Day without substance
What am I to do with myself

Silence,
beautifully cherished between soundless glances
or love locked eyes
of after sheet trances.
for you once said to me,
“silence my dear,
is not the absence of sound
but the presence of something else.”
both capable of taking me to my greatest heavens,
or paving my quiet path to hell
this fact and uncertainty both
fills me with joy
and frightens me to my very core.
for it feels as if you’ve taken my words for nothing but fairy lore.
yet, I stay mute
I’ll sew my lips shut
stuck in this purgatorial
entrenched rut-
deafened,
by the screaming silence.

I'm so sorry
For causing you the worry and pain
I love you
I'm really trying
I was so good
I will be again
You will not have to bury your child daddy

Venus is in retrograde
King of Hearts,
Queen of Spades.

Or Queen of Diamonds, is perhaps
more suited to me.
For when did I start to think
so materialistically.

Hi guys I see I have lots of inboxes just give me a little bit to respond to you guys I’ve been super busy lately xo ps you guys are lovely

I haven't written in forever
Due to lack of motivation
I let my sickness get the best of me
And steal my inspiration


pathetic


I will tell you all something, that many do not know
For the last little while I was up and out
All over the city of T.O.

I crashed at a friends and sped right up
He gave me a shot to stay low
I don't remember what happened all week
But on Friday it was home to go

I spent today recovering
Sickness rocking me from within
My whole ******* body aches
From the core of my bones to my paper thin skin

For someone so young, merely the age of 18
It's weird to see the tracks on my arms, showing where I've been
I know my daddy must've saw
For he knows exactly what I've seen

Addiction *****
Don't ******* try to glamourize it

if you love me,
please realize
there's more to what I say
you just have to look
behind my eyes.

for words uttered on my lips,
and written from my fingertips
may be misconstrued by
societal pressure and expectation,
but these baby blues tell no lies.

and if I love you?
you will know.
you'll feel me deep within your soul,
you'll find me peaking out beneath warm sheets
and laying dormant in grey streets.

you'll feel me catch in your throat,
like whiskey or cigarette smoke
or within the ushering sense of calm
patchouli and sage emotes.

ash to ash,
among waves and wind we'll float,
high above the rain and treetops
for tonight, the world is our ocean,
and the clouds our boat.

I feel like time is soaring by,
the clouds each day tumbling high
and with each passing breeze,
between them I sigh,
for I and all I love will someday
be one with the sky.

The walls once built for the
children of the past, have crumbled
leaving rubble, vast.
And home I reside, will eventually
fall, we all grieve- uselessly
at the impermanence of it all.

And darling,
you nor I can stop the clocks from ticking, but we can choose how to spend each moment
we are living.

I


                Want you for my own is that too much to ask?

Question          If we were to see one
                           another would    
Everything              Be the same ?
Especially                   for those who

                           Much need the comfort;
                               Just                   Like
You,


                        In need of love
And

                        Compassion

                                   From someone like
Me

"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I don't mind.
Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."
"If you can hear this whispering you are dying."
"I never said I was frightened of dying."

Today,
You told me how
your father never wanted you.

How,
you feel as if
you have no real family.

When,
he kneed you in
the face, over & over again.

Simply,
for not doing
what he pleased.

Today,
as you explained you
laughed because, "after all this time, I have to."

Today,
I wept all
the tears you were never allowed to.

Life changes so very fast
The future- time to make-up for the past

But what do I want anymore?
I see no light at the end of the tunnel
or various open doors

Instead, I witness
The most magnificent periwinkle-blue sky
in front of me.

Huddled round the single flame to share
Seeking warmth through Decembers despair

Oh, hot water drain my sins away
Until I pull back the curtain with hell to pay

I choke on my sobs, face to the grout
Penance for when I've drowned you out

One question still lies across the sea:
Darling, why would you ever want a girl like me?

I thought by now I'd already be dead
Picked at my thoughts until sores and scabs opened up my head
Chewed at my brain until my thoughts were but shreds
Removed my skull
And filled my open cranium brimming with lead
Though a blank stare, and emptiness inside
Tears will make their weary way,
and so I cry
Though I want to so desperately,
I know I cant hide
That I can still remember that look in your eyes.

The very presence of your skin, sets mine ablaze
Kiss me down, down, down
And hold my gaze

Give some love, follow a friend & wonderful new writer

https://hellopoetry.com/DBongos/


x

When I can't get me speed
Jack will do
Send me to sleep baby
Minds chewed

You fall a thousand times, and each
one, I'll pick you up.
hundreds of knives dropped from sky
high and I look
everywhere but up.

I'm burying my soul I'm digging my grave I'm getting too
**** attached to save myself,
and I am only to blame.
I don't want to trust and I don't need to know I don't need anyone
I just need to be alone,
even though I loath...

The walls whispering in the night, the sheets around my throat too tight, the most comforting things bringing me to my very brink of terror.

They well tears in my eyes
and raise the tiny hairs across my
pale arms.

They're coming for me, but
don't be alarmed,

you can't see them so
they shan't cause you any harm.

they're in my closet
they're in my bed
they're in my kitchen
they're in my head.

If
   I
     Was
            Simple

Do you think
                        People
                                    Would
                                                More
Or
    Less

Interested ?

Time for another poem hinting at ****** things?





Maybe not.

if you love a bird, set it free
for birds were made to fly.
if it loves you as well,
it will come back
for birds need a nest to return to.

but if it doesn't,
and it flies away
into the blue, open sky
then it was never yours, to begin with
so kiss that birdie goodbye.

My head is spinning
The steady velvet stream dripping
We all succumb to blindness

It is a constant state of ever-being
As living, breathing creatures
In one way or another, we are blind

Blind about the self inflicted damage
Or the fraughtful life of a loved one
We shut our eyes, and allow ourselves to be blind

To the good, the bad, the inevidable especially
Insist that we're living our lives to the absolute fullest
Unbeknownst and blindly

We are but two single drops of crystal clean water in the abyss of the ocean surrounding us
How are we ever to truly see one another's true colours?
When our shine is overcast by the drops in which the light shines most beautifully through
How are we, supposed to make a dent in the ocean?
Simply said, impossible.

it ***** missing you
it ***** going home alone
it ***** knowing you may read this
or even more, that you won't.

I miss the nights I'd fall asleep
in front of the tv on your chest
it ***** I'll never see you smile
or stroke your hair in rest.

it ***** that my heart is breaking.
when I don't feel it, merely postponed
at night it comes creeping
or if I'm ever alone.

I miss you.
I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be.

I'm sorry that I failed you,
and that in turn, I failed me.

I'm just not cut out for this
I knew I'd push you away
I knew I'd always run
even if I wanted to stay.

I'm just afraid.
Afraid, of falling too deep
of failure itself,
yet fallen and failed, I weep.

Over happiness and sadness
of things left unsaid,
of everything we shared,
and whose taking my spot in your bed.

And all those memories circling inside
my little ****** up head
I'm sorry that I broke us,
and that inside I'm dead.

I miss the old you.
I wish I could still
Be allowed to hold you
Close in my arms on
Sunday mornings
And feel you kiss my
Neck late Friday nights.

I wish I could still
Hold your arm going
Into a restaurant at night
I wish I could still
Tell people that I was yours
And you are mine.

But that’s not what life has
In store for us right now.
For when I left you is when
You truly showed your power.
When you truly started
Taking care of yourself
And loving yourself unconditionally
And to me that’s worth
More than anything
I’d feel so selfishly.

I’m not trying to say it
Was all sunshine
And rainbows
It wasn’t.
But just your body
And heart
Wrapped around mine in the dark
Is a feeling I’m accostomed

Goodbye baby
Are you feeling crazy
Like me
Goodbye baby
I’ve been losing
My mind
Lately.

The worst goodbyes
Are the ones
That you know
You could’ve stopped

I savour each unique, little patterned frozen water molecule resting on the tips of our equally generous lashes.
Though our lips and faces freeze, bare skin fairs poorly against this cold.
Your eyes speak of a summer time it seems was so long ago.
Those mahongany, chestnut irises- with them I can't wait to watch the sunset.
So much power, passion and talent in you rests yet.
Clear that troubled mind and embrace it
Accept the god given talents the gifts you are given
Modesty I can understand but needn't you keep it so hidden?
For love your character already has this little lady so smitten.
You can call me kitten, sir
Or whatever knocks on your mental door
*****, love, baby or your ***** little *****
Over each of these to my stomach my heart seems to fall
But, I'm proud to say
To you, I am them all.

You're just the right person
to put me back together,
and make every tiny little piece fit.
But this isnt a puzzle
Its broken glass,
shattered so bad,
that some fragments are like sand
Each shard sharp enough
to draw blood

Even if
You somehow got past
The bigger, sharper moments
And laid them out on the table
They still wouldnt all fit together
Theres just certain
things that dissintegrated
when I was dropped from far too high
Far too young, to understand why
There are still things missing
That will never fill the gaps
Even all super glued stuck together
I cant help but notice the cracks
I'll never be anybodys
perfect shiny new baby doll
And that fact alone,
Continues to let me fall

But **** it all and **** it!
I'll smoke myself to sleep
Why do I need a warm body when I've got substances to keep me feeling like
Theres some kind of
sustenance to my exsistence
some sort of end all to this life long mission
For Ive never had the expectation to do anything academically ambitious
Or even societially accepted- even thats not much to gain.
My own mother cant accept the offspring shes produced, even to this day
And even if she started now, at this point, what could I really say?
Thank you for finally saying that after
all the ******* and yelling
and screaming and violence
its all just gonna be okay?
Like we could pretend we've had a relationship for years on years building
Just her showing a tad of affection
to me is a little chilling
I cant justify it if i tried
a hurricane inside
That being said
Its all just in my mind.

Looking up at me
It's more than I can handle
Show me what its like
To be tasted by an angel

the sun she hides,
cease the birdsong call
the leaves frozen, frail
fall.

the darkness long,
quiet river weeps
silence but scurry, settle
sleep.

lay still to rest,
flaxen unfold
dying carefully, cautious
cold.

It's funny to think
That despite how I feel
I hold my heart to a wall
And give you hostility

It's funny to think
That despite how I feel
I hold my heart to a wall
And give you hostility