amsterdam. tension. relief. release. accent. bowl. swig. bowl. bowl. reverend. mole. alley. fifth beer. bowl. sixth beer. blur. catching up. *** standing up. normalcy. hiding. secrets. bowl. friends. family. couch. spinning. smiling. exit. diner. bathroom floor. steam. bowl. her legs. beautiful. her teeth. beautiful. it hurts. keep going. sleep. sweat. 8 am. warm wind. splitting headache. packing. bowl. relief. amsterdam.

pale face
empty space
your ghost is gone from this tiny place
the weight begs
between my legs
your smell remains
across the plains
of the table where you left your pain
now i'm on my own
all alone
moan
groan
here
alone

I'm not one who pours myself out and then disappears when I get bored after a few months and moves on so quickly to the next.

You were.

That was our major difference.

we beat on and travel
you can't keep something that hates your presence
actions exalt billions of times louder than empty words with zero eye contact

joining haunts and skeletons you assured me were nonexistent
i saw them following you from the moment we met
they are holding you down and you can't expect me to cherish them
rubbing the dirt of your past, present, and future into my eyes
but again, promising there's nothing attached to you below
dancing to thought of your new idol-ship
when there's no one around to bow down and twinkle for you

what are you so ******* afraid of?
i smirk to myself, finally seeing through the foggy glass from body heat
you've misinterpreted every lilt of my voice
mistaking me for a lamb
But I'm a lion
strong, proud, and independent
my lust has been mistaken for desperate love
your ego is beginning to make your shoulders slump
attributing every word i put down as a proclamation for you

i'm sure you, and you, think this, along with all the others, are about "how much I need you."
They're about everyone.
I don't need you. I want you. Wanted?
I don't need anyone.
No one can have me like I got me.

not everything I write is about you.

I want go back to that rock with you and hold hands silently as we marvel at the zodiac signs that match our tattoos, Cancer and Scorpio