It took a mountain top of drugs
and a cabinet full of alcohol
to numb the obsessions and the cravings
for the perplex taste of the spittle
that always collected in the corner of your mouth
and for the protruding veins which gathered
in the crook of your arm
and freckle at the base of your spine.

It took a mountain top of drugs
and a cabinet full of alcohol
to numb the obsessions,
and the cravings
and the infatuation
with calling you mine.

You often told me that
I was your Queen of Silk
and Maid of Lavender Island
and I would tell you that
you were my King of Chevron
with kisses as sweet as
Cyanide
infused with a bout of
Ethanol
and sweet Cherry *******.

You kissed me once
and I prayed that I would die
for I would love to die
wrapped in the taste of
your bad habits
and
King of Chevron sway.

I'm not going to be a teenage wasteland forever
Someday I'm going to stop polluting my body and hating my mother
I have an addiction to those
toxic remedies
like hair dye
nutmeg
and bleach.
I'll be taking calcium supplements
for dwindling marow
and for once I'll actually care about politics.
Daddy had a habit of calling me a
super-feminist
just because I wouldn't bring him his slippers
when he got home
from retrieving the mail.
I've always hated dogs in the house
so I became vegetarian.

My subscription to Cosmopolitan has long
been expired.
Instead I stick my fingers inbetween the crevices
of the fan

There's a secret to resentment:
Hang it up in the closet
on the hanger
next to the apron.
It's wanting to pour wasabi down pants
so they feel the kick
so they can hear

that night in december
was when we came
to be-
we knew each other
it seems
in passed
distant memories.
this cold winter
evening was our chance
to know one another
as we are now;
retracing footsteps
getting back to basics.
funny how we
reconvened at a church
and it was so suitable
for you to fall in love with me
right
there
because our hearts
aligned
in a holy
design-
as if it were truly God
putting us back
together.

I smoke,  I drink, I ****
I only came to get messed up
Yes I party even though Im underage
You dont get it, women love this rage
See I get them every nite
Without any sacrifice
Some want to call it love
I just wanna call them stupid
Im not here because I care
Im here for a death wish to come and see me
This point I have nothing left
Break bones for cash
See, every day lifes a blast
If you only knew my past...*

Youd know all of that wasn't me.

These hands ache
Raw from a punching bag
Every thud a wince
Every beat a tear
Move faster, hit harder, get better...
...stay pathetic...
All for her,

"Men blame their exes for their misfortunes,  and those are usually lies."
"They were all ******* and *****!"

And they were, but I think of you and my heart aches
You weren't
You
Someone I've worked so hard for,
Fought so long for,
And yet now, I'm just pathetic...

****, do I always think back to that day.
Four months, eight days, six hours.
You just wanted to talk, those eyes said differently.
And I couldnt resist...
You had every man, and now had told me every lie.
And I just craved you all the same.

You ruined me.
Everyone I meet is put against you.
Everyone.

Shes sweet and nice, childish at times, like me.
But shes not you, I think of her, and then of you.
All while you sleep your way through the adult industries.

...you'll never be a ***** to me...

...

You know I can't watch Moulin Rouge because of you?!
Staying up late, watching that stupid film.
Now I'd rather mangle my own flesh then watch it again...

...

God I'm sorry...
I'd take you back but it wouldn't work...
I would be strange in your perfect world.

Your eyes are wine
Your lips, nicotine
Your skin, acidic
Your love, a cancer

I wish I could hate you...