the woman laid her stomach
over the child's soft downy head
as a shield
as armor
to protect such soft innocence
from the grainy world that creeps in
with it's gnarled fingers.
the same world that took
the warm fragile beating
of her heart
and sloooooooowed
it
to
a
dull whisper

this heart is like
smoke hanging
in the air
when the ashes crumble
into living things
and it's all
illusions
pressing the clock hands
waiting for your breaths
to come raspy.
who could love what's never been alive?
but he did
he did
"you never had a funeral",
he said
and "when i looked into your eyes
i knew something like that;
those soul windows-
could never be dead."

I'm a pack rat
with a furless tail
and red
raspberry
eyes
and I will never
get rid of
(that envelope)
you
gave me
on Xmas eve
with the
crooked tree
on the back-side.
It was carelessly done,
but I am acutely
aware that you did
your best.

Baby's breath
is my favorite
flower
because they are subtle
and remind me of
your
serene sense of humor.

you were afraid of being cut open
the view of doctor gloves
reaching inside
parts you didn't
know could feel
like slicing off
a point of a star
watching it dim
and die inside
of a light bulb
flickering.
these things they spit out of you
you lost them one at a time
fingers down your throat
evacuate what you didn't need;
that day i slept in your stomach
i could feel the urgency of static
pulling me through your lungs
your teeth hit me on the way out
you needed me
but you were your own
doll maker
cutting space
into your heart
substituting
wooden pieces
that held no
memory of
the way
my lashes looked
when it rained

her legs hung seductively
out of a window frame
pouring smoke
and they drank it all in
took what she had to give
her painted lips
her white wrists
and the marrow
that slept inside.
empty girl
empty sighs
abandoned ware house
turned
****** scene
because their
desire,
each time
was like a knife sunk through her

"but you're so beautiful, darling!"

"I don't understand why you're so sad!"

"Whatever you have done
it can't be that bad!"

"Oh? You're back on meds?"
"You're happy now? I'm ever so glad!"

"But wait, what's that? A cut on your wrist?"
"Pull up your sleeves and show me your arm."
"We told you and told you"
"Don't ever self-harm."

"You see doctor, she's not very well.."
"We don't know what happened-"
"We can't always know, it's quite hard to tell!"

"We tried to help her, in the best way we could"

You don't try hard enough. Maybe you should.

I slash my skin
into
violent
grins;
welcome
my friends