As I drift I find myself looking down at a beautiful copper fox coyly staring upward. Head cocked to one side, he is unafraid of my presence. I crunch through the snow to the chain link fence beside where he stands and he does not run. Through the diamond shapes I can see my belongings....a set of car keys, some credentials and my leather covered Bible. I cannot reach them. I look up slightly to see a police woman ranting on about how she found my camp nearby and confiscated my things. I realize I must get to them but how? I am cold. I begin to run and my path turns to a reddish brown. I no longer see the fox or the snow, I am aware that I am completely alone. I feel a panic and begin to imagine a wolf and what I might do in the instance he appears because I am unarmed! So I imagine I would roar like a lion and of course he would run scared. Ahead and to my right there is a tall rock. It is completely grey in color with possibly some greenery. A beautiful grey puma sits atop the rock. Is it possible for a puma to be grey? I do not know but somehow I know this large grey cat is a puma. I am nervous. I begin to jog. My path is soft, I am worried I may fall....the cat jumps from it's perch. I am running now, my heart is beating fast and the cat is gaining speed. He is right behind me now! I can visualize his body much faster, more agile than mine. I turn for just a brief moment and to my fright the cat places his paw to the back of my shoe and gently pulls my shoe down off my heel. He is toying, playfully. Time seems to slow down and I see the picture in slow motion. As he licks my heel I am lost in confusion and fear; my mind tells me he is in for a treat which is me, but somehow his actions seem harmless. I am terrified. Suddenly my heart speeds up as my eyes open! For a moment I am stunned then I breathe out, a sigh of relief.

Kiss one:
And I’m left thinking,
“Have I found him?”
The one
Who can love this mess that I've become?
Have I found the one
Who can repair
This broken vase
I call
myself?
                                          No, it can’t be.
                                          He’s only drunk.
                                          There is no way.
                                          Not me.
                                          No.
                                          No.
Kiss two:
And I’m left thinking
"Was I wrong.
Was it not
Just the alcohol.
Have I found him.”
                                           Yes.
                                           I have.
                                           He can love me.
                                           He can.
                                           He is the kind of man
                                           That can care for something
                                           So broken.
Cold December night:
I discovered
He was no man at all.
He was a boy
Who made a broken girl fall.
                                          Fall.
          ­                                  Fall.
                                              Fall.
Until she hit the bottom.
And then buried her.
And her hope.
And her love.
6 feet under the ground.
Because he was a boy.
Who found it easier
To go back to what he knew
Than to try at something new.
So he buried
That broken girl.
6 feet under.
That cold,
Hard ground.

Don’t tell me how I should look, I don’t have to please you.
I spend my days considering you’re opinion, I shouldn’t have to.
You come around here and you judge, and mock, and discriminate
In other words, you shoot bullets.
Woman belong in the kitchen, huh?
Don’t forget it’s where the knives are kept.
Everyone knows woman are taught to grow in, I’ve heard it all before
Were taught be kind, and timid, and gentle, and caring
Why do you think the best guard dogs are female, though?
We loyal, and aggressive, and when we work up the nerve we could tackle you to the ground.

How many woman spend their days thinking of how to look better?
I’d give it a good 98%
98%
Think about it
And what’s sad is, the last 2% will get no recognition for their inner beauty.
Do you even know what inner beauty is?
Try watching for it, instead, it might change your world.

Now take a step back, take a look, put yourself in my shoes.
Be judged by each and every person
You think it’s just men that judge? Ha!
I’m judged by all of my friends even, I can’t escape it.

Men can sit around and say what they want, and do as they please, and be praised for it.
That’s *******. You reek of it.

How many woman have dyed their hair for you?
How many woman have lost ten pounds for you?
How many woman have cried for you?
How many know you don’t deserve it?

Woman are taught to shrink themselves, but in the words of Beyonce, I woke up flawless.
I will choose to eliminate you from my life
I will terminate you by any costs, and I will replace you with people who make me feel so **** fine.

I will grow into something greater than you will ever be, and you will learn your lesson.
I will teach future generation that they are beautiful the way they are
No man will tell them whether or not they are beautiful, God knows they don’t have a clue what true beauty is.

My friend had a boyfriend once, he would force her to weigh herself weekly and tell him what her weight was. And if she wasn’t small enough, he would force her to work out.
I hated him that day forward, and I tell her every day that she is beautiful because her own **** boyfriend couldn’t do it. So much for love.

I will rise above, and I will portray beauty for what it really is.
I will be the female guard dog this generation of young woman needs.
I will teach girls that beauty is what makes you happy.
If putting on ten pounds of makeup makes YOU happy, then do it!
Never do something for liking of anyone else.

soft and warm you fall into me.
brushing my cold walls as they melt to form into you.
alone we dance
in this slow trance of senseless ecstasy and wonder.
skin is thin
finger tips sink in
as they fall in to the notches of your beautiful bone structure.
caressing you exterior
your life vibrates on to mine.
like silk threads straining through my fingers
sighing in your crisp aura
i feel whole

And that night I was a mechanical doll
and I turned right and left, to all sides
and I fell on my face and broke to bits,
and they tried to put me together with skillful hands
And then I went back to being a correct doll
and all my manners were studied and compliant.
But by then I was a different kind of doll
like a wounded twig hanging by a tendril.
And then I went to dance at a ball,
but they left me in the company of cats and dogs
even though all my steps were measured and patterned.
And I had golden hair and I had blue eyes
and I had a dress the color of the flowers in the garden
and I had a straw hat decorated with a cherry.



Translated from the original Hebrew by Karen Alkalay-Gut.