Weary and maybe dusty,
maybe a million years old.
Disappearing.
Shouting hatespeech
and trying to make others
as bitter as myself.
Toxic and made of stone.

Crafted of some **** harder than diamond,
but cheaper than ****. Also, I'm so *******
sick of hearing about hope in the human soul.
I'm sick of souls.
Cynicism isn't right,
but being ****** isn't lying,
and maybe we all have a little bit
of love and something else.
Exploit whatever feels better.

Maybe I said that wrong,
but if you can exploit yourself
you're the only one who deserves
to ******* do it already.

Mass hysteria
and this is how we rumble
in black clothes with
cops two streets over
ready to assassinate
US presidents and dissidents.
Ready for air.

Ready for takeoff,
the embrace of the long
arm of the law is a chokehold
is a racist institution and
here we are;
junkies, gamblers, jokers, monsters.
Funny thing, we went hunting for
people dressed as monsters
led by monsters disguised as humans.

Yeah, our geniuses die young and brutal.
Ours is the land of stray dogs,
cold rains and streets of garbage
[people included];
The stereotype is today.
The cliche is right now.

Saw someone drop their phone
and laughed at them.
I'd like to watch the world drop
their stupid/smartphones
and have to look at each others
stupid goat like faces and gazes.

Remind me what heaven looks like,
all I remember is that I'm a scumbag
with moral insensitivity and
you are my nightmares off the page.
Simultaneously a classic,
also a contemporary gore piece.
A landmine seized by epidemic.

Walked away with an insincere
"I'll see you later",
and I responded with a sincere
"Whatever."
Maybe I'm destroying myself in
character slowly but it takes
so ******* long still.
I cheered an old man who crossed the street alone.
I'm getting too close to yelling at a manager,
and losing a job I need to much.
Too close to the edge, but
when I think about it I always am,
and when I think even harder
I hate everything so much.

Everyone wants to know what
you're doing these days.
No, they just want to know
if you're disappointing them.
You will. That's me.
I want nothing but to be free.
Strings attached to everything.

Saw a statue, a memorial for
Christopher Columbus.
Reminded me I despise people,
and the rampant white supremacy
that everyone ignores or chuckles at
while keeping in place in their
own small and insincere ways.
I despise most strangers.

Need to paint it red with blood,
tear it down, cut off the hands,
set it on fire.
Want to make it hurt.
Tired of most things.
Why do the days take so long?
I feel like I'm not doing this
nihilism thing correctly.

Can't gain steady foot space
and I'm already trying to dance.

Hold,
turn a blind eye
turn an old leaf and see
what grows beneath it.
Curiosity makes you ill,
makes your
stomach empty
when you're not
hungry

&

you can teach yourself to
hate who you are like the rest of us.
Sometimes we sparkle in the sunlight,
and other times we drown in
swamps we made from
crystal clear cynical nihilism
and the ashes of everyone before us.
We understand death,
and we cuddle with it like
a stuffed bear.

Swallow fear and
die in our sleep with
shoes fastened to our
feet.

I had to laugh when you mentioned it first;
told me to have a heart,
because love is real.
Well I believe in love
and humanity,
but all I had to respond with was,
"Where?",
and you said, "Everywhere".
That was so stupid I couldn't respond,
so I let it sit there for awhile.

I work now and have no creativity during the night.
I don't sleep well either.
I crash a lot during the day.
I slip into deep sleeps for
2 seconds at a time.
I'm mostly just
bored.

All the money probably won't get me
anywhere, anyways.