Is this what "normal" feels like?

This is surreal...
I have been dreaming
For years
About this moment

When your lips
Softly
Touch mine

I have waited years
For you
To call me beautiful
(Even though I'm not)

All these years
I have waited
Thinking
We didn't have a chance

But here we are
Holding hands
This moment can't be real-
I'm sure my summer self
Would not believe it
For even a second

I filled up pages
Of my life
With utter nonsense
I filled up pages
And pages
With "Why not"s

Being with you
I slowly regret
Wasting my time
Creating enemies

But being with you
Means you could
Become my enemy too
And I'm okay with that
Because at least
You will
Still
Be mine

Suicides
Snails swim in salt
Fish fly out of water
Toxic
Toxic
Toxic

Birds stay North for the winter
People trying to swim in the snow
Hypothermia
A slight burn to the nose

Suicides
A rabbit painted yellow
Waiting openly in a field
Flowers remain blossomed
In the frosted winter
A frozen death is brought upon them
Toxic
Toxic
Toxic

Teenagers drinking
Frequently every weekend
Nicotine addictions
Replaced with weeks full of sadness
Withdraw
Withdraw
Withdraw

Suicides
Taking a risk behind the wheel
Never hoping for survival
Diving into shark infested waters
A whole lifetime without breathing
Toxic
Toxic
Toxic

Major addictions
For a feeling
A feeling of magic
Of surreal living
Addicted to an alternative reality
Without a pause
No withdraws
No withdraws

"I would give up sleep for you
In a heartbeat"

Such a lovely sound
Gasping for air
Waiting as you take
My last breath
And you
Gasp for air
As I take yours as well

I have been
Dreaming of this moment
When your breath becomes mine
And we are no longer
Two solid bodies
We become a swirling
Pool of
Madness
Lust
Hope
And love.

Eyes never shut
Always locked onto
The computer screen
As I wait for you
To get home
Late nights
Become
Early mornings
Sleepless
Restless
And it is all for you

My lovely living daydream
I don't need sleep
Nocturnal
Day after day
Always awake

And it is all for you
It has always been for you
The endless heartache
The sleepless days
The constant daydreams
The time I spent
Waiting for you
When the time was right
To sail away
With you
Until our broken ship
Sinks

"I would give up sleep for you
In a heartbeat"

Lavender tea
Reminds me
Of you
And the time
We ran
Through
A forest
And rolled around
In a meadow
Until
The stars
Broke the silence
Of the night

Lavender tea
Reminds me
Of your eyes
They are green
Your eyes bring me peace
I imagine your sweet
Swimming
Green eyes
I always seem to sink
Deep
Into your sea-green ocean

Lavender tea
Reminds me of you
All those chilly Autumn nights
When we would lay
Outside
Humming along
To our lavender song
A calming memory

We stare at the same stars
Every time
I can feel your bodies heat
Warming up mine

Lavender tea
Reminds me
Of the memories
We keep and will keep
Lying deep
Within our eyes
And thoughtfully
Staring at the stars.

The sea rests peacefully
As I wait for the moon to rise
Sinking in the sand
Completely and utterly at ease
Eyes shut
Wisps of flimsy hair
Flow sweetly around my neck
As I dream
Of singing stars
Swirling
Painting pictures of all the time
That has past

In the moon I see you
Staring back at me
And as our eyes lock once more
I begin to feel a overwhelming warmth
And the ocean tickles my feet
Still dreaming
And waiting
For the moon to light the sea
I didn't even realize the water had reached my knees
As I began to sink
I heard the stars sing

my dear,
my dear,
open your eyes
naive little girl.
open your eyes
open your heart
open your mind
open your lungs
please breathe
one more time
for us
for you
for him
open your eyes

Still my eyes remained shut
As I slowly let myself fall
Into a comforting embrace
Resided deep between the sea and the sand.

What if time
Isn't restrained by
The seconds, minutes, and hours
We give it.

I like to pretend that time does not exist
No preset limitations
Created by some "mastermind"
Who invented the concept of keeping track of time.

Time, you have always been my enemy
Stealing away precious moments
And wasting it
And for what?
A drawn out lesson that I sleep through anyway

Time, you have always been my enemy
Wake up- 5:30 am every morning
Slowly I lug myself out of bed
As I try to figure out why I must get up so early in the day
When I am perfectly awake at 11pm
After all of the "important" learning is over

Time, you are rather sly
A quick slight of hand
And I have lost 3 hours of my life

Simply sitting here
Staring at the blank white walls
Of this room
As I try hard to fight sleep
With endless cups of coffee

Time has always been that one
Undefeated enemy who keeps coming back
Always up for a fight
And I am ready to lose again

What if minutes didn't exist?
I guess life would be a little chaotic
But I would never be late
I could take all the time
I wanted
Days would pass
But that wouldn't matter
Because days wouldn't exist
If we never let it.