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Clarkia Oct 2021
I'm tired of not just sitting
Engaging in constant distraction
So that I won't feel you
I long to sit still
Peaceful in silence
In nature watching leaves blow
In the wind
But when I do
You show up again
Your energy
Your soul
My soul
Or the vibration of them
Matching
Resonating
Much to my dismay
When I said I didn't want
To be alone anymore
This isn't quite what I meant
80 · Sep 2021
Happy single lives
Clarkia Sep 2021
Enjoy your loneliness
And I will enjoy mine
While we never let the words slip
Of what could have been
From our minds
You dream like me
We are lost in time
I don't know why
You didn't come
You must feel as hollow
As a drum
80 · Jun 2021
Forever but not waiting
Clarkia Jun 2021
When I told you
I love you
Unconditionally
I meant it
When I met you
I knew you
Were kindred to me
And when I
Began to love you
I just knew
And I know
And that is okay
I hope you'll come forward someday
Against all the odds
Against all your actions
That push me away
Cuz I'm done running.
80 · May 2021
Persistent Twin Flame
Clarkia May 2021
What is this love
That you are not
Interested in having me
In your life
That you tell me never contact again
Yet your soul
Holds me every day
Comforts me
I try to deny it
A dream a fantasy
I try to block you out
But you just hold me tighter
I try to be more present
But You show up stronger
You are an apparition of love
That surrounds me
79 · Apr 2021
Someone elses wife
Clarkia Apr 2021
You provided a dream
The catalyst to my healing
The doorway to my return to peace
So that when I meet someone
Prepared and willing to love me
I'll be prepared and willing to love him too
And for that I thank you
You refuse to be the one
But you got me ready for him
Clarkia Jun 2021
Stars fall from the sky
Through my pen
And on to the page
For you
79 · May 2021
Purposeful Mistake
Clarkia May 2021
I wanted to push you away
Because you are the one for me
And I was more successful
At pushing you away
Than I've ever been at
Pushing anyone away ever
So can I please forget you now
I cant reject an opportunity
And pine for it
Simultaneously
That makes no sense
But I did just that
Or maybe you'll forgive me
And start fresh
But honestly
I don't believe grand gestures
Are ever kind, only cruel
And I'll never have a chance
To be who I truly am
With you
Again
79 · Sep 2021
My love has no value
Clarkia Sep 2021
I didn't even know I was an abuser
I don't deserve to be loved
I wish I would just die
But I guess I'm better off alive
Clarkia Aug 2021
That's been my plan all along
But I took Tuesday off
In case I run to Bishop
To avoid you
Doing a show
Three miles from my house
On a route I drive daily
But if I stay
Come see me
I'll turn your heart and soul
Into a pile of mush *****
You'll be glad you came
My address is public
Just look up my name
If I bolt instead
I will tweet about it
78 · Jun 2021
why all the phenomenon
Clarkia Jun 2021
why all the
Twin flame *****
Just for you to hate me
Just to continue
Being myself
Alone
I didn't need it
I didn't need you
I could have healed myself
Now I love you
And it won't go away
I wish it would
Because I've given up
On you loving me
78 · Apr 2021
why I dont cyberstalk
Clarkia Apr 2021
Because the last words you ever said to me meant
Your Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Rokfin, interviews, articles, and images
Are not mine
They are not mine to view
Not mine to watch
Not mine to hear
Not mine to read
They are only mine to let go of
Without looking
Without knowing
And move on
78 · Jun 2021
Time Taken...
Clarkia Jun 2021
...is not very long.
...is not long, stop asking.
...is not long at all.
...shut up!
...is time well spent.
...is time needed.
...is not coming back.
...will not be returned.
...can not be earned.
...is lost.
...cannot be profitable.
...to do the job right leads to satisfaction.
...to care shows compassion.
...passes in years.
...is remembered.
... is treasured.
...brings smiles.
...renews ones path.
...renews ones soul.
...is precious.
...is meaningful.
...is shared.
...is a happy memory.
...is always close to the heart.
...becomes peace of mind.
...helps you grow.
...teaches you to love again.
...gives you knowledge to decide based upon experience.
...leaves dog hair for years.
...makes scars beautiful.
...won't hurt as much as it heals.
...means you will love again.
...-how much longer?
...makes sleep all the more enjoyable.
...makes lifes quests star-reachingly fabulous!
...makes puzzles quick to beat, but not to quick.
I wrote this one line at a time over many weeks in 2014.
Clarkia Mar 2021
I guess I succeeded in making you feel strongly for me
Because now you hate me
I should have known my love was wrong
The moment I felt love
My intuition is wrong
It gets everything right
Except what it says about us
Reality is wholly opposite of what it's telling me
I hope I never run into you again
Anywhere
Ever
I am sorry for the damage I've caused
But you don't know or care your damage
How can you be the person who healed me the most
And the person who made me feel the most wrong
That I've ever felt in my life
I wish you'd told me not to contact you months ago
I wish I'd never met you
Because now I've found the one
And I understand I've no one
Clarkia May 2021
Mondays are the worst
That's when I want you the most
That's when I cant shake the feeling
You miss me too
Clarkia Apr 2021
To those whom I've loved
Who loved me back
But left me
Because you thought I deserved better
I ended up alone
Because to you
Alone is better then the love you
Had to share with me
And to me
This is a tragedy
Not because I am lonely
But because your love was
Worthy of me
74 · Sep 2021
On the days it hurts
Clarkia Sep 2021
Most days I'm fine now
I don't look to see if you unblocked me
I don't watch your media
Haven't for a long time
I don't reread the email
Where you threatened me
Over and over
Trying to not want you
I blocked anyone who is mutual
That judges me
For admitting I have a twin flame
I accept it is what it is
Whether you believe or not
Whether you care or not
But on the days it hurts
I still can't shake
I cant stop the love
Though believe me
I try to forget
I try to erase
I have moved on
I have given up
And then someone posts
Something you've posted
You can't wait to meet them
But you'd never meet me
Because you deem me unworthy
When I'm actually more worthy
Than anyone else
And so I pick up the pieces
Of my rejected heart
All I wish
On the days I still miss you
Is that I didn't
Clarkia Sep 2021
Now you're another guy who can't have me
Sitting there with all your red flags in the bin
Never seeing clearly or understanding
The opportunity you had been given
Now my heart is closed to you like the others
Regardless that you're some mythical soul's twin
Now you're just some ****** quite obtuse
My tolerance and patience have worn thin
73 · Sep 2021
Twin Soul
Clarkia Sep 2021
I know you love me
I'll never wait for you
I wait for no one
I'll be all that you are
Whether you are near
Or far
I hold your heart
You hold my heart
Farewell
72 · Jul 2021
Okay
Clarkia Jul 2021
I accept that you hate me
I won't try to make amends anymore
Go ahead and hate me
Until the end of time
I guess from your perspective
I deserve it
71 · Jun 2021
Wifey
Clarkia Jun 2021
Forget what I see in you
What do I see in me
Someone who refuses to commit
Because it always ends
In tragic heartbreak
Someone completely worthy
Of a dedicated two way love
That can't find it
And wants to give up trying
Wants to let love go
And never bother with it again
A sensitive heart made for someone
Who has the strength to put the effort in
Without throwing in the towel
On the work it takes
To make a relationship work
To turn to her for support and companionship
With an open heart and mind
And to keep themselves
Their independence
A woman who wants a man who won't lose himself
Relying on her for his happiness
Because we all create our own happiness
And I create mine alone
Clarkia Sep 2021
Stop running
Aka pulling my chakras
I'm not chasing you
I will talk about
Or to whomever
I **** well please
You're a twin flame too
You have a right
To your privacy
I won't tell them your name
I can't even feel where you are now
Just leave me alone tonight
70 · Apr 2021
What is love
Clarkia Apr 2021
Showering me with attention
Interacting every day
And the moment I took notice of you
You were over me
And you went away
Stifled before the start
Twisted our callous hearts
I only want you
I'd rather be alone
Then wait for nothing
On my phone
Clarkia Apr 2021
I miss the potential we have.
I miss how you shine in the world
LIke a beam of light through a storm.
My eyes turn gold
When I'm thinking of you.
Sunsets display more colors,
And my love does too.
Like I told you
These feelings are never going away.
And I wouldn't want them to.
69 · Aug 2021
Why You?
Clarkia Aug 2021
I am starting to understand
Why I love you so deeply
I'm starting to gain clarity
Why this isn't going to work
Why you can't meet my needs
As a phantom of the parenting
I never received
As a mirror of the disconnect
I always seek
So that I can run quickly
When you're close to me
I am seeing the pattern
Run before they can hurt you
Choose the ones that never stay
So I can stray
So I can splay
My love against my own walls
Built up in circles around me
So I don't get trapped
In the corner
Free and rushing to stay free
And I see how you
Don't work for me
But I still love you deeply
Every word I spoke to you truth
Stay far away from me
Let me love you from a distance
Let me wait until another lifetime
But you're different
Because you don't escape my mind
You're just like all the rest
Selectively choosen to test
My resolve to keep my alonesss
But the difference
Between you and them is
I really want this
I'm working hard for it now
To change my pattern
Not for you, the one I love
But for the next one I will love
Who will not fit the pattern
Because you were specifically selected
One who will not be returning
I can't expect a different answer
From a formula I planned so well
68 · Jul 2021
Unconditional
Clarkia Jul 2021
I'll never reject you
As long as you don't back stab me
Or lie to or about me
Aside from that
I'm always here for you
Always
68 · Jul 2021
Victimization
Clarkia Jul 2021
What do you get
Out of victimizing yourself
Out of pretending I
Am some grand villian
You should fear
And that poses you threat
When the only real threat
Were your walls coming down
And being loved
I am not capable
Of the visions of demise
You've written me into
The perils you imagine
I will bring to you
I am only capable
Of arguing with you
Hugging you
Holding you
Loving you
And running from you
I am only capable
Of trying to talk things through
Trying to work things out
I am not capable
Of your dramas
67 · Apr 2021
Twin Flames
Clarkia Apr 2021
I awoke to my twin
Wish I'd sleep again
Mirrors that trigger
And shatter
And tatter
The silk and the lace
Strung up in place
Of our egos trace
Meant to displace
The darkness we
Refuse to embrace
63 · Jun 2021
When I come to Hawaii
Clarkia Jun 2021
In late December
That is when I will contact you again
To let you know where I'll be
So if you are still in Hawaii
And you are still single
By that time
Come see me
The worse that could happen
Is you spend some time
With a pretty girl
Likely just surfing
And if you aren't interested
We go our separate ways again
Take a chance on me
If you haven't called
Or zoomed
Or some other form of communication
By then
I still remember you from the festival. I remember you from Harlows. I am not going to reject you.
63 · Sep 2021
Shhhh.
Clarkia Sep 2021
So much today.
Signs and synchronicities.
I didn't notice them at first.
They were just the
Everyday occurrences.
But then as I got closer to you,
I realized my anxiety
Had decreased.
As each mile passed
I felt at peace.
Then I had to turn
And from you go east.
Again the rise in anxiety.
Still the sensation,
Even though we are not visiting,
My soul has come home to me.
Our soul or frequency
In the same place or
The same vicinity.
I know I always feel whole:
But I feel even more whole...
Like we are complete
Near each other.
I don't even have to see you
To have this peace.
So what would happen
If we were together?
What would that feel like
If this feels so good?
I still can't believe
I knew your car was
teal/turquoise!
How did I know that?
I hope you feel all this too...
Have a good show
Twin flame.
60 · Aug 2021
Gaslighting
Clarkia Aug 2021
"If I call you manipulative does that make you manipulative"
"Why haven't you answered me today are you safe"
"Can we be friends"
I don't know you
I don't want to know you
Any of you
You're all a joke to me
Just when I feel strong
Just when I don't want G
They come in droves
And I want what I cant have
Because it doesn't want me
Keeps its games to itself
Doesn't say stupid things
Usually
Well doesn't say anything at all
Its a ghost
But the rest of you
Thank God I work with men
So I don't become
Completely jaded
By the idiocy of the droves
No, calling me manipulative
Doesnt make me manipulate you
Calling me beautiful
Doesn't turn me on to you
Asking for daily interactions
Doesn't attach me to strangers
Call me disorganized
Call me avoidant
Call me anxious if you are G
Call me secure
Call me annoyed
To have met you

— The End —