Ex-Girlfriend calls me up on a friends phone,
says to meet her at quicken loans.
I get there and she tells me her and her friends
are "getting food", except they're not.
******* Caucasian zombies rotting away in
get rich doing nothing schemes,
"Peel and orange, beat a coconut"
tell me what class of poor sap you're trying
to pry from a months rent in the name of an
"investment".
I thought I would at least have a conversation
with an old friend, but instead I got forty minutes
of some ******* belly-aching
about being a teenage dirt-dad to
try and get me into "the Elite".

It was a waste of a ******* night.

Took the train home with some loud ******* white people,
and got lost in my own reflection.
The look, that look,
like an animal getting beat by it's owner,
the pain and confusion,
love and betrayal.
I don't want your money, or they're money,
or Donald Trumps money, or easy money.
God, I want to ******* die on a bus
reeking of **** and penniless.

What a ******* waste.

Of course it makes sense, now,
but it disappears; passes between your fingers
like sand, like water, like salt, like blood.
Stains and makes religious connotations,
although I'm a non-believer
and so are you
and so are they;
The ephemeral heroes.
Absent or cloudy minded?

The impossible riddle.
We went searching for gods, devils, angels,etc.,
and instead found an embarrassing truth;
the blunder in centuries of slaughter.

Q: "When is a door not a door?"
A: "Usually you'll hear sirens.
An unusual amount of broken glass,
or a crater, or a statue of a maniac,
or a portal to someplace in time, space,
maybe it was late November,
when you took cash from a woman coughing blood,
12 hours ago the man walking down the street,
screaming, "**** MY MIND. I'M SO ******* STUPID.",
ghosts aren't real, but people are, and we treat them
like they are invisible don't we?
Treat them like windows."

I'm not a great enough
or terrible enough person
to be a great writer,
and neither one
for lack of trying.

The days just
barely even
inhale
&
the stains begin
where the night
may
exhale.

Dismissive riots unsuppressed
and erratic rays of bumblebee sirens
cause flinching in the ocular muscles
and meaningless reality folds
it's cards and chips and dies.
Life is life is happening
and is still at the table.

Everyone seems to get off on hating nihilism,
but until they find a hint of truth
lets stick to what we know.
Thats a joke.
I make jokes sometimes too.

I'm not saying I'm self-serving,
but I'm only sorry if I have to be
and I hope that's good enough.

I cut down the bridge with my hands
bashing teeth and skull into mush.
I rushed everything for this.
I went ahead.

Distort shadows and repeat offenders,
every other day is a rust belt nightmare
and when it rains it washes all
the **** away, and out of sunlight
it all looks a little less desperate.
It all looks less desperate.

If you were a flower
I'd drown you in water,
burn you after you died,
and keep the ashes under
my mattress,
then craft a poem
out of your roots,
and toss your soil
into a lake.

I didn't know you could read lips,
so I laughed unreasonably hard when
people were telling you their *******
excuses for not being able to
donate money to you
and your family for Christmas.
The irony being I gave a stranger a
roll of quarters the other day
because they asked,
and I'm eager to lose all riches and go insane.

Yelled at my girlfriend for the first time yesterday;
she was frustrated that I wasn't frustrated that
she was upset, so
I banged my head against the wall and screamed
"What am I supposed to do?"
Still have the mark somewhere under this free haircut.
I don't get how we all push people away
and beg for them to chase us.
Never give me a word, but always
want me yearning. Not old yet,
but not from lack of trying.
Not wise, but it's not desired.
Fools make kinder people anyways.

Amen to "I'd rather get ****** and keep giving."
Guess you could say I make it rain on those in need,
but please don't. Don't ever say that to anyone.
Write it down somewhere unspecified and
lock it in a drawer, or light it on fire.
Put it through a shredder,
I'll tell you a little secret,
I'll try to tell you a secret;
Most of us are more selfless than Christ.

Merry Christmas in August.