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antxthesis Aug 2014
"I've been let down by friends, who i thought would be there when  needed them. But I've learnt that not everyone's gonna be there when you need or want them the most, whether they wanted to to or not, not everyone's gonna be there when you need them to wipe your eyes. So I've learnt that you should be there for yourself, help yourself, hold your own hands, and be your own best friend. Help yourself to live because not even your closet friends might be there, when you're dying whether mentally or physically"

-h.s
antxthesis Aug 2014
It's sad when a boy hurts a girl so much
That she can't see herself living another,
And all she thinks about is him.
It's sad when she texts him, and there's no reply
Only to find out the next day,
He has moved on with his life.
It's sad when she clings onto her memories of them
And sits on the edges of what they had-
This so called "love".
It's sad when she sees his name or initials repeatedly repeatedly repeatedly..
It's truly sad when she waltzes with herself in the dark,
To the songs which were your favourite..

It is truly sad, because her life is centered around you now than ever.
It is truly sad.
antxthesis Aug 2014
I watched a gardener,
As she plucked some weeds out of the ground.
Some already dead; withered
And some still living,
Enjoying the short span of life they had left.

We are just like these flowers,
Frolicking in the wind,
With God as our gardener,
Slowly plucking each of us out of this earth.

But others are still there,
Frolicking,
Making the most of life,
Blooming and blossoming like flowers.

But then there are others,
That grow and wither.
Wither because they are too weak,
So frail and small,
Unable to withstand the force of the wind,
For the wind’s too strong,
It’s too much.
So they break and fall and slowly w i t h e r.

It’s like life’s too much,
And not a soul stops by to prune them,
Or water them,
And watch them grow beautifully.
So they just wither a w a y ..
  Aug 2014 antxthesis
lX0st
The only thing I crave
After drinking myself sick
Is to be in your presence.
And I'm sorry for all of the drunk calls
But you never answer anyway.
I'm wondering if I'm nauseated
By the whiskey in my blood
Or the coldness of your eyes
That practically shouted their goodbyes
And gave me nightmares
About soulless creatures
And almost lovers.
I feel like I've said this all before
But you're never around to hear it.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you,
But I'm sick, sick, sick.
  Aug 2014 antxthesis
Tom Leveille
i have racked my mind
trying to figure this whole thing out
the staying, the going
the threads we claim hold us here
& the people who've stopped to play a tune on them
i sometimes relate it
to waking up in waist deep snow
in our former selves
the us we wish we could give one another
the children we've sat on the shelves
trapped, like the looks
we leave behind in snow globes
i sometimes imagine ships
dragging the bottom to the sea of "me"
for sleep & pieces of my old self
to sell to the new one
like history doesn't repeat itself
it gets me wondering
if you too want an apology from the rain
or if you dream of burning family photo albums
and wearing the ashes like perfume
if you're anything like me
how i hope god chokes
on memories of me blowing out candles as a child
i know i shouldn't reference my reader  
but don't you know, the only difference
between alone & lonely is you?
that if my hands could talk
the only thing they'd be able to say
is "dear god we've missed you"
and how can you tell me it isn't love
when even the rain refuses to fall
in places where i've kissed you
i remember the day
you found my smile at a yard sale
it reminds me of how you'll leave
i wonder if when you go
you'll tell yourself
the person in the rear view mirror
is closer than they appear
  Aug 2014 antxthesis
Tom Leveille
kissing you was like swerving into oncoming traffic

i can never tell if i am more haunted by empty picture frames or the ashes of their contents

you taught me that the saying "pick your battles" meant not answering when love was at the door

sometimes when i drink whiskey i swear i can hear your voice in the creases of my bedsheets & i sleep on the floor

i still catch myself running my hands over things you touched the most, looking for the echoes of your fingertips

i practice things i'll never say to you

i remember the day you told me you didn't like poetry, how "everything's already been said" & how "nothing meaningful can be captured without being cliche" you know, i don't miss you like the sun and moon, i do not miss you like tide bent waves crashing on the shoreline, i miss you like a chernobyl  swingset misses children

rumor has it that drowning is a lot like coming home, that drinking bleach can **** the butterflies in your stomach

for your love of cigarettes, i would have been an ashtray

this halloween i want to dress up as the you when you loved yourself and show up on your doorstep

i never understood what you meant when you said i was an instrument, back when you would cup your hands around my chest and breathe through the holes in my heart, i still wonder if the sounds i made remind you of wind chimes

i never paid much attention to abandoned buildings until i became one

in my dreams all the flowers smell like your perfume

i am the only person who has ever wished for the same snowflake to fall twice

if i could go back, and rewrite the definition of audacity, it would be how when we lost the bet of love, you said "we never shook on it"

i love you, if the feeling is not mutual, please pretend this was a poem

the only apology i want from you, is to have you repeat the names of children we will never have in your parents living room until they *****

we are the same person if you find yourself up at 4am dry heaving promises, or if you are kept awake by the laughter of those who've abandoned you

nobody ever told you that goodbyes taste like the back of stamps

sometimes i'm convinced that the only reason we hug, is so you can check my back for exit wounds
  Aug 2014 antxthesis
Tom Leveille
do you ever wonder
about the difference between
looking at something
and the hallucination created
when looking past it?
if you look at your hand
it's all you can see
but if you look past your hand
there are now two of them
sometimes it's hard for me
to remember which is real
it gets me thinking
about how my father
used to wake me up
in the morning by rubbing
his stubble across my face
i spent my 11th birthday
under the assumption
that he might come back
if i drank his aftershave
like maybe if i could turn blue
if i could be his favorite color
on our bathroom floor
he would forget why he left
the paramedics were all sobing
as they pumped memories
out of my stomach
i coughed up the day the post-it note with your new address on it
burned a hole in our refrigerator
coughed up the day
the divorce papers came
and my mother
took a baseball bat to the mailbox
i've been choking on the splinters
for 17 years
it's been 17 years
since the last dinner plate
exploded on our dining room wall
17 years since my mother
started accidentally setting your place at the dinner table
17 years since italian night
at the restaurant on the corner
where the juke box
spat tired music
and like so many other things
it stopped working when you left
i guess it's no coincidence
since the juke box went quiet
that the cds in my car
only skip on "i miss you"
i've been hemorrhaging memories
for so long
and now that i'm looking back
i can no longer tell
the mirage from the truth
sometimes i swear
you showed up to my graduation
and last time
i was at your apartment
i can't remember
if the imprints of my hands
are in clay hanging on your wall
or if they were left in the mud
the day god had the audacity
to let it rain
or maybe it's like the time
i saw someone crying on a bridge
now that i think about it
i can't remember if it was me
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