come.
I am not alive until you called,
In an hour or two my cell phone becomes as hot as I am.
Take me, break me, I can’t be obedient,

I want to feel whole again…
without looking over my shoulder.
Oh my wounded and troubled heart
My soul is in deep anguish,
Without this forceful conquest

Within my eyes, jealousy wedge deep
Because of my self-critical thoughts,
My early rejections, my feeling, thoughts and action:

Our grandmother’s words came to be fulfilled
“An old fashion botheration,
   My indulgence from my past,
This led to an old fashion romance,
That wasn’t resolved then or now.

Take this kiss from my lip
And in return take off your glasses
and let me see your weary eyes
You are not wrong, my jealousy is a disease

If life had be kinder to us,
I would have been yours,
And you would have been mine.
I would have been the slave to you,

I stood by the window, and stare down at couples walking by
holding hands and I thought about them and I think about us:
Making further plans and I waved my hand to them
and smile because love is a lie.

heart of darkness encounter of lies
I have paid my dues, I settled my tithes.

How can I tell my heart to stop loving him?
I became his favorite obsession, now he’s mine
Take me, break me, I can’t be obedient,
I want to feel whole again, my friend

My wounded and troubled heart,
My soul is in deep anguish,
without this forceful conquest
So why do I weep in my sleep?

My God of refuge, what was the hidden truth?
I played with fire, and now I am burnt.

falling falling
the balconies **** by as im falling
the lights of the city spread out below me
getting closer
getting closer to an answer
falling
the balconies with startled faces watching me
falling
the air is so still im moving so fast
its like a dream
its like flying
spread my wings
lung full of bright hot air
falling
let loose a cry
like a warrior
screaming out loud at the ground i will now defeat
eyes wide open
falling
falling
getting closer to an answer
lights of the world blurry in my closing eyes
falling
here comes the ground to greet me
soft grass to land on
green and wonderful full of summer scents
falling
failing
falling

She is not folded in the crooks
of crooked grins
or enveloped in the yuks
that follow poorly executed jokes.
She pays no mind
as she singes the edges
of those brave enough
to approach her.
She spits on empathy
and disregards
the “what ifs” or “why nots.”
Rarely spoken aloud,
she is deafening
when confined to quiet corners,
and will lurk there,
unmentioned and unforgotten.

When permitted to surface,
she looks nothing like you’d expect—
badly disguised and undeniably
                        ugly,
with unforgiving features
that have been bent and twisted—
coated with
a sticky sugary sheen.
She demands to be considered,
as she slides, jagged and bitter,
off of the tongue
and into the light.

She’s always there,
regardless of any acknowledgement—
closer than we desired,
bigger than we imagined,
wiser than we hoped.
She, the *****
that we are forced
to shake hands with.

You and me are together
in dreams that I swear are memories.

Do you remember?

Oh suicide thoughts, my daily companion
Tell me, when did we become so close?
I swear it wasn't long ago we argued
And I told you I didn't want you in my life
And so you left for a while
But now it seems you've forgiven me for the hate I hold towards you
And you soothingly whisper, like friends do
"It's okay to give up now, you tried your best"