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I want to call on your name
But I’m afraid you’ll ask “who are you?”
I want to run and follow you
But that’s not an easy thing for me to do
I planned of telling you my feelings
But words could not be enough for you to understand…
Words can deny my desire
They cannot reveal my sincere love
They cannot say what you really mean to me
But how will you know my passion
If I remain in my silence
If I tell you only in my dreams
If I just keep on expecting and hoping
How will you ever know
That there is me who cares
That I exist because of you
That I was born to love you
Who will I oblige to tell you
If it is not myself
If it is not my courage
If it is not my frankness
I may not tell you, but I can show you
Not with those hundred words
But with my own simple ways;
The way I gaze at you
The casual smile I give
And my existence not far enough from you!
I often don't say things out loud, even when I should. I contain and I compartmentalise. In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear. And love. Overflowing, struggling to come out. But I wouldn't let it out. I just couldn't...
 Jan 2014 A B Perales
Toro
Darkness
 Jan 2014 A B Perales
Toro
The cold wind blows, reaching though your very soul,
Making your body shiver, trying to keep warm,
Each step you take, echoes along each wall,
Moonlight shining through clouds in the sky,
Suddenly the light disappears, it all grows dark,
The echoes stop, you're breathing heavy,
Looking around each shadow seems to move,
Whispers come from all around, panic sets in,
Heart races; you lose track of time,
The whispers grow louder as they seem to close in,
Your hearts in your throat as you feel someone near,
Closing your eyes, the voices become deafening,
Laughter begins to fill your ears, fear is all that remains,
In an instant, it all stops just as fast as it began,
Nothing stood where you once were, just emptiness,
The winds blow away the dust that remains,
You're gone, consumed by the darkness,
Only leaving a memory of what was once there,
Moonlight shines through the clouds in the sky,
Showing that what you once were was gone...
Single I was born
This human world separated my soul and my body
I am now with a double personality,
One is “me” for myself
And another is the “me” for this world,

When I cry for myself
I laugh for this world
When I am happy with myself
For the world, I pretend to be sad,

When I talk I hear two voices of mine
I give a single speech
But automatically, it becomes two
Right becomes wrong
Wrong seems right,

I feel like I am an innocent child
But at the same time I seem to be a matured woman
My soul sees no reason to live for
But at the same time  I explain lots of reason that life worth,
 Jan 2014 A B Perales
hkr
if you deleted my number
it would hurt more
than every ****** thing
put together
and here's why

when i broke down on you
in february
i said i was just another girl
and you told me no,
you were you and i was me
and right then
we mattered
not as a unit, but as people
separate entities

here's the catch
you said ten, fifteen years from now
sure -- i might be just another girl

it's only been two
two years
if you started blurring me together now
with the other people who are just
taking up space
in your memory

i
think
i'd
die.
and the worst part is i'd never know.

you could get away with ******.
Here I am, no money and hungry again
The last few months have been tough
Money is short again.
I don’t have money to eat out
I should have made a sandwich at the house
But I don’t have any meat just bread
I collected bottles and cans the night before trash day
Late at night so the neighbors wouldn’t see
I turned them into the recycling center
Just to put $7.35 of gas in my car
I made it to the office
When it’s lunch time I just sit at my desk
Pretending I have too much work to do.
I’ve maxed out my credit cards
The office gal asked why I’m not going to lunch
She tells me to take a break.
“Okay you’re right” I say
I go to my car drive around the corner and sleep
I am hungry
When I go back to the office I’ll have more coffee
It wakes me up
I think about borrowing $20 for gas
But I decide I don’t want to
I’ll make it home
I drive back home on empty
My son is home from school
His class is going on a field trip
He needs ten dollars
I write a check I know will bounce
I make rice for dinner he is disappointed.
I told him I forgot to go to store, but I will go tomorrow
I put a lot of salt and pepper in it.
The phone keeps ringing.
We never answer it.  
I tell my son I have to run a quick errand
I have a coin collection my father gave me
I drive to a pawn shop
They give me $60 for it.
Its worth $200.
It will cost me $91.00 to buy it back
I put $10 in my gas tank
I buy some cereal and milk for tomorrow
“Where have you been?”
“Sorry I didn’t think I would be gone so long”
We watch T.V. together
Just three more days
Just three more days until pay day
I’ll just make it.
It aches
To know
That in this
Difficult time apart
I cannot suceed
In making you happy
I know you wish you were here
And oh how I wish
That you were too
But in this time apart
I hope you feel my love
I hope that you see
Every laugh and smile as
My attempt to be happy
To prove my love and
Deep affection
My sweet love
I hope that one day
You'll see the world
A little brighter
I wish being yours
Made it so
But you dream
Of happiness
In each others arms
And until that day
Know that I love you
And that you will always
Be my sunshine
My star
In every night sky
You are my forever
And that
Will never change.
 Jan 2014 A B Perales
Ashley
it's always been a stupid dream, hasn't it?
i can't help but find myself thinking about that day, if i could've possibly changed anything.
who would i be on this day, if none of this ever happened?
would i know suffering, would i even have scars? or what if you two never separated, that our family remained pure and whole?
maybe things were meant to happen for a reason but, what was the reason?
everyday is a constant battle between my heart and my head and i can't seem to escape from the demons taking refugee inside of me.
i am constantly searching for the way out but always end up short as they grab me and hush my lips so i can't scream.
they whisper that i cannot leave, that i am nothing more than a mere palette waiting to shed red.
they create a giant void that can never be filled and they tear down the walls that i have sheltered myself in.
i scream but nothing seems to come out;
what is wrong with me? who am i really? everyone says it's only temporary, that i have to wait it out and it'll all be over soon.
it won't, will it? who will i turn into?
will i seek out the revenge i deserve to inflict on you for keeping me hostage here, or be compassionate and **** you with kindness?
stop searching hell for demons

they've been inside you all along.
a.c.
who am i
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