I remember towards the end of my parents marriage
Their arguing was inescapable
I tried to drown it out, but the screaming was too loud
And the temptation of eavesdropping was too much
I should have turned my music up    
I wish the things I heard could become unheard

My heart ached for both of them
Because I'm sure they were just trying to figure out what went wrong and when
And I'm not really sure how people go from lovers to strangers
Because at one point they meant the world to each other
But suddenly it seemed they were living in two different worlds

And I wonder if they were ever happy together
Or if they were just putting on a show
I want to believe they were once were in love, most of me believes it
I guess I'd like to think my existence is from a place of love and not bitter resentment

I swear there was a time when they looked at each other like they shared some secret
And smiled at each other with knowing smiles
Now when they see one another their eyes are just filled with contempt
And there's no trace of a smile on their strained lips

Which leaves me to question
How does someone you know become someone you knew?
How does someone who was your present, your future, so quickly become your past?
How does someone who was your world become a memory fading out of existence?
How does someone you love become someone you loved?

The month I spent in the hospital was strange and dismal
The days seemed to blur into one long melancholia,
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
My body was weak and so was my fight
The hospital's sterile smell and white walls began to feel like home

I remember the first time I saw myself, in that dark and depressing hospital bathroom
I caught my reflection in the mirror
Ashen skin, dark circles, protruding bones
Who was this girl?
I winced at the sight of her

I looked like I was dying, but then again, the doctors thought I was
What was happening to me? My body was betraying me and it showed
No wonder my mother had been looking at me like she had seen a ghost lately
With sorrow and fright filled eyes

I woke up one night to her sobs
I pretended not to hear, it was easier that way
I was so selfish then
Too wrapped up in my own misery to hear her cries

The days felt like years in there
Eventually the visitors and flowers stopped
But I didn't mind
I needed to clear my thoughts
And watching people try to hide their trepidation when they saw me for the first time was growing old

People never know what to say or do around a sick person
What do you say to someone who's dying?
Do you ask them how they are? You already know the answer
But you ask anyway, then they lie and say they're fine
Because "that's a stupid question" is an inappropriate response

I remember the day they said I could go home
Suddenly, I felt dysphoric
Why was I feeling this way? I hated it here
But in a twisted way I was going to miss it
Because sometimes, we find comfort in chaos

You said you loved my bruises
That there was something beautiful about those purple and blue splotches against my porcelain skin
That my body looked like a water color painting

You said you loved my scar
As you would traced your fingers along it, up and down my chest and between my *******
Your fingers were so earnest
Like a teenage boy feeling the sway of a girls hips beneath him for the first time

You said you loved my stretch marks
That they were a beautiful addition against the backdrop of my curves
How the feel of them made you unable to quit,  as you ran your hands down my hips and kissed my lips

I just have one question for you
You loved my flaws, or so you said
But obviously your love is dead
So what did she have that I didn't? Was she more beautiful than I?
Tell me, please tell me, I promise I'll try not to cry

I'm not a very religious person anymore,
But I understand why people are
I understand people need something to hold on to
Because we're all just trying to get through life, when really we haven't got a clue

We grasp on to what we can
When we're drowning in pain
When we wish we could just escape from our own brain
Anything, even the smallest ounce of hope
Just something to help cope

To cope with the sorrow of yesterday
The chaos of today
The uncertainty of tomorrow
We all need a little something
To get us through
When we're feeling blue