Graceless heart,
You have met your mark
Alone in this dark,
A flame with one lonely spark

You've met your maker,
A beastly undertaker
All left for the breaker,
Everything perceived as a faker

You're dancing again,
They love your hair and the
Way your legs end
And there is no bye to bend

A fool and blind,
Wasted what has left me behind
Just a colossal joke
And now we've choked
On summer camp smoke

He gave me back
What I knew wasn't his
And I was a child
I was stupid

How does it feel now?
Does it feel bittersweet?
To finally have me see?
And does it fluff your feathers,
Smile on your face
That you are better
That you are whole now?

I'll spend my life with regret
Of never paying too much mind
To the things you'd say

And a promise was kept
That it wasn't the end
But the end for you
Is my only beginning
And I promise to you
That I see no end
I will settle but to never
Replace the things
I could have had

And I never knew
I could feel this pain
It's a difference from
Losing what you shifted
Your life for

This pain took over that
This pain took over everything
This pain is my newfound home
And your soul dashed through
The back window years ago

This is the winner

I sit and enjoy the talk.
Wind in our hair,
The clothes we wear.
Celebrated a life long lived,
Having someone near
would make it more vivid.
Maybe I'm being selfish,
it isn't my day.
Holding a hand
would make it less boring
is all I can really say.

I carry the burden
of always caring
for the ones that wouldn't dare
for the ones that have passed
for the ones not yet
brought to life

My heart has the capacity
to sustain time and decay
And regardless of what people say
my heart is bigger than
my body in every way

I am a survivalist
I make it through every list
and every room has
different views

Packed to the maximum
I still find the knowledge
to out last the best of 'em

I am an old soul
that has survived
even the harshest of cold
in a body that is
made of solid gold

Certain bumps in the night
things stop collecting
over periodic time
No longer feeling of fright

And my guide is built
for endless fights

Circle tap tap

The best thing my time never had

The past is where it's at

And I would love to go back,

Feel that electric lightning zap

But I'll save a space for his timeless laugh

Tap circle tap

I acted like a total brat

But he loved that I was fat

Gave my stomach many pats

I wish I never wasted his time

Tap tap circle

What I did was quite brutal

And my apologies would be futile

I wished he'd better himself

And now I see it wasn't too late for him

Just in time*

Tap tap tap circle

This world is ****** up

But I'll learn to be enough

Maybe if I had two holes in each ear

I would learn how to correctly hear

The st-st-stutter

And the way I was never good at being

The queen of Chevron

Innocence was lost when I couldn't breathe

In the hues of red hills

And I can't hide the way I can't deal

With never mending burnt bridges and heal

With the mistakes I breathe life into

The bigger picture isn't on any wall,

I spend my time looking back and stall

You can't change what you destroyed

So pick better people to surround yourself with

And the voices fill my head with filth

Just love myself and find that

Tap tap tap circle circle

The moon is big
And it's full,
It's the kind of moon
That lights up the whole
Place at night,
Almost like this deeper twilight
And it's beautiful in the way
It's indescribably sad
And it watches me console
My own tears and holding
Them tightly in
Is the moon leaning down
To kiss you now?
Does it wrap you up
In the warmest form of a hug?
I wish I could say
That I was asleep in the sense
Of frozen and forever
But every breath is labored
And unbelievably painful,
Every time I cry, I just keep
Crying more until my eyes burn
And my head hurts and there's
Not a single person here
To help it, to hold it until
All of this bad goes away
And I'm just talking to my
Very own moon,
The light shines but it's too far to reach and
I think death would be
Substantially better
Than this hell

How do you know the pain is real?

He trampled over my life and had to be reminded to make sure I was alright.

He walked all over me and I, all over him.

And one day I decided I was much better. A black hole, let him roam life degrading different souls.

I came to realize this was not true pain.

When I found your face, there was a pin prickle wave from my feet to my brain. I swear I almost threw up from flashbacks hitting my conscious like an 18-wheeler.

And a hollow cry that broght tears I thought I thought were dry when I realized I can never have those promises kept.

A hollowness that reopened old cracks that pushed further until they reached the core of matter.

You were the only good thing in my life and I have changed my mind one ******* million times but I took full blame for the way you will never want to see me stay true to my promises ending in the intended way.

True pain is realizing that it was supposed to always be you.

True pain is thinking I no longer have a heart because it was broken, but then realizing from the very start my heart was in your hand. Finding you again gave me my real heart back, not the one I handmade after we said bye that day.

True pain is breaking my heart that you gave back because I realized I ******* everything up.

True pain is him coming back to do everything he could possibly do, but it would never be enough because it's not you. I know you're long gone, but I hope someday you will find the truth in my words.

True pain is clearing everything, clearing everyone out and filling myself with nothing but you. When it's too late.

From physical to
The mental state,
I am a regret that each
And every one of them has made

I am the bad choice,
The part they will never
Tell their grandchildren
I am the easily replaceable,
The forgettable if it wasn't for
The things I regret doing,
Would you even remember me?

I am the one you scrub off your skin,
Mouthwash the taste of my type of love
Out of your mouth and spit the backwash
Where you left me,
Where you found me
Down here on the ground

I am the opposite you look for now,
I am the reminder of your low standard
I am the 'What the **** was I thinking?'
I am the **** of all jokes you know

But I'm the reminder of
How far you've come and the road
Of everything you now know
To look out for and staying clear of it

So,
At least I
Did that right.

Heart of blue florescence
The memory like moths,
Attracts the reminder
Unforeseen the pain
In the way I now sob your name
But there's no one meeting under here
Silence creeps in like the night
Confusion bites like mosquitoes,
Realization is the thump
In the surrounding woods, unseen
The dark consumes fast

I
hope
they
partake
in
the
floral
crown
trend
and
I
hope
it
eats
you
alive

She told me that I am


              Kind and caring and


After I help her out some


              She tells me I'm sweet


I tell her,


                  Despite what you hear


      I try to help out however I can


          Because I know how it feels


To have no one around to help


               And how no one likes me


And talks about me






               She looks at me and says,



I love you!



        I would never talk about you



And if I did,


        It's about something funny you said


                 She tells me not to listen


To what people say about me



          'Cause she knows



              That I'm a good person,



     That I'm sweet and helpful



           I've thought recently,



                   Very, very recently,



    About confiding in her about



How much this hurts,



             And if I was brave



                  I'd cry my eyes out




   Because I've told another,



                 Got teary eyed but



      It never went further down



              




            Before all of this



She tells me of her cousin







          And how she worries







For him after Trump was elected







          And I'm left to wonder







How it feels to date someone







        With the same name






                                        As a cousin

It must feel nice
To feel like you have the
Complexion of God or karma

Cover your face,
I have a secret to spare
I'm broken in the ugliest of ways
And your jokes or attempts at being clever,
It passes by me

You can't touch what's not there,
You can't punch the feeling
When it's hallowed out
Only comes alive for a guy I'll never know,
The kind that moved on

The questioning pinning,
The drama of it all
It's for the birds

He doesn't think of me
But I know he's out there
He doesn't see me anymore
But I dream of a figure that still cares

This last go around it was
abundant in your voice.
You sneakily throw in my face
just one of the many pretty things
this mouth could bring to life.
You know your marks,
you know where it hurts most.
I finally tried to be better,
the one that used to make your heart sing.
But every time you come around,
just silent screaming blurs.
It isn't anyone's fault,
just the way stars cross.
Filled with regret,
I can never seem to forget
the way it used to be.
Just you and me and
the endless possibilities.

You're off having fun


And I'm watching you enjoy


Every new sun and it feels like


I maybe never even existed to you

This heart
Is being tore
Apart

It's a joke,
You see
Go ahead
And laugh
If you please

But am I
Not just human?
Do I not
Deserve forgiveness
Like you?

Ripped from
My sunken chest,
It hangs in
Thin air and
Illuminates in
The things
It could have
Easily been

You're the last
To know my
Graceless heart
And you will still
Be the first to know
My graceful heart

Without even
Wanting to be
A part of it but
It's life, and unlike
The things that
Controlled me
In my unpleasant past

I'll hold onto the things
You taught me and with
Everything I decide to do
The 17 year old you
Will still be there

My voice of reason
The thing I once knew
I could trust and felt like
I was something different,
Something enough

Look past
The indifference
And remember
The good times

Remember me
For the sweet
And caring things
Not angry and
Toiletry things

Because I'll
Remember the way
Your face flushed
And you were keen
At looking at the ground
Just the same at making
Silly faces and singing
Me songs that are heard
By someone else now

I'll remember
Summer rain and
Storms with flowers
Because you like to
Be an ever-present reminder

And sometime I'll dance
In the rain and I'll dance
When there's a party and
No matter who is beside me
I'll silently do it for you

And you never felt it,
You probably never will
But sometimes it's just there
And you remember why it is
Or who it's for because
You couldn't get rid of the feeling
Even if you forgot these things

And I will always feel it and
Remember who it's for
Im distant and gone from you now
And I don't know if you ever
Really felt anything but
I will always love you

Because you made me brave
And you made me laugh
You made me believe in myself
When no one else took the time
To even learn my name
Before making fun of me
Because you tried so hard
And I let you down

Like seasons I have died
Over and over again
This time it's thorns
To protecte the ones that want to come close,
The ones I want to save
Each ***** and scratch and ****
Is filled with venom,
Mouth breathing out disease
Could you have loved me if I never met him?
If I didn't make those mistakes?
You're fit and I'm disastrous
You seem calm and collective,
I move fast like a daydream
Drain guys like it's a norm
But you seem perfect,
The kind I want but never have.
In another life you're another guy
That wants to try but maybe
I'm stronger that time,
Maybe I'm enough for myself

I could be anyone I want
The craigslist killer,
The boy scout that helps you cross the street
I could be a hundred million things
Do you know who I am?
Have you heard of me?
The way I lie and contort myself to be
Exactly what you want?
Have you heard of the good that I do?
Or did you just hear the bad?
Does it shine brighter than my strive to be
Accepted and given a chance?
I want to paint galaxy's with my words
And touch souls with my feelings
Have you considered yourselves not actually better than me?
Have you tried?
Have you reached out?
To really know me, to bust open the skull
To learn me.
What have you done?

Look
Who's
Nonexistent
Now
That
I
Found
It

You


      are


not


      half


of


     what


you


      thought


you


       were


And


        I


will


        never


be


        half


of


        what


I


         wished


to


          be

you're good at
what you do
you sit and
listen for weaknesses
you're a judgmental
user who likes
to form their
very own lies
you act like
you are better
than everyone but
in all reality
you're the lowest
of all lows
but dont worry
who you are
has nothing on
my past so
you can try
and bring me
down but yet
i will always
rise.

Who
am
i?

I haven't cried
In front of my father
For at least five years

And I haven't felt
This lost in
Quite literally ever

I'm crumbling,
F
  a
    l
      l
        i
          n
            ­g

      A


                          p
  
    a

              ­     r

    

                                        t

And


I

have never needed
something as bad as
I do


                                                      you


­But you're

                           g o n e