i get sad sometimes
too much
feeling in my
throat
swollen tonsils
with hydrated
emotions
wallowing in
one place
thinking of winter
and days that
act
as night
dawn doesn't
show
wrists
that cannot
cease
blood flow
i was a corpse
once
did you know?
i think
sometimes
my
heart
remembers
death
and its the same
old itch
that
ignites
memories best
forgotten
but
there's the
salt
and here's
my wound.

the curve of coffee
mug handles
forms familiarity
with the figures
of my grasping fingers
hoping to clutch at something warm
like the soup of your heart-
the dish of the day
i know you give it to me over
and over
but i never tire
of the taste

we all wanna be thin
diet of nicotine
and cigarette smoke;
let me see those bones.
delicate fragile curves
like a swan's neck
vulnerable
and carved out of
stone
statuesque
and perfection
a greek chiseled chest
with a collar bone
deep
as the trenches
at the bottom
of the sea
because skinny arms
skinny legs
can't hold veins
long enough to live

you got high once;
when i was out of town.
i forgive you love.

i know you're sorry,
it's a struggle
of course.
i forgive you love.

dry your eyes
and remember i don't have it in me
to leave your side
i forgive you love.

mistakes are a part of life
you're the sweetest boy
that holds me when i cry
i forgive you love.

shadow heart
shadow skin
i flit between this life
and that.
invisibility finds it's way to me
to kidnap my confidence
what was that?
oh,
only my voice
lost
to the wind.

Julie was a winner.

Her eyes were made of stars
that had fallen off the sky
and they twinkled every time
she smiled.

She had dreams, and ambitions,
she did not ride on high horses,
she did not trust the words of great men,
but followed her own sense of direction.

She loved life,
and a boy who never could understand
what love actually meant.

Like flowers in spring,
her madness grew in vivid colors
and she could feel the surge
in her veins.

She was a like a flower.

And like a flower in the fall,
today was the day,
she decided to die.

She took a deep breath,
and drowned herself in cold lavender-scented bathwater,
falling into the forgotten forevers
to lie quietly, finally complete.

Julie wasn't a lie,
she was just me.

the water has been calm for months,
not a wake has wandered from within this body
and still
something is amiss
i miss
you.

and not in some deeply important
or wildly romantic reminiscence
but in a way that makes my throat dry,
my hands hurt,
my eyes water.

it is not that we are cold,
but there is an absence of heat
and by that i mean passion
time is passing
and the water is rising
so why was it surprising
to see the tide?

peeled me like
a citrus fruit
waiting to ooze
and digest
inside of you