Dear Dad,

I'm sorry for not being faithful to you.
I'm sorry that I defy your teachings
I shouldn't have done what I did
I should have stop when I can
Now I can't turn back
Not on my own that is.
I'm asking for your help
Please save me
From the chains that I put myself into
I want you back in my life
Please show me the way
I have shattered heart
filled with the stains of Sin
I hated my Father
He has scared me in many ways
I forgave him and showed him
Love and Mercy
Yet he just stepped on it like dirt
In every morning I'm afraid
to hear the sound of his sinful entertainment
to hear and see what he is doing
It was awful, disgraceful and makes me feel furious
but the only thing I could do
Is to shut my eyes, plug in my earphones and cry
hoping that the sounds of music
can drown the dark torn that is piercing my heart
I hated him, I despise him
But God..
He is my Father
and I love him
I don't want him to go to hell
I don't want to go there either
So God please hear my prayer
I humble myself to you
Truly I am not worthy to be in your presence
But I beg for your mercy
Please forgive our sins
Cleanse us from inside out
Clear our hearts from anger and lust
and make us see your ways
Help us to live by them
And give us courage to never go back
to this darkness that clouded our mind
lured us so far away from you
Fill us with your Holy Spirit
and help us to honor your every word
not for my family, not for my Pastors
but for you, my one and only Father

Jesus..
Here is my life
Take it as a living sacrifice
Mold me according to your will
and May you be seen in every corner of my heart,
in every corner of my home and my family

This I write and humbly pray
in your name Father
Jesus Christ, Amen.

As trying to sleep turns impossible,

and struggling to take the next breath overpowers

the terrorism of knowing it may be my last,

I fall asleep for moments 'til fear of asyphyxia

forces my waking anew to the terror of knowing

I could have been dead

and if I fall asleep again I may be,

as well as the twist that

there's nothing I can do about any of it.

Grip the side of the bed in fear
Swelling in the air, a curse run amok
Seeing faces turn gray the seer
Fingers turn white a stare at the clock

How can I go when I’m not ready?
The plaintive cries the hallways fill
See my hands shake, my legs unsteady
Jump out of the window or swallow a pill

Where will those with class go to mend?
Among the pittance of which they dwell
Without a small sheet to wipe their a$$es
Will they su€k and gasp to the pits of hell?

Where is the mercy that thou dost seek?
Not as gentle the mist that has released
Shall it be boisterous or commonly meek?
What shall your soul do if called deceased

Here a pump,there a pump,
Everywhere pump, pump, pump
Touch and pump,
A gentle pump, a hard pump,
Swipe and wipe,
Oh!Corona what a life,
OCD  of sanitizer.
17/3/2020