I never needed someone who would fly off the handle with me
Inflated by dreams
And soaring on fantasies
No.

I needed an anchor.
Solidity
Concrete and a strong tie on my idealism.

So be the man flying the kite
Steering me in the way I need to go.

While she enjoys the sky
You enjoy her graceful flight.

I have been shunned
For no longer letting myths
Slip off my tongue
And it makes me angry
Everytime they're proved wrong.

I try to keep my mouth shut.
Focus on biting my lip
And ignore the trickled blood.

When you feel a fire burn inside you,
Getting told your after death fate
For not following rules
Might just be something I'd be used to.

Why would burning to the very end
Be so bad
When heat is always rolling off my skin?

Sometimes I'd rather let it all out
But what's the point when I know
You'll never listen?

I'm just so frustrated
That I will never be able to show you
How I see or feel.
But when you check my forehead you'll feel
There's a fire inside,
And I hope that in the end,
You were never right.

A teary eyed girl
Searching for her answers in the sky.
Stars roll off her cheeks
In a glistening reflection
And all she questions is
Why?
Why can't I find someone with whom
I can make a true connection?

Why couldn't I have been born with bare feet deep in dirt and grass?
Or with awesome dreaded hair that I can leave a ratted mess?
Face paint and bones for gauges.
I want to climb trees like business men fly through their floors on an elevator
And look over the top of the leaves
Like we look out our windows.
I'd like to eat food that hasn't been sprayed with chemicals and maybe find it myself.
Make my own pots and play in the mud.
I want wind and sun on my face with my spirit running wild.
Why can't I survive?
Instead of living and feeling like
Something's died inside?
A place without war and people always hating on another.
Live amongst animals
And run through the forest
With my companion right behind.
Why can't I be so deep in nature
As deep as we have our noses buried in our phones?

I want to breathe in the grass and the wet leaves that decorate the floor and sip from streams.

Why couldn't I have been born with a different type of free?

If your heart
                      has strings attached
                                                        ­  to the stars,
                                 The night sky your puppeteer;


                                                 Then find me.


        Because I need more people connected to a belief in magic.
                                   Who's hearts live elsewhere
            And minds wild enough to fly off into space with me.

I felt alone in the night
And I shouted in my mind
Give me a sign!
The wind went still and I felt like an imbecile.
Then the clouds moved past
And I was scared by the sudden moonlight cast,
I turned around, smiled and said,
"Hello to you too, Universe."

If you love someone, then why is it hard to say it?

Why is it hard to tell them and count the ways they have somehow

Rooted themselves within you as your favorite person?

Quite a confusing conundrum.

Because in my head we live in world's unknown, and

I can bare the deep vulnerability that comes with the words.

I can say it, shout it, sing it, paint it, all in my own dream world.

Why couldn't I say it in depth, in description,

even if I lay on death bed?

The desperation that builds in my chest, in my throat, and sinks and wrenches my stomach until it sinks

Because I just want to tell you.

Yet, when it's time I go blank in mind.

Why?!

This makes me feel like I don't love you at all..

But that answer isn't right either..

I just hate that I am bad with words.

My own articulations are like hooks without bait.

And I cast and I cast and I cast my line

but yet, no words come to bite..

I'm just a stranded, confused girl, on a boat in the middle of the sea of love, ultimately at a loss with myself.

I'm sorry that I have never really been that good at fishing.

Stomp!
           Stomp!
                      Stomp!
On my rose colored glasses,
  Feeling the delightful crunch
    Between my shoe and the concrete
      As I twist my foot back and forth.

             I'm done with that style.
               I want to see the ugly.

I wonder if anyone else inhales the smoke, dipped in the smell of burnt ashes and pollution.
Breathing it in and holding it
Almost hoping I am just taking another notch into my chopping block.
It doesn't get rid of the search for answers though does it?

I will continue to drink to burn the questions out of my throat,
I will inhale smoke and hope that some how, when it clears,
That I'll feel like my life has escaped this muggy fog that lingers in my head.

I won't have to continuously keep my tired eyes open on the stars,
I won't contemplate what's beyond the clouds and the sky.

I just want my mind to stop running.
Stop my heart from fearing what's next.
I just want some freedom from all this
For as long as I need that to be.

I breathe in the smell that lingers on my pillow in the mornings before I have to begin my day.
Before I have to leave every comfort that is laced within these sheets.
The safety that I am wrapped in by my warm blankets,
I breathe it in.

The smell of my home, my own smell nestled within it faintly,
Almost like picturing myself laying on a window seat peering out
With trees that tap on the window.
An annoying scrape against the glass pane
Bringing me back to reality.

Now I must leave with one final breath inward
To be able to make it today.

Is it really so true that fear can keep us trapped and imprisoned by nothing but mere thoughts?

Invisible bars with such real rigidness in their stance.

Within these walls I wonder, is it normal to watch another person cry and feel like it's the most intimate you can be with a person? And if so, what does that say about what I'm putting up with?

You can open my legs repeatedly, but you'll never know me there; because unlike other humans I live in my heart.

If you know the key to that door isn't your ****, even though it fits, but it was your deepest secrets, would you dare to open me still?

Should I consider the ones who answer no to be cowards?

And maybe that is why I have grown to hate you. Because I stand in the bravery of authenticity but still tremble at the thought of being alone.

So maybe then in actuality I hate myself too.

In conclusion, I suppose I hate neither.

I only hate the mirror you are that shows me who the real coward is here, and I'm sick of staring.

I don't want to remember you anymore.

I want the essence of you to disappear in between the wrinkles of my brain.

Stashed thinly away like money or pictures in between pages of books for safe keeping and I hope to God that I don't pull out the wrong book on a rainy day.

I don't want to see your picture fall out that day,  
Or any day.

I cherish holding your tiny feet while they still fit in my hand
As you sprawl out on the couch
And for now,
Lay on me to feel safe.

What a pesky pesky itch inspiration is,
Especially when you have no way of scratching it.

Depression haunts me like a a demon
You can't exorcise.

Strikes me like lightning
With the storm overhead
And a thunder so loud
My bones shake as I hide in bed.

All my thoughts drowned and drenched
In misery and a lowly stench
That says
This is all you've got
And this is as good as it gets.

In my heart all I ache for is sun to come again
And to never have to hear the pitter patter
Start in my head.
I hope for a light shower
As I curl up on the floor
But there's a saying I've heard and that is
When it rains, it pours.

There's a pane of glass

Between me and the rest.

Inches thick and it feels like it

Thickens with age.

A growing television screen,

A window scene,

A phone in the dark that's glowing,

An imaginary distant dream

Leaving me on the outside.

A passerby,

A drifter,

Watching movies play as I continue my way.

And I watch and I watch,

I watch my life away.

I hope I get to see the fear in your eyes ignite in wildfire.

The terror you turned down to a low burning flame as you locked in the chains.

I hope you hide away when you watch me break link by link, and drop the things that have weighed on me.

The princess you shut away in the dungeon, so afraid she'd take your kingdom.

I hope you watch me take back all that was mine.
My birth right.

You will fall from so high
And you'll watch as I rise.

I will no longer bow and obey.
I am the queen and you're about to learn the tale of
The slave.

They all say they want to talk about something deep.
They all say they want to open up their minds,
go further than regular minds can think.

Then when they get the chance to open up they run and hide
Or they serpentine past all the things
that might have made them change
and they just go by living off the saying that they "tried."

They think they know what they want but they aren't a poet.
They aren't here in the deepest parts of the ocean.
Their minds don't drift on the wind and hear the song it whispers.
They can't feel this emotion.

It's no one's fault.
It must just be a gift at birth,
But they aren't here to unearth
the things that swirl around their hearts or
the ships that sail on their devotions.

They can barely taste the drops that drench their souls
Because they simply just don't know.

I guess that's why we're here
To write and to feel
all that they can't muster
and even though I get flustered
I just don't belong to the world
Where a feeling can be explained as
Simple.

I wish I could write about how you saved me,
Like so many others tend to do.
But love, I do not see it that way in the slightest.
We did not need saving,
Cause you, like me,
Carried the world on your shoulders
And made sure that you're made of stone.
But we both have fallen to our knees before and we were cracking.
When we met,
We pushed off the crazy notions that we thought we had to carry and our worlds crumbled.
You might think that everything was falling apart but really
It fell together.

So in short, no, you did not save me.
You showed me how to save myself,
And for that,
I will always be grateful.

The world's asleep
But the wind whispers things to me
I doubt any other human being ever could.

The sun's asleep
And the moon babysits the stars
With me.

Keeping me company
Since there is no one else
Besides my cup of coffee.

I am looking for something in this world that will reduce me to the smallest me I have ever been.

Chop me down to a stump.

After I am cut down,
will I blossom bigger and more full?
Wiser and more humble?

The old willow everyone sits underneath to find their answers.

Your ideas of grandeur
Don't do you any favors
And if anything they only hinder.

Reality poking holes
In the big picture
You imagined;
Making it only
Half as great as you thought.

Sometimes I wish I could fight
The escapist in me.

The part of me
living off of daydreams.
Shooting the stars into my veins
Like straight ******.

Creating bigger and bigger ideas
Because the starry night makes us feel like the world is so big and expansive that maybe someone like you could be destined to change it all.

My, my...
How wrong you are.

You're such a small insignificant speck that the universe would swallow you whole and not even think twice about it.

But you keep dreamin'..
Because we both know you'd never survive without that at least.

I just want to be the weird, quirky rock
You just can't walk away from,
So you pick me up and put me in your pocket.

And when you get home you place me somewhere special and keep me even though you aren't sure why

You're the creator of your life.
No tools needed other than your mind
But for some reason mine just can't make the grind.

I feel like i need a pen or
A magic wand
To reach the infinity and beyond.
I picture places and people,
Imagining more to life
Than just a short sequel.

I feel like I don't grasp time
And that I'm not prophetic,
More like the blind leading the blind.

I know I'm at the forefront now,
Aware of every little shape and sound
But it's not any better
Sitting in silence.
Just because I'm calm
Doesn't mean I'll stay quiet.

Now I see problems are lessons
And happiness a blessin'.
It's still hard even when you've found yourself
But at least I can say
I wouldn't rather be anybody else.

Could you please stop throwing your opinions, like shards of glass, at each other?
Stop trying to cut deeper
To leave scars
Just so you can be right
Or be the one on top.

I have shards in my back
Because we must be starving.
Why else would you all fend for yourselves?

It never had to be survival of the fittest.

How did it come to this?

I'm bleeding out in pain
Hoping my blood would leave a stain
So red and so deep
That no one could forget
My utter defeat.
Maybe then they'd stop
With all the money and
The greed.
The arguing, the wars.
Why not find somewhere
We can all agree?
Instead of killing, backstabbing,
And deceit.
I'm bleeding out.
Got cut
From being in the middle
Of the fight
Where we want our words
To lash out like glass
So we can be heard.

When the silence starts
And there are no words left.
When glass just isn't enough and
The talking comes to a stop,
Then we will know there's trouble
As the bombs begin to drop.

I felt the birds in your spirit
From the moment I met you
And I feared the day your flitty
Heart would migrate you elsewhere.

Now that it's time
I just want to be your shelter before winter.
Even as guilty as it'd make me feel to be your cage,
Just this once,
You're the one I don't want to watch
Fly away.

Solitude used to be my retreat
But now that it's become a constant state with no choice in the matter,

It's turned from comfort
To a slow burning hell.