let´s be honest
I have been trouble thinking straight
lately, I don´t have anything to say
I´m exhausted, overtired, sleep deprived
stuck in this careless empty abyss of no real thought
or process
But I´m stuck in this funk
now how should I tell you
I am still in love with you

it's so easy for you
to forget about me
but i still remember
every piece of gold dust
in your beautiful brown eyes
every oceanic wave of laughter
that you let loose into the sky
every inch of skin that i could see
of your face, neck, hands
every strong hold of your arms
brief as the feeling was
i still remember
though all i am to you
is a name

crickets chirping
break the most silent
of nights
rivers
splurging
into shores
on banks
filled with trees
you and I
walk the line
of the road
past midnight
stars shine bright in the sky
candle lit
breeze
touching
I found the skinned limbs
seemingly exposing
the presence of everything we were meant to be
together
in a world
of endless prosperity
blow out the smoke
apple picking
from the dark countertop
mistakes and deep slopes
it was cold outside
and I felt alive
stolen moments
broke me free

on my way home the other day
one sat beside me and wept

saying how one felt so sorry
for how hard it must be
to be
psychotic
and I said

I. AM. NOT.

she didn't care
she didn't even bother to hear
cause I am what I am for seen to be

it's a simple misunderstanding

but when she looked up
and I saw her pale face
she was sad and she was terrified & seemingly
completely disfigured
this distorted version of her was sitting right next to me
pleading to me
so
I choked on back my tears
until I couldn´t breathe

I wanted to cry
tell her everything I´ve been holding inside
but the torment it would bring
to her from me
was too harsh of news to bear

to my fragile mother

she´s told me time after time
that the things I do are not alright
but she didn´t listen before
so what´s one year more
of living in utter horror

what do you think I´m trying to achieve
your happiness means the world to me
your eyes don´t light up like they used to before
and now I stay up late at night
listening for the door

when I got home yesterday
my room was torn apart
all of my things scattered along the floor
I thought to myself
I cannot do this anymore

I picked up my belongings
and tried to stay strong inside
I keep telling myself everything is going to be alright
I do not want to die

I knew from the start
he was going to tear us apart

I know I´ve been told
we can´t just toss him out on the road

but when you´re scared to walk around your own home

you feel lost and confused
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

I wait and wait for the day that I can move
so far away
I will miss you
so much
everyday

but things here aren´t okay
and for some reason, that´s how they have to stay

The mind and the intellect
Governed by

philosophy

Quenches its thirst by
logic and understanding

The heart

Governed by bliss
Quenches its thirst by

abundance

Of the soul
Governed by

nature

and
Quenches its thirst
Being nature itself

Action is governed by
all the three
But quenches its thirst by spontaneous being

Spontaneous being is possible
With the synchronization of

soul

To the synchronization of

nature

With the frequency of

mind

To the right kind of

philosophy

With the synchronization of
heart energy
To the abundance present in the universe

The synchronicity of the energies
With the frequency of the ideal
Brings about peace and prosperity in the world

The energy of the ideal power
Is what some call God in real
The ideals of the energy of God
Are nature, abundance, bliss

May you all acknowledge God
As the energy form
Rather than the personified story
Explained to make us realize
To realize the actual thing of the ideal living
So forth ideal being ultimately achieved
With victory of nature as a whole, abundance, bliss and the truth over the opposites
The victory is the synchronicity