I wish I didn't wish we'd never met earlier
I'm just sad that we will never meet again
I'm glad I met you

Passing by on internet highways
I ask for you
And you post
And a guide posts
How to know they are thinking of you
So I make jokes
Love engrossed
In a longing to escape it
And the surrender
To it
Because there is no where to run
Ships turn slowly
Passing on the open waves

I sat on the beach
And you didn't sit with me
I looked up from my coffee
And didn't see your eyes
I walked from my bnb
And you didn't walk with me
I surfed the waves
And you weren't to my left
I joked the open mics
And you weren't there fuming
Over the jokes written about you
I sang karaoke
And you didn't duet with me
I laid in a strange bed
Only with my dog
I woke to a beach sunrise
A beach sunset
And your weren't there
Creating reels of the sight
Eating junk food
Because it's vegan
As I told you why
I couldn't eat it
Kissing my lips
Holding my hand
Hugging me close
Smelling my hair
Our cheeks pressed
Against each other
Your fingers in my hair
Moving it aside from the breeze
Lightly moving your fingers down
One strand to the end
Staring into my eyes
No none of this beauty
That I've manifested
A thousand times
Has come to be
Maybe next lifetime
You'll come to love me

My intuition says one thing
My heart very much agrees
But my mind tells me
It sees what it sees
You're not someone I please
You're not someone I tease
You're lost on the breeze
I'm lost in the trees
So day after day
I try to break free
From the love and the way
You've captured me
And day after day
My soul brings me back
To your love trap
Where you never seem to be
Cobwebs and memories
Of things we never built
Self protection
Full of guilt
Running and writhing
From this love that abounds
But how can it be
When you don't make a sound

You wanted to have me arrested
Because I have anxiety
Because you led me on
By letting things escalate
Because you loved the attention
And you love the drama
And you love having power
Over other's emotions
You love controlling
Someone's mood
With your block button
And your silence
Mixed with gaslighting
Just enough attention
To keep them holding on
Just enough abuse
To convince them
It is all their fault
Love turns to hate
And I hate you
F you and your manipulatiom
How dare you threaten me
You know what you did
I am too good for you
And you know that too

I love you so deeply
But you won't accept it
You won't have it
So I shower it upon myself
What a tragedy
For you

I love you
I hate you
You are my muse
I love you
I hate you
You are my muse
Nothing I say
Is any new news
I'm intimidating to you
You have to run
I'm too weak for you
You are no fun
I'm too independant
You can't be vulnerable
I'm too codependent
You've got to block and go
I'm too perfect
You can't accept
I'm too wrong
You can't forget

I didn't know to treasure our moments together
I didn't know I would love you so deeply for so long
I didn't know I would lose you
My love for you erupted like fault lines after a long stillness
My love for you was a tsunami on a calm ocean
I look back and I cherish every moment we had
Before I made you hate me
Just by loving you
Too much
After all my love
Was washed away
By my anxiety...
And your compassion
Well you have none

Write me
I miss you
Eh whatever
I don't need anyone
Hold me
Ok fine let me go
I'm the one for you
Let yourself know
But really I'm fine
Alone

Your apology was expected
Because I told myself to expect it
But I was so surprised
When you called
When it wasn't spam
It was finally ......
And the words spilled from your lips
"I've had enough time
I'm not angry anymore
I reread your email I last replied to
I also read the last email you sent
I recognize you were trying to have empathy for how I felt
I have thought a lot about everything that happened and
I have empathy for your perspective
I forgive you.
I also apologize for taking things out of proportion
When I couldn't see your perspective
Or understand you were taken
By your anxiety
After having time I realized
You really tried to make amends
And you weren't a threat
I'm sorry I treated you cruelly
Do you want a clean slate?
Let's start over from here."
And I accept
And I am grateful
And I will spend every day
For the rest of my life
Working to not make the same mistakes
Again
Because in this friction
I am the one

That Ty could shred my confidence
Rip away my resonance
Tear me apart
Force me to depart
Make me feel like I'm back at the start
Of my emotional farce

But Infinity tells me
I don't have to begin again
I haven't lost my progress
Nor worn it thin
I'm still on my path of growth
I've broken no oaths

The only real change
Is no place where you and I can engage
Because in that space
Where you feel safe
I can no longer trace
I no longer feel safe

And I miss you terribly

I don't think that I need somebody
I don't think that I need someone
I don't need anybody
I am the only one
I am the only one

I spent a long time
Seeing your goodness
I spent a long time
Blinded by your soul
But your ego
Is stronger
Meaner
Crueler
Excuseless
Judgemental
Blameful
Point the finger at me this lifetime
I hope to never see you again
The love I feel is magical
The hate you embody is avoidable
Stand in your dark corners
In your dark rooms
In your bitterness
Slam doors
Block accounts
Spew b.s. threats
And still
I go on shining
Brighter
Because I
Am worthy
Lovable
Magical
Sparkly
The one you'll never know
Got away

YouTube saves all the recordings
Not sure if the other streaming services
Do the same
But if you come at me
I never cyber stalked you
I asked you to block me multiple times
And you didn't
You did answer my messages:
In the livestreams
And those recordings could be used
In court
Remember
Everything you ever said to me
Every comment that was a direct throwback
To one of my messages
Every time you went out of your way
To read my comments aloud
Because I will use that all against you
If you try to put a false case against me
Because I truly was never your stalker
And you can't pretend you never interacted with me
When you know **** well you did
We aren't strangers
You can't hide what's been recorded
And I will protect myself from you

I am lovable
I am worthy of marrying
I am worthy of spending a life with
I am worthy of love
I am worthy of family
Even though the only one who can see that
Is me.

Well, and my friends...
And the online acquaintances who have tried to hook us up
Sigh.

I am finally angry with you
I talked to a lawyer
I showed him some of the communications
Including all my emails
He said since I only contacted
By email and Instagram
And never threatened you
Or even called you names
And because there is video evidence
Lining up with your indirect responses
To my messages
Gaslighting me
And communicating with me
In every stream I attended
Not to mention
If I am such a threat to you
Why did you book a show
In my city
Near my house
You don't have a case
And if you threaten me again
Or take action
I will sue you
You were right to run
Because you aren't man enough for me
Or you'd of told me you weren't interested
Early on instead of
Waiting until things escalated
And gaslighting me on your stream
You have anger issues
I'm grateful you rejected me
I dodged a bullet
I'm working on my attachment style
And the man I seek
Who is seeking me
Will thank you
For teaching me where I need work
And not tying me down
So he can love me
The way you never could
You should also work on your attachment style
Or all you will ever have
Is the drama you repeat
You don't know me
And you never will
You were wrong about me
And I nolonger apologize
And I won't accept yours
F twin flames
Don't give a s about that connection
Rather marry happily
To someone who will value me
Sorry I loved you
You're right that was a mistake
This fantasy is dead

I am lovable.
I want a husband.
I want the exchange.
I want the connection.
I want a child.
I want a family.
I want what isn't allowed
In my family
For me.
I want it all...
and I can't have it.

The sun sets alone on me
On the beach
Or in the rocks
Anywhere I place my feet
One at peace
One released
Anywhere I want to be

And give in
Because I can't run
And I can't hide
I hope this doesn't
Just start
The same cycle again

I want to feel you
I want to touch you
I want to kiss you
I want to hold you
I want to look in your eyes
And I won't

I was over you yesterday
Convinced it's hopeless
That my heart was letting go
But to see your anger
Your pain
Not be able to help
Be the cause again
Rips my heart out
Leaves love and shame
I wish I could hug you
Then be over you again

I don't want to give it to him
I don't want the four of them to keep talking to me
Because they are not you
I'm not going to meet people anymore
Because they are not you
But I'm not waiting for you
I'm just not interested in anyone else
Except you
And myself

Just because
You are still my muse
Just because
My heart soul and intuition
Still wronglyfuly choose you
Doesnt mean
You get any more time
Than what is needed
To express myself
Through my arts
And certainly doesn't
Warrent your false beliefs
That I stalk you
When I don't
Have you ever been stalked?
Because I have
And writing poems
Without using your name
Anonymously
On some site somewhere
Singing songs
On my instagram
Writing tweets
About my journey
All with you unnamed
To express my
Unrequited love through art
Doesnt fit the bill
Of a stalker
Honey

I hope you learn
Everything you taught me
Someday

I've never written so many poems in my life
Not for anyone
Not for any reason
Not for any strife
But when you hit my heart it struck like a knife
And the words never stop pouring out
Flooding the night

You're just someone in the past now
All the inspiration you brang
Has slipped away down the drain
Not a drop of love left in me for you
Not a moment of time left to do
Anything to change and make things right
Just a memory slipping out of my night
Looking back but forgetting what drew me in
Only seeing toxicity, you were never my friend
My heart closed off once again
No sense of home, no sense of kin
Just me in my glory day after day
On my stage alone to shine and to gain

I'll give you what you want.
I'll take my love away.
I don't love you anymore.
I don't love you after all.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
Does that make you happy now?

My mornings are peaceful
Present
And then I feel you wake up
The shift

Shatter my personal truth
Smother my intuition with a pillow
Forcefully forget how for you
I bend just like a willow
Because you asked me to
I'll do anything you want me to
Forget every single inch of you
Deny our love was ever true
Pretend we are strangers like you do
Pretend seperation never left us blue

I just happen to know your worth as well
And I don't mind
That I was too reactive
That you saw my bad side
As often as I saw yours
Because you couldn't speak up
For what you truly wanted
Do you know your worth
I didn't lose anything
And I guess since you didn't see me
The way I see you
You didn't lose anything, either
I will always love you
I will never regret trying for you
I will never regret pushing you away
When you wouldn't try for me
We had potential
You couldn't see
But I know it
And I'm fine with how
Everything turned out
Lessons for when you come around
Or
Lessons for who will overcome you in my heart
Somehow

I kept standing in my own way
I didn't understand why
But if I truly am the divine masculine
It's because you were standing in your own way
I don't know if I'm the masculine or the feminine
I only know you were gone
The moment I loved you
And I've been gone too
Untold love stories
Never to be revealed

It took me four months of spending hours with you four to five days a week to notice you
To love you
But with all these random men
Falling in love with me at first sight
Saying things to me
Not what I said to you but
I keep thinking the way I feel about their words
Was the way you felt about my words
They don't know me they just want to control me
They just want to fill some hole in their lives with a pretty face
Did you think my love for you so shallow
So hollow
As this
Did I bring you the emotions
They bring me
Unseen possession to be won
That's not what you are
That's not how I see you
But I guess it doesn't matter
Because you're not interested
And I am without your mind, body, and attention
And tied to your soul, Chakra bound
Forever
Come to me, open up to me
Is a futile request
I'll never stop hoping for
While I lean against the bolted shut door

Your value is in who you are
Your value is in who you try to be
Your value is in the actions you take
Not in the money you make
Or the muscles on your body
Not in the number of followers you have
Your value is in your soul
Glistening in the sun greater
Than gold or precious gemstones
Your value radiates from you
To inspire all of those you touch
All of those whom path you cross
Most of all mine
I love you
I see you
I see all that you are
The dark and the light
The secrets you hide from yourself and the world
And the abundance and important messages you distribute
For everyone's greater good
For everyone's growth and healing
Your value is so much deeper and
So much more expansive
Than the industry could ever impose

When it's the one
So why not me
Because you are the one
You're the mirror image
Of me
Being in your presence is
Coming home
So please
Be in my presence
Let me be
The same for you
That you are for me
The catalyst
Of bliss

The sun rises on me
Whether I'm at the sea
Or somewhere else
Where I feel free
Just let me be

I was worthy of love
Turns out
All the people
Telling me I'm not worthy of love
Are right
I'm not
I'd still wife me, though.

We can't hide
From the love
Deep inside
Craving
Waiting
To burst forth
Into the sunlight
Of our dreams
Fulfilled

I guess you're just a muse to me now
I'm just Amusement to you anyhow
Actually you were always just a muse
The love I feel is there to confuse
You never felt it, that's old news
Regardless how my heart you infuse

It really puts it in perspective
When I realize
In the past 12 years
I've only loved two guys
And you were one
Still I'm on the run
From your lack of fun
You miss the starting gun
I cant quite comprehend
How my heart came to mend
Then came to bend
At your hands
With a quick end
I cant understand
I couldn't accept
So I took my usual steps
But something has gone awry
Because I'm not over you yet

I don't care about more people hearing
What I have to say
I don't care about money
I don't care about fame
I don't care about exposure
I liked my little artistic
Hipster circles of expression
I don't care what the twin flame journey
Says I need to expand to for union
I want my life of peace and joy
You're the famous exposed part of this soul vibration
I'm the intimate expression of our arts in small circles
On your side of the stage partition, an auditorium
On my side of the stage partition, a house party
A drum circle
A rave
A jam session of 20 to 40 musicians at once
You tell your jokes to the masses
I tell my jokes in karaoke circles
And one on one in small groups
I'm done questing for more
I'm going back into oblivion
Its more fun
You inspired me to try
But I dont need what you have
To be your equal
I already was

Just meet me once
In person
In September
Then if you still
Aren't interested in me
I will forget you
I will forget you if you don't
Just give me one date
It's the only thing I ever wanted
From you
What's the worst that could happen
You meet a pretty girl
And move on afterward
Meanwhile the worst
That can happen
That hasn't already
If you don't meet me
Is we will never know
And live with a what if

I give up on you every day.
So today.
I give up.
Again.
I'll never know you.
I won't even try any more.

Are the ones that got away
I got away because I refuse to play The Dating Game
And you got away because when you felt this attraction and I felt it back
You immediately shut it down before it could even start
You immediately denied our potential
And I in turn sabotaged our potential
Both drowning in our own fear
We are the ones that got away
And we will never know it, dear

And I'll take you last name
Love you without shame
Give me a chance, not again
But for the first time

I'll tell the world you were my false twin flame
Let that entire journey slip away into the past
You know the truth
Don't you
You're still my muse
I still will write
I still will sing
Inspired by you
How could I help it
But it will be
Our secret
I'll never reach out
Again

I am filled with love
It permeates and radiates
I feel this anxiousness
Don't fret
You can never run out
Of the love I contain
It persists
Through the ages
Be love
Be peace
Be yourself

You start shining like the sun
Gold light across my horizon
Then you swell like the ocean
Teal waves crashing over me
And you end like the night
Your darkness blinds my sight

I've never written this many poems
For anyone
I've never waited on unrequited love
Not since middle school
Before love was even real
How can it be I feel
So much for someone
So out of touch
Who with me communication was snuffed
I know how you felt
I saw it
I read you like a book
You can't lie to me
But I don't know how you feel
Because I don't steal
Looks at you
From around the corner
Of our atrocities
To each other

Why have you captured my heart
To not want it
And how did you do it
When most fail
I'll do better
Please reciprocate
You never gave me a chance
Before I entered your sphere of hate
Is my bad side really that bad
Comparably
No, it isn't.
But you were never here to be gone
So I'll just be me doing me
A queen

Enjoy your loneliness
And I will enjoy mine
While we never let the words slip
Of what could have been
From our minds
You dream like me
We are lost in time
I don't know why
You didn't come
You must feel as hollow
As a drum