I feel like a big man
in a straight jacket
who has just learned
despite all his strength
he'll never break the restraints

I'm not saying
you should ever give up

Just relax when you can
Don't fight so hard
You'll be free soon enough

It is  what loneliness feels like on late nights
and I find myself drunk texting poetry

I want to make your ears time capsules
for the things I have to say

Sometimes I settle for your phone

I want to wake up
in the morning
with a message from you

A picture of your smile
Your smile
Your stupid beautiful smile

It is all I ever really wanted anyway

It's funny,
I haven't even met your mother,
And I already think of you.
I think of the times we'll spend together
And the times we'll play together.
I already know what I'm gonna get you
On your first birthday
And what you'll be wearing on your second.

Honestly though,
I don't know how, when, or with who I'm gonna get there,
I just know that one day you'll be there
And I'll be here waiting
For the day in which I will hold you
And your little hands will move from here to there -
So wait for me,
I will get there.

I'm picking things up along the way
That I wanna teach you when I can.
I hope that you're not overwhelmed
When you try to hold your football,
Soccer ball or baseball.
(Volleyball is a lot of fun too!)
We'll play catch, and we will run,
I will catch you, and you'll have fun - I promise.

I hope you forgive me though,
As I don't know your mom.
I don't know if I have or haven't
Already set our course.
But you know what,
I bet she's beautiful
And the most caring person in the world.
I want to make sure she takes care of you,
After all.

It's hard to think of you,
As I hope I can make it through to you,
And tell you that all I'm doing today is because of you.
I want you to learn how run, how to play sports, how to jump,
And I want to be there to help you when you fall.
I want to teach you how to play guitar
And some magic tricks with cards,
I want to teach you to write some poetry
And play some music to make songs.

I want to make you proud,
As I hope you'll make me proud.
Even if you don't want to learn any of these things,
Or follow in my footsteps in any way
I want you to know that I've thought of you
Ever since today,
And that I can't wait to meet you,
Or your mother,
On the day in which you're born.

The posted photo
made on somones computer
looked like loneliness
dressed as wisdom
and begged you to believe the fallacy

It said
Don't fall in love when you're lonely
fall in love when you're ready

You will never learn how love works
if you save it

give it away
get hurt
give it away again

Love takes practice

And even if finding my love
looks like the crackhead's
needle in the haystack

Know that my love isn't *****
You won't get sick from my love
It is just that my love has been used

And that is all that love ever wanted anyway
was to be used

It is not some Star Wars action figure
Meant to never be opened
to maintain value

Imagine Luke Skywalker's
Anger at you upon tasting fresh air
Thinking
Have you seriously been keeping this from me?

Have you seriously been keeping this from me?

My love is pure
Been refined
by the filter of bodies
and coming back to me

My love is top shelf
but it is always free

The first time your hand fit into mine was in September
At the homecoming dance
I wore a black dress and heels that hurt my feet
You wore a bow tie and a smile that could light up a room
And you asked me to dance with you for a song
You spun me until I got too dizzy to spin anymore
Then brought me a punch and a chocolate chip cookie
And sat on the floor with me in the back of the room
And talked faster than the beat of the music
As we watched everyone else dance the night away

The first time you called me yours was in October
At the fall festival
I wore a bright red scarf, and your hoodie because I forgot mine
So I let you wear my hat because your ears were cold
And you bought me a popcorn
After I lost the cake walk using the tickets you gave me
And I tried to toss pieces into your mouth
But I kept missing, and hit your nose instead
Then you pulled me to the bounce houses
And we jumped around like little kids again
And we laughed louder than the sound of the autumn wind in the trees

The first time you met my parents was in November
At my house, when you came over to do all my favorite things with me
I wore my favorite plaid shirt, the one you liked on me
You wore a striped shirt and your favorite sneakers with the colors on the sole
And we watched our favorite cartoons and ate cookie dough on the sofa
We made silly faces at my camera in the car on the way to your house
Where you played piano for me and your little brother wasn’t wearing a shirt
And I met your dog and your little sister that you love very much
And that day we talked about the future, our future
As we looked at the giant map on the wall and dreamed of cities far away from here

The first time you told me you loved me was in December
At the fountains in the mall
When we went to the movies
Where I wore my glasses that matched yours, because you liked them on me
And snuck sandwiches and chips into the theatre in my bag
And we bought a box of candy and a soda together
After you carried me to the box office on your back then paid for my ticket
And we laughed all through the film
Then quoted it all the time afterwards
And in our photo together our eyes shone brighter than the Christmas lights on the tree
In the center of the shopping plaza

The first time we went a day without speaking was in January
At school
When I didn’t see you at lunch, because you were sitting with someone else
I brushed it off until it happened again
And again
And again
Then you asked me why I didn’t call you or stay to talk to you for long
And I told you why
Then you apologized and I thought everything would be the same
But it wasn’t, because nothing changed
And our eyes grew colder towards each other like the cold air blowing on the window

The first time you broke my heart was in February
When I realized we had both done each other wrong
And neither of us could bring ourselves to say sorry
I stopped wearing the shirt you gave me
And you kept the journal that we used to write letters to each other in
Then our friends turned into my friends
And they stopped asking the two of us to come to the movies,
Only telling me to come
And now each other’s names are as foreign as the countries
We used to dream of visiting together
And our eyes glaze over each other as if we never knew the other’s deepest secrets
And as if you never promised me forever

all these chords that compose
the song that is you
the F of the way you hide your face when embarrassed
the G of the way you look at people across the street
the C of the smell of your breath in a Thursday afternoon
I'm not a poet, a musician even less
but I may be kind of a beggar
when I beg of you
don't forget me
or let your music fade out
of my rainy days