become a statistic,
another number in the game
with those newborn chemicals routing through your veins
like trees shooting through your skin.

my knuckles bled for the loss of them
and the paint spilled across the canvas
like arguments that never found the end
broken moments pass
all on your own

i know it well
the taste of your mouth
and the pressure of your grasp
i know it well
the hatred you spout
the tranquil that never lasts

constellations of marks on the flesh
minutes come and hours mesh
between the sands of time we writhe
only to find our hope buried in our minds

it's been lack-luster lately
the sunshine doesn't warm you
the way it did in the summer
and the oceans still beg
for you to come out to see
what lingers at the bottom
of the deepest parts of the sea.

i could've lost myself to the tides,
but instead i found the blade
and the blood had to dry
before the knot was made

accept that you've lost him and
you're not getting him back, no
you never needed a man
to tell you where to go.

seethe through my veins like
rivers through the valleys
where companions turn to strangers
and they use your gifts, with no reminders of where they came from

i had it all
but lost it to the poison in my brain
the chemical imbalance
driving me insane

where silent tears fell
and drowned the words bubbling in your throat
trace the footsteps back to where
you first went wrong

let your betrayals turn to placid numbness
and that space they left in your heart,
fill it with cement
to dry and cool

for a heart as pure as yours
does not deserve to
be so hollow

follow you around with the pen
little traces of ink mark your every movement
little dribbles of darkness lost in the snow
where you buried me, so very far below

i've been trying to find the perfect words
to bring you back to me
so i keep sending you little makeshift pleas
but you swear up and down you've heard it all before

black and red up and down the pores of my skin
swollen knuckles and raised fingerprints
your attention sweeps through the tangles in my hair
i keep trying to see if you still care.

i'm sorry i can't leave you alone, no
because where your footsteps follow, the sun has shone
pressed against the windowpane
my eyes still search for you
lost in the crowd, faces without names
it hurts to say i wont be seeing you soon.

i keep this dream kept safe,
down in the cage of my ribs
where flowers grow, only for you
at one point, at least.

now in this dream,
i want you to sit down and breathe
before you take a look at these words i
compose for you

in this dream, i
lay in your bed, fiddling with that
razor blade i launched into oblivion
to keep those new marks from appearing on your skin

in this dream, you're not around yet
you're off living your life, going to school, working
but the clouds began to chase you home,
their torrents washing away all you have
until you come inside and rush to lock the door behind you
back into your room, your eyes stay closed while the windows do the same
you haven't seen me in your cream sheets yet

but your eyes come open and they're alive
with rage and forlorn
and it's all you see.

i put down the blade, in this dream
in this dream, you fall to your knees
and in this dream, we grieve together
over something we lost
the moment we thought it would get better.
but you knew better

in this dream, you pushed me away
i scatter across the floor like shattered glass
careful now, not to slice that precious skin
when you clean up my pieces

but much to my chagrin, you don't pick up the pieces
you watch me come apart on the floor,
with no remorse.

your eyes are closed again, in this dream
i'm back in bed.
you lay beside me with your gentle rise and fall
of your worn out lungs.

and suddenly, in this dream,
we do not rise and fall together
as your hands are wrapped around my neck
and you're squeezing, gripping so tight
i feel the pop and blackness comes
but it wasn't enough, no

back to my shattered pieces on the floor, you grab the sharpest part
dig inside my chest, doubting you'd ever find a heart inside
but there it is, and it is weeping tears of joy
because if it could've gone by any hand,
it would be yours to have died by.

in this dream,
you killed me.

no more nights on the dark side
with you reflecting in my eyes
no more times i'll lie awake
with your heart beating in time
with the blood rushing through my mind

no more curled toes, scared kisses
no more touching noses
you'll find another,
someone better,
no more bedtimes for just you and i.

grieving for what
was born to die
voided promises
and skin you didn't know how else to touch

no more entanglement of
your skin and mine, no more
whispers, only goodbyes

no more safe places for me to hide, no
no more home in your arms
back to holding my heart on a spiked leash
so as not to fall back, back, back
again

no more cream colored sheets
no more hands in your grasp
no more words can make the difference
no more tears will change your mind

the sun turned my trees orange and
the skies match your ignorant hue
yeah so it goes
cut off all your hair
paint your nails a new color
scrub the dirt off your face
theres nothing underneath
yeah so it goes
drink all the cough medicine
and call him again and again
listen to an answering machine
until you can sing the lines
with pristine excellence
so it goes
read your book and write your prose
till the snow melts below you
it washes you away
the marks on your skin wont make a difference then
the itch in your groin wont raise a finger
so it goes
the world is turning round and round to a
nightmare
papers burning, scattering in the winter winds
*******

this city will be frozen solid
by the next break of day
chandeliers and crystals of ice
shatter in the winter winds
my eyes are wide as the horizon
open and close them with your puppet strings
keep them closed, keep them closed

make a mess of the things you left behind
turn off the electricity and
freeze yourself to death
and after you swallowed the last of your health
be sure to say your prayers
to whatever it is you see

heavy eye lids ache and burn
from the sight of you, behind them
dried words sulk along the page
and lethargic actors play along the stage

when the snow melts
and washes away your name
bury the ashes of us in the ground
never to be seen again