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Aug 2018 · 77
Taken Again
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Its back
I feel it
It found me
Is it really going going to destroy me again
Break me again
I thought my fears left forever
I guess it was a lie
Now i sit, and lay down to cry
Why is this happening again
I dont understand
My enemy is back
And this time it wants revenge
I made sure it was gone
I made sure it was done
And i was so sure the stranger had disappeared forever
I was wrong
It only lightened
Now the darkness is back again
And now im blind once again
I thought it was over
And it only left me alone for a little while to allow myself to finally breathe;
To finally find myself
Now my breath is stolen once again
I need to try to breathe on my own once again
And i know im going to struggle once again
Why is this pain back?
Im being abused again
Now i need something stronger to help me fight once again
The changes are so intense,
& im so confused
My mind is exhausted
My body, again being used
Because im chained once again
And forced to swallow the key
Its all beginning again
I have to fight again
Fight the enemy; its me
Where do i stand,
Because im falling again
The pain,
Its back
Now im wondering,
Is my mind going against what was helping me?
Aug 2018 · 71
Gone Forever
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Heart of gold
Heart of kindness
Heart of emotions
Heart of strength
What happened to those days that she was moving forward
And life was getting better
Life was finally making sense
What happened to those days she helped so many
And nothing was returned
But her heart was still shining
What happened to those days she was told a thousand lies
And then the truth broke her
But her face was always smiling
Where did she go
I still dont believe it
It feels like that day is still happening
Over and over; my head is a record player
And there is no forward button
Memories sharp
Memories make pain
I wish i could undo what was once taken away
I wish i could bring back a treasure that couldnt be touched
I have been bent and broken way too many times;
But now im shattered
The pieces lay with her resting soul
Until we meet again,
Im separated in a thousand bits
Teary eyes will never leave me
My head is a theatre;
And this movie had a sad ending
One day to be happy
Another day she had to know
Other days to suffer
The last day she was forced to go
Aug 2018 · 95
Demons
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Why am i weak when i used to be strong
Why am i depressed when i used to be happy
Why am i scared when i used to be brave
Why the anxiety when i used to me stable
Why the anger when i used to be calm
Why did i forget when i used to remember
Why am i hurting myself when i didnt know what a weapon looked like
& im a puppet on invisible strings
I continue to be pressured into negativity
All my strength has been stolen from me
My body is a trade for a living monster
Im slowly disappearing
When i use violence is when im trying to make them leave
But they know how to fight
When i run, im actually walking
But they know how to slow me down
When i sink, is when im trying to drown my demons
But they know how to swim
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Attitude; is it just the teenage spirit
Yelling for nothing
Rude amongst the world
Mood swings; is this normal
The thoughts that run
The thoughts that walk
The thoughts that jump
My stomach is in knots from the switching
What emotion do i hold inside?
Insomnia; why is the bed pushing me away
Awake for days
What is sleep?
Hallucinations
Am i actually seeing things
Am i actually hearing things
My mind is playing games and tricking me
Anxiety; why cant i breathe
These anxiety attacks are beating me up
My heart is racing and its leading to...
Hyperventilation
The nerves put pressure on me
Im chocking;
Unbreathing;
And now its leading to...
Dizziness
I know im going to fall
Anger; my vocal cords are being scraped
Things thrown
The pulling of my hair
The slamming of my door
Yelling for nothing
Yelling so quickly
This will never stop
Depression; the sadness isnt leaving my body
Didnt want to leave the house
I wanted to drown in my tears
Turning away from everyone
Not wanting to talk to anyone
And the phone calls that i ignored
Made friends come save me from my jail
Everyday i drowned in my tears
Self-mutilation; the knife became my new best friend
I opened my own cuts
And forced the red liquid out of my body
My skin was so torn apart
But i wanted to bleed until i felt dizzy,
Until i hyperventilated
Until i felt so relaxed
It was my only escape
Promiscuous;
Left my friends for strangers
Everyday it was someone new
There was no caring
Not for them, and not for myself
Relationships were too challenging for me
I needed to relieve the stress
Road rage; i almost died
Driving away from it all
I needed to be free
Trapped once again,
My bones got damaged
Another story to tell
Now this is me: scarred for life
Physically, and mentally
Low self-esteem
Ugliness
Fat
Stupid
Just not worth anything
Impaired memory;
Memory loss stole all my strength
Everything i knew, i forgot
Everyone i knew, i forgot
Everything i owned, I misplaced
Im too young to forget
Shopping sprees;
Spending to have excitement
But then later my moods go back to normal
Alcoholic; drinking to create happiness
On the driveway
In my room
The love for intoxication was so normal to me
Denial; i was ok
I thought i was ok
I actually wasnt ok
Medication; my decision was finally positive
No going back,
No more killing my spirit
This is for life, but im finally alive
Medicated, but finally strong
Depression faded to happiness
Anger faded to excitement
Insomnia faded to sleeping patterns
Self-mutilation faded into throwing away all the weapons
Promiscuous faded into a relationship
Intoxication faded into being sober
Finally strong but controlled for life
Aug 2018 · 105
Butterfly
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Caged prisoner was in the past
I was dead inside my own body
I locked the door behind me because i didnt want to know how to escape
And so i buried the key
Like a caterpillar, im so slow
Most of all my strength was not fast
Going knowhere;
I just gave up
As the sun opened my eyes,
I knew i had to move on
This was the end
I undid everything from my mind
My chains
My thoughts
My scars
I unleashed myself and started to grow again
I had to learn to be trapped,
So that i can move again
I was closed in
But my body woke up
My mind turned on
I took my first breath
And the darkness around me,
Melted to colours
I finally took a proper breath
I finally opened my tight eyes
The trembling heart in my body,
Finally stable
My confused brain finally functions
No more worries
No more fears
No more drama
No more self mutilation
No more hating the mirror
Strength grew on me once again
I escaped the negativity
I undid the cocoons i once was in
My colours blind the evil
I moved fast away from it all
Now im in the sky,
Watching everything i once missed
That i didnt know from before
Butterfly;
Im finally free
Aug 2018 · 74
Danger
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I had to learn to control my anger
It turned into danger
When i get angry
Im thought as a drama queen
When my voice is raised
But noone understands
When my body throws itself against the wall
People think im crazy
When i throw things across the room
They think im a maniac
When im hyperventilating
They think im overreacting
When i cry
They just laugh
I picked up my own pieces with some help
I dont want to be broken again
I finally spoke
Dont try to shut me up
I finally opened my eyes
Dont try to cover them
I finally came back to life when i nearly killed myself
Dont make me start over again
Im sane
When i was insane
Im medicated
Do you want me to stop now
Move away from my anger
I can turn into danger
Stay back
Dont speak
Dont look
Dont even breathe
Mind over power
My brain rescues me
Heart over people
My body protects me
Do you remember when she screamed
Do you remember when she cried
Do you remember when she ran out
Do you remember when she wanted to die
Undo yourself from your stupid thoughts
Undo yourself from trying to control me
Talk to me about what you think
And ill pretend im even listening
I wont listen
Im not weak anymore
Im strong enough to fight the pain away
Try to break me;
Try to snap me;
I will only bend like an elastic;
wrapping the nonsense right out of your brain
Dont draw these thoughts again
I broke your pencil
Do you want to test my strength again
Aug 2018 · 206
Shattered
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Pieces of the mind
Pieces of the body
Have been torn apart
The strength that was present is now buried so deep within
All the weakness has risen
And now the spirit and soul is so heavy
This pain of every emotion has suddenly struck and shocked
Chipping away the tragedies,
The puzzle slowly breaks
Stretching away the mind,
Its getting pulled so fast
Breaking of the heart
Its in pieces on the floor
Eyes are blind
Ears are plugged
Mouth is mute
And i cannot breathe
Damaged, hurt, broken
Its the end
There is no explanation for pain
There is no explanation for negativity
There is no explanation for life
Ive been moved
Ive been touched
Ive been filled with different emotions
Ive been pushed
Ive been knocked over
I flew through the air
I met the floor
I broke to pieces
Aug 2018 · 93
Flowers On The Grave
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Beautiful
Colourful
Big
Small
Its a forest of sorrow
Its a forest of pain
But a home of invisibility
And the only closeness to u is above a locked up ground
The fresh flowers are what makes u alive again
And when they die it feels like your leaving
All over again
Does this pain ever gain weakness
The flowers grow so fragile
Does this pain ever go away
The flowers start to break
Does this pain turn to strength
Fresh flowers all over again
To brighten the day
To begin to laugh again
To dry the tears
To release all the anger
The ground is pierced
Do you ever feel our touch
Breaking through the grave
Do you ever feel our bodies
Touching you again
These visits shouldnt be visits
You should have been with us forever
These flowers dont compare to how u were to us
But these flowers are the only gifts that you will ever touch
The pedals from the roses
They fall when i cry
So in a day the rose is gone
My tears will always float by
Lay them down on a bed of grass
Lay them down on a bed of dirt
Lay them up against a stone
U deserve every single colour
Every single size
Ever single kind
And without the colours,
Its just a reminder of sorrow
The flowers fix a broken heart
But its only temporary
At home it will always be colourless without you
Aug 2018 · 61
Run Away
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
My heart is racing
I cannot feel any beats
My breath is fast
Im starting to choke
& its my mind, body, and soul being chased
Im trying to escape,
But theres no way out
& everywhere i turn is a circle;
Its the same path that keeps the problems stuck to my side
How do i jump through a window,
Without falling
How do i start to escape,
Without myself finding me
How do i find a new path,
Without getting lost
How do i find a new door,
Without having to unlock it
This doesnt feel safe
Everything is sharp
This doesnt look safe
Everything is so dark
This doesnt sound safe
Im telling myself run
But i cannot hide
I just want to hide
My eyes are closed forever
Running scared
Running weak
Running worried
Running anxious
Running sad
Running angry
Fear is chasing me
Myself is chasing me
Why cant i breathe
Why cant i function
Why cant i stop
Everything is just controlling me
So someone please rescue me
Someone please open my eyes
I cannot rescue myself
Im so tired of running away
Aug 2018 · 69
Change
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Beginnings are so happy
We think nothing will get in the way
We think it will last forever
We think nothing will ever change
Day after day
Its a routine
To smile, to laugh
Without any worry
Night after night
Kisses before we leave
With love and appreciation
Tomorrow there would be more light to see
Week after week
Coming home, straight to the bedroom
No time to say hi or talk
Only coming down when there is food
Month after month
Different emotions in the day
Happy at night
Noone knows whats going on
And there was nothing to say
Year after year
Everyday the anger and going out of control
Everyday the disappearance
Everyday a story had to be told
Good to bad
Calm to angry
What was happening
Noone knew
A sudden change that bursted
Now its someone knew
Happy to sad
Nice to mean
A weakened heart, a weakened soul
An unknown life that was waited to unfold
Aug 2018 · 67
Helpless
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Reaching to strangle the past
But i was choked first
Ripping through the years
But my days were already ruined
Trying to escape the fears
But my mind was continuously traumatized
Erasing the memories
But my name got washed out fast
Tried to stop the time
But the seconds made life continue
Why the pain
I wanted to stop it
Why the suffering
I wanted to help
Why the anger
I cant control it
Why the depression
I cant stop these tears
Why the bleeding
Take my mind away
When i couldnt do anything
It became worse
When i still cant do anything
The past has ended with ongoing tears
So much drama
I wish i knew alot
So much fighting
I wish i made it stop
So much pain
I just went under and fell forever
When im still trying
Im drowning
How do i fight
My mind never taught me
My every regret punishes my thoughts
Aug 2018 · 61
Jail
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Closed doors are locked behind me
Im wanting to escape,
But my strength wont get to work
Im wanting to go back,
But the future wont let me
Everytime i breathe,
My heart locks
Everytime my heart beats,
My blood pours out
Everytime my blood escapes,
I collapse
My mind is dead
While my body struggles
My body fights
While my heart tries to keep up
My heart stops
While my breathing gets weak
My strength leaves me
Im punching the walls
Im scratching the floors
Im pulling the doors
Im trying to open my mind
Im trying to gain strength
Im trying to gain courage
Im trying to gain trust
But i cannot help myself
How do i bail out
How do i free myself
How do i reach the key
Its trapped in my mind
Aug 2018 · 162
Break
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
So fragile
I dont want to move
Used to the point where im almost nothing
My mind is so tired
My body is so exhausted
One more step and ill fall
Im so shaky, im so dizzy
These thoughts that run through my head are adding stress
Im getting stretched
And soon im going to snap
Once im gone i wont come back
Pieces are slowly falling apart on me
Once i brake, im broken forever
No glue can make me whole again
No tape can attach what im losing in the end
Forced to undo myself, its hard to make myself stay
Weakness is stronger than strength
Im just fading away
My body is bending
My mind is twisting
My heart is stopping
Im going to stop breathing
My spirit wants to split
My soul is already ripping through my skin
My mind and body is slowly detaching themselves
And once im broken, im broken forever
Now im apart
Now im torn
Now im bleeding
Now im in separation from everything, everybody
The sharp air pierces my spirit
The sharp wind pierces my soul
The sharp negativity pierces my mind
The sharp knife pierces my skin
Now im in two pieces
One is gone forever
Aug 2018 · 69
Fade
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I thought i was so normal
Nothing bothered me
Nothing feared me
Nothing would come over me
I thought this would last forever
But the thoughts i had were all so fake..
The goodnight kisses that stopped
I wanted to stop caring
The conversations that ended
I wanted to stop listening
The calmness in the voice changed
I continuously gave attitude
The sweetness of the personality switched
I became angry
The warm house that held me
I never was home
The room that kept me
I kept slamming the door
The phone that kept ringing
I always hung up
The school that educated me
I kept failing
The knives that lay hidden inside the drawers
I took them, i used them, onto my arms
The money that was spent
I just through away
The help that was brought
I didnt want in the end
They noticed the change
And i denied it all
The nights i left without saying goodnight
The conversations always turned into fights
My voice kept getting louder and my nerves wouldnt stop shaking
My personality would confuse me because it was always changing
My door kept everyone out
So they left me alone and never bothered to shout
Hung up the phone after screaming and yelling
Friends always asking cathy why you snapping
Failing; didnt give a **** about walking the school halls
Everynight, no sleep
Everynight, i bleed
Everynight, drowned myself with alcohol
When i was asked what happen to my arms
I just said nothing
The questions were always ignored
Money came money went
Spending with anger and depression so everything was spent
The fear the anger, the worry, because they were trying to help
They only wanted to save me from myself
What was happening
I really didnt know
I hoped it would all end
I just wanted this negativity to go
I pushed so many people away
Most importantly my own family
Then they were scared to even look at me
I had never stopped and took the time to say sorry
Everything was at its worst
I made the person i wanted to be
I didnt know how i had hurt
I just wanted my mind to stop having contact with me
I made everyone give up
I made everyone scared
I made everyone not talk to me
The people that i loved just wanted to be there
My tears wouldnt stop
I didnt know why this was happening
So confused, i just left it alone
So confused, so i just let myself go
I wanted it to stop
I was so out of control
Why did i hurt people i loved
Why did i even hurt myself
I knew i was slowly fading away
Aug 2018 · 98
Cancer
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Why was it created
Why did start
Why was it intended to destroy beautiful hearts
Why all the migraines
Why all the *****
Why all the dizziness
Something isnt right
Why all the confusion
Why all blurriness
Why all the signs
A need to start a fight
Why so many appointments
Why so many doctors
Why so many medications
Losing the mind
Why all the weakness
Why all the tension
Why all the frustrations
Barely holding on tight
Why so much pressure
Why so much stress
Why so much emotions
Why is the body trying to hide
Why the missing hair
Why all the weight loss
Why the spirit getting eaten up
Why is everyone starting to cry
Why all the pain
Why all the anger
Why all the suffering
Barely surviving life
Why did we lose
Why did the body pause
Why does this exist
Why do golden hearts stop
Aug 2018 · 72
Through Sorrow's Shoes
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Do you know how it feels to say goodbye
Do know what it feels like to actually cry
Do you know how it feels when you cannot breathe
Do you know how hard it is to sleep
Do you know how to deal with a pain that wont go away
Do you know how to deal with someone who couldnt stay
Do you know how to deal with strength you need to quickly build
Do you know how to deal with the weakness that broke your shield
Do you know how to fight when the sickness shows you the truth
Do you know how to fight when anger wants to shoot
Do you know to fight when there is sadness in your eyes
Do you know how to fight when depression & sorrow make you cry
Do you know how hard it is to think and cry at once
Do you know how hard it is to breathe and hyperventilate for months
Do you know how hard it is to see nothing but memories and love
Do you know how hard it is to continue to feel that touch
Do u know what it feels like to kiss a cold beautiful face;
Whos asleep forever;
And you know she will no longer wake...
Aug 2018 · 107
Painful Past
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Uncontrollable disaster appeared inside my head
Physically, i was strong to one kind of abuse
Mentally, i was weak to different kinds of abuse
Emotionally my weakness continued for years
All the doors closed when my head turned the other way
The only door that remained opened was the mirror
But i shattered it so many times
That the pieces cut me like a knife
I kept bleeding inside myself
Then it poured out through my eyes
I kept bleeding outside myself
Then it poured right back inside
There were lonely nights that i made so dangerous
There were quiet nights that i hyperventilated
There were dark nights when i was fighting fear
There were lights on at night when i stayed up for days
There were days that i covered my arms
There were days that my throat was dry
There were days that i lost the fights
There were days that i was over tired
I wanted to give up
I wanted to end
I wanted to leave
I wanted to say goodbye to it all
The pain was so deep
I was pierced with so many swords
Inside my body i mentally died
Smiles were never thoughts
Laughing was just to hide
Anxiety was not a choice
Hyperventilation was uncontrollable
Anger was everyday
Crying was too hard to stop
Alcohol
Mutilation
***
Was the only happiness i knew
Drunk
Bleeding
Guys
Was the only way out
My worst nightmare i had was seeing myself alive
And the best dream i had was seeing myself dying
Slowly i ignored my family
Slowly i ignored my friends
Slowly i ignored myself
Suddenly i stopped listening to my family
Suddenly i stopped listening to my friends
Suddenly i stopped listening to myself
Sadly i turned cold towards my family
Sadly i turned cold towards my friends
Sadly i turned cold towards myself
Everyone tried to talk to me
And i pushed them away
Everyone tried to be nice
And i turned the other way
Everyone was scared to come near me
And i backed away
Everyone thought i was crazy
And i was
I finally disappeared
I drowned in my own tears
I tripped over my own feet
I choked on my own oxygen
I punched my own mirror
I disrespected my own heart
I bled from my own hands
I hurt my own self
Aug 2018 · 55
Grieving In Silence
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
It seems like your with us everyday
Because i still cannot accept that you are gone
Im missing you more and more each day
Every minute, every second
Im forever bruised
Because the memories still remain
Im forever torn
Because you were taken away
Im forever in pain
Because i know your never coming back
I love how family mistaken my name for yours
Its obvious im your little twin that everyone sees
I love talking about you
I love when people talk about you
The laughs, the smiles, the jokes we share
But deep down im hiding away all the pain
I close the doors
I close the lights
I shut everything out
And hug my pillow tight
My eyes are squeezing out the water
My lungs force out all the air
My heart skips numerous beats
My mind is everywhere
So much time spent remembering
So much time spent thinking
So much time spent hyperventilating
So much time spent crying
My love for you is so strong
Im still crying because i miss you
Im still angry because he took you
Im still learning why he took you
Im still trying to forgive
Aug 2018 · 58
Unbreathe
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Its so hard to breathe when the mind is so occupied
Occupied with only bitterness
The heart has turned cold and squeezed the veins until they snapped
And then the blood pours out of the body
Hyperventilation replaced the calmness of the lungs
And now its harder to breathe
Trembling, shaking;
The heart is trying to keep up
Dizziness, nauseous;
The mind is trying to make it stop
Sweating, numbness;
The body is slowing down
The throat is closing itself,
Like a set of hands squeezing the neck
The lungs had given up,
Like they were crushed with a hammer
Strength has died
Weakness has arrived
There is no more air
There is no more pulse
Is everything on hold
Or is everything stopped forever
Aug 2018 · 67
Who Was I
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
When strength was taken from me,
I lost my mind, body and soul
And when i found myself, it was only because i was looking into a
mirror
My heart was shattered from my mind
So i was never able to love myself back to life
Forgotten who i was,
The new person had been confused
Forgotten who i was,
The new person had been brainwashed
Forgotten who i was,
The new person had been angry
Forgotten who i was,
The new person became dangerous
So much pain,
I wanted to end myself
I didnt know how to undo the hurt that i had within my body
Nothing made sense
Nothing changed me
My weakness was lost forever
The tears washed away the pain only temporarily
And then it all came back again
I never questioned myself
I only bossed myself around
And then i abused myself
I just couldnt take it anymore
Something had to be done
Aug 2018 · 57
You Rescued me
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I was blind
I was deaf
My lungs were broken
I was weak
I wanted to stay away from the pictures that i used to see
I wanted everyone; everything silenced
I wanted to stop breathing
I wanted to lose myself
You gave me your eyes so i can see
You gave me your ears so i can hear
You gave me your nose so i can breathe
You gave me your mouth so i can speak
You gave me your strength so i can lose my weakness
You looked into my heart and opened the eyes of a prisoner;
Trapped inside her own body
You listened to my stories and undid the deaf inside my head;
So i can listen to everyone excluding myself
Mouth to mouth
You breathed air into my lungs and brought me back to life again
Aug 2018 · 53
Play Pause Stop Refresh
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Play the moments
Over and over they rewind in my head
Over and over i want them to come back
Pause the memories
I stop and think and see everything that used to be perfect
Everyday is a question that can never be answered
Stop the pain
I couldnt do it anymore
I couldnt deal with it anymore
I couldnt **** myself anymore
I had stopped myself from suffering with a new start at life
Refresh the happiness
Pushing the weakness away,
I grew so strong
Pushing the evil away,
I survived all my fears
Pushing the devil away,
My soul is safe
Everything is starting to finally make sense
Aug 2018 · 78
Stripped
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
My body was created and then torn apart
Like a puzzle that noone was able to put me back together
Through my skin,
I bled myself to hyperventilation
Through my body,
I drank myself to sleep
Through my soul,
I cried myself to dream
My head was left
My heart was always right
My arms were heavy
My legs were light
My eyes were always burned
My nose was plugged
My mouth was always stretched
My ears were always clogged
My pupils had been scratched
My nasal cavity had been pushed on
My vocal cords had been cut
My ears had been popped
My fingers and toes had been hit
My hair hasnt been strong
My face had been squeezed
My body had been numb
My body had been torn apart since it got created
Noone was able to put me back together with the pieces of my puzzle
When i was bleeding,
I wanted to bleed some more
When i was drinking,
I drank myself out the door
When i was crying,
Noone heard me
Aug 2018 · 55
Repetition
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Screaming
She doesnt know
Angry
Because shes spoiled
Crying
Because mommy is in the shower and left her all alone
Hurting
Her little cousin
Scared
Of the dark
Screaming
Just leave me alone
Angry
I can do what i want
Crying
Mommy is in the hospital and left me all alone
Hurting
Herself
Scared
Of the darkness that started inside her
Screaming
Theres no control
Angry
Everything is being thrown
Crying
Mommy was taken away forever and left me alone
Hurting
Herself deeply
Scared
Of the sickness that will forever stay
Aug 2018 · 69
Confused
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Shut everything,
Everyone out
Im giving up slowly
The past is slowly haunting me
Its spinning my body im circles
And so im dizzy everyday
I had fallen so deep into the trap of fear
And then i wonder what im doing here
Am i ready to move on
Am i ready to change
Or will my moods only keep changing
And then i remain unbalanced
If i undo the medicated life, im crazy
If i remain on the medicated life, im still crazy
I can and will never win
Will i ever win back what i once had
Or what i once wanted
When will it end
Never
When will i stop fearing
Never
When will i stop crying
Never
When will i start learning
Never
When will i be normal
Never
When will i breathe on my own again
Never
Aug 2018 · 83
Shock
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Trembling with mood swings
Im screaming
My throat is broken
& my cords are snapped open
Shaking with fear
Im crying
My eyes are burning
& my pupils made me go blind
Shivering with anxiety
Im hyperventilating
My nasal passages are completely blocked
& my lungs had collapsed
Dizzy with noises
My eardrums had shattered
& my ear canal has been cut
Numbness on my body
Everything had lost its strength
Aug 2018 · 98
Drown
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
When i force everything to be quiet
I ignore & shut everything, everyone out
When everything around me suddenly disappears
My back is deep in the water;
I force myself to be invisible
When I want to struggle
I dont want to save myself anymore
Im going in deeper
When my breathing gets heavier
Im forcing the tension to come into my soul
When my heart pumps faster
Im forcing the weakness to come inside my body
My lungs are closed
I cannot scream anymore
My eyeballs are rolled back
I cannot see anymore
My eardrums are damaged
I cannot hear anymore
My bones are broken
I dont want to move anymore
When all the weight is on top of me
I force my strength to leave my body
And then i let myself go again
Aug 2018 · 58
True Nightmare
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Rewinding these moments that went through my head before
Confused
Worried
Scared
Angry
Depressed
Losing the happiness that was supposed to be forever
Why is this so familiar
It feels so real
It looks so real
Please take away this pain forever
Wake me from this pain
Wake me from this nightmare
I don't want to feel it anymore
The darkness is deeper
My eyes grow tighter
My heart beats faster
My body grows weaker
And then I'm breathing heavy
Wake me from the silence
The noise is all in my head
Wake me from this noise
The silence is when my brain begins
This truth of darkness exists
But why won't it disappear
Lies of dreams taken away from nightmares
I just cannot sleep
Just wake me up
I never want to sleep again
I realize im awake
This is reality
Aug 2018 · 69
Last Breath
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
When the pain started
I prayed the weakness would end
But every night i kept wondering if my words were getting ignored
Every morning was a test that God had to pass
To see if she was better
To see if her weakness had left
Each day i noticed the changes
Each day i noticed her eyes
Each day i noticed she couldnt handle no more
Each day i had tears in my eyes
& whenever suffering was brought to her
The suffering was brought to me
I felt so much anger
I felt so much sadness
I felt so much confusion
I felt so much guilt
My feelings grew so strong when I learned the truth
My feelings were mixed up because i didnt know what to do
I asked myself if i was the villain
Then I answered myself;
God is
My questions were unanswered
My prayers were ignored
My head was injected with lies
From God, doctors, and much more
The time went by so fast
But her breathing was so slow
Undoing the weakness within her heart
Her strength was forced to let go
Aug 2018 · 61
Its Time To Say Goodbye
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Last look that was given
Last movement of the body
Last hearing from the ears
Last breath of the mouth
Last beat of the heart
The first time when our tears were real
The first time when our hearts were heavy
The first time when we couldnt talk
The first time when we couldnt hear
The first time when we couldnt feel
The first time when we couldnt understand
The first time we didnt want to accept
The first time we were forced
The time to cry
The time to scream
The time to be angry
The time to be sad
The time to try to understand
The time to try to accept
The time to be strong
The time to learn what goodbye to someone really means
Aug 2018 · 62
Medicated
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
It was in the past when I was so out of control
And now I have been introduced to something new
Now my body is so dependable to a drug that takes me away from the pain
It accepted a new soul that was buried deep inside
Into my body
I'm injected with happiness
All my depression and self-mutilation has disappeared
Into my body
I'm injected with relief
I have no more anger
Into my body
I'm injected with breath
Hyperventilation has disappeared
Into my body
I'm injected with relaxation
My heart is beating normal again
But when will I learn to do this all on my own?
Am I getting support for the rest of my life?
Can it get ****** out of my body?
Or will I lose myself again
And if I miss,
It's like my body is shutting down on me
Withdrawal takes its place
I cannot do this all on my own
I will never be able to push it away
I will never learn to control myself
Forever injected
Aug 2018 · 47
Sickness is a poison
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Sickness is like a poison
That changes the body
That changes the mind
That changes the soul
The body can get weak
The mind can forget
The soul can disappear
Weakness can gain strength
Forgetting can gain memory
Disappearing can gain appearance
Strength
Memory
Appearance
Is all in the mind
The mind is strong
And so once the mind allows strength,
Once it allows memory
Once it allows appearance,
You are free
You are beautiful
You are amazing
Sickness is a word
It is the only poison in the this world
And it is given by the devil
And the devil wants people to suffer
But you have the power to defeat Gods enemy
And God gives you the power to work with him
And so you have the power to free yourself


Dedicated to my cousin Sam I love u so much
God will take care of u xo
Aug 2018 · 74
The Smell Of Flowers
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Slowly walking into a room with fresh flowers
Beautiful colours
Beautiful creations
Beautiful scents
Deep breath
I close my eyes
Deep breath
And then I cry
The anxiety
The anger
The sadness
The sorrow
The memories
Walking where the flowers lead to her new bed
The sent gets stronger
I get weaker
But I need to get closer
I'm as close as ill ever be
Surrounded by flowers all around her & me
The beautiful creations weren't supposed to be the only ones alive
The beautiful creations were forced to make everyone cry
Stripping the happiness
Bruising the anger
Drowning the eyes
Poking the ears
Shattered the mouth
Breaking the nose
Now the scent will never make me forget
It's a memory
It's a flashback
It's a sorrow
That will never leave my head
As I smell a flower,
It burns
It hurts
I remember
Going back to that time
When those flowers scented the room
The memory of what happen
The memory of the last day
The memory of the room
When I had to say goodbye forever
Aug 2018 · 93
Good Girl Gone Bad
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Innocent baby girl
So sweet; so tender
Heart of gold
Body so delicate
Soul so free
Innocent little girl
Talks so softly
Very shy
Very quiet
Very gentle
Behaves and respects mommy and daddy
Troubled teenaged girl
Confused about life
About everything and everyone around her
Getting out of control
Her temper is taking steps
Learning she was able to yell at mom and dad
Eyes learning how to tear
Her soul starts to peel
Her body starts to pull
Her heart turns grey
She realizes she's trapped;
But doesn't know where
Her conscience introduced her to a razor
Troubled woman
Confused with herself
About life and everything else
Everyone included
Totally out of control
Her temper is making her heart race
Yells & screams at the top of her lungs
Mom and dad just don't know what to do
The tears are making her drown
Its like the devil overpowered her innocence
Her soul is ripped
Her body is stripped
Her heart is black;
With the blood pouring out of her skin
Partying
Drinking
Cutting
Unlimited amounts of ***
Now she knows she's trapped inside her body & soul
Denying the fact she was sick
So sick
So crazy
So unmedicated
Pushing family and friends away
Didn't care
Didn't respect
Didn't regret
Her life,
So ruined
Aug 2018 · 157
A Daughter's Angel
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Never thought I would receive such heart-breaking news
That I was unable to choose
That you couldnt be rescued
Never thought your heart would grow weak
That you would forever sleep
That you and God would meet
Never thought my heart would break
That I knew this was all a big mistake
That God had to take
Never thought the day would go by
That you would fly
That I would cry
Never thought that I would lose
That the devil was accused
That my heart is now bruised
Never thought that I would feel this pain
That I became insane
But heaven has gained...
An angel
Mother Queen of Angels
My beautiful angel
Your daughter cries on...
Aug 2018 · 607
Undo
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Undo the anger,
I can't handle the stress anymore
Undo the fears,
I don't want to be scared anymore
Undo the tears; undo the depression; undo the sorrow,
I don't want to cry anymore
Undo the nightmares,
I don't want insomnia anymore
Undo the noise,
I don't want to scream anymore
Undo the pain,
I don't want to feel anymore
Undo the hate
Undo the lies
Undo the haters
Undo the liars
Undo the two-faced
Undo the judging
Undo the talking
Undo the laughing
Undo the ignorance
Undo the selfishness
Undo the heartless
Undo the bitterness
Undo the tension
Undo the drama
It's enough
Undo them in my life
Aug 2018 · 56
Swollen Eyes
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
The water is blinding me
The salt is burning me
My body is pouring out the liquids of pain
The stream is on my skin
Its exactly like rain
& then my head starts;
Blowing up like a balloon.
Its hurting so much
The pain from inside
The pain from water
Unstoppable weakness
Unstoppable pain
Redness in my eyes
Redness on my face
Burning in my eyes
Burning on my face
My body is so tired
My hands are so tired
From wiping away too many tears
& if i shut my eyes, more will fall
Im having trouble seeing
Im having trouble hearing
Im having trouble swallowing
Im having trouble breathing
My fear within
My weakness within
My pain within
Is causing my lids to swell
My tears wont stop falling
I cannot control these swollen eyes
Aug 2018 · 61
Hurt
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
This meaning cannot be explained.
The sad eyes of the mirror,
Is what I stare into.
My body & soul grew so weak.
& I've been invisibly shot;
Through the air;
The bullets forced me to bleed.
My lungs cannot hold the air anymore;
So my breathing is getting slower.
My heart is getting weaker.
In shock with reality,
My body freezes.
Im used to the pain,
So I lost feeling within me
Just like a physical force,
I feel it mentally.
Im hurting in my head & body.
I have no time what physically harms me.
I pierce myself with relaxation.
The blade makes me bleed these moods away.
Hyperventilation.
Anxiety.
Fear.
Anger.
Sadness.
These are the moods of hurt.
Aug 2018 · 61
Stage Of Fear
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Performances in the dark;
It undo's the secrets of unbraveness.
The black cloud took over the sky.
The lightening pierced the sun.
The thunder chased away all the confidence;
The braveness was chased away by fear.
& its so dark.
& its so silent.
& its so unexpected.
Not an actress,
But I perform;
The lines of fear.
Standing there afraid.
Standing there frozen.
Standing there with shame.
Standing there with anxiety.
Standing there embarrassed.
Standing there unprotected.
The lights that pierce my eyes.
The sounds that stab my ears.
The air that stops my breathing.
The stage that allows me to fall.
Aug 2018 · 51
Unpassable Memories
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
They dont release themselves from my mind.
The good ones,
The bad ones;
Both force tears out of my eyes.
& when I used to wish;
I couldnt wait to be older,
Now I wish,
That I had stayed younger.
Flashbacks never fail.
Faces never disappear.
The whispers inside my head never stop.
I can & never will move forward in my life.
The walls are movie theatres;
Everywhere I turn,
Something is playing from the past.
The floors are ice;
I fall for every mistake I've made.
I release so much anger.
I release so much guilt.
I release so much confusion.
& I keep connecting with the past.
& I keep disconnecting with the present.
& I keep fearing the future.
I want to undo this pain;
To reconnect with myself again.
But my mind is in one spot.
Im unable to continue.
I cannot move forward.
Aug 2018 · 60
Thorns
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Behind the pain,
Im trapped in a corner.
They are getting inside my head.
They are getting to my body.
They are eating away at my strength,
& feeding my weaknesses.
With no control,
My blood is boiling from the fears thats being brought to me.
I feel as though Im choking,
Everything is just pushing up against me.
My heart is cracking,
With the blood escaping.
My dizziness appears to tire me out,
When Im gasping for air.
Im so blind,
Because everything is just throwing me around all at once.
I cant control anything anymore.
Its too much to handle.
Silence has grown;
It finally speaks the truth.
But when I need help,
The noise just dies down again.
The problems are piercing me.
The people are piercing me.
The mirror is piercing me.
My mind is piercing me.
Everything around me is piercing me.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im left dizzy & confused.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im only left to drown in the puddles.
Trying to bleed everything,
But Im left shaking.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im being manipulated;
With more pain.
A million times,
Im being stabbed.
The thorns are sinking deeper & deeper inside my skin.
Making sure I stop seeing.
Making sure I stop hearing.
Making sure I stop speaking.
Making sure I stop breathing.
& everywhere I turn,
They come for me;
Just piercing me.
Allowing me not to think.
Allowing me not to move.
They undid the comfort around me.
They did the damage within me.
They forced out the blood inside me.
I have these holes in my body,
That can never be healed.
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
The roses revealed such a wild scent;
It made us relax,
Before we got excited.
& it was so quiet.
Our hands did all the talking in silence.
Our clothes ended up ****** our souls.
Our minds just forced our bodies on eachother.
It was just too easy to give in.
The air was like piercing thorns,
That allowed us to bleed sweat upon eachother.
The walls were yelling down to the floor.
The floor was yelling up to the bed,
To take us in.
The bed finally answered after watching our eyes,
Stare with strong excitement.
Teasing our bodies.
Teasing our minds.
The bed was calling to get blessed.
The bed had the jaws of a shark,
Waiting to pull us in.
My body was suddenly carried;
His arms were forced to touch me.
And then I was saved;
As the bed catches my body,
As Im thrown down.
I felt the air from his mouth to my ear.
His whispers were no secrets.
His responses left me no choice;
Theres no turning back.
My whispers were answering back to him;
I gave my body to him.
Ripped from our bodies,
Our clothes were tossed on the floor from eachothers hands.
Our skin was finally revealed through the air.
& it became so hot.
The walls cracked.
The floor broke.
The bed got beaten.
It must have been a sin,
Because it felt so good.
It must have been wrong,
Because we couldnt stop.
Your starvation for my body,
I fed you.
My dehydration for your body,
You quenched my thirst.
All the tension,
All the weakness,
All the strength,
All the energy,
Was released onto the bed.
& it was drenched with sweat.
& it was ***** with our bodies.
& it was beaten with our hands.
& it was completed with pleasure.
The strength within you.
Showed me what you were about.
The strength within me,
Showed you what I was about.
The energy between us,
Stripped the room with great pleasure of ****** activity.
The innocence of the bed has been finally broken with guilt.
& the sheets were brutally shattered.
It was so dark.
But so light to see what had happened.
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Lets do some damage.
Lets cause a disaster.
Let us finally undo ourselves after locking the door behind us.

The look in your eyes,
Will bring me closer.
And my eyes are weakened;
Because the strength inside you,
Will give you the energy to pull me to you in silence.
My body;
Inside a glass container,
That you have broken through the air,
To get to me.
Your body;
Was so distant behind the curtains,
Until I ripped through to you.
Your grip on my hips,
Holds for just a second.
The opening of my pants,
Appears at your fingers' attention.
And then you whisper,
"Your innocence will soon be taken."
And then my response bounced back;
"It was taken so long ago.
Im not an amateaur.
I know how to perform."
Bring yourself close.
Bring yourself on top.
Just indent my lips with yours.
& dont make it passionate.
Dont go soft.
In the end your lips will bleed.
I want our hearts to beat a different rhythm.
I want our breathing to be ready for a race.
The kiss that will lead to a touch.
The touch that will lead to ***.
I wanna start kissing.
Ripped from my body,
My clothes suddenly became invisible.
Your hands acted like scissors;
In my mind,
Everything is so shattered.
There is no turning back.
And with so much force,
The bed catches me,
As you push me down.
Your hands suddenly wonder.
& your clothes are suddenly removed.
Let our minds take control.
Lets make our bodies turn colours.
My body leans on you.
Your body pulls me closer.
Now things will start to get heated up.
Are you insured?
Because we need to have coverage,
For the damage we're about to create.
The walls suddenly push our bodies with so much force.
Our eyes stab eachother so deep;
As they lock tight,
With the seriousness on our faces.
We are eachothers lessons;
We need to learn.
Our energy gets warmed up.
The power within you are secrets to show me.
The power within me are secrets to respond to you
I wanna start.
In silence,
My hands are hostage with yours.
Because Im held down so tightly.
Your lips pressing.
Your lips indenting on my neck.
Suddenly the bruises of proof showed itself.
Pierced with your mouth.
Pierced with your teeth.
One spot after another;
Like a leopard's skin,
You have marked me.
The first set of hickeys.
I want you to release me.
Unlock your hands from mine.
I want you to move out of my way,
Because this excitement is making me crazy.
"Dont talk,"
He says.
"Just relax,"
He continues.
Your hands appear tighter around me.
Finally,
My bellybutton is touched from inside my body.
Your suddenly deaf as Im screaming;
Deeper.
Harder.
Faster.
When you make sure my wrists had been marked;
The redness;
That was made while you squeezed me so tight with your strong hands.
You finally let go.
My hands suddenly wonders across your back.
My fingers move with so much pressure,
So much strength,
So much force,
As I make these marks.
Like a tiger's skin,
My nails scratch your whole body;
Up & down your back.
& you start bleeding,
As you try to control me.
I suddenly **** my up yours.
& with all the force I have,
Your pressured to be down.
Like a belly dancer without clothes,
Im performing a dance on top of you.
Its time for me to take charge.
The Kamasutra finally enters our minds.
The next step is for us to get created.
Positions force themselves into our naughty minds,
& into our bodies.
There is no such thing as the word "stop."
Through our skin,
We drown in our own sweat.
Through the mirrors,
Were covered in eachothers marks.
Through our bodies,
We've pleasured eachothers hunger.
The damage has been done.
What a beautiful disaster.
What beautiful pain.
What beautiful damage.
Aug 2018 · 57
UFO
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
UFO
What is your mind telling you?
What are your eyes showing you?
Because I act like a ghost.
Noone understands me.
Noone knows me.
Noone sees me.
& when I talk,
It confuses you.
& when I whisper,
You cannot hear.
& when I yell,
You appear deaf.
Because you only see what you want,
I will never let anyone understand me.
Its too hard to go through every step.
Just continue to understand what you know & think.
Continue being so clueless.
Im just a mystery that you cannot solve.
Keep thinking;
I make you run your mind.
Keep searching;
You're brain keeps hurting.
Not even a microscope wont figure me out.
Im so distant.
So far away.
The sound of my voice leaves everyone so lost.
My body is the only one thats visible,
Because the soul within me hides.
Isnt it just frustrating,
When you want to know the truth?
But isnt it fun,
When you start the rumours?
I just put a block to everything & everyone.
I will never properly reveal myself.
Just keep trying.
Everyone needs to keep trying to find my soul.
Its so hidden behind all my fears,
& inside my mind.
The manipulations.
The lies.
The negative energy.
Never will I open up.
Never will I show my face.
Never will I get figured out.
Just everyone please,
Give up.
& I know what you think you see.
& I know what you think you heard.
& everyone thinks they are always right.
& everyone finally tries to get in my way.
I know what has been released through the walls.
Because the walls talk to me in silence;
Behind all you backs.
& this is the reason for my behaviour.
You think you see me,
But I really dont exist.
Aug 2018 · 74
Escapism
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Leaving everything behind just for a moment,
This is the time to free my mind.
As I enter a world of amnesia,
I hope all the negativity never haunts me again.
Releasing all stress.
Releasing all anger.
Releasing all depression.
I push away all the problems,
To replace them all with distractions.
A time to run away.
A time to be distant.
A time to be unfocused.
A time to make mistakes.
A time to have fun.
Using the tools of pleasure,
I create a wall to block everything else out.
& when a new world gets created,
Im finally free.
Aug 2018 · 513
Anxiety #3
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
The slow breathing,
Before the fast;
Until my body is shocked with the sudden reaction.
My mind that takes over my heart,
Will never learn to be controlled.
I will never know what it feels like to be relaxed.
Just to be unworried,
Fearless,
Brave,
& to trust.
& through the darkness,
The light appears dead in silence.
Only the sound of fear,
Plays in my head.
Only the sound of my breath,
When I try to gasp for air.
My mind pushes strong;
There is no limit.
My heart is pushed so far;
It works so hard.
& then the air within my body,
Cannot be controlled.
My breathing,
So hard.
So heavy.
So fast.
& Im at the point where I cannot breathe.
It feels so harsh,
So painful.
My body weakens.
My body is dizzy.
My fingers & toes are so numb as I shake.
It just feel like there is an earthquake.
Im unable to walk.
These attacks are controlling me.
& with the dehydration my body goes through,
The water that is finally taken into me,
Drowns me when I need the moisture.
Its so hard to think with confusion.
Its so hard to focus with distraction.
Its so hard to try and catch my breath,
When hyperventilation takes over.
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Its still a nightmare;
& its still so difficult.
Im trying hard.
Im pushing myself.
Im telling myself,
Everyday that its true.
You're gone,
But never forgotten.
And I still think you're here sometimes.
Im still having a hard time accepting this pain.
It wont leave me.
I cant move on.
I cant trust myself without you here.
You were my strength,
And now Im weak without you.
Im feeling like you're trapped behind every picture I look at of you;
& your just unable to jump through the portraits.
Everytime I stare in the mirror,
I wish I was staring at you.
Everytime I go into your room,
I wish I saw you laying down.
The disappearance of your heartbeat,
Made my heart shatter to pieces.
My dreams of you feel so real.
I just wish I could never wake up.
Because when my eyes are open,
You're gone again.
Everytime I hear your name from others,
My body freezes.
And its everything;
Everything in this house,
Everything that I find,
Reminds me of you.
Puddles are everywhere from my tears.
Every tear,
Falls for everything about you;
Everything that reminds me of you.
Everything that was connected to you.
Is this actually happening?
Am I actually trying to live without you?
I just want you to be the one who wakes me up from this nightmare.
I feel like Ive been sleeping for 2 years,
& you havent come to my rescue yet.
& sometimes I try hard not to think about you,
Because it hurts too much.
& when Im so focused on thinking about you,
Its worse,
As I burst into tears.
I ask the same word everyday;
Everytime,
I think of you;
Why?
Why did this have to happen to you?
Why did you suffer all that pain?
& in the end,
You were taken away from all of us.
I cant do this anymore.
Its killing me inside.
I cant move on anymore,
I wanna hide.
I cant live without you here anymore,
Theres nothing left in life.
Why cant you come back to me?
& if not,
Why couldnt I come with you?
Its just so hard for me to accept this kinda pain;
That cut me so deep.
& Im still in so much shock.
& Im still crying.
& Im still grieving.
Its not going to get easier,
I dont care what anybody says.
I cant accept the fact that you're gone.
Im trying to tell myself,
But I cant.
Im trying to explain it to myself,
But I cant.
& by telling myself this,
Its like a slap in the face everyday.
Everyday becomes harder.
Everyday I become weaker.
Everyday I cry more.
Everyday I react differently.
Everyday I have to wake up having to deal with the truth.
I want you here,
& I cant be strong for this.
I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
Aug 2018 · 58
Screaming In Silence
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Do you know what it feels like when your screaming,
And noone can hear?
You want to get something out,
but you just cant.
& noone knows what its like,
To be limited.
Do you know what it feels like when your screaming,
And only you can hear?
Your trapped inside your own body,
& you dont know what to do,
What to think,
How to see,
How to breathe,
Or how to speak.
Your so closed inside a box;
Your body,
That your mind is telling you,
"Its soundproof."
& each corner throws you in the middle.
Embarrassment blocks you from appearing in front of people's eyes.
Fear & anxiety is what stops you from speaking whats on your mind.
Stops you from opening up your eyes.
Stops you from breathing.
Stops you from hearing.
Stops you from communicating.
& stops you from moving on.
Its so hard to breathe,
When everything is pushed in front of your face.
& when your able to finally breathe,
Your choking on oxygen.
When your afraid to talk,
Your being judged.
When your too late,
Everything closes in on you.
When you mind tricks you into thinking your brave;
Its time to speak,
Then your heart gets tortured & bleeds.
Your screaming,
But noone hears.
You wanna make sure they hear,
But you finally notice your unable to push yourself.
& your so mute;
So frozen.
Your strength leaves you.
Your energy leaves you.
Your power leaves you.
Your voice leaves you.
Your heart no longer responds to you;
Because it feels betrayed.
& your mind uses your insides to trap your voice forever.
You can never be heard.
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Im bleeding,
Dripping alot.
Im crying,
It pours into a puddle made for me to drown in.
Its like my body was used to fight off whats going on in my head.
I dont know what to do any more.
The force from my head,
Pushes me to physically hurt myself.
& I keep asking my conscience,
Why Im being used.
The dark side of me is taking control;
Leaving my other side to suffer.
I look in the mirror to see nothing but a stranger.
My mind controls my body & soul.
& I have no choice but to listen & obey.
& its when I dont know what to do.
Is it right?
or is it wrong?
Am I stupid?
Because I dont know who I am anymore.
My actions are speaking louder,
Because my mind wont give up.
Why cant I finally let go?
Let go of all this negativity I have built inside me;
That was brought through my head.
Inside my head,
I take the anger all upon myself.
Inside my head,
I take the sadness upon myself.
In my head,
I take the fear upon myself.
And in my head,
I physically take advantage of myself.
It pushes me.
It tricks me.
It allows me to hurt myself;
Physically.
My mentality is what Im forced to follow.
Aug 2018 · 69
Disconnected Confusion
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Noisily silent,
While Im quietly loud.
I try to breathe,
While I hold my breath.
Im try to laugh,
While Im crying.
Im trying to speak,
While Im mute.
Im trying to hear,
While Im deaf.
Im trying to see,
While my eyes are shut.
As Im sitting,
Im trying to run.
As my arms are tied,
Im trying to reach out.
As Im on the floor,
Im trying to get up.
I put my sunglasses on when the night has arrived.
The sun comes out,
And I open the umbrella.
So when it rains,
I have no protection;
& its so easy to hide my tears,
As it pours.
When I stare at the water,
I feel like im drowning & panicking.
And In the water,
I seem to think Im flying;
So when Im in the sky,
I try to swim.
When the phone rings,
I refuse to answer.
& when I want to call,
There is no dial tone.
I try to go through the door when its closed;
As it opens,
I back away.
When the music is on,
I hear static.
It plays in my head when the radio is off.
I ignore,
When someone talks to me.
When I finally wanna talk,
They turn their backs.
When I stare at the blades,
My eyes are burning as they are pierced.
When the knife is in use,
Im feeling nothing.
My eyes see,
Im actually hearing.
My ears hear,
Im actually feeling.
My hands feel,
Im actually breathing.
My body moves,
But its all in my head.
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