Some of us make love
Some of us
Love
Breaks.

There are people, whether you'd like to believe
With their heads in the clouds
There are people, with more than just tricks up their sleeves.

There are people
with minds that wander
There are people
who hide under
Tables, and ceilings, and shelves.
Or smiles.

When I was younger
I would squeeze myself into tightness
Some nights I still feel like that
When hell breaks loose
And my head reminds me
Of a boxing ring
Or a shooting range
Or a couple's therapy.

I aim my gun, and pull the trigger.
Maybe one day,
One day,
I'll stop pretending I don't hope for too much.

The moon feels lonely
But how it feels,
I know.
People just always
Come
And
Go.

Generic poetry
And a Father who left me

Generic photography
And a Mother who I believe loves me

Fake friends, expensive brands,
Shots of ***** on the kitchen floor
After fumbling around,
Trying to forget about the day that almost killed me.

But how can you die, before being born?
Sometimes I imagine myself trying to commit suicide in the womb,
On the 8th month my Mother was pregnant with me,
The man who never sat me on his shoulders,
Never made my family breakfast,
And never brought me in to 'Bring your Child to Work Day',
walked out of the door and carried with him all the could-haves of my childhood.

Silent panic attacks,
No one validates,
Because they are silent
And not screaming for help
The way my eyes do.

Meltdowns after medicine,
Throwing up,
Being too loud and too proud,
Never seeing past the bedroom door
Because the days were just too much for me to absorb.

Not knowing how to be grateful,
Because all I see is dusk
And dark
And fear
And no light I've ever known.

To the almost love of my life;
I'm sorry I never made it that far
Or had the guts to say
That all I ever wanted was for you to stay.
Or maybe that was the 'all I ever wanted' of my yesteryears

Because now 'all I ever wanted' was for my fears
To disappear, and fade away
Just like you did so many, many, many, days ago
I never saw you in the halls, or dreamt of your smile

The only thing we said with eyes was, "it's been a while"
You filled me with joy and wiped my liquid sadness away from my face
And I'm sorry, I was too exhausted from the chase
I tried to make you love me, and evidently- our stars never aligned.
The universe never gave you the signs.

Oh darling, you made me lovesick
But now I think of you as no more than my once almost lover
And just a friend from the weeks I try to remember
But all I remember out of those weeks
Was trying to be strong when you made me feel weak
And sometimes, I still think about how our bodies could have crashed like waves.

Ironic, isn't it?
You gave me power yet wore me down
You made me happy when I flew too close to the sun and you made me sing sad songs and form frowns
And this is true, because you will always be, the once almost love of my life..

And maybe this will always **** me.

There is
a ripeness
          pending.
It stares at
me in the face,
          unblinking,
like an animal
ready to pounce.
It drinks in
my psyche,
             my blood
pumping
in its wild, tender veins.
It soaks up
the vitality
           clamoring
within me, like
a tornado
about to break force,
winds gathering
tightly under moonlight
a cosmic dam about
                      to burst.
It is a spell
cast into wilderness,
pristine and untouched,
yet longing for fulfillment
an undoing
of the senses
a subconscious unraveling
that journeys into
            unknown vistas
                with no map
Perhaps the
only real guidance
is each fine-tuned
          sensibility in turn:
Eyes taking in the colors
within pulsing electricity
as they merge
             and re-separate
into distinct tinctures
of luminosity  
Ears welcoming
the instruments
        of our bodies
as they writhe in tune
with acoustic passion,
hearing the cries of
wolf and owl whispers
          of trees deeply
reverberating into nightfall
Smell, to inhale
the muskiness of earth
the salt of sea
the crisp dusk of fire
and your pinelit, animal scent
                           familiar yet far
tracing me to you
like predator to prey
in magnetic vortex
  Touch,
                 to hold the
strands of my being
in place, steadied
by mahogany and silk
soft and solid at once
as the rhythms of storm
                 rock the house
And then:
Taste
to lusciously peel back
the layers of
             our essence        
letting them brew
in their own juices      
as they gather
  upon the tongue
in an effulgent stream:
sweet merging with salt
      pleasantly sour and piquant
with understanding
whetting appetites
in a sumptuous feast
         of enlightenment
that only shows us how,
in both primitive and
             ethereal awareness,
we had known this
was going
to happen
       all our
             lives

I've been looking
For you girl
Where have you been
I've been looking
For you girl
Where have you been

Please be patient
With me girl
I lost my ways
Please be patient
With me girl
I lost my ways


I've been searching
Night and day
Where are you girl
I've been searching
Night and day
Where are you girl

☁️

She's the angel by my side
warming me up like
the little dusty heater
from my childhood
with the white chipped paint flying
with every gust of lukewarm air.

She's my dryer lint and cigarette ash
that fills my nose and
in one swoop
scoops me up and sends me
on my back through
waves of subtle, glittery euphoria.

She's the disney-golden violin
in all my favorite songs
and movie moments
that make me feel sleepy shimmery
and inspired
to do great things with myself
and the innocent world.

She's the wet painting that I sit and watch dry,
I can't tear my eyes away from her because
I'm so astonished that
a few primary colors
could mix to make her in
all her swirling, glossy glory.

She's the past
in fruit-loops and
cartoon terms,
clad in hot pink memories,
black sequins and early 2000's.

She's the foreseeable future that I want--
have always wanted...
out the window there's
peaches and sunshine,
leaves on the grass,
and inside there's
a shiny, silver sink with
matching dishes in the basin.

She's the hug to my need,
the soft, concerned word to my tears,
the need that I love to hug,
the tears that I pat dry with
soft, concerned words.

She's the brick bridge
on her way to beautiful chapters filled with trees and I'm
the abutment that
watches each giddy step
with happy tears
in my blurry blue eyes.

She's the missing piece I need
to fill the shard-shaped hole
in my pinky-purple-orange
stained glass prophecy,
and I hope she doesn't mind
if I want to be with her
all the time.

She's the soul,
the glowing, pulsing, electric blue and
iridescent soul
surrounded by
a lean body and
brown eyes and
bifocals and
hair colors and
makeup and
clothes.

She's the cold rain on my
hot, emotional head
and she drips down my hair
slides to my forehead,
down my nose,
mixing with my overflowing tears from
my eyes acting as mirrors
to the purple lightning before me
and
she slowly runs down my chin,
calming me down with
controlled chaos.

She is the first flower I spot,
blinding white, long petals
in the corner of my vision
when my head is hung in defeat.

She is the second flower I watch
unfurl as I lift my head to see more
stretching and waking
from the dewy grass so
I stand and see more of her
rows of her,
billowy petals reflecting the morning sun.

She is the 60th flower I see
as the others lead my line of sight
up to a patch of light,
nearly six feet tall and
she is the flower I see
when she steps out in front of the sun
to reveal a smile
so pure and child-like,
that it surely grew every blade of grass
in the field that
I sink to my knees on
as I look up
at the blooming girl before me.

She is my friend,
my family,
my muse,
my love,

my beeb,

forever.

He saw you as a quick **** and a friend, sexurally attached. You were my soul so why choose him? You knew as well as I did once you said you were getting your own place it met moving in. While he pushed me away I fought for you. Even with the loss I love you. I guess I couldn't win every battle. When I'm gone I just hope you look back and remember the good times darling not the dark.
     -the boy you loved.

I used to feel so alive;
when I was in your warmth
But now all we have is dead
And I've been sleeping in the cold.