I quiver til I shake,
I tremble,
But won't break,
When approaching you.

My heart, I won't foresake,
You'll not know my mistake,
Although my ground will quake,
When I'm nearing you.

You see, I will retake
The joys, not my heartache,
The day I drive the stake
Deep inside of you;
And finish building the fence
To separate we two.

I lost myself today
Have you maybe seen me?
I got lost in the crowd of
who they want me to be

I lay awake in bed
Perhaps I'll start to feel
Dreams are all I have
to know that I'm still real

A spear blows through my chest
Again I start to fall
I scream for help once more
But no one hears my call

Where do I go now
that I'm behind this wall?
Everyone I trust
leaves me lost after all

The walls are closing in
My chains cut deeper still
The echoes start to scream
They go in for the ****

The voices seem to say
"The truth will set you free"
The only one to save myself
has always been me

If I could go back now
and carry what I've learned
I'd find myself again
to try and stop the hurt.

Hectic, stormy, electric,
Piercing my insides like the
shriek of the fever-bird,
Fire, fire, fire within my being,
Melting my words,
Evaporating my thoughts
Into crazy whirlwinds,
Blurring lines, haze dissolving
the boundaries between
Sanity |  Sin,
Right and wrong,
Real and fantasy,
Mixing into a song,
Feverish, mad song
That longs, so urgently longs
To belong, to eternally belong,
To you-
The sole elixir, the only remedy
For my frenzied malady.

She finally did it
She had the nerve
It came as easy as 1,2,3
For you and me.

This was her breaking point
Her time to fly high
End all this pain inside
to just call it her end.

In her manic state
Impulse hit her
She wraps the rope
Around her neck

She pulls it tight
Her tears fall
Her breathing becomes
Shallow and painful
The room starts grow dark.

Time passes
uncertainty as to how long.
What is going on?
Am I still alive?
Why is it so cold?

I'm numb.
I cant feel anything.
No pain.
No love.
Nothing.
Its...

Perfect.
After all this searching
For what is missing
I have finally found it!
I've never felt better!

Then...
I start to see a light again
and breathing becomes even more painful
and the pain starts to come back..

NO
WAIT!
I'm happy here!
I fight, I resist
I don't want to go back
I cry - more pain
I feel - more heartbreaking tears
I remember - more terrifying memories
The world growing heavier upon my shoulders again.

I'm back..
What I once thought for a brief minute or two was my new safe place, Inner-peace pain free zone was only an attempt.

Now the question that circles is
WHY did you save me?






Right before Christmas (2015) the stress built up and I "tried" to **** myself. Though i did succeed for a brief moment and it was an attempt cause my s.o. found me and brought me back to life. though i am still sitting here question why and wondering what my purpose is. Ive had a tad bit of writers block but i want to get this story out there too so this is all i can get hopefully at a later date there can be a better poem.

If anyone is struggling with depression and ever is stopping to this level I am here to talk and I encourage it all I needed that night was someone to talk to and no one was there for me prior to the moment.

When did the thought of death become more welcomed than the thought of life

i have nothing left except my breath
a sunset means another night to obsess
we are all only vessels in distress
sending out our best S.O.S

i ask "in death can i progress"?
can the dead truly be heavenly blessed?
will i pass the test without regrets?
or is this as good as it ever gets?

Good side huh?
Funny isn't it?
All you do is be good,
Because that's what everyone wants you to do.
But you don't be good to yourself,
Instead your hurt yourself.
You see,
That's what they don't realise,
That you're just a boy,
Not a toy.
That can be used and thrown away,
To endure the pain another day.