Slowly walking into a room with fresh flowers
Beautiful colours
Beautiful creations
Beautiful scents
Deep breath
I close my eyes
Deep breath
And then I cry
The anxiety
The anger
The sadness
The sorrow
The memories
Walking where the flowers lead to her new bed
The sent gets stronger
I get weaker
But I need to get closer
I'm as close as ill ever be
Surrounded by flowers all around her & me
The beautiful creations weren't supposed to be the only ones alive
The beautiful creations were forced to make everyone cry
Stripping the happiness
Bruising the anger
Drowning the eyes
Poking the ears
Shattered the mouth
Breaking the nose
Now the scent will never make me forget
It's a memory
It's a flashback
It's a sorrow
That will never leave my head
As I smell a flower,
It burns
It hurts
I remember
Going back to that time
When those flowers scented the room
The memory of what happen
The memory of the last day
The memory of the room
When I had to say goodbye forever

I felt closed in as a tried to breathe
I couldnt walk without tripping over my own feet
In a room full of anger;
A room full of emptiness.
But in the dark i was able to see better
And because i saw in the dark,
I saw what i didnt wanna see
I heard what i didnt wanna hear
And i breathed how i didnt wanna breathe
I saw my fears
I heard the noises
I saw the flashbacks
I heard my screams
I felt my chest so tight
The darkness showed me reality
And in the light, everything was hidden
I searched for answers
Answers that i needed to find
My questions were always ignored
I couldnt help myself when i was blind
My arms tried to feel around to see if there was anything sharp to pierce the pain
And then i found my way to quiet my tears
A way that i can no longer hear my screams
I cannot see the danger
I can only feel my fears
If i try to seek the light , i know i will get burned
I stay in the darkness and i see everything
My fears
My memories
My habits
My weakness
My struggles
My emotions
The mirror, in pieces

If only my nightmares werent real
And i could have slept in peace
If only my breathing were normal
And i didnt have all this anxiety
If only my moods were stable
And that my tears would never escape
If only my anger wasnt bad and that i made myself filled with hate
If only i didnt ignore the people that i needed most
If only i wasnt distant and that i disappeared like a ghost
If only i had listened to the ones that i loved
If only i was smarter with the disaster that ive caused
If only the sorrow hadnt appeared into my life
If only i used my brain when i wanted to pick up a knife
If only i was able to help myself without so much force
If only i didnt hurt myself behind all the closed doors
If only i hadnt taken out all my anger onto family
If only i understood of why i became so crazy
If only things were different
If only things had changed
If only things didnt happen
If only things had been erased

Its all closed
Its all locked
And everything is dark around me
Inside but cant get out
Listening but cant make a sound
Looking but cant see clear
Speaking but noone can hear
Around me i cannot explain
When i try to speak, noone can u understand
And when i try to make them understand, they get confused
Reaching out; this isnt a game
Reaching out; cause im going insane
I wanna close my eyes and then open them without being afraid
But my fears are all around me
My nightmares are out to get me
Im so isolated with fire and i feel im going to burn out
The tension is around me when i try to breathe
I cannot put my air anywhere so i choke
Im hyperventilating inside body; theres no room to breathe
My heart pounds faster but my body is weak
It suddenly stops because im ******* myself in my bones as i try to squeeze
I have no strength; its taken away
My weakness escaped
My strength, locked away
I wanna speak but i choke
I wanna see but my eyes close
I wanna hear but my ears are injected with static
I wanna feel but im so numb
I wanna run but i fall
I wanna breathe but my airway have been blocked
I wanna scream but my mouth is covered
I wanna cry but my eyes are shut tight
I wanna be told that i can escape but im told that i have to remain locked up inside
I wanna ice my skin but i will get frost bitten
I wanna pick myself up but im pinned to the floor
I wanna take in the breaths but my lungs have collapsed
I wanna start over but i cant
I wanna turn back time but it wont
I wanna unlock to escape,
But i threw away the key

My happiness was a like a fever,
The drugs brought it down.
& the drugs represent the problems that revolved around me.
And there wasnt even a beginning.
So lost;
Unable to reveal where it started.
& Ive been bleeding from day one.
Everything just turned so dark.
I dont even know how to see anymore.
Because happiness is hidden,
& I fear it is lost forever.
Im so trapped inside myself,
That I lost the key to my spirits.
So I locked myself away forever.
The red rose turned black.
The blue sky turned grey.
The green grass turned brown.
And there is no more sun.
I just cant change emotions.
The frown is what Im used to.
And my tears is what I keep drowning in.
Im so torn.
Im so confused.
Im so lost.
Im so tired inside my head.
I wanna undo this pain forever,
But I dont know how.
I wanna heal these wounds,
But they wont close.
I wanna stop these tears,
But they keep falling.
There is nothing to stop this pain.
There is nothing to stop my tears.
There is nothing to stop my mind from bringing me down.
There is nothing to stop this emotion from continuing.
My mind,
Is driving me insane.
I wanna escape this misery.
There is no meaning in my life.
God just let me go.

The darkness feels like its early
The darkness was always my alarm
Irritable disturbances awake me
My fears grow close to harm
Eyes wide open
Body so weak
Skin so hot
Uncomfortable to go back to sleep
Its too quiet
But my breathing is loud
My mind is restless
But my body wants to be down
My memories are coming back
Im starting this darkness game again
Emotionally drained as i try to lay down
My heart is pounding to tire out my brain
I cant force my eyes because they wont stay shut
I cant force the darkness to leave
I cant force the worries out of my head
I cant force my body to sleep
Thoughts running fast right through my head
Anxiety stops me as i try to go to bed
Time is ticking while i try to waste it all
My patients are running as i try to take control
My anger rises; irritated with fear
My sadness lowers me; i cannot control these nightmares
The darkness is leaving; havent rested yet
The morning is approaching; as i continue awake in bed

I never understood why i couldnt get up
I never understood why i had no strength
I was knocked down by an invisible force, waiting for me to break
And i did break
I broke into pieces
There was no sand to protect me
Just rocks & glass that pierced through me
The sun burned me and left me with darkness until I drowned
Drowned from a rain so cold;
As i constantly hit ground
Again and again i tore open my scars
I bleed with no ending
My stitches turned to dust
I was shaken so much that my head lost reality
I became abnormal and then i went into a dark world
My mind left me insane;
I felt the cold liquid again
My body all drenched with the force once again
I felt that water through me again
And then i find myself fighting..
Its so unknown when i try to think
My mind gets blanked out
Its so unknown when i try to speak
My throat chokes me
Its so unknown when i try to listen
My ears get plugged
Its so unknown when i try to see
My eyes are shut tight
Its so unknown when i try to breathe
Im drowning now

Do you know how it feels to say goodbye
Do know what it feels like to actually cry
Do you know how it feels when you cannot breathe
Do you know how hard it is to sleep
Do you know how to deal with a pain that wont go away
Do you know how to deal with someone who couldnt stay
Do you know how to deal with strength you need to quickly build
Do you know how to deal with the weakness that broke your shield
Do you know how to fight when the sickness shows you the truth
Do you know how to fight when anger wants to shoot
Do you know to fight when there is sadness in your eyes
Do you know how to fight when depression & sorrow make you cry
Do you know how hard it is to think and cry at once
Do you know how hard it is to breathe and hyperventilate for months
Do you know how hard it is to see nothing but memories and love
Do you know how hard it is to continue to feel that touch
Do u know what it feels like to kiss a cold beautiful face;
Whos asleep forever;
And you know she will no longer wake...

The racing flashbacks that i feel,
Are allowing me to want the painful past again
I grabbed a glass that i shouldnt have filled
I grabbed the keys that i shouldnt have taken out
I grabbed a knife that i shouldnt have used
I grabbed a habit that i should have refused
I silenced my past with a cover i want to take off
I hid my secrets under a blanket i want to rip off
I erased my thoughts with the eraser attached to my heart
I broke all my habits with the fights i had to start
I emptied the glass
I threw out the keys
I took away the knife
I broke my habits
But now i cant sleep
Im sober but inside i feel drunk
Im smarter but inside im driving myself crazy
My arms are clean again but inside i still bleed
The habits are gone but inside my head i keep repeating them
Appearance can fool
A story can lie
I cannot explain whats deep down inside

I couldnt plug my ears when the truth came into my mind
Thats when my heart was getting weak and then suddenly, i cried
The days grew heavy just like the hearts that wouldnt stay together
The pouring rain was from my eyes and wasnt from the weather
In shock i couldnt breathe
My dizziness just brought me to my knees
The pain that i needed to fall
I knew this time i lost it all
All i had and all i looked up to
All i looked at and all i spoke to
All i loved and all i followed
Was all i saw that left me in sorrow
Anxiety worsened
Hyperventilation tried to chase you
Anger erased all the happiness within me
And depression created invisible stairs
To me there was no time
The clock wasnt allowed to speak
I curse the day you were taken
I just wanted to be the one who lay peacefully
I stayed inside and closed my door
With force, i cried in silent
With rage & violence, i needed to be tamed
It was the moments i wanted the harm to be quiet
I gathered my thoughts
I gathered my tears
I gathered my memories for the time you painfully disappeared

I became settled
But i feel uneasy again
I chased away my fears
But now im scared again
I became strong
But now my weakness found me
I fought my nightmares
But now my dreams are slowly escaping
I learned to breathe
But my anxiety is attacking again
I learned to see but now my eyes are slowly closing again
I learned to speak
But my mouth is being forced to close again
I learned to hear
But the sounds are slowly getting silent again
I found happiness
But depression is trying to bring me down again
My anger was controlled
But im slowly on edge again
I was stable
But my moods are changing again
I was convinced
But now im not sure
Im still not sure if i found myself quite yet
My body, mind, and soul is getting too comfortable
They have been nourished
And now its too much
Im getting used to this feeling,
That my brain wants to stop
Why are my moods not stabilizing themselves again
Why is my anxiety acting up again
Why is my breathing starting to become difficult again
I guess i didnt lock the door properly
I need to try harder
I need to work faster
I thought it was the end;
The end to that evil soul
Its slowly coming back
Im pushing myself to ignore
Its so hard to do
Im pushing myself to just snap out of it
Because my mind is playing a game again
Is this intake too weak
Am i wanting it to be strong
I cannot handle who i was
I need the person who i am now
I cannot lose control again

I hear the footsteps behind me as i get startled
Then suddenly i start to use my legs as i run past my fears
Im being chased but i dont see anyone
My heart is racing but why am i running?
Im being threatened but the voices disappear
And i cannot see the person that was near
My arms are marked
My skin, it bleeds
My heart is stabbed
Im pushed on my knees
I cant get up because i was pushed
On the floor i went blind as i lose whoever is following me
Its in my house now
Im scared to make a sound
If i move, im going to fall to the ground
Now its in my room
Im being held down
Im choking from the hands that are tightly wrapped around
Am i going crazy?
Am i going insane?
I mistake the invisible for myself
The suspect is my own mind

Emptiness pulled through my wounds
I bled everything i had out of my body
Inside, my bones are moving;
They wanna pull me down
I should just knock myself down
My heart is so weak
Because my mind took all the strength
Now im shaky;
As i walk, i feel like im gonna fall
And im already bleeding as i walk on broken glass
Glass that had been together; the glass that was me
Then i suddenly shattered when i couldnt take it anymore
The tears i release, i can only drown
Its enough to make me stop breathing
I cannot breathe when im gasping for air
I cannot find an opening
I tried so many times to escape;
I tried to escape my mind
But i will always be a prisoner; a danger to myself
This is forever
The bed holds my back is i choke up all my fears
I cant roll over,
I cant get up,
I cant undo my weakness to feel free
I feel like there are straps going across my chest; i cannot breathe
Im being held down
The person whos doing it is me
Theres pressure on top of my lungs; i continue not to breathe
Its heavy;
My body is so weak
My mind is so strong to put all its strength on top of me
My heart is being squished,
Now all my blood is escaping from its home
My face is being pushed down, i cannot see
I suddenly became blind and met the darkness;
Then left everything behind
An invisible strap,
Im underneath
I cant break free,
I cannot remember how to move
I cannot remember how to breathe
Im frozen, i cant get up
My temperature dropped
And my bones got covered in ice
A brain freeze i had,
But the then my mind burned and meted it away
Burning with anger, everything turned black
As i lay here,
Im still blind
Im hyperventilating and nothing can help me now
I lay here confused
I lay here in silence
I lay here angry
I lay here in tears
I squeeze my wrists
I twist & turn
I kick & scream
I punch & yell
I choke because of not breathing
Not breathing,
Hyperventilating
I cannot control what im feeling
But what would you do if something is holding you down?
And the only thing that can move,
Is the air & blood within my body

I tried to leave a place that turned dark
A place that i created and the place that blocked out my heart
I tried to change but in the end
I struggled
No room to breathe
No time to see
I got lost inside my own mind and then i made myself bleed
I created bruises that stayed blue
I opened cuts that never closed
I left all the wounds alone to bleed out my hurts
Stitches werent available because i used the string to hold on
I held on tight but it snapped and i fell to the ground
When i fell i broke my bones
New wounds appeared as scars that wouldnt go away
All together i mark up my life
The blood that runs down my body tries to drown me
I try to wash away my pain with my tears
But they only drown me
Im still in bad shape
And i cannot heal the pain
My body is burning from these open wounds
There goes another story without an ending
There goes the blood that continues dripping
I question my mind about what it wants
It replies "you" and i know my heart has no say
I want it all to end
I just want these thoughts out of my head
I wanna run but my legs are weak
I wanna fight but my hands arent moving
I wanna close my eyes and open them to something new
I wanna plug my ears and then unplug them to change the truth
I wanna believe that my heart will repair
I wanna believe that my hurts arent there
But the truth is that my heart is too weak
The truth is that the mind will continue to speak

I cannot be the person I used to be
Its hard for me to release the stranger thats inside me
All this negative energy needs to stop
I just want it to end
I try so hard to see myself,
But all I see is an inner enemy
I just want to shatter to pieces;
To release whats inside of me,
Then put my pieces back together cautiously;
So nothing else gets trapped inside me
But instead I keep bleeding
I keep getting weak
I keep getting dizzy
I keep releasing what I shouldnt be releasing
But everything is escaping
& I keep abusing myself
& So Im always drained
Why cant I release whats inside me
I just want to be myself again
Because the mirror is always lying
I cannot breathe no more
Because now Im claustrophobic
I feel as if everything is pushing me in a corner,
& I cannot make any holes
My inner enemy has brought negativity into my soul
& so now my head is filled with drama
My mind has suddenly changed
Because it gives me wrong information
& this is why Im troubled
I have taught myself the wrong things
& excluded the right things
Now I have noone to show me the right path
& I knew I was always wrong to listen to myself
& I knew I was stubborn
& I knew other people were right
& now I know I cant ever trust myself with anything
Anymore
I have failed

Heart of gold
Heart of kindness
Heart of emotions
Heart of strength
What happened to those days that she was moving forward
And life was getting better
Life was finally making sense
What happened to those days she helped so many
And nothing was returned
But her heart was still shining
What happened to those days she was told a thousand lies
And then the truth broke her
But her face was always smiling
Where did she go
I still dont believe it
It feels like that day is still happening
Over and over; my head is a record player
And there is no forward button
Memories sharp
Memories make pain
I wish i could undo what was once taken away
I wish i could bring back a treasure that couldnt be touched
I have been bent and broken way too many times;
But now im shattered
The pieces lay with her resting soul
Until we meet again,
Im separated in a thousand bits
Teary eyes will never leave me
My head is a theatre;
And this movie had a sad ending
One day to be happy
Another day she had to know
Other days to suffer
The last day she was forced to go

Everything seems like its ending
My mind is driving me insane
My moods are confusing me
I feel that I have lost everything,
And that everything has turned its back on me.
Im just trapped in my own body,
Because Im not what I use to be.
A stranger has broke me apart,
And is now living inside my soul.
Because when I look in the mirror,
I dont know who that troubled girl is.
The exorcist within me has shown me the dark side;
& made me forget the light.
I just dont care anymore.
Memory has faded from my head.
It was replaced with unknown passages,
And an unknown life.
I dont know where to go
I dont know what to do
I dont know who to talk to
I dont know how to live
Im screaming louder then ever,
But noone can hear me.
Im a mute to everyone including myself.
Im running away,
But im unable to hide.
There is nowhere to run to;
Because I just end up running back to myself.
I use a knife to try to get the stranger out of me;
But all that comes out is blood.
The cuts just remain noticeable & leave me cut up,
With the stranger trapped inside me.
I just feel torn apart,
Because my body is here, but my mind is somewhere else.
God please help me,
Because Im not strong anymore.
I feel like my strength has been ****** out of me,
Because I feel drained.
God please guide me once again;
Because I walked down the wrong path.
I have listened to nobody but myself;
And that is the reason why Im stranded,
The reason why Im abandoned,
The reason why I suffer,
The reason why I negatively changed.
Im a danger to myself.
I let all positivity escape me.
And because Im mentally weak,
I always thought I was strong.
I've brainwashed myself into someone I cannot recognize.
& when I look in the mirror,
The reflection blinds me.
When I turn,
It pushes me right to the floor.
I always fell,
Because I bullied myself,
& was unable to defend.
I have bruised the inside of my body
& left myself scared of my own self.
I know that everything is my fault.
I've given up on everything
I have let people down
I have ignored
I have failed
I have lost interest
I have lost hope
I have lost confidence
I have lost self-respect
I have completely lost myself.

I hear voices,
My own voices;
Negative and positive
One voice to fail,
Once voice to succeed
But my ears fall under a spell that cannot be broken
My mind is telling me to leave
Listening to a broken soul,
Im struggling, im fighting
Who is this voice thats trying to speak
Where is this voice thats trying to see
I disappeared
And i didnt come back
Inside a cage im locked
The key is inside my mind
My heart tries to break through
But it weakens
Im trapped
Unable to escape
Pounding into my chest;
My throat is trying run
I cannot breathe,
Because the pace of my heart is choking me to fear
Now my heart bleeds,
Bleeding into a body
This is how it speaks
What is it trying to say? Im confused
Its trying to talk to me
In my ears it whispers;
"I miss you please come back"
I hear but i dont understand
Im blind but i can only see the darkness deep inside my soul
I cannot move
I cannot think
Where am i supposed to go? I ask my heart
My mind wont let me escape
The repetitive signals from the heart,
Is killing me each time it tries to speak
I cannot follow
I cannot leave
Its not easy
And my heart wants me to sneak
Im hyperventilating now
I know im going to fall
Im dizzy,
Im nautious
What is it trying to tell me
Im having bad anxiety
My hot flashes are starting
My face is red
My body is trembling
My skin is sweating
These attacks are getting worse
My tears force themselves through my eyes
Its forcing me to cry
My head is killing me
My mind is punishing me
I dont want to do this no more
I dont want to suffer no more
If i come back to myself will things be better?
If i come home to myself will it all disappear?
The heart craves what it wants
But the mind takes what it can steal
The heart screams
The mind fights back
The heart cries
The mind laughs
The heart pulls
The mind pushes
The heart blocks
The mind breaks
The heart begs
The mind ignores
The heart wants to heal
The mind continues to bleed
The mind creates darkness
And so the heart turns black
The mind creates tension
And so the heart pumps faster
The mind creates fears
And so the heart races
The mind creates anxiety
And so the heart beats faster
The mind creates anger
And so the heart turns cold
The mind creates depression
And so the heart breaks
The mind creates a stranger
And so the heart wants to stop

I wanna feel your lips.
I wanna feel your teeth;
My neck is naked without your face on me.
Breathe on me.
I wanna feel you close.
I wanna feel your energy.
I wanna feel your body.
Lie me down with force.
Im bidding for us to play a game.
Let us play with eachother physically;
Because mentally Im already playing with you with my eyes.
Let us tear each other’s clothes, & undo our souls.
Let us escape into the darkness, & dance under the sheets.
I crave you.
My body is hungry for you.
Im dehydrated,
And you need to quench my thirst.
Im unrestrained;
When you try to have a hold on me.
Your beatings break me.
They break everything but my heart;
And it is strong from our energy.
I tackle you,
As you tackle me.
Then as you tighten your hands around my wrists,
You slowly enter me
As the speed gets intense,
I dont want you to slow down; nor stop.
Our breathing gets harder.
Our hearts pump faster at the same speed as one another.
You make me scream louder.
Its impossible to stop our actions.
You leave my neck bruised from your mouth.
I leave your back bleeding with the scratches from my nails.
We make the bed smash the wall,
As we continue to dance between the sheets.
You seductively ***** me;
& then we were sexually torn.

I try to speak,
But my mind shuts my mouth
When im silenced, i cannot think anymore
My thoughts are drowning when i try to erase the darkness
And when i try to turn around, the mirror reminds me of what ive become
I try to see,
But my mind closes my eyes
When im blind, i cannot see where im going
Now i walk away from it all; and my true self has gone forever
Im hidden
I try to breathe,
But my mind suffocates me
Im full of anxiety and i have to hyperventilate to know how to release the air within my weak lungs
I try to move,
But my mind breaks me
My bones are all broken from the mistakes i have made
I purposely ran through the walls; then i had to fall
I try to feel,
But my mind numbs me
All the pain was too much from the hurt i created;
Now i feel nothing
The feeling i have is all frozen inside me
I try to think,
But my mind blocks me
I cannot remember how to speak,
See,
Breathe,
Move,
Feel

I may not be the person I used to be.
& to you I forced on anger & pushed you to your knees.
My world has been torn apart, yes, you are right,
I just see no right path, no healing, and no more time.
I wanted to control myself, and set myself free,
But the other side was watching me.
I just wanted to talk to you,
I just wanted to end it nicely,
But the rage,
The anger,
It was so repetitive & untrusting
Last year they have shown me what I wanted to see,
& now Im still in the same position as they all see me.
Im sorry I yelled,
Im sorry I cursed,
Im sorry I continued to ramble my words.
Hell wasnt the place for you.
Im glad I finally pulled you back through.
I saw your light that you tried to shine,
& now I realized that you were right.
The incisions I made, Im just confused,
I just dont want anything to worry you.
I knew you wanted me to understand,
I really wanted your helping hand.
To help me pull through,
And to pull you in,
I just didnt want any of this to begin.
Yes, you see my poetry is real,
It shows the way I am, and the way I feel.
Please know that I will come to you when I need your help,
Im sorry you felt the way you felt.
So I dont understand why they lied,
But I still continue to cry.
Please dont worry, I will be ok,
I will be normal again one day.
I love you as well with all my heart,
I wish I didnt start that fight that grew us apart.
But it was for a little while,
It didnt last,
Im glad we understood eachother after,
Im glad its in the past.
Again Im sorry for yelling at you.
Again Im sorry for cursing at you.
Again Im sorry for fighting with you.
Again Im sorry for not listening to you.
December of '89;
You insist I was a shining star;
You begged the Lord to not tell you I was gone,
& he listened to your words;
Because I never ended up going far.
Never would I go far away from you,
Because I love you;
I truly do.
Dont ever think a stupid fight will finally tear us apart,
Because without you pierces a hole in my heart.
I know it took me awhile to write this poem,
I was lost and confused,
Then I realized what you wrote.
Let us move on from our past;
Our fights that we had.
Let us be close,
Together again.
Your Niece.

Broken
Damaged
Shattered
Taken
She lost herself
Depressed
Angry
Anxious
Desperate
She changed drastically
Helpless
Hopeless
Useless
Reckless
She is so not careful
Not normal
Not settled
Not all there
Not perfect
Not sane
She is so weird
Controlling
Ruining
Challenging
Stay away from her
Screaming
Crying
Breaking
Hyperventilating
Insomnia
Bleeding
­She is now a stranger
Fighting,
She lost
Losing,
Shes weak
Weak is her mind,
Her mind is me

You motivated me to pray to you.
You motivated me to love you.
You motivated me to talk to you.
You motivated me to go to your house.
You motivated me to listen to you.
You motivated me to be good.
You motivated me to ask you for forgiveness.
You motivated me to see life.
& from time to time, I noticed you were slacking off.
& from time to time, I noticed you were getting me confused.
& from time to time, I noticed you were playing with my head.
& I prayed to you since I was just a little girl.
& I thought I could trust you.
& I thought I could depend on you.
& then It all went down the drain when her heart started to weaken.
Never in my life would I have thought this would happen.
I know you witnessed me pray the minute she was sick.
I know you witnessed my tears run down my face.
I know you witnessed me curse.
I know you witnessed me going crazy.
I know you witnessed me stress out.
& now you witness me a mess.
God you have made me see the worst Ive ever seen in my life.
God you have created a big disaster in my life.
& because of that disaster,
You took half my heart.
& half my heart is the piece I cant live without.
& the piece I cannot live without,
Is the body you put to rest.
& the body you put to rest,
Had no reason to leave me.
& I dont wanna put my hands together no more;
Because you made me pull them apart.
You made me witness her suffering.
My eyes witnessed her spirit being taken away.
& now I witness an empty room,
An empty chair,
An empty couch,
An empty seat,
An empty bed,
An empty floor,
& my empty eyes;
Because I cannot see what used to be here.

I feel the burning of the heat go through my body
And now the humidity squeezes my head so that im unable to think
The water is filling up my space quickly
And then i feel myself drowning as i try to swim
The darkness traps my dreams
And now my nightmares broke through my strength
I feel the anxiety creeping up because suddenly i feel numb
Then im hyperventilating; and now im unable to breathe
I feel my heart pounding as my moods make a switch to confuse me
One minute its happiness the next is depression
I dont know what im feeling
When my head is squeezed
When my body is drowning
When my weakness is gone
When my fears are scary
When i cannot breathe
Is when im out of control
When i try to defend myself
Is when my fears are stronger than my soul

I went overboard until i crashed
I went under and my body got smashed
I couldnt stop
I couldnt help myself
I couldnt remember
I was too distant from myself
My eyes were closed when they should have been open
And when they were, all i saw were open wounds in front of my face
I couldnt feel anything;
I was so numb
And when i had feeling, it was only inside my heart with the aches of torture
Im bleeding but i only see
What im feeling is deep regrets in between all my scars
Then i became a porcelain doll,
I was held with my own arms,
Then i purposely fell out
I broke all over the floor
And to stop my blood from escaping, i sewed myself back to life
Im together but its forced
Now im scarred from head to toe
Its the time to be careful now
One more fall then i will stay down
Just allow me to pull my own string
The string that holds my body
The string that i had to put in
Everything is so fake
My mistakes bring me to the end;
Im new but im still torn
Im together but underneath im scarred
I stand but i force my fall
I laugh but when noone looks i cry
I look good until you see my skin
Im together until i pull my string...

Let us **** the wall;
Come into the room;
& lock the door behind you.
Let us **** the silence;
Tell me what you want.
Let us **** the distance'
I want you to come closer.
I just wanna feel you,
& I want you to feel me.
Let us **** our clothes;
Remove eachother's shields from our bodies.
Let us **** out weaknesses;
Allow our strength & energy to take control.
Let us **** the cold;
We need to start heating up the room.
Now let us **** the lights;
In the darkness is where we **** eachother seductively.

A bad influence
A crazy person
She changed and everything broke down
Mind of torture
Heart; shattered
Body; beaten
Life; she wanted to end
Who was she;
That let herself in
And the one she trusted, was the one deep within
The one she trusted
The one she met
Is the one who stabbed her in the back
I opened my heart
She tore it right out
I opened my strength
She gave me weakness
I opened my happiness
She gave me depression
I opened my calmness
She gave me anger and anxiety
I opened my dreams
She gave me nightmares
I showed my eyes
She scratched them out
I showed my ears
She plugged them up
I showed my throat
She made me hyperventilate
I showed my body
She made me become violent
I showed my skin
She gave me a knife
My eyes saw only darkness
My ears heard only lies
My throat was always strangled
My body was never fine
The darkness lead to fear
The lies lead to being gullible
The strangulation kept me silent
My broken body was enabled
What do you do when your friend turns on you
And what if your friend was your mind
And that noone knew

Beginnings are so happy
We think nothing will get in the way
We think it will last forever
We think nothing will ever change
Day after day
Its a routine
To smile, to laugh
Without any worry
Night after night
Kisses before we leave
With love and appreciation
Tomorrow there would be more light to see
Week after week
Coming home, straight to the bedroom
No time to say hi or talk
Only coming down when there is food
Month after month
Different emotions in the day
Happy at night
Noone knows whats going on
And there was nothing to say
Year after year
Everyday the anger and going out of control
Everyday the disappearance
Everyday a story had to be told
Good to bad
Calm to angry
What was happening
Noone knew
A sudden change that bursted
Now its someone knew
Happy to sad
Nice to mean
A weakened heart, a weakened soul
An unknown life that was waited to unfold

Noisily silent,
While Im quietly loud.
I try to breathe,
While I hold my breath.
Im try to laugh,
While Im crying.
Im trying to speak,
While Im mute.
Im trying to hear,
While Im deaf.
Im trying to see,
While my eyes are shut.
As Im sitting,
Im trying to run.
As my arms are tied,
Im trying to reach out.
As Im on the floor,
Im trying to get up.
I put my sunglasses on when the night has arrived.
The sun comes out,
And I open the umbrella.
So when it rains,
I have no protection;
& its so easy to hide my tears,
As it pours.
When I stare at the water,
I feel like im drowning & panicking.
And In the water,
I seem to think Im flying;
So when Im in the sky,
I try to swim.
When the phone rings,
I refuse to answer.
& when I want to call,
There is no dial tone.
I try to go through the door when its closed;
As it opens,
I back away.
When the music is on,
I hear static.
It plays in my head when the radio is off.
I ignore,
When someone talks to me.
When I finally wanna talk,
They turn their backs.
When I stare at the blades,
My eyes are burning as they are pierced.
When the knife is in use,
Im feeling nothing.
My eyes see,
Im actually hearing.
My ears hear,
Im actually feeling.
My hands feel,
Im actually breathing.
My body moves,
But its all in my head.

I thought i was so normal
Nothing bothered me
Nothing feared me
Nothing would come over me
I thought this would last forever
But the thoughts i had were all so fake..
The goodnight kisses that stopped
I wanted to stop caring
The conversations that ended
I wanted to stop listening
The calmness in the voice changed
I continuously gave attitude
The sweetness of the personality switched
I became angry
The warm house that held me
I never was home
The room that kept me
I kept slamming the door
The phone that kept ringing
I always hung up
The school that educated me
I kept failing
The knives that lay hidden inside the drawers
I took them, i used them, onto my arms
The money that was spent
I just through away
The help that was brought
I didnt want in the end
They noticed the change
And i denied it all
The nights i left without saying goodnight
The conversations always turned into fights
My voice kept getting louder and my nerves wouldnt stop shaking
My personality would confuse me because it was always changing
My door kept everyone out
So they left me alone and never bothered to shout
Hung up the phone after screaming and yelling
Friends always asking cathy why you snapping
Failing; didnt give a **** about walking the school halls
Everynight, no sleep
Everynight, i bleed
Everynight, drowned myself with alcohol
When i was asked what happen to my arms
I just said nothing
The questions were always ignored
Money came money went
Spending with anger and depression so everything was spent
The fear the anger, the worry, because they were trying to help
They only wanted to save me from myself
What was happening
I really didnt know
I hoped it would all end
I just wanted this negativity to go
I pushed so many people away
Most importantly my own family
Then they were scared to even look at me
I had never stopped and took the time to say sorry
Everything was at its worst
I made the person i wanted to be
I didnt know how i had hurt
I just wanted my mind to stop having contact with me
I made everyone give up
I made everyone scared
I made everyone not talk to me
The people that i loved just wanted to be there
My tears wouldnt stop
I didnt know why this was happening
So confused, i just left it alone
So confused, so i just let myself go
I wanted it to stop
I was so out of control
Why did i hurt people i loved
Why did i even hurt myself
I knew i was slowly fading away

For now my body;
Is empty.
My heart used to be complete,
& now one side has died.
Because you were taken away.
Inside im so light,
Because all the heaviness was forced out.
Inside Im so alone,
Because my other part has been taken away.
My head used to be overfilled.
& now it is empty with all that has happened.
& the memories still hide inside of me.
No more solids;
My veins have been shot so many times.
No more liquids;
My body has drowned with the tears I shed.
No more solids;
My heart has been broken.
No more liquids;
My blood has been constantly leaking through my skin.
I have no more protection;
All my strength has been forced out of me.
I have been weakened;
& I cannot defend myself from my fears.
Im unsure of what my moods are
Im unsure of what my head is telling me
Because I have no guidance;
Everything got ****** out of me.
& Im so empty.
Deep inside Im in severe pain.
So much pain;
That I have gone numb.
Noone can undo this.
I cant even undo this.
Everything is just darkness to me;
I can no longer see the light.
Even my spirit has been taken out of my body.
No more happiness;
Replaced with depression.
No more joy;
Replaced with anger.
I appear light-headed.
I appear light-weighted.
Everything has been taken out of me.
So I am;
Hollow

People stare
People talk
People laugh
People judge
Tell me something i dont know
Dont tell me something i already know
Voice your words somewhere else
And please erase what you wrote upon my body
The ink that was permanent wont rub out
By mind is infected by the hurtful sounds
The loudness of everyones mouth,
Now my ears are ringing
Its all *******
And now my heart is stinging
I hear it all
I see it all
I notice it all
I feel it all
If I continue to worry
I will become more stressed
And then these people wont make me rest
Theres jealousy & hate
Theres rumours & truth
But theres never any silence;
Why do people have to talk
Theres no privacy when im there
And when i disappear, people close there eyes
Let me do the things i wanna do
Im sure you can relate
But i know its not about you
Its all about me
Its all about the judging
Its all about the rumours
Its all about the hate
Its all about the jealousy
The judging,
For who i am and what i do
The rumours,
When you dont know my story
The hate,
For me being a *****
The jealousy,
Now u wanna know me;
Now you wanna be me
Dont confuse your own mind with mine
I have a stronger grip
Dont mix in your own heart with mine
I have a deeper anger
Dont try to fix me for your convenience
In the end my tools are sharper
Break the silence,
And tell me to my face
Now leave the circle;
The one that im in
Im glad im the centre of attention
Are you done talking **** now

Shut everything,
Everyone out
Im giving up slowly
The past is slowly haunting me
Its spinning my body im circles
And so im dizzy everyday
I had fallen so deep into the trap of fear
And then i wonder what im doing here
Am i ready to move on
Am i ready to change
Or will my moods only keep changing
And then i remain unbalanced
If i undo the medicated life, im crazy
If i remain on the medicated life, im still crazy
I can and will never win
Will i ever win back what i once had
Or what i once wanted
When will it end
Never
When will i stop fearing
Never
When will i stop crying
Never
When will i start learning
Never
When will i be normal
Never
When will i breathe on my own again
Never

You dont need my approval.
Just do what you think is right.
You dont need my advice.
Cause I know you know what your doing.
Push me down.
Caress my body.
Undo my shadow;
& **** my soul.
Control me.
& just hold me down tightly.
Press your lips against mine;
& just slide your tongue slowly down my body.
Allow your hands to shatter my clothes.
Allow your hands to cuff my wrists.
Allow your teeth to pierce my neck.
Allow your presence to make my blood boil with excitement.
Just make me your victim.
Allow me to attract punishment.
Allow me to seek what your plot is.
Allow yourself to give in more.
No more teasing.
Dont allow me to take your games anymore.
I want you to perform what you whispered in my ear.
Finish what you started;
& start what you plotted.
My body is all yours;
So take advantage.
So kiss me seductively,
Touch me harshly,
Pressure me nicely,
& *** me roughly.
I am the victim who lays in your bed.
So just **** me softly.
In the end,
I wanna die with unstoppable pleasure.

Suddenly i couldnt breathe
Suddenly i couldnt speak
Suddenly i couldnt hear
Suddenly i couldnt see
I couldnt breathe because i was hyperventilating
I couldnt speak because i was choking
I couldnt hear because my ears were ringing
I couldnt see because i got blinded
I was hyperventilating because of the anxiety
I was choking because i was being strangled with words
My ears were ringing because i heard too much *******
I was blinded because i didnt want to see the truth
The anxiety
The words
The *******
The truth
They wont ever change

When the pain started
I prayed the weakness would end
But every night i kept wondering if my words were getting ignored
Every morning was a test that God had to pass
To see if she was better
To see if her weakness had left
Each day i noticed the changes
Each day i noticed her eyes
Each day i noticed she couldnt handle no more
Each day i had tears in my eyes
& whenever suffering was brought to her
The suffering was brought to me
I felt so much anger
I felt so much sadness
I felt so much confusion
I felt so much guilt
My feelings grew so strong when I learned the truth
My feelings were mixed up because i didnt know what to do
I asked myself if i was the villain
Then I answered myself;
God is
My questions were unanswered
My prayers were ignored
My head was injected with lies
From God, doctors, and much more
The time went by so fast
But her breathing was so slow
Undoing the weakness within her heart
Her strength was forced to let go

I have made so many mistakes
And now they cannot be fixed
I have walked down the wrong path
And now I will always be lost
I have lost strength
And now I am weak
I have disappointed
And now I cannot make happiness
I have pushed people away
And now I dont know who to go to
I have kept my mouth shut
And now everything is hard to get out
I walked away
And now I cant turn back
I used violence
And now I carry guilt
I have used my voice to yell at everyone
And now I feel bad
I have let down people who encouraged me
And now I feel useless
I have ignored people who tried to help me
And now I feel I cannot even help myself
I have rejected opportunities
And now there are no more chances
I have turned my back on family
And now they have gotten the messages
& my biggest mistake,
& my biggest regret,
The only person I had all these things shoot at you at once;
I have pushed you away
I yelled at you
I turned my back on you
I rejected you
I ignored you
I never showed you happiness
I slammed my door while you walked up the stairs
I walked away in the middle of your apologies
You watched me drown in my own tears
But I didnt let you pull me out
Because I never told you anything
I never released my problems to you
I feel as if you were deaf around me
Because I was scared to talk to you
I feel as if you were mute around me
Because you were scared to talk to me
I denied everything you brought to me
Because I acted like everything was fine
But I knew you werent stupid
I just was stubborn
I was scared what you might think
Because now you see all my problems
But you cannot give me help
Because I can only imagine what you would say to me,
& not what I can hear from you
Your only in my heart
And it kills me to know that your finding out everything that you could have helped me with
I didnt want you to worry
& now Im the one worried
Because Im scared Im gonna walk down a deeper, darker path
If I only listened to you
If I only listened to myself

Sitting alone waiting
Waiting for it all to change
The nightmares are scary
And my fears are dangerous to me
I look back to the past and i try to erase the pain
But its all permanent; the scars are all over my body and mind
I stitched myself together so i wont fall apart again
I was bleeding from the inside out and it started through a hole in my heart
When that hole got bigger i just decided to rip it out
The big hole in my chest welcomed darkness inside my body
Inside im turned around to face the mirror
The mirror that showed me a stranger that i didnt know
Inside im turned upside down to face the ground
The ground that holds me because i cannot lift myself up
Inside i break
I break into pieces
My mind broke my body and im forced to put myself back together again
As i reach, i finally touch the broken bits
But i cut myself deep
Its all sharp to put it all back the way it was
Sharp like a knife;
But then i didnt mind
I accepted the pain
And then i got an addiction from bleeding through my skin
I suddenly felt all dizziness
And then i gave up on looking
I suddenly felt the calmness
And suddenly i lay down to forget it all
I never ended up picking up the pieces
The pieces that were broken from my mind
I feel so brainwashed
And i cannot remember who i was

Its hard to explain
Just let me breathe
Don't pressure me
Dont force me
Dont question me
I cannot think
What am i going through?
Is it a rebound of depression?
A rebound of this illness?
I cant breathe
Its really hard to breathe
Just let me go
My tears are stuck
But i still wanna cry
Im in a mixed up emotion that hasnt been created yet
Im still fighting for an answer
Im just lying here not knowing what to do
I only hear my heart
And then the rest is just silence
My fears are coming back
My anxiety is awake
I think my body is finished now
Finished with all the rehab
Now im afraid
Is my heart really giving up?
My mind wants to take over once again
I really dont wanna do this
Do i have a choice?
Where is my strength?
Is my weakness coming back?
I have to try and win the fight again
Im so confused
Im so silent
I really dont wanna start all over again
My thoughts are so blank
I dont know what i want
I dont know what im supposed to be thinking
Unless this is the end
The end of rehab
The end of help
Is it wearing off?
Did it have enough?
Please dont let it give up on me now
Im not ready to be on my own

Its silent
Its dark
And i only hear my breathing to the fast pace of my heart
Noones listening
Just myself observing
I tell myself that everything is never gonna be the same
My image broke years ago
Everyday i walk against invisible crutches; that i depend on to guide me through my fears
Sometimes i let go and i wanna fall
Lose all my strength;
Then lose it all
I try to keep my focus
But all i see is the past
I lay down and roll over and keep saying i wanna go back
I cannot return whats been brought to me
I tried to make things work
I tried to heal the hurt
Then reality got worse
The feeling of numbness
But then the feeling of knives
The feeling of loneliness
But then the feeling of my fears beside me
The feeling of hyperventilating
But then the feeling of intoxication
The feeling of anxiety
But then the feeling of being dangerously calm
The feeling of hallucinations
But then the feeling of the reality of life
When i think, I remember
When i remember, i feel the anger
When i feel the anger, i feel the sadness
And then i feel the tears from eyes run down as i cry myself to sleep..

Spinning in circles
And i dont know why
Im so weak from it all
I just want to hide
How do i still myself
How do i make it stop
Im slowly falling
Because im tripping
I cannot break this
This is a natural feeling
A confusing feeling
A weakness feeling
Im naturally drunk
And im going to fall
I cannot squeeze
I cannot use force
Im dropping fast
Im falling to the floor
The breath of fear
The anxiety of truth
The anger of life
The hopes have disappeared
Im spinning fast
I might as well let go
Im holding on to nothing
So now im going to fall
The room is turning
My eyes are trembling
My body is shaking
My mind is unsettling
My strength couldnt hold on anymore
It was time for it to go
A weakness has been brought to me
Now i need to be in control
How do i start
If im already finished
Im still trying to slow down
My mind is rushing
My heart is racing
My body just wants to be still
Undo this feeling
Undo this pain
Over and over
Im feeling it again
The feeling of circles
The need to stop
The feeling of torture
The need to be calm
The feeling of confusion
The need to be found

Reaching to strangle the past
But i was choked first
Ripping through the years
But my days were already ruined
Trying to escape the fears
But my mind was continuously traumatized
Erasing the memories
But my name got washed out fast
Tried to stop the time
But the seconds made life continue
Why the pain
I wanted to stop it
Why the suffering
I wanted to help
Why the anger
I cant control it
Why the depression
I cant stop these tears
Why the bleeding
Take my mind away
When i couldnt do anything
It became worse
When i still cant do anything
The past has ended with ongoing tears
So much drama
I wish i knew alot
So much fighting
I wish i made it stop
So much pain
I just went under and fell forever
When im still trying
Im drowning
How do i fight
My mind never taught me
My every regret punishes my thoughts

When strength was taken from me,
I lost my mind, body and soul
And when i found myself, it was only because i was looking into a
mirror
My heart was shattered from my mind
So i was never able to love myself back to life
Forgotten who i was,
The new person had been confused
Forgotten who i was,
The new person had been brainwashed
Forgotten who i was,
The new person had been angry
Forgotten who i was,
The new person became dangerous
So much pain,
I wanted to end myself
I didnt know how to undo the hurt that i had within my body
Nothing made sense
Nothing changed me
My weakness was lost forever
The tears washed away the pain only temporarily
And then it all came back again
I never questioned myself
I only bossed myself around
And then i abused myself
I just couldnt take it anymore
Something had to be done

I always wandered what would happen if i got back on the right path
Will i change?
Will my mind twist & turn itself back to normal?
And will my heart unfreeze itself?
I followed a shadow that i knew would make me blind
I followed a soul that i didnt want to attach myself to
But i stared into a mirror and just threw myself in and lost myself
I disappeared from life;
I was invisible to myself
I made my own path; i followed a dark road
And then i ended up in the middle of my own drama
I stood up but i was dizzy
I walked into tripping over
I ran into falling on the floor
I used my eyes but i was blind
I listened carefully but i was deaf
I tried to speak while my voice was mute
I tried to move while my bones were broken
Then i gave up from being mentally exhausted
Where did i go?
I never knew how to interact with a person so close; but so far away
Distance broke me, myself, and i
And i never saw the line that i was holding onto before i let go
I met her, but i said goodbye
I laughed at her, and made her cry
I judged her, then she was angry
I abused her, and made her bleed
I looked and couldnt find
I searched but she had to hide
And then I realized i had cut my own line
I confused my heart with hateful words, and so i ended up bad-mouthing to the mirror
I confused my body with bruises and scars, and so i ended bleeding in my own tears
My mind confused me with an enemy i once knew, without a role model;
All along i locked myself,
In my own room

I opened a wound that i was unable to close
And with the open cut, i couldnt continue to breathe
I learned how to fight without any weapons
And the only weapon i had was my heart that lost it all
I tried to stay calm but my nerves shocked me like a wire
Im burning inside as this wound keeps tearing me apart
Im bleeding outside as my body slowly breaks
And with no strength my bones turn brittle and i start to shake
My heart pounds from the wound that wont heal;
And i just cant make it close
Through the years i loved the pain
The dizziness weighs me down as i stare at the puddle of blood
Inside the liquid, i see my reflection;
A reflection of the damage of what i have done
I should have left it alone
I shouldnt have let it all go
I should have blocked off my mind
I shouldnt have made my heart cry
I lost it all when i opened myself
I lost it all when i didnt listen
I lost it all when i ignored my heart
I lost it all when i created an open wound
And open cut that wont leave because i always wanted it to stay
I got used to all the pain that i went completely numb
I kept trying to find feeling again
But i was so in love with my enemy that brought me all the darkness
The wound that wouldnt heal is still being touched by all my fears

Too much to think,
My mind has been clogged.
Too much to hear,
My eardrums have stopped receiving sound.
Too much to see,
My eyes have been forced to stay closed.
Too much to breathe;
Too much to speak,
My throat has been tighten so no air can pass through;
& so too much of everything,
The air has stopped my body completely.
..Too much of everything,
I have given up.

I hide behind myself;
Behind my soul
My shadow appears trapped in the mirror
Unable to step forward,
Because Im forced to step back.
Like a chain that brakes,
Im broken;
Disconnected from what held me together.
Separated from being close.
I appear far;
Far away from everyone.
I seclude myself from the world;
Not caring about life.
Ive taken away the positive emotions coming from inside me.
& replaced with negative emotions that wont leave my body.
The party is at one end of the table,
While I move to the other side.
I refuse to connect with everybody
I talk in silence inside my head.
My conscience yells in my ear.
I refuse to ignore,
I refuse to move,
I am frozen like ice,
Because I wont melt down to what I used to be.
Silence has replaced my mouth
Darkness has replaced my eyes
Closure has replaced my nose
Static has replaced my ears
& so the wall has replaced my body,
Because I refuse to go farther.
The invisible wall blocks me from getting out;
Because I force myself to be distant.
Distant from people
And distant from myself.

A dark cloud appears above my head.
The light has disappeared before my eyes.
& Im left in the darkness;
Nowhere to run,
Nowhere to hide.
All Im hearing is thunder;
It starts to call my name.
The lightning blinds me suddenly as I try to escape.
Im so lost;
& dont know what to do.
Im so confused;
& dont know how to respond.
Im so scared;
& dont know how to behave.
Dark clouds keep coming my way.
Thunder tries to turn me deaf.
Lightning tries to blind me.
I dont wanna be followed anymore.
I dont wanna be chased anymore.
I dont wanna be seen anymore.
& then it starts pouring;
The water drowns me slowly;
Because the force is too strong.
& I cannot keep myself up.
The blue happy sky felt all my pain;
& so it turned its happiness into depression,
Black & dark;
As it cries & tries to water all the problems away.

I keep releasing
I keep letting out
I keep opening up
Im trying to focus,
But my mind is disturbed
Im trying to hide these scars.
Im trying to hide these cuts.
Im trying to block the blood from escaping.
And I cannot save myself,
Because the ****** is me.
When the mirror is in front,
I just jump in and attack.
I keep kicking,
I keep hitting,
I keep punching,
But most of all,
I keep bleeding.
These invisible bruises represent the past;
They faded, but there are bad memories left behind.
These invisible marks represent the future;
In the present I abuse for the past which will continue in the future.
Because Im unable to stop
Im unable to control myself
I have no other way to handle everything.
& by putting myself at risk,
I can just finally disappear;
So I wouldnt feel such depression.
& I just want to escape,
But my body is still in this world.
& you can see that my body is still,
But Im trembling inside.
& you can see my veins,
But my nerves are shaking inside.
& you can hear me breathing,
But Im hyperventilating inside.
& you can see my dry eyes,
But Im crying inside.
& you can see my closed mouth,
But Im screaming inside.
& you can see my my head,
But my mind is bleeding inside.
& you can see my chest,
But my heart is bleeding inside.
& you can see my sleeve,
But my arm is bleeding inside.
I keep opening my wounds,
But I close the pain.
I keep releasing the blood,
But I forget the bad memories.
I keep abusing myself,
& I cant stop bleeding.
& not all the blood is visible,
Because the first dripping is in my head,
My mind cant stay in one piece.
Second, and mostly is my heart;
That aches in pain, with the puddles of blood.
Lastly from all this drama in my head,
& the aching in my heart,
The blood leaks through my skin;
As I finally make the cuts upon myself.
So I will always continue to bleed.

Everything in life was a lie.
Everything in life was a nightmare that wont end.
Everything in life was meant to be games.
And I was meant to go crazy.
Im unable to focus anymore.
And suddenly,
Im lost.
Suddenly,
Im missing.
I tried to end the pain,
But it got the best of me.
I was fooled,
& I got trapped inside a cage thats impossible to escape.
& my head is bleeding;
Eternal & external.
I fall & drown into my own puddle of blood.
As I keep bleeding,
It turns into a river;
A river that carries me away forever.
In my head I think its too late.
In my head I think there is no escape.
In my head I think I will never be the same again.
& its too strong.
It cant just be taken away.
Each day it adds on.
So every tear tells a story.
Every story reveals the truth.
All the truth are wounds that will never be healed.
Im left to feel pain forever.