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the blood is pooling down my wrist
and pills bubbling in my throat
i cannot live a life like this
i cannot go on with life holding me captive.

the scars don't hold enough
to make me stop cutting
the hospitalizations don't weigh enough
for me to stop trying

i will win this battle with
acetaminophen
i will win, the devil's will lose

or is it the other way around
you talked me into it
your stupid ******* words and all their carelessness
wash it down with liquor
you know it's worth nothing
to say i love you

the words don't come as slow as they used to
a little bit of knowledge will destroy you
i'll miss the music
i'll miss the days
i'll miss waking up to sunrise
and you delivering my pills
i'll miss you caring every single second of the day
i'll miss you hoping i'll be okay

but this time i wont
this time i can't stay
because a boy destroyed me,
shattered my already broken core

all that will be left
is bones
by starlight the night grows full
of hopeless breaths and shameless guesses.
the words on my tongue grow tattered, and old,
he said he loved me, into the fabric of my summer dresses.

but the summer rolled away,
onto autumn, it came
but not to stay.
the winter winds whisper their threatening words
and suddenly, they were all i heard
you'll find her lying in sanctity, behind the flora and ferns.

the night is young
the mind is weak
without you, the song's begun
i have grown subtle, and meek

let your letters, like daggers,
rain upon me
not that it really matters
the way you're destroying
me.
can you hear the monotone rumble
ringing in my head?
it creeps its way through my bones
an echo of all the things that i could have said.

my shattered jaw line outlines all I’ve suffered
and what’s left to come.
the bruises layered onto my skin
are only the reflection of a long night of regret.

imprints of recurring dreams
and stones left unturned
impressions are digging at me again
they don’t know what i truly am.
build yourself a little empire
to protect your stuttering ego
i will be the flame to start the forest fire
it won't be such a shame to see you go

do you recognize the stench that fills the air?
that’s the smell of a thousand burning forests.
you can hide behind your walls in shambles,
losing everything you thought you ever had.
but me? sweetheart, i’ll be doing just fine.
roaming the earth, spreading the seeds of regrowth.

positivity and its fine little hairs
prickling at the sight of someones skin
you just so happened to fall in love with
but they’re not really there,
darling, you made it all up inside your head,
among the burning flora of a million sins
you would think you would have learned
the fifth time around
but perhaps you never really cared,
blisters where the shackles of lust had you bound.

you’re seeking definition
thinking it’s buried deep in the neck of others.
you bury your lust in the sheets,
transforming casual conversation into white noise.
you’re foaming at the mouth and your pupils dilate
waiting to strike and tear your next victim apart.
like a succubus, you linger in the shadows
twisting and turning your way through
the wide open doors of the unknown
you sink your teeth into your prey,
**** away their sympathy
and leave them breathless,
hollow and taciturn.

i watched you slip away
deep into the arms of others
slowly declining as your breathing grows heavy
your body becomes a warzone
those who have traveled it before know,
you’re not the same as you once were,
and you never will be again.

what will you do now, with your claws at the ready?
will you tear them apart, or yourself first?
be sure you get the order correct

you are not the seamless dress you slipped off
before you made your way under the sheets
you are the breath that expels from your lungs
when you finally see your reflection
and you are not what you once saw

your lips curled back into a snarl,
your fingers bloodied and cracked
your eyes void and black
not once will your prayers be heard.

i caught myself wishing you back
finding myself buried in delusions and heartbreak.
you should’ve just said “i never loved you in the first place”
but that would’ve just made things simple.

simplicity was never an option for you.
everything had to be a challenge,
because that’s how your entire life was.
abused by your father, channeling the hate of your mother
there’s nothing you would do just to form stability on this
tattered and beaten ship you call your life.

where will you go now,
that your ship has sunk?
what paradise can you seek
without the stars to guide your way?
they will not shine for you any longer,
the darkness is now your only friend.

and to you, directly to you,
where do you hide your heartbreak?
can we build a fortress strong enough
to hold our heads high
through the pasts empty threats?

our towers were built alongside the shoreline
shining light to those who passed by
in hopes that they wouldn’t just avoid us
our intentions were pure, but our actions were contradictory
we can’t accomplish anything if we don’t know how to.

did the ocean wash it away?
or is it still standing, pure and tall.
everyone can see you sparkling there,
your light runs through your veins
where your blood is supposed to be.

all along the watchtowers
we hide our emotions, like treasure
to be found by a lucky passerby.
whoever ventured into what we’ve built would find
everlasting love and emotions too strong to perceive.
we just pray that whoever finds them doesn’t sell them off to another.

crystalline passages to our hearts
shattered by a beating drum
they collapse and collide
our minds lost to the debris
substitute your blades with butted cigarettes
and watch the blisters seep their diluted pus
let the scars heal, sure
but you still haven’t found the cure

love is a sick mixture of
obsession and adoration
such a matter-less composition
i am unsure of
an honest explanation

we lack understanding of the true meaning
behind sweet nothings you whisper tenderly in my ear
all i do centers around you,
you are my sun the light in my world

but it’s been getting dark lately
when you hide from me behind the shadows
and the darkness creeps quietly behind me
it’s gotten so hard to let it go

I try to pick up where we left off
I miss the sunrise that peeped through my window
while i lay in your bed
Next to you i feel at home but now a days
your shoulder grows cold

just like my heart when you
turn away from me
and your back is pressed against my front
but i still feel your heartbeat
thump thump thumping away
but it don’t thump for me, no

No, for me it goes still
indifferent to my presence
I mourn for the connection between us
the light that has long since died out
I am shrouded in doubt

you had a hot, sweet taste to your lips
that i got too wrapped up in
it plagues me at night
right before i fall out of consciousness
only to visit me while i sleep
leave me in peace.
in the passenger seat of your
tightly packed subaru
i felt as good as royalty
you as king, me as queen,
always wondering what lay in store
for me and you.

little did i know it would
come stammering to a halt
not that it should've
but i always found it strange
how you added salt
to your macaroni and cheese
not that it phased me,
no, i loved you all the same
your salt and all.

because i was taken advantage of
and you were salty as ever
and i was high off the ground
in a lifeguard chair as i told you the news
and i heard clattering on the other end of the line
you were done, you were no longer mine

and suddenly it was as if
the ocean had its own gravitational pull
begging me to come in, come and drown
i would go fleetingly, with nary a sound

but i grabbed familiarities instead
took the knife to my skin again
and it bled and it bled and it bled
i never wanted it to stop

i was surrounded by
people who knew what unconditional meant
and they wrapped me up, kissed my
wounds with their closing fingers
too many times
i should have died.

there is no requiem for a dream
there was no requiem for me
melancholy souls encased
behind the glass of the faceless
they see in but not out
drowning in a introspective about-face
they never sit still

it gets so bright out here you can barely see
when the sunlight kisses the snow white
you haven't seen the last of me
wait until i creep into your dreams at night
and slowly make my way through your veins
meshing with your cells
i'll build a garden in your rib cage
and spend the night in your entrails
and in the end, if all else fails
i'll leave a lock of my hair safe in your heart
just know i've been digging holes in there from the start

when the city sleeps
and you're wide awake
the time grows deeper
when you've got no way to escape

the shadows all around you
dance and sing your name
in dysphoric shades of tones
he can't tell you what to do
with the feelings you've tried so hard to tame
forget that itch in your bones
it's time to go home.
kush louder than ya girl in bed
**** your broken *** pipe, i'll smoke a **** instead
we're just a bunch of broke *** kids just scraping to get by
but somehow we still manage to get this high
very high
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