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Jan 2017 · 804
Dopey
Phoenix Rising Jan 2017
I'm just a nut job
hiding behind a blank stare
you can find me
almost anywhere.
I smile and I laugh
in front of your face.
I hide in a bathroom,
creating my fate.
This powder controls my day,
I'll love you once it's made its way...
up my nose, through my bloodstream
into my brain...
I'll love you once it's made its way...
I'll love you once it's made its way...
I'll love you once I feel okay...
Oct 2016 · 677
Opiates
Phoenix Rising Oct 2016
It's as if you have pressed pause
and you're not really certain if you will ever unpause...
You're hazy and dazy, it's hard to make any decisions.
You're convinced you're actually doing something and then when you sober up you realize the day has passed, unused...literally nothing was done.

A waste.
Wasting away.

But it has given me a light...
Now when I'm sober I realize how beautiful life is and how dark opiates are.
Oct 2016 · 272
drug addict
Phoenix Rising Oct 2016
everything is messy
i've accepted that
and that is the first step
to a clean act
Aug 2016 · 289
happy without trying
Phoenix Rising Aug 2016
the window is clear and open

the fog from my overused, hyperventilating lungs is absent

the rain from my eyes no longer marks my architecture

i see a change i think i had a part in---
doesn't matter
it happened

older i grow, my mind moves slower
----away from emotions

i'm greeted in new ways
a new phase?
Jul 2016 · 279
Lost cause
Phoenix Rising Jul 2016
always numb and bitter in the end
from having expectations that i'll do the same again

i've changed in ways that i'll compensate with another bad habit
i still break hearts do not be fooled
but know that it hurts me, too
Mar 2016 · 731
yuck
Phoenix Rising Mar 2016
Humans tend to make me cringe
fold like paper; thrown into the bin
I don't wanna be seen even though I exist
Carelessly crafted by anxious hands
I've been written up just to be written off
Dec 2015 · 454
Love Is Never Enough
Phoenix Rising Dec 2015
Everyone is telling me, "All you need is love."
I've tried it all--my grip was once tight and has lessened...
I've loved, I've used, I've taken care of hearts and visa versa.
It never helped anything.
Love is not enough, it will never be.
Love will not solve problems within me...for it is too late.
I am destined for patterns my mind will always follow.
I was created, molded by my owners... and I will never cease as their architecture.
I know I'm in control, but the moment I step out of line...I wake up back in my old, but familiar, boundary.
Nov 2015 · 456
Tampered
Phoenix Rising Nov 2015
A void deeply
rattling
my inner workings,

I fill it with superficial love.

For a while,
I forget
I'm depressed.

It becomes a habit;
people.
But then I hurt them
and it hurts myself
and I always...

Remember.

And I always wonder, "am I



...



Fixable?"
Oct 2015 · 382
Identity Crisis
Phoenix Rising Oct 2015
You don't fall in love with the person,
you fall in love with their problems.
Living without a story line would make you feel dull;
You can't sit still.

O, to prey and feast on potential self-background defining candidates...
You're not a whole,
just a mosaic of the people you found with psychological issues.
You're a moth drawn to a light; the light being something, kind of, familiar.
Sep 2015 · 372
Why
Phoenix Rising Sep 2015
Why
I fill my life with something to love
It makes me feel emptier
My thoughts become hyperactive
I don't hate myself

Why
What's missing
What am I doing wrong
Jun 2015 · 356
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Jun 2015
You hurt my feelings
May 2015 · 415
opi3
Phoenix Rising May 2015
I want a pill, a pill
I'm wrapped in blankets
and I have a shivering chill

I should deal but it's hard
especially with a damaged heart
It's critical that I deal the cards...

I want to relive synthetic warmth
Synthetic waves of apathethic bliss
That takes away how much I want a kiss

From you
May 2015 · 309
Untitled
Phoenix Rising May 2015
I feel legitimately sad
and I hate that it's uncontrollable
May 2015 · 632
opi2
Phoenix Rising May 2015
When consumed, it consumes you
When it is tasted, it has tasted you
It enjoys the taste of you more
You're fooled
Into a host

I don't like the high,
it likes my life
May 2015 · 687
Crazy
Phoenix Rising May 2015
Help.

I'm ignoring myself.

To save myself.

From myself.
May 2015 · 404
Human
Phoenix Rising May 2015
I forgot I was human,
forgot days were different,
forgot sensories were enhancing,
forgot emotions added depth,

I forgot because I got caught up in it
May 2015 · 1.5k
Cynical
Phoenix Rising May 2015
Love is persistent
and so are rapists
I could be resistant
but Cupid's grip ain't nothing to **** with
May 2015 · 549
Opi
Phoenix Rising May 2015
Opi
The pen drew dots in my eyes,
my grip lessened and there I was
Nothingness

No, not bad
No, not good
Nothing

Nothing was...
Nothing

I liked to spend most of my time being nothing
in the bath tub
While the days happened without me
and blurred over like watercolor
May 2015 · 368
inevitable
Phoenix Rising May 2015
dashing charm
couldn't stop the harm
i was going to cause
to you
May 2015 · 987
Human Weirdness
Phoenix Rising May 2015
I have been longing to feel for so long that when it finally made its arrival I was too acquainted with the numbness and ran away.
Apr 2015 · 924
subconscious calling
Phoenix Rising Apr 2015
I often catch myself
involuntarily whispering a phrase;
"I wish I were home"
while at my house.

I dream of a character
that I know exists but I'll never find
because I'm too comfortable with
being alone all of the time.

Light pets my cornea every morning, through the sunshine printed tapestry...
I prefer the synthetic things in life,


the irony.
Apr 2015 · 517
esoteric...
Phoenix Rising Apr 2015
There I lay,
inside the swirling abyss that formed from a mere powder;
a seemingly harmless substance

my eyes were rolling into the back of my cranium
my teeth hugged onto each other for dear life

Disorientation covered my mouth shut so I couldn't screamed

I didn't dare to speak because words made no sense
I stared blankly at my companions as they tried directing conversation at me

Is that my heart I feel pulsing my entire body?
Where did this darkness come from?
I must be dying, I'll just shut my eyes

I woke up later
I overdosed
Apr 2015 · 858
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Apr 2015
The birds are debating.
It's 5 A.M.
Why the **** am I awake?
Mar 2015 · 409
true feels
Phoenix Rising Mar 2015
I sing better when I hurt
                 when I hurt
                              when I hurt
When I think of you
                   you
                          you

I can't love with you on my mind
I can't live with you on my mind
I've lost my mind
All the contents spilled out
I'm scrounging for the pieces that
I can't be myself without

I want you but you're poisonous

Empty and drained
from the effort put forth
From watching  it wash down
like an ocean sand fort

Let's head north
where memories freeze
like my tears from the breeze,
smelling of old pine trees

...please,
leave

Because I surely can't
I don't possess the strength
Mar 2015 · 505
infatuation
Phoenix Rising Mar 2015
love but do not obsess
obsession causes imbalances
it blinds you and you find no room for others

obsessing is giving your mind the right to possess you
Mar 2015 · 1.0k
melodramatic
Phoenix Rising Mar 2015
You're a theatrical kind of mad.
Mar 2015 · 328
n-u-m-b
Phoenix Rising Mar 2015
my arms; laced with tremors
my chest; choking on weights
but i don't feel much
i don't feel much at all
Feb 2015 · 323
pointless
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
what is the point of having no point?
and is there no point to a point?
because even if there is a point it still has no point, in the end.
Feb 2015 · 563
L.N.N.L.
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
Love Needs No Logic
Feb 2015 · 494
automatic movie night
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
a spitting image of scenerios I once lived, flickering...
project inside my head
thanks to light leaking into my eye sockets
and the acid from inside my stomach
when i experience reflux because of stress
i have recreated a movie within myself to watch

ah, i  drank too much
before realizing i drank too much
and since when did i smoke?
Feb 2015 · 758
tongue
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
you're the snake
coiled around my throat
snapping my vocal chords







to: my tongue
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
death is life

when a star dies, it falls inwards
following a miraculous explosion

death isn't life because
life ends in death

death is a spark
of a beginning,
a push...
towards being
what you were meant to be

life isn't unknown, a mystery
it is just hidden, child's play
and those equipped with a childlike fascination
will disobey norms and willingly search for
and crawl through the rabbit hole

while coming to the conclusion
'logic' has been taught
to work around only physicality

expand
like the universe
Feb 2015 · 279
Star Children
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
I want a game plan
on how to be a star
because star dust
just isn't
enough...

George Harrison said,
"Give me light, give me life,
keep me free from birth."
and I think he was heard
Feb 2015 · 811
recluse
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
a week
armpit hair
coughing
thinking
involuntarily stressing
movie binge
social network vacation
breathing
Feb 2015 · 365
For a Minute...
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
All I ever wanted
was a moment where
tomorrow and yesterday
didn't exist


I wasn't chasing my slippery hope
and you didn't manifest scenarios

Prosperity was around the block


For a minute
I saw the sky as it was
For a minute I could breathe
the air that was meant
for you and me

What have we been hooked on?

Songs sound better when you hurt
and I never want you to be capable
of singing this song as well as me


Do you remember when I'd lay in bed
for hours on end
and you'd pretend
to be dead with me
and our bodies laid soullessly
our thoughts connected
our hearts in sync?

I didn't know
those would be the constant memories
I'd sob most over

And I'd remind myself,
day in and day out,
when I'd turn to my left
feeling the cold dent
on my lonely mattress

You said,"You did this to yourself."
I did, you're right
God, I was scared
I was petrified

I left myself with only spite
when I had the courage
in the drawer of my nightstand
and I chose to look the other way

Now, I am in an abusive relationship
with my loud, stubborn ego
It's time to stop grocery shopping
Feb 2015 · 388
pain
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
love and an ego
a deadly combination

because it's almost like a voice in your head

and you want to grab the gun

or the bottle of Xanax your mother carelessly leaves behind the bathroom mirror

....and listen to that voice
that doesn't mix with love
like ***** doesn't mix with love
like ***** doesn't mix with pills
Feb 2015 · 478
endorphins
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
I exercise often
and cry on the nights I don't sleep
Feb 2015 · 355
:(
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
:(
I think I'm obsessed with you...
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
I do not want to forgive myself for the events I put you through

But I must in order to move on

You will always be a part inside my head that fills in the gaps of my consciousness

There is a version of you that speaks to me that I have created

Now, when I speak I remind myself of you often

I'm pretty sure I'll always be in love with you

And that's okay,  I can live with that

Because I don't think I could redo it again

The damage isn't worth it

Hey I love you, but no ******* way
Jan 2015 · 547
Don't be snobby, please
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
To think one must suffer to handle such writing
shame on you for your ignorance

To think less of a poem because they lack a mental disorder
shame on you for your ignorance

Any one is entitled to write
some just stand out more than others
Jan 2015 · 28.1k
pizza
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
Never say no to pizza
It's like saying no to happiness
Jan 2015 · 807
A Week Within
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
I consume enough coffee
to **** a horse
in about a week.

I hunch over
more than L
from Death Note.

I sleep
but it feels like
I don't.

As today,
I can tell you the layout
of Spyro
as if it were the back
of my hand.

I currently live by
homemade trail mix,
leg lifts and walking on a treadmill.

There is a crazy
11 year old boy
yelling in my ear
with nice hair.

My boyfriend's mind
is wrapped within
artificial life
his head might as well
reside inside a
fish tank.

With one week gone,
my face drooping
as the light from
the television
glistens off my iris.

I see static
on a screen,
I feel it
in my hair
and I realize I've been
sitting here for 20 minutes.

I don't know where this is going.
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
I can't tell you why women fall in love with people who aren't as crazy for them back but I can tell you what happens when it occurs.

The love for the other person fills in deeper to compensate the lack of love given back. That's why the repercussions are so detrimental to the emotions in the very end...because the whole time you were loving for two and that's heavy.
Jan 2015 · 281
No one's is more real
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
if a ****** can hallucinate
a creation that is seemingly
real down to all five senses
and the others around him
cannot see, is he insane?

i am no ******
but the things that are seemingly
real down to all five senses
that are not my creation
and others around me can see
don't always feel real


i  don't think
our reality is
any more real
if the guy next to me
was capable of
creating something so
real seeming
with only his head
i think
it's all
in our
heads
Jan 2015 · 279
nobody's
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
a rainbow is beautiful
but can not be touched
and fades quickly after its presented

you are beautiful
but you won't let me touch you
and you leave quickly after I say hello
Jan 2015 · 301
by anonymous
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
"The more I want, the less I'm free."
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
childlike fascination
mystery obsession
...
terrarium in a cranium
barefoot expedition
...
valley sea
mushroom haven
...
fairy stars between trees
full jar
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
what do you do
once you stop
getting high off
people's presence

and you feel
life's densities
set in

and you catch yourself
molding to routine
and foods don't
taste as sweet
music is no more
than good

you start to lose
the twinkle
in your eye
you had
your whole
life
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
panic attack
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
I experience crippling anxiety
The people who feel high
Think it's easy to be high
Because they are high
And say to the low
To be high
But once I'm entangled
By the breathless thoughts
I am unable
To function

Depersonalization
Is crippling
And temporarily devolves me
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
prostituting the soul
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
twitching thighs
a skin deep kiss
your love goes to your curled toes
and you grip with your nails
onto velvet skin thats paper-thin
as if it's all you have left to live
for a minute
you don't miss
a high worth the 15 minutes
you wipe your lips
adjust your hips
get up and zip
inhale carbon monoxide
reminds you of the moment
in your garage
fade out
into the shadow
the door left
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