something was taken from me recently
and i cant ever get it back

i feel like i have no purpose anymore
because i thought i could always protect myself
but that changed

im out in the open with nothing more to lose
i lost everything

i dont know how to go on anymore
i feel empty now

i cry myself to sleep when no one is around
yet i still feel nothing

i wish i wasnt here
i wish this didnt happen

i have no motivation anymore
i was excused from classes
and i was excused from exams
but that doesnt fix my struggle

no one i know understands what im going through
they try to help
but it doesnt

i feel so alone
theres no one i can talk to

no one i know has gone through this
no one i know has been *****
and so i just have myself
but i no longer have the will power that i did before

so what do i do now?

I don't respect myself because of you
I have trust issues because of you
I can't love because of you
I'm not happy because of you
I cried myself to sleep because of you
I catch on quicker now because of you
I warn other girls because of you
I learned a lot of lessons because of you
I learned a lot about myself because of you
I don't open up anymore because of you
I'm extra cautious because of you
I have a crazier past because of you
I have more stories to tell my daughter because of you

My kids will know about consequences because of you
My kids will know their mom is stronger because of you
My husband will be respectful because of you
My family will be closer to me because of you

Because of you, I know myself better
Because of you, my guard is up
Because of you, I know that family should come first
Because of you, I am a different person

i dont regret you
but you certainly make me feel those feelings
as if i did regret you
but you taught me a lesson
that i will teach my future daughter
and hopefully she will tell hers too
because you changed how i trust
you changed how i respect myself
you changed how i meet new people
you changed me for the worse
and now i just feel lost
and extremely confused
i wish someone could tell me how to feel
who to love
and what to do
because i dont know what to do anymore
you broke me
you made me fill with rage so quickly
like a match
but i dont regret you
you taught me a lesson
to not let anyone in

i thought about texting you
but then i came to my senses
because it wouldnt have changed anything.
we are both with other people
i love being with my boyfriend
and im sure you love being with your girlfriend.
but im still so sick of us not talking.
i thought i would be better without you
but it has only made me more and more broken
i miss you
i really do
but if i were to text you,
i wouldnt know how you would take it
or if you would tell anyone.
i miss you
and i just really want to catch up
thats all

i dont want to see you
i cant
i know it will break my heart
even more
when i see you two show up
together
and when i see your arms wrapped around her waist
i dont want to see you
i cant
when your lips brush against hers
because i know shes your first kiss
and i know shes better for you
because i broke your heart
and she didnt
but i cant see you
because ill be with my boyfriend
and i know he will start a conversation with you
because he doesnt know
he doesnt know about us
he doesnt know that i have loved before
and that i still do
he wont understand when he sees me weep on friday
its supposed to be a happy time
at my bestfriends house
but i know that my second home
will turn into my hell
because i dont want to see you
i cant
i know it will break my heart
because he loves me
but i love you
and you love her
theres this messed up situation that i cant control
but i can only hope that my heart will come back together eventually
after friday

you make me really happy
but i dont know why
actually maybe i do know
maybe its because you make me feel content
in a world of craziness
you make me feel safe
like this is supposed to happen
and this is where im supposed to be
you make me feel warm
and comfortable
and you make me feel like i cant go wrong
i cant make a mistake
or maybe i can
but it wouldnt matter
because we would find a way
any way
to come back to each other
you make me feel
feel
you make me feel like i have a purpose
i can do anything if i set my mind to it
you inspire me to be happy
and to make the most out of everything
make the most out of us
us
this is where im supposed to be
but theres just one problem
theres a secret ive been keeping from you
since the summer
i have never told you it
but you have told me
and i dont think thats fair
so here goes nothing
or everything
since thats what you are

i love you
everything happens for a reason

i miss you
like you wouldnt believe
i could never talk to you again
because i know
you would talk to your boys about it this time
this time
this time, its me thats the joke
because youre different now
you told me you only care about one thing
and it *****
because you really are someone i love
and i want to tell you.
i want to tell you in person that im dying.
but im scared
im scared youll never want to talk to me
but ill see you on friday
at what we call prom
and i hope we can share a smile
but then again, you care about what they think now.
i want to tell you in person
that im dying.
but i cant
so im writing this poem
in hopes that youll see it.
so thats it.
im dying.
and i love you.
until we meet again.