when she was four she tied balloons to her wrist.

they always rose, she knew. balloons always found the clouds.

she sat in the grass with her legs crossed and fastened string after plastic string to her arm, and until her hand turned blue she waited

waited to rise.

when she was ten she smashed a hold in the frozen water across the street.

water always carried people away
it ran when they couldn't run themselves
and frozen water,
she figured,
would be slower--
less harsh but it would bring her far from home all the same.

white and blue as the clouds she'd longed for,
they pulled her from the frigid water
six miles downstream

even fastened to a hospital bed with 'suicidal' harshly painted on her soul
she knew she didn't belong

when she was fifteen she joined the party,

older kids were swallowing their sorrows and threading out their despairs in a pitiful drug-induced slumber

and she watched with a syringe in her hand, as read to join them as she was to die.

she was born to die.

and so the needle in her arm and the tragedy on her breath was enough to help her rise.

and as her eyelids turned back to icy blue and her identity was wiped clean she felt a pressure against the crisscrossed skin of her wrist

and as her mind followed her heart out of the world she would have sworn it was a black balloon

that carried her to oblivion.

Sensual breath of air;
a mortal coil for all seasons and
peach blossoms in spring.

Viking leaves footprints on
golden lawns trimmed in orchids
underneath the ****** cherry tree.

Star gazing at midnight
moon reflects stolen kisses;
her fingertips undress me.

Let loose your spirit
free to glide the crested waves
longing for deep sleep.

Breathe in your shadows
remember time before when
we were solo bound.

Lost in translation
but never in forgotten moments;
I still hear her sound.

The waves lap ashore
carried by an icy Northern breeze;
embrace loss and all that is yet to come.

I will not forget
nor let slip this broken heart
that carries your name.

Symbols etched in granite
timeless in the solitude
of unrequited love lost.

Farewell my ripe peach -
the fruit of your ***** to savour;
exhale the remnants of time.

Everyday waking with the earths’ elements surrounding you
Making minds wonder for a minute or two
The sun fighting through the window to show
The beauty that I’ll never know

The warmness, the heat, the chemistry one will feel
Not knowing any motives ,makes it unreal
The fight to survive is but a mith
For what armour does one have, to carry with?

The wind brings the soft and caring
Though hurtful reality back to me
It doesn’t matter what occurs
Its still you I see

You never view yourself
The way I do
You keep on hurting ….all alone
Cant you see I care for you

Effort , love , sacrifice , time
Never will I call you mine
Hurt , pain , lies , …..you know
What’s left to show

You shut me out
Turn me down
Thinking I’ll just
Always be around

But I’m slowly taking my heart
Putting it away
For a friend who certainly will
Make an effort to stay

A friend who will take me
As I am , till death do us part
Who will guide me with him through life
And he will hold my heart

Dreams is deceiving
Seeing is believing
It’s okay not to be okay
Now lets embrace the fact that tomorrow is a brand new day.

How much time you can cry without feelings your tears running down your cheeks?

How much pain your heart can hold?

How much suffering your soul can grief?

You were such a beautiful dream, you were the happiness of my life, you were, indeed, my life itself.

And now you’re gone and I can only hide myself under black sheets because your memories keep hitting me.

And now I’m alone in this world without your words and voice, without your feelings and love.

And now I can only cry in the darkness of my heart because I don’t know where you are.

Everybody is scaring me.

Everybody is hurting me.

Waiting every second of my hours, every hour of my days for just a couple words of yours.

Even if I’m trying to be strong, my inside is so ruined, I can’t do anything else, I just can miss you.

And the world is falling apart without you, and everything is so cold.

Is that bad that I want you back? Is that bad that I want to believe you even though everyone is telling me not to.

I want to believe what you told me, but many doubts are rotting my heart.

Everything you told me cannot be a lie.

I can feel the spiders crawling through the bed.
Hear the car horn,
keeping me up.
If this is how the world ends,
it will be annoying.
The empty wine bottles roll around,
crushing the cockroaches like Indiana Jones.
Only,
he escaped.
The snow surrounds my car.
Helping me forget that
the world is ending soon.
Oh,
the red wine is raining down on top of the bed.
The spiders are content sleeping at my feet.
It is a truce.
I can hear the upstairs neighbors fighting again.
Heel walkers,
they stomp and thrash about.
Scaring my spider friends.
*******!
We are trying to sleep!

The great thing
is not having
a mind. Feelings:
oh, I have those; they
govern me. I have
a lord in heaven
called the sun, and open
for him, showing him
the fire of my own heart, fire
like his presence.
What could such glory be
if not a heart? Oh my brothers and sisters,
were you like me once, long ago,
before you were human? Did you
permit yourselves
to open once, who would never
open again? Because in truth
I am speaking now
the way you do. I speak
because I am shattered.

So, my dear
I have some things I'd like to tell you.
I hope you choke on every word of this poem.

Where to begin?
When I was dying on the inside,
You took advantage of me
Decoded my feelings,
Bullied me all the way to second base
And beyond

How can you be so naïve
That you can convince yourself
That this was my fault?
I guess you've got everyone else fooled, too.

Nobody knows the truth.
Mom thinks I'm jumpy because I'm energetic.
Dad thinks I don't sleep well at night
Because I sleep too late in the morning.
They don't know it is because I feel *****
Because of you.

But who would believe me?
I already lied for you,
Saying you took advantage of me,
But telling them I still said yes willingly
The first time you asked.

If I told and you knew,
You would deny it avidly, saying
"It's not like I ***** you or anything."
And
"It's not like I forced you."

You're right.
I've done my homework.
It's called indecent assault
And coercion.

But I still can't bring myself to call it that,
Or to tell anyone.

So honey, you're pretty **** lucky
That it took me four months to understand
That what you did to me is wrong.