"I take in all the beauty of the world. But the inside of my mind is a dark realm."
I am selfish. My professor told me "the universe doesn't care about us." To an extent, it's true. God doesn't give a **** about my pain and suffering. I'm supposed to follow my "purpose" and "god's will." I have no control of such things in my life. Narcisscisticly, I blame God and the invisible beings that surround me for everything. Arent they the ones who ruin my mind? Who stand by acting helpless while I get abused, and "learn my lesson?"
How is childhood trauma a "lesson?" What kind of cruel God would punish a child? And yet, I'm supposed to stand here, grateful for the strength I needed to survive in this ****** up patriarchy?
What good is strength, if there is nothing in my life except pain and emptiness, loneliness, and misery? What good is strength, if I, in my own world, am alone, if the fate of my life depends on me, yes, that is what strength is needed for.
But why should I be happy that I'm strong? Why should that bring me happiness, Shafari? Or maybe it shouldn't.
You don't want me to be happy, you selfish *****.
this sounds like a made up story but it is actually my life.
what's the difference?