Everything in life was a lie.
Everything in life was a nightmare that wont end.
Everything in life was meant to be games.
And I was meant to go crazy.
Im unable to focus anymore.
And suddenly,
Im lost.
Suddenly,
Im missing.
I tried to end the pain,
But it got the best of me.
I was fooled,
& I got trapped inside a cage thats impossible to escape.
& my head is bleeding;
Eternal & external.
I fall & drown into my own puddle of blood.
As I keep bleeding,
It turns into a river;
A river that carries me away forever.
In my head I think its too late.
In my head I think there is no escape.
In my head I think I will never be the same again.
& its too strong.
It cant just be taken away.
Each day it adds on.
So every tear tells a story.
Every story reveals the truth.
All the truth are wounds that will never be healed.
Im left to feel pain forever.

A dark cloud appears above my head.
The light has disappeared before my eyes.
& Im left in the darkness;
Nowhere to run,
Nowhere to hide.
All Im hearing is thunder;
It starts to call my name.
The lightning blinds me suddenly as I try to escape.
Im so lost;
& dont know what to do.
Im so confused;
& dont know how to respond.
Im so scared;
& dont know how to behave.
Dark clouds keep coming my way.
Thunder tries to turn me deaf.
Lightning tries to blind me.
I dont wanna be followed anymore.
I dont wanna be chased anymore.
I dont wanna be seen anymore.
& then it starts pouring;
The water drowns me slowly;
Because the force is too strong.
& I cannot keep myself up.
The blue happy sky felt all my pain;
& so it turned its happiness into depression,
Black & dark;
As it cries & tries to water all the problems away.

I keep releasing
I keep letting out
I keep opening up
Im trying to focus,
But my mind is disturbed
Im trying to hide these scars.
Im trying to hide these cuts.
Im trying to block the blood from escaping.
And I cannot save myself,
Because the ****** is me.
When the mirror is in front,
I just jump in and attack.
I keep kicking,
I keep hitting,
I keep punching,
But most of all,
I keep bleeding.
These invisible bruises represent the past;
They faded, but there are bad memories left behind.
These invisible marks represent the future;
In the present I abuse for the past which will continue in the future.
Because Im unable to stop
Im unable to control myself
I have no other way to handle everything.
& by putting myself at risk,
I can just finally disappear;
So I wouldnt feel such depression.
& I just want to escape,
But my body is still in this world.
& you can see that my body is still,
But Im trembling inside.
& you can see my veins,
But my nerves are shaking inside.
& you can hear me breathing,
But Im hyperventilating inside.
& you can see my dry eyes,
But Im crying inside.
& you can see my closed mouth,
But Im screaming inside.
& you can see my my head,
But my mind is bleeding inside.
& you can see my chest,
But my heart is bleeding inside.
& you can see my sleeve,
But my arm is bleeding inside.
I keep opening my wounds,
But I close the pain.
I keep releasing the blood,
But I forget the bad memories.
I keep abusing myself,
& I cant stop bleeding.
& not all the blood is visible,
Because the first dripping is in my head,
My mind cant stay in one piece.
Second, and mostly is my heart;
That aches in pain, with the puddles of blood.
Lastly from all this drama in my head,
& the aching in my heart,
The blood leaks through my skin;
As I finally make the cuts upon myself.
So I will always continue to bleed.

The first set of cuts has hit me fast.
It started to poke a hole,
But hasnt gone through yet.
The tears went slowly down my face.
The second set of cuts got me struggling.
The hole is a quarter through.
Shaking.
Nervousness.
The tears added speed down my face.
The third set of cuts pierced everything farther;
& made everything even worse.
I thought it was a nightmare.
The hole is half way through.
Ruined,
But alive;
Im ok now,
But scarred for life.
The tears paced down my face.
Now I was cut really deep.
It isnt true when they say that the first cut is always the deepest.
Because this last cut is the deepest.
It has touched a vain so deep;
That hole that was started,
has pierced all the way through.
The tears poured,
& poured nonstop;
Down my face.
Each episode drives me to cry harder & harder every single time something happens.
These mental cuts cannot me controlled.
I feel as if a knife had cut me into pieces;
& the burning sensation left me so confused.
& my room is the hospital;
I make myself poor blood from my body.
I am my own surgeon;
But Im unable to heal these wounds.
& because its so difficult;
Everyday I cry,
Everyday I scream,
Everyday I bleed.
Mentally,
Emotionally,
Physically,
I bleed.
Every single wound,
Will never heal.
Im cut forever.

White as snow;
Her face is so tender
Eyes that sparkle;
Like the crystal blue sky
Red like an apple
Her lips shine bright
Black like a silhouette
Her hair is so dark
Wicked, but there was still beauty somewhere else
The mirror of an evil queen talks the truth;
And ruins her each time
The evil in her eyes,
Stare at the innocent princess
Death was waiting
Death was sleeping
Working hard to please the queen,
The weapon of terror had him scared for the life of an innocent child
The huntsman sadly agreed to her dreams
In seconds she was frightened when she saw him lift the axe,
And then she didnt understand why...
"Run" he said
"Why" she responds
"She wants you dead"
Into the forest;
The character- like forest
She runs
She hurries
Her heart beating fast with fear
Shes so confused
Shes so afraid
And then her fragile body gave out;
Fallen to the ground
So tired;
So exhausted
So shocked
The day light came
And so she was awake with cute animals of the forest
The air breathes into her lungs as she gains oxygen once again
Up she gets
Off she walks
It was like nothing happened
Her new friends hint a house waits for her company
Into the house
Exhausted; she finally gets to sleep
Until an unexpected door
Opening frightens her suddenly
7 men
7 little men welcome her stay
Her story had sadden them;
And agreed she stayed
Insisted she stay forever
A smile was always on her face
But deep inside shes broken
And its so awful when someone;
Your family; wants to **** you for beauty..
Days pass
Nights pass
Shes nowhere to be found
She finally found out the truth behind it all
The queen with the evil intentions will stop at nothing
Mixing potions,
Reading a book
And then when she drinks,
The liquid eats away at her beauty
The black dark image of an old lady changes her appearance completely
And then for her final magic,
The innocent apples were tricked into a ***
A red fruit had drowned in poison,
To feed an innocent body
To work the men went,
So to the house the old lady missioned
And the kindness in the princess' heart couldnt say no,
To opening the door to an old stranger
A lie was told next
A big lie that goes wrong
"These are magic apples" she smiled
And then snow white was so amazed that her wish was not going to come true...
The music in her stomach
The light in her eyes
Her watery lips were begging for a quench
As she opened up,
The whiteness in her teeth started to go brown.
As she took her first bite,
She felt so strange
"I feel strange" she worried
Weakness; shes so weak
A faint covered the floor and held her body
Her fragile body had fallen
She laughs
She rejoiced
"Now im the fairest in the land"
Not for long she had the happiness
These men were ****** when they saw what happened
The mountains were just screaming for her to come
She ran
They ran faster
The storm got stronger
Her body became lighter
And then suddenly to the ground she fell
Death was actually waiting for the wickedness of the land
Now another body to worry about
To cry
To pray
To dream
Into a glass casket,
They just couldnt hide her
She lay there broken,
Fragile,
Weak,
Lifeless
Not even the tears of 7 sets of eyes awakened her
And a miracle was going to approach
The prince of magic was shocked
Its over he thought
But then he opened the glass
His mouth met her soft red lips
Only seconds later they all had to wait
Her long lashes moved
Her big beautiful eyes opened
Her lips smiled
And then her body gained all the strength
The hugs, the kisses
A beautiful princess was back into the life of her loved ones
The horse is the ride,
And now the path leads them off
Happily ever after
Happily in love

To walk away from.
To turn my back on.
To ignore all.
I wanna leave everything,
& I want everything to leave me.
I wanna just walk out on everything.
To forget the past.
To forget what's going on.
& not think about the future.
I just want the wind to blow away all the problems,
All the fears,
All the mistakes,
& all the regrets.
I wanna close my eyes,
& end up in another world.
I cant handle patience.
I want everything to be over now,
& allow everything to escape.
I just feel the need to get away from the issues.
Im unable to solve everything.
Ive lost interest in trying to make things better.
Ive lost interest to put things back in place.
& being broken,
I wouldnt know where to start.
Im trying to focus.
Im trying to think.
But I cant.
Ive turned the light off in my head,
So I dont see anything.
The darkness hides what I dont wanna deal with.
I need to take myself away from here.
I need to leave.
I need to go far;
Far away to escape everything.
To lose myself;
To lose everything,
To forget everything.

Something is piercing me
Something is stripping me
My skin is learning to stretch
My bones are moving
My veins are snapping
And i dont know whats happening
My body cant take the sudden change
Is this real or is this a game
What is my body trying to do
My mind is taking over once again
Im feeling my blood boiling
It wants to move
And i dont know what this means
I don't know what to do
As i try to see i go blind
As i try to hear i go deaf
As a try to breathe i choke
As a try to speak i go mute
So how can i explain the pain
Theres only one way
What is a paintbrush and how does it work
What is a picture and how do i draw
Why cant i speak
Why cant i give my story
So now these tears i cry
Now its really hard to explain
And as i try,
My blood boils
As i try to speak,
My veins pull me down
My body is telling me not to speak
My mind is in control now
I close my eyes
And i see the memories
I close my eyes and i paint them with tears inside
But i cannot speak,
I cannot breathe
My hands are mobile
My body is able to move
Now i squeeze my brain,
I squeeze my body
Now i squeeze my skin
I squeeze my heart
Now i pierce my skin
I pierce my soul
The red liquid forced itself out of me
My body is drained
My body is weak
I paint to explain the pain

Allow me to escape.
I wanna just forget everything;
& leave everything behind me.
I need to disappear;
Run from all the problems.
I need to erase myself from everything.
I dont wanna be seen anymore.
I cant look at myself in the mirror anymore;
Allow me to shatter it to pieces.
I wanna be invisible on the floor;
So I can step all over myself,
Step on my chest to stop breathing.
I wanna just end my heart;
End myself.
End my life.
Its too much to handle.
Im going crazy.
I need to be distant from everything & everyone.
I just dont know what to do anymore.
Im unable to control myself;
& everything around me.
I wanna close my eyes,
& never wake up.
I wanna lock myself away from the world;
Throw away the key,
& hide where noone can find me.
Now I need to carve a button on my skin with a knife;
Called delete.
& when I press on it,
I slowly bleed my life away.

When your close with someone
When you love someone
And then they leave you forever
You end up far from them
The feeling of emptiness,
The everything that i had,
Has been taken away from me
Undoing my past
Opening my wounds
Redoing the past
Repeating my bruises
Operating of the heart
Then it failed,
Broken,
Torn,
Weak,
And pail
There was a door,
That should have been locked
But then the door was forced open,
And now your gone
Everywhere i turn,
And everything i do,
It only reminds me of you
But its not the same
Nothing is never the same
Nothing will ever be the same
The love i had was strong
And the pain is making it stronger
Inside my body, my heart is still scarred
But inside my heart you will be forever held
And even the the other half is missing,
I know its with you
Everything you ever owned
Everything you ever touched
Everyone you ever loved
Everything thats around
Your so close
Everytime my heart calls
Everytime my mind thinks
Everytime my eyes cry
Everytime im still wondering where you are
Your so far

A long way with so many fears
Every day with a million tears
Still not over it
Still havent fought it
And its eating me up inside
When the air turns cold thats when i get to breathe
Thats the only way my air allows me to see
My heart is getting weak from the strength that got away
My head is getting tired from all these that run around in my mind
I shut my eyes and i get scared
When day turns to night
My dreams turn to nightmares
But all i can be is silent
I feel like im choking
Feels like im gasping for air
I cannot remember how to breathe
I cannot remember to hear or how to continue to see
Im so numb
How did i go numb?
I lost all feeling and this is the worst
The physical pain is gone, but its forever hurting me inside
Im bleeding from the inside out and i dont know how it will stop
As i try to hide these scars,
New ones open slowly as i look away
The beginning it was easy
It was all i had to be innocent for
In the middle i was stuck
It was all i had to be scared for
In the end it was never solved
It was all to be hated for
What happen to the time that the pieces were together?
And then i broke that promise
My body broke forever
I broke all the promises to myself;
To be who i had to and not who i wanted to
I just couldn't follow the rules
I turned my back on my heart and allowed my mind to take over
I didnt care,
I couldnt care at all
Lost
Confused
Everything was so blurry
I lay there almost lifeless
I couldnt continue a smile
I couldnt make a laughter happen
I cannot remember all those times i had to change
All i can remember is how i became this way
All the thoughts
All the fears
And all the good memories have disappeared
The colours on me
They turned away from it all
I can only see black shadows that disappear when i go near my own body
I faded myself away

Black roses;
Took over the red roses.
The rain that falls,
Has turned into blood.
& the only clear water;
Is the tears from my eyes.
So abandoned,
My shadow is my company.
So afraid,
The light was my saviour until darkness blacked it out.
The grey clouds have taken over the sun.
The cold has taken over the hot.
Black roads.
Black tunnels.
Black forests.
Im running from the darkness.
Im running to the light.
Im running from everything.
Im trying to run away from life.
The wind blows me deeper & deeper into the black forest.
The vines pull me closer & closer to the black roses.
The rain drowns me to the ground.
My nightmares;
So dark.
My nightmares;
So black.
I cannot sleep anymore.
So scared;
Insomnia takes over me.
So worried;
My brain wonders constantly.
I feel as if im in a forest with no exit;
Because my mind has brought me deep into it.
A new world has appeared to me;
The dead roses,
The dead grass,
The dead plants,
The dead leaves,
The old trees,
The red water.
Im trying to escape,
But im only bringing myself deeper & deeper into this forest.
Its so dark,
& I cannot see whats around me anymore.
The light suddenly died,
When the darkness took over.
Im only hearing the winds of sorrow.
Im only listening to the screams of the birds.
Im only watching everything die.
& I feel myself slowly dying.
I have just given up.
I have just stop trying.
Because Im at the dead end of the forest.
& there is no way out.

The mind is incomplete
I have been thinking without a brain
I have been seeing without eyes
I have been hearing without ears
I have been breathing without a nose
I have been speaking without a mouth
The path i took was dark
It was full of black walls
And then i turned to the devil
That wouldnt let me see through a window
It was my only friend
& friends dont last forever
They turn on you so quick
This friend was fake
And then i learned what being scared was all about
My heart was pure
It was strong until it broke
Anxiety grew
Moods grew stronger
I learned how to cry
I learned how to yell
I learned violence
And then the blood found an escape;
It was the strength of a hand that wanted to release all the pain
Learned to think, but bitter thoughts
Learned to see, but disturbing images
Learned to hear, but listening to all the lies
Learned to breath, but hyperventilating
Learned to speak, but cannot explain anything
This was out of control
I was out of control
I didnt know the feelings that were created deep inside me
How do i act
How do i think
How do i know who i really am
I cannot trust myself ever again

Mistakes were made, but never learned
My head was fuming, but it was my heart that got burned
My ears werent working, only towards my friends
My mouth kept talking, till it was the end
I saw what was happening with my eyes shut
My lungs were collapsed but i was able to scream
My bones were broken while the only thing that was strong was my heart
So much in shock, I thought i was dying, with no pain
Thought it was a nightmare but it was actually the truth
I was in complete darkness and the only light that i remembered was from the cop
I felt the cold air on my skin in the sky
And then my memory forwarded to when i felt so disabled
I woke up from the nightmare but i wasnt free
It was the middle of the nightmare
I was still trapped, then i questioned myself; why
I just felt like a broken doll; stitched and hoping i wont fall apart again
I couldnt talk
I was trying to express
And then a i learned that a pen was my voice;
But then my strength wasnt there
I tried but i failed; the paper was blank
I was just too weak to make the pen kiss its partner
I was so angry i couldnt speak
The tube blocked my every sound;
It was a time to remember to be in school again;
Raising my hand for attention when i was forced to be silent
When i finally breathed on my own, i felt my heart racing.
I just didnt know what was happening until they told me i will breathe slower
I didnt like this feeling, felt like i was hyperventilating
I still couldnt speak; i had to learn how to control it once again
My lungs were still weak
I wasnt alive until they came;
My family opened my eyes.
Then when i was alone, it all started again
And when the cast came off,
I saw the wounds that I purposely made before i crashed
I was already bleeding;
I remembered what else i have done to myself
And then i answered myself why
I knew exactly the reason why
Then my body appeared in another building of new faces
But my mind was at home
When will i be home? i questioned them everyday
Each answer changed
The frustrations i had,
The anger inside,
And the tears i had to hide
It was just so hard to believe i was in a chair with wheels
It was just so hard to believe i broke my own bones
It was so hard to believe i had to learn to walk again
It was even harder to believe that i heard what actually happened
A place to recover
A place to gain strength
But a place that made me forget how to smile
Full of anger
Full of bitterness
Full of hate
I just sat and wrote all my poems with a dark heart
When it was time to gain strength, i already succeeded
Not with the helpers
Not with the blind lady who helped me,
But my mind broke through it all
And then i got so annoyed;
That i was the one carrying the wheelchair
I knew i was ready
Even with the arm that failed me, it actually helped me
Even with the hip that failed me, it actually helped me
But then what made me fail forever was my mind that made me go wrong
I continued to stare at my cuts
And i still continue to stare at my scars
The guilt, the foolishness, the regret;
My every regret has a place on each of my tears
I cannot get these images out of my head
These flashbacks have made me gone crazy
The night that left me broken;
Im still broken with invisible stitches

It was in the past when I was so out of control
And now I have been introduced to something new
Now my body is so dependable to a drug that takes me away from the pain
It accepted a new soul that was buried deep inside
Into my body
I'm injected with happiness
All my depression and self-mutilation has disappeared
Into my body
I'm injected with relief
I have no more anger
Into my body
I'm injected with breath
Hyperventilation has disappeared
Into my body
I'm injected with relaxation
My heart is beating normal again
But when will I learn to do this all on my own?
Am I getting support for the rest of my life?
Can it get ****** out of my body?
Or will I lose myself again
And if I miss,
It's like my body is shutting down on me
Withdrawal takes its place
I cannot do this all on my own
I will never be able to push it away
I will never learn to control myself
Forever injected

I thought all the negativity had been erased
Until i realized i was wrong
When it hit me suddenly,
I fell down to the ground
The disappearance of it all,
Allowed me to breathe again
But when it all came back to haunt me,
I felt myself choking again
The air that i had inside me, all sneaked away
My lungs became black
My heart became slow
My bones became brittle
My body became weak
It all became silent
I thought everything was dead
Then soon I realized,
It was all in my head
The truth was that it was sleeping,
And then it entered in my dreams
When my dreams were blank,
It weakened my hopes.
Now these dreams changed into nightmares of terror
I suddenly couldnt breathe again
My heart pumped hard again
My mind was forced to harm again
And then my hands wrapped around my own throat
This is happening again
The anxiety
The anger
The depression
The hyperventilation
The harm
The negativity
Im forced to turn around
My back against the mirror
I thought the mirror broke,
But those pieces were hidden inside its own reflection
I looked through the mirror a thousand times
Always hoping the past would change its mind
And then ran through the future with fear
Now in the present, everything had reappeared
I wasnt answered truthfully
My heart was naive happily
Now my tears had dried up inside
Now my eyes continue to cry
This is so unexpected
Why was i lied to?
Why was i tricked?
My mind has all the answers
My mind has all the secrets
But my heart is not allowed to hear
& even though they're in the same body,
They are so far apart
They have grown apart to hate eachother
I will never understand why two pieces have broken apart
Now i feel myself breathing,
But its too fast
Now i feel myself speaking,
But i stutter
Now i feel myself listening
But theres static
Now i feel myself seeing,
But everything is a blur
Now i feel myself feeling,
But im getting hurt
Its all back
I give up on trying to fight again

The questions I have been asking myself for years, still haven’t been answered.
I pushed myself behind the walls that I built,
Closed the door,
and locked myself in.
I was ignored after the key got thrown away, and then I never saw myself again
I became lose inside the mirror, but then it shattered into so many pieces
I bled trying to put together the hardest puzzle made out of glass;
The one I made when I broke myself from staring into a mirror that was once together
My mind trained myself to break; forgot who I was,
And turned into a new person that started a dark, unknown world
Even with so many people around, I forced myself to be alone
The walls I built, had no windows
I couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe
The redness of my heart had turned black; matching my walls
And the only stars I saw were the ones made out of tears
Inside my head, my mind trained me to become scared of being sane.

I ran out of ink;
Thats when it all became the reality
I was full of life but then i erased all my pages
The paper is blank now
And now i write the feelings of a broken soul
Painful words
Harmful thoughts
Emotionally abused
And the tears I purposely made drop
I ****** out the ink to replace it with blood
Im torn
Im hurt
I bleed
My bruises are black
My scars are forever
My cuts are still open
I never got mentally better
I speak through a book where my cover is a secret
Inside im damaged
Inside im shattered
My vocal cords dont want to work
My tongue gets twisted each time i try to say a word
Im unable to speak
So through silence,
Im forced to harm whats already harmed
I hurt whats already hurt
I pierce whats already pierced
I damage whats already damaged
I tear away whats already torn
I throw whats already thrown
Now im down on the ground still unable to speak
My mind forces me not to reveal the punctured heart
The visible appearance thats allowed is through the body;
Through the bones
Through the veins
And through the skin
I write the chapters of my life
And the tool that i use is a knife

She recognizes,
It was only the first time
So the pain only lasted for a short time
She hurt,
The pain started again
It started to show
It started to notice
Silence wouldnt allow a voice to talk
She bruised,
Her mind was played with
Her body was thrown around
Her soul was pierced
She abused,
The marks showed the emotions within her
The blood was proof
It forced itself out of her body
And then she was weak
She murdered,
Shes so dead inside herself
Shutting everything and everyone out
& the company she ever had was negativity
Sharp objects were her friends;
And the only weapons she only knew
The more she faught, the more she wanted to damage
The worse it became
& the damage was done
She murdered;
The jail was her body
Her mind lost the key

All at once,
Everything interferes.
All at once,
Everything jumps in.
I cannot handle the depression anymore
I cannot handle the anxiety anymore
My mind keeps driving me insane
& I cannot focus anymore
I feel as if Im being tied down
But really im not,
Im only feeling an invisible rope on my wrists;
And noticing something else.
Im feeling so much pressure;
But nothing is touching me.
I cannot think anymore.
Everything is stuck inside my head;
And I dont recognize anything anymore.
Im up against the wall because I cant breathe anymore.
Everything is closing in on me.
I have forgotten how to think
I have forgotten how to breathe
I have forgotten how to speak
I have forgotten how to see
I forgotten how to hear
Everything distracts me
So I have forgotten how to function

I dont wanna tell myself anymore;
Because I dont wanna believe it.
I feel as though Im having a nightmare;
& Im unable to wake up.
I try to tell myself that I will see you one day.
But its so hard to know that you are not ever coming back.
I cannot stay positive;
Because Im just lying to myself.
& when Im negative,
I make myself worse.
I cry every night.
I think every second.
I **** myself everyday to make up for those times that you suffered.
& things wont ever be the same again;
Because you were the other half of me,
& now Im completely broken.
The long vacation your on,
Means your never coming back.
I wish I could have came with you mom.

Take my fears and wash them all away
Take my heart and glue it back together
Touch my skin and repair my scars
Tape my pieces that have fallen apart
Untwist my mind from the twisted thoughts
Keep the memories because i dont want them anymore
Rewind the past and erase it all at once
Remake the future that is yet to come
Breathe into my lungs that the air has escaped
Slow down my heart when i hyperventilate
Dry the tears that fall from these eyes
Defeat the one that always makes me cry
Uncover my eyes to see the truth
Unplug my ears to hear the lies
Break my hands from the chains i put on
Find myself before its gone
Find the happiness that once was lost
Fight the anger that lives inside me
Change the sadness that depression was made
**** out all my guilt & hate

I've been punched with dizziness,
Not with my fist.
I've been hit with drunkenness,
Not with alcohol.
I've been sexed with pleasure,
Not with a man.
I've been injected with energy,
Not with a needle.
I've been burnt with warmth,
Not with fire.
I've been pushed with strength,
Not with my hands.
I fell with pressure,
Not with my feet.
I've been cut with relaxation,
Not with a knife.
I've been brainwashed by my conscience,
Not by myself.

My heart is racing
I cannot feel any beats
My breath is fast
Im starting to choke
& its my mind, body, and soul being chased
Im trying to escape,
But theres no way out
& everywhere i turn is a circle;
Its the same path that keeps the problems stuck to my side
How do i jump through a window,
Without falling
How do i start to escape,
Without myself finding me
How do i find a new path,
Without getting lost
How do i find a new door,
Without having to unlock it
This doesnt feel safe
Everything is sharp
This doesnt look safe
Everything is so dark
This doesnt sound safe
Im telling myself run
But i cannot hide
I just want to hide
My eyes are closed forever
Running scared
Running weak
Running worried
Running anxious
Running sad
Running angry
Fear is chasing me
Myself is chasing me
Why cant i breathe
Why cant i function
Why cant i stop
Everything is just controlling me
So someone please rescue me
Someone please open my eyes
I cannot rescue myself
Im so tired of running away

Last look that was given
Last movement of the body
Last hearing from the ears
Last breath of the mouth
Last beat of the heart
The first time when our tears were real
The first time when our hearts were heavy
The first time when we couldnt talk
The first time when we couldnt hear
The first time when we couldnt feel
The first time when we couldnt understand
The first time we didnt want to accept
The first time we were forced
The time to cry
The time to scream
The time to be angry
The time to be sad
The time to try to understand
The time to try to accept
The time to be strong
The time to learn what goodbye to someone really means

Performances in the dark;
It undo's the secrets of unbraveness.
The black cloud took over the sky.
The lightening pierced the sun.
The thunder chased away all the confidence;
The braveness was chased away by fear.
& its so dark.
& its so silent.
& its so unexpected.
Not an actress,
But I perform;
The lines of fear.
Standing there afraid.
Standing there frozen.
Standing there with shame.
Standing there with anxiety.
Standing there embarrassed.
Standing there unprotected.
The lights that pierce my eyes.
The sounds that stab my ears.
The air that stops my breathing.
The stage that allows me to fall.

This meaning cannot be explained.
The sad eyes of the mirror,
Is what I stare into.
My body & soul grew so weak.
& I've been invisibly shot;
Through the air;
The bullets forced me to bleed.
My lungs cannot hold the air anymore;
So my breathing is getting slower.
My heart is getting weaker.
In shock with reality,
My body freezes.
Im used to the pain,
So I lost feeling within me
Just like a physical force,
I feel it mentally.
Im hurting in my head & body.
I have no time what physically harms me.
I pierce myself with relaxation.
The blade makes me bleed these moods away.
Hyperventilation.
Anxiety.
Fear.
Anger.
Sadness.
These are the moods of hurt.

Sometimes its hard
Sometimes it stops
Other times i forget
I just cant breathe
I want these walls taken away
I feel like im closed inside a cell
And gas has been released to choke me
Its too much to handle
Its too much to remember
How do i control whats controlling me?
Im moving too quickly
Im going insane
I feel like my neck is being strangled by a chain
I cannot escape
I cannot release
The air is going nowhere
Its cutting off my circulation
Feels like a bag is over my head
And i cannot getting off
Now im suffocating
All the heat is in front of my face
I really cannot breathe
My heart is beating faster
My body is shaking
Im so dizzy
Im going to just drop to the floor
Im trying to give myself CPR but its not working
How can i give air if its escaping from my body
Im failing;
Im losing
And im so tired of this game
When am i allowed to breathe?
Something is stopping me
Or someone is stopping me
I look and the mirror and i see my hands on my throat
Now i know whos trying to **** me
My lungs are getting weaker
My throat is getting tighter
My mouth is getting smaller
Im trying to win this fight
I think i have forgotten how to breathe

The mirror doesnt know how to lie;
& its my enemy.
My head is playing all the games,
& my body tries to fight myself.
Im the best at being the worst.
Im perfect at being clumsy.
Im smart at being stupid.
Im amazing at being ugly.
Im truthful when I say I lie to myself.
Im trustworthy when I say I cant trust myself.
My mind plays games;
& makes sure I lose.
Im so naïve when Im forced to believe something.
It plays a big part of me.
It plays my boss.
& Im always trapped.
Im a prisoner in my own body.
I wish I could change everything about myself.
I just wanna see myself differently.
An angry mood is what I witness.
So unhappy with myself;
& what Ive become.
Its impossible to go back.
Its impossible to change.
Positivity doesnt even enter my brain.
Its forbidden to enter me.
I cant even think.
All the negativity is forced within my body.
I just wanna **** the devil inside me;
And reappear an innocent angel.
I wanna chase the nightmares at night,
& wake up with a beautiful dream.
& if I break the mirror,
I wonder if I can glue it together again;
With a different image than what I see;
When I look through it everyday.
My looks.
My mentality.
My personality.
My attitude.
My weakness.
My anger.
My anxiety.
My depression.
Myself altogether,
Is what needs to disappear.

Closed doors are locked behind me
Im wanting to escape,
But my strength wont get to work
Im wanting to go back,
But the future wont let me
Everytime i breathe,
My heart locks
Everytime my heart beats,
My blood pours out
Everytime my blood escapes,
I collapse
My mind is dead
While my body struggles
My body fights
While my heart tries to keep up
My heart stops
While my breathing gets weak
My strength leaves me
Im punching the walls
Im scratching the floors
Im pulling the doors
Im trying to open my mind
Im trying to gain strength
Im trying to gain courage
Im trying to gain trust
But i cannot help myself
How do i bail out
How do i free myself
How do i reach the key
Its trapped in my mind

I fought with my head, while my heart was breaking
When i was falling, i didnt even try to save myself
Every action spoke my violence
Every word spoke my truth
Every silent spoke my back
Every anger spoke my cold heart
Every appearance spoke my shadow
I was dark
I was invisible
I ended up hiding from it all
I wanted to run, but gravity forced myself to feel the pain
The pain in which i caused me to regret every serious game
I wanted to go back
I wish the time reversed
Now i carry it all on my shoulders
I was shot with my own words
I was trapped in my own actions
I was caught with my own lies
I was hurt with my own anger
So i cried it all away;
At least i tried but never succeeded
The tears only made puddles for me to drown myself in
I covered my face forcing myself not to breathe
And then i breathed out fire; i burned my own image,
I burned what i was unable to see
My ashes were like dust;
Floating away with the wind
I disappeared and couldnt stay to feel another guilt within my skin

When one bad word, turns into one bad day,
Happiness remains under pressure until the sun goes away
My mind trained me to stay mad at the world
My mind trained me to show weakness on my emotions

I’m his personal entertainment when he studies my every move
When I’m arguing, he walks away
When I ignore, he makes me speak
When I’m screaming, he quiets me
When I’m crying, he catches my tears
I try to fight all my emotions at once
I was draining the calmness that was once inside my head
I wanted everything to stop because I couldn’t breathe
I was looking for a new way to calm my anxiety
I pushed away, trying to fight my own demons
Then I felt his hands pull me in to stop all that darkness
I was angry, but wanted what he was already thinking
My uncontrollable moods make him take advantage
to the fact that he finds my weakness
My frustrations makes him gather thoughts to make me undress

My skin shivered until it was covered with his hands, mouth, and tongue
I was already weak, while he was strong
My breathing is already fast; I’m hyperventilating before his waist meets mine
My neck was hot before he pressed his lips on my skin
Then I was held down
The force was inviting so I have in
I was still out of control with my mixed emotions that was making me crazy
He grew stronger watching my anger slowly leaving me
His mouth discoloured my neck and made it hard to breathe
The saliva on his tongue assisted in moving my body

The anger inside me was getting weak to the point I was calm
I gave up being out of control, then he took over
The emotions that controlled me, grew weaker, as his aggression grew stronger
All his whispers made me breathe harder
All his promises made my heart beat faster
I stopped fighting him because I lost
The final whisper made my anger stop
That whisper below the waist,
pulled his pelvis in my space
**** those pills that tame my mind;
The only pill that works,
Is his body all over mine

Behind the pain,
Im trapped in a corner.
They are getting inside my head.
They are getting to my body.
They are eating away at my strength,
& feeding my weaknesses.
With no control,
My blood is boiling from the fears thats being brought to me.
I feel as though Im choking,
Everything is just pushing up against me.
My heart is cracking,
With the blood escaping.
My dizziness appears to tire me out,
When Im gasping for air.
Im so blind,
Because everything is just throwing me around all at once.
I cant control anything anymore.
Its too much to handle.
Silence has grown;
It finally speaks the truth.
But when I need help,
The noise just dies down again.
The problems are piercing me.
The people are piercing me.
The mirror is piercing me.
My mind is piercing me.
Everything around me is piercing me.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im left dizzy & confused.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im only left to drown in the puddles.
Trying to bleed everything,
But Im left shaking.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im being manipulated;
With more pain.
A million times,
Im being stabbed.
The thorns are sinking deeper & deeper inside my skin.
Making sure I stop seeing.
Making sure I stop hearing.
Making sure I stop speaking.
Making sure I stop breathing.
& everywhere I turn,
They come for me;
Just piercing me.
Allowing me not to think.
Allowing me not to move.
They undid the comfort around me.
They did the damage within me.
They forced out the blood inside me.
I have these holes in my body,
That can never be healed.

Im still feeling the pain.
Im still feeling the sorrow.
Im still heart broken.
Im still in shock.
Im still crying.
And Im still grieving.
I just cant get over it.
& when I think of you,
I cry even more.
I cry even harder.
I cry even louder.
I thought I could control myself,
But my emotions keep controlling me.
& Im still falling on the floor;
Inside my tears,
Drowning;
Unable to breathe.
My heart keeps pumping faster,
Because its racing to find the other piece thats missing.
& I have not adjusted myself.
Im still broken.
All the pieces will never be found & put back together.
When you died,
A part of me died;
& the other part is still suffering.
I still go through your pictures,
& pass by your room with sadness.
& Im still crying every single night.
I dont think I will ever get over it.
Losing you,
Made me lose myself completely;
& Ive died inside my body.
Losing you,
Made me go even more crazy.
I thought this whole year was a nightmare that wouldnt end;
Then I realized your never coming back.
& when you passed,
A huge wound opened up inside me;
Outside me;
& is still open,
& is still bleeding.
Im still learning how to breathe once again.
I suddenly stopped,
When your breathing stopped.
My heart is still pounding fast,
Because its trying to catch up from the day it ended;
With yours.
Im trying to cope with you not being here.
Im trying to pretend your on a long vacation,
For a long while.
Im trying to block out all the negativity.
Im trying to focus.
Im trying to hide my depression.
Im trying to find happiness again.
Im trying to live the way I used to live.
But the key word is,
I cant.
Its a year today since you've been gone,
The first anniversary since you passed.
& Im still feeling that you've died just recently.
So many flashbacks today.
So many breakdowns today.
I just cant get a smile on my face.
I just cant stop the tears.
I will never get over it.
I will never stop crying.
I will never stop grieving.
I will always remember you.
I will always love you.
R.I.P Mom

A loud force of anger
Awakens a tortured soul
The tension inside the mind pushes the voice to release a huge sound
And then it all comes out with aggression
Fighting to push it all away
The fears from a nightmare wake a scared heart
The mind is the one who creates these dark images
I've had it;
Im done.
Maybe my screams will push it all away
Maybe my screams will allow my strength to stay
When i need to let everything out
When i need to control the darkness
When i need to run away
But then i realize this isnt working
My lungs are broken
My diaphragm is numb
My vocal cords are tired
My voice is repeating itself over and over
My ribs are shattered
My chest is burning
My throat is swollen
My lips are cracking
Louder and louder
It just hurts to scream
Louder and louder
And noone can hear me
Panicking
Hyperventilating
Racing heart
Racing mind
Fear
Losing control
My moods are wild
And confused about life
Scream to cry
Scream with anger
Scream to fall
Scream forever

To feel, but not to see
To be blind, means not knowing who you are
The mirror that showed,
But now it hides.
And now i run
And now im the one who hides
I look at my body, mind and soul.
But without a reflection,
I cannot see who i really am
And so i hide;
Day by day.
The fears inside of me increase as i walk towards myself
It knows im trying to run
Across from myself i choke;
Across from myself i cannot breathe;
Across from myself i find out who and what i really am
When i look through,
I want to smash it
And then when i walk away,
Im stabbing myself in the back
So then i bleed as the mirror breaks
Piece by piece;
Im cutting myself with the glass thats reflects my mind, body, and soul
My vocal cords snap as i try to speak to myself
And when im silent, the mirror reveals the truth that i dont wanna hear
And so i move;
It controls my every step
And so i speak;
It controls my every word
And when i look;
It controls what i dont wanna see
It doesnt lie
It doesnt break
But it breaks when i want to look and scream
When i scream it shatters
& then i shatter within my reflection
My reflection reveals
Revealing the past present and future
I can no longer hide
It finds me
And even though it doesnt move;
It moves me through the invisible chains that drag me

Continuing to worry; i go through it all
Inside the closet i see the dresser filled with memories
Do i take it?
Do i leave it?
Im running out of time
I gather the clothes as my eyes tear up,
I refuse to listen as i hear a loud voice
"Shes gonna be here soon, are you getting her stuff ready?"
Im listening as i stall
Fearing,
Anxious,
Something doesnt seem right
Crying,
Its dejavu
Arent i supposed to be sleeping tight?
The light was bright
The car pulls up
I hear the noises of the stairs
Into the room,
I had to rush the things
Then it ended with an unknown ending
I wake from a repetitive scene, and this isnt the first time
I keep hyperventilating to the same dream
I keep having similar dreams
I keep wanting to change these dreams
My heart pounds as my anger strikes
I wanna close my eyes again and go back to change the past
-She goes to the hospital one more time

I feel empty,
Because I use to be full of joy.
I feel lost,
Because I was never able to lose track of myself.
I feel confused,
Because I used to be focused.
I feel scared,
Because I use to be brave,
I feel stupid,
Because I use to be smart.
I feel insecure,
Because I use to be able to protect myself.
I feel cold,
Because I use to give myself warmth.
I feel depressed,
Because the happiness has left my soul.
I feel blind,
Because I am now unable to see.
I feel deaf,
Because I am now unable to hear.
I feel mute,
Because I am now unable to speak.
I feel I cannot breathe,
Because I am always gasping for air.
I feel unstable,
Because now Im always falling.
I feel abused,
Because the dangerous one is me.
I feel that I have lost all control,
Because everything has taken over me.

Stuck;
Unable to move.
Forgotten,
I have died inside my own body.
Lost,
A stranger has taken over me.
And like an evil spirit erupting,
I think it was born inside me.
The new life of an unknown person,
Now lives inside my body.
My original character has been beaten
Tortured to pieces.
& my new character is just outta control.
Thinking how I used to be,
Now I dont even know myself anymore.
From calm to angry.
From happy to sad.
From good to bad.
From innocent to guilty.
I have been torn.
I have been mentally abused.
And now I cant even look at myself mirror;
And say,
"You are going to be ok."
The moods are taking over me.
And I wish I knew how to control myself.
I wish my mind was stable.
But its just so twisted.
Im so confused,
& I dont know what to do anymore.
What Ive become,
Frustrates me.
My nerves dont know when to stop shaking.
My heart;
My breathing,
Doesnt know when to slow down.
& Im just a different person every second,
Every minute,
Every hour,
Everyday.
& so the mirror keeps defending itself,
As I try to see who I really am.
But Im too deep inside inside my body.
Im so locked up.
My true self will never come through.
My true self will never appear.
& when I act up,
& when I go crazy,
& when I explode,
& when I disappear,
& when Im mentally changing,
Its just not me.
Im hidden away forever.

Everything is just kept inside
I refuse to allow things to escape
I pressure myself to behave when Im not alone
So I fool people into thinking Im ok
As I appear alone in my room
Every single thought is back in my head
Everything just races fast
Then I end up crying to bed
The mirror is my enemy
I break it as i stare
I know the person's soul
Because she has the same colour as my hair
I try to look for a deep cut in my body
To let all the negativity out
But everything is just closed up inside
I just want everything to be cut out
As my heart pounds
And as my breathing gets faster
As the blood races to my head
They make everything a cluster
Im unable to free everything
Im unable to lose everything
Im unable to forget everything
& Im unable to escape from everything
I just keep everything in
I just keep everything soundless
I just keep everything for me to cry
I just keep everything hopeless
Unable to run away
Unable to hide
Unable to release
My problems inside

Do you know what it feels like when your screaming,
And noone can hear?
You want to get something out,
but you just cant.
& noone knows what its like,
To be limited.
Do you know what it feels like when your screaming,
And only you can hear?
Your trapped inside your own body,
& you dont know what to do,
What to think,
How to see,
How to breathe,
Or how to speak.
Your so closed inside a box;
Your body,
That your mind is telling you,
"Its soundproof."
& each corner throws you in the middle.
Embarrassment blocks you from appearing in front of people's eyes.
Fear & anxiety is what stops you from speaking whats on your mind.
Stops you from opening up your eyes.
Stops you from breathing.
Stops you from hearing.
Stops you from communicating.
& stops you from moving on.
Its so hard to breathe,
When everything is pushed in front of your face.
& when your able to finally breathe,
Your choking on oxygen.
When your afraid to talk,
Your being judged.
When your too late,
Everything closes in on you.
When you mind tricks you into thinking your brave;
Its time to speak,
Then your heart gets tortured & bleeds.
Your screaming,
But noone hears.
You wanna make sure they hear,
But you finally notice your unable to push yourself.
& your so mute;
So frozen.
Your strength leaves you.
Your energy leaves you.
Your power leaves you.
Your voice leaves you.
Your heart no longer responds to you;
Because it feels betrayed.
& your mind uses your insides to trap your voice forever.
You can never be heard.

Like a bat in the night,
Your unable to rest your eyes.
& you charge into my room as a thunderstorm begins.
Your wings make you fly over top of me.
Its the force of your mind,
That pushes yourself onto my body.
I can already tell your twisted;
I am your first & only victim.
& your eyes try to hypnotize.
As Im forced to look deep inside you,
Im falling under your spell.
Your crazy; but gorgeous eyes weaken me.
Your hands,
So strong.
They slowly tighten me;
Making it hard for me to move.
I know that your never gonna leave,
Until you get what you want.
My ears are suddenly ringing from your whispers.
My mind is filled with your naughty thoughts.
& so you told me your lips were dry;
& so you told me I will quench your thirst.
& with a naked neck on my body,
You slowly moved your mouth towards me.
It was slow,
But the stabbing was so quick.
Your teeth were like thorns;
So sharp,
So controlled.
& suddenly I felt pressure.
Im hyperventilating;
Trying to breathe,
But its so hard.
By body,
Shaking.
My body,
Dizzy.
My body,
Slowly fainting.
& with my blood flowing to the floor like a river,
You finally got a hold on me,
& wont let go.
You stabbed me with your pointed teeth.
You stabbed me hard.
Your bite was like a snake;
& your poison released my blood.
I am now in your hands.
& after I faint,
You can finally take advantage.

My body,
My soul,
My appearance,
Has all changed.
From strong to weak,
I have been forced to release all of my energy.
I've pushed myself too far,
Because the sky was the limit;
So I ended up in the black clouds.
And the rain that falls,
Has turned to blood.
Blood from my body
& blood from my heart
I appear numb,
Because I have lost feeling
I appear blind,
Because my sight went away.
I appear deaf,
Because my eardrums dont move anymore.
I appear mute,
Because my voice has been shut down.
I appear not to breathe,
Because the air inside me has escaped.
Im mentally exhausted,
Because my mind cant function anymore.
I have forgotten who I am,
Because I wore out my body by damaging myself.
Everything that was part of me has escaped,
& left me alone.
Alone with myself,
Alone with silence,
Alone with negativity.
I just feel I cannot handle anything anymore;
& that everything seems to be controlling me.
I have brainwashed myself,
& my body has gone weak.
My strength was the only thing that kept me going.
And now I fall to the ground like a leaf,
Shrivelled up;
Dried out.
Tired of drama,
Tired of believing,
Tired of living.
And Im walking with my head down,
Just waiting to bump it,
And wake up from all my nightmares.
I feel exhausted,
Because my mind is tired,
I feel weak,
Because all strength has left me.
I feel broken,
Because my body is in pieces,
& I feel my heart break
& I feel my ears ringing
& I feel my eyes watering
& I feel my mouth going dry
& I feel my nose plug
& I feel my hands go numb
& I feel my chest tighten
& I feel my vision escaping
& I feel my hearing going
& I feel my voice dying
& I feel my hands getting cold
& I feel that everything, life,
Has been ****** out of me
& I am now the size of a twig,
Mentally.
Because everything,
Life,
My soul,
Has all been taken from me.
It has all escaped me.
For now I am drained

Permanently mute;
Shut tight with force.
Unable to let out a sound.
Even pressured to stop breathing.
Like terror in the night,
Its hard to make out a sound when evil hides.
Shadows are forced to be quiet.
The dark figures act like ghosts who mean no harm.
Not even a heartbeat is noticed.
Not even a breath is let out.
Not even a blink of an eye is moved.
Everything has stopped completely.
Everything appears abandoned.
Everything appears deserted.
Everything appears soundless.
Cant speak.
Cant move.
Cant think.
Cant see.
Cant hear.
Cant breathe.
Voices & whispers has died down.
Breathing has stopped.
Hearts have turned dark.
Each sound has shut down.
Each sound became permanently quiet.
Each sound was shot by silence.

Its the weight of the world that brought me to the ground.
Its the things around me that took away my ability to balance.
But most of all its my mind that took away my strength.
Unable to focus.
Unable to move.
Im mentally exhausted from the past & the present.
The future will erase my energy forever.
The forces are ******* my strength right out of me.
Im unable to control everything around me.
My body feels like its going to break,
& I feel so lightheaded.
& its like a disease Im unable to fight off.
A disease Im unable to control.
It will slowly take me away.
It will slowly break me down into pieces.
It will rip my strength out of my body.
Everytime I try to walk,
Im falling.
Everytime I try to see,
Im blinded.
Everytime I try to hear,
Im deaf.
Everytime I try to talk;
Try to breathe,
Im suffocating.
Everytime I try to touch,
Im numb.
Everytime I try to think,
My brain freezes.
I feel as though my body is being squeezed;
With my blood dripping all over the floor;
The puddles just waiting for me to drown inside my own liquid.
I have no strength for anything anymore.
I have no energy for anything anymore.
I have no patience for anything anymore.
I have given up.
My weakness came alive,
& killed all my strength.

Its so hard to breathe when the mind is so occupied
Occupied with only bitterness
The heart has turned cold and squeezed the veins until they snapped
And then the blood pours out of the body
Hyperventilation replaced the calmness of the lungs
And now its harder to breathe
Trembling, shaking;
The heart is trying to keep up
Dizziness, nauseous;
The mind is trying to make it stop
Sweating, numbness;
The body is slowing down
The throat is closing itself,
Like a set of hands squeezing the neck
The lungs had given up,
Like they were crushed with a hammer
Strength has died
Weakness has arrived
There is no more air
There is no more pulse
Is everything on hold
Or is everything stopped forever

Rewinding these moments that went through my head before
Confused
Worried
Scared
Angry
Depressed
Losing the happiness that was supposed to be forever
Why is this so familiar
It feels so real
It looks so real
Please take away this pain forever
Wake me from this pain
Wake me from this nightmare
I don't want to feel it anymore
The darkness is deeper
My eyes grow tighter
My heart beats faster
My body grows weaker
And then I'm breathing heavy
Wake me from the silence
The noise is all in my head
Wake me from this noise
The silence is when my brain begins
This truth of darkness exists
But why won't it disappear
Lies of dreams taken away from nightmares
I just cannot sleep
Just wake me up
I never want to sleep again
I realize im awake
This is reality

Never will i talk again
Never will i search again
Never will i trust again
Until i fight myself all over agin
I tried but i couldnt continue
I cried but i couldnt stop
I lied but i couldnt forgive
And as i look in the mirror, im so disgusted
I was betrayed,
I was left behind
I was chasing myself
I was looking for myself
But i just couldnt find myself
I created dark thoughts, and then i became angry
I ran out, and then i wanted to hide
I sat down and then i cried
I closed my eyes, and then i didnt care
I drank, and then i bled
I had open wounds, and then i was dizzy
I fell, then i couldnt get up
I couldnt move, so then i gave up
I just didnt wanna try anymore
Everything i did, went wrong
Everything i touched, needed a repair
Everything i lost, had disappeared
Everything i dreamed, will never come true
Everything i wished, was a waste of time
Everything went wrong with my mistakes
Everything needed a repair because my anger broke it all
Everything disappeared because i pushed it all away
The dreams that wont move, because they had fallen into a permanent sleep
Everything was a waste of time, because it all just wasnt right;
I cant trust myself again

Its too much to handle
Because i cant make it stop
All the weight is crushing me
Because i cannot breathe
Im underneath it all
Its undoing my strength,
And replacing me with weakness
Im unable to change what has been started
My anger is escalating
And i am just getting exhausted
Feeling trapped,
These chains i cannot break
Im under a cage;
Im behind a wall
Inside, im breaking
Outside, im damaging
All together, im going crazy
All at once, i lost my mind
Im just so frustrated and want to hide
How do i handle such complications
The stress
The anger
The anxiety
I cannot release
Take me away from it all
I just wanna lose myself
I just wanna break this tension
And then hopefully hell will fail
Like an explosion
Im waiting to explode
The blood within me is already boiling with anger
And like a car in an accident;
Im going to finally crash

I am the stranger.
I am the enemy;
Whom I fight with everyday.
Kills me to see the person I am today.
Kills me to see the person Ive become.
Kills me to see what I look like.
Kills me to see what I really am.
I cant turn my back on myself,
Because I dont wanna walk away;
When I can just destroy myself.
I wanna break the mirror,
So I can break myself.
& on the other side, is my soul trying to escape.
Now Ive taken my fist;
And punched the mirror.
Now Ive taken water;
And wet the mirror.
Now Ive taken the hammer;
And smashed the mirror.
My fist left me bruised.
The water made me drown.
The hammer broke me into a million pieces;
& now I lay bleeding,
Broken into pieces;
On the ground.
The only way I go blind from seeing myself is through the mirror.
The only way I break is through the mirror.
Because without the broken glass,
I still have to live looking at myself.

What is your mind telling you?
What are your eyes showing you?
Because I act like a ghost.
Noone understands me.
Noone knows me.
Noone sees me.
& when I talk,
It confuses you.
& when I whisper,
You cannot hear.
& when I yell,
You appear deaf.
Because you only see what you want,
I will never let anyone understand me.
Its too hard to go through every step.
Just continue to understand what you know & think.
Continue being so clueless.
Im just a mystery that you cannot solve.
Keep thinking;
I make you run your mind.
Keep searching;
You're brain keeps hurting.
Not even a microscope wont figure me out.
Im so distant.
So far away.
The sound of my voice leaves everyone so lost.
My body is the only one thats visible,
Because the soul within me hides.
Isnt it just frustrating,
When you want to know the truth?
But isnt it fun,
When you start the rumours?
I just put a block to everything & everyone.
I will never properly reveal myself.
Just keep trying.
Everyone needs to keep trying to find my soul.
Its so hidden behind all my fears,
& inside my mind.
The manipulations.
The lies.
The negative energy.
Never will I open up.
Never will I show my face.
Never will I get figured out.
Just everyone please,
Give up.
& I know what you think you see.
& I know what you think you heard.
& everyone thinks they are always right.
& everyone finally tries to get in my way.
I know what has been released through the walls.
Because the walls talk to me in silence;
Behind all you backs.
& this is the reason for my behaviour.
You think you see me,
But I really dont exist.