He had thrown a sledge hammer into my heart,
shattered fragments he had expected me to put back together.
He found someone prettier who he grew to have feelings for.
I admit I can miss his smile, his humor, and just who he was; but I recognized it was the past and moved on.
I glued the pieces in place, and moved onto a better future.
Someone new came along,
A short summer romance stirred.
Our conversations made me laugh endlessly,
our train of thought so similar in likeness.
it breathed some life back into my numb heart.
But just as a cherry blossom, it soon fell away.
His fingers pried at my newly mended glass,
they reached and pulled it apart at the seems.
Once again my heart broke,
but  this ache was not unexplored,
my tears refused to fall.
My ruined heart, how could anyone love you?
Could they ever see you as a lovely mosaic,
a creation of loving too deeply?

...
And so the cycle continues,
why does my heart
so easily love,
so easily trust,
is so easy to please?
why do I tell my thoughts to strangers,
making my feelings known?
It has only ended in heartbreak.
My heart crushed from love,
crushed from mistrust,
it's sorrow seeded to the farthest reaches of my heart.
Tears frequently overflowing,
yet I fall in love, and make new friends,
And then they leave,
only to become one with the cycle:
And so it continues
...

How could someone trust so easily, only for mistrust to grow,
how could my happiness sprout, only for the sapling to wither,
How could anyone laugh so much, be shown so much kindness, only for it to fall into deep sorrow,
how could anyone hide a lie so easily,
"I love you"'s that now fall on depth ears.
I thought you were special,
I thought we were happy,
so how could something so trivial pull us apart?
It was your decision, they can't rule your heart.
Why does my heart fall so easily, only to ever be crushed.
A summer's love is fleeting, and meaningless,
and so I have to say goodbye, after all, this is what you wanted.

A feud had been lit,
firing since the beginning.
I was never good enough for you,
and could easily be misplaced.
Had an event occurred, one in which I wished to invite you,
you would come up with a million other things that you had to do.
I know it's not your fault,
you never choose to ignore your own daughter,
yet as years passed our distance wavered.
Your getting married again?
How long will it last?
I have another recital coming up?
No one ever said you had to go.
I was aggravated,
frustrated,
enraged even.
How could a mother ignore her own kid?!
But it's not your fault, and it never would be.
I could never hate you for distancing us.
For lying to me and always breaking your promises.
Don't promise me a thing with twisted fingers hidden behind your back!
And yet It never will be your own doing.
A mental disorder halts you from caring,
is your reason for disappearing from my life,
gone without a trace.
I see you, yet I can't reach to you.
That day over text,
I thought my words reached you.
I hoped you understood that your presence in my life means the world to me.
Yet again, you disappeared.
apparently my voice fell short,
as it always will.
This is my reconciliation.
This is who you are,
and I cannot blame you,
but I will never again trust you.
I love you unfaltering,
but only from a distance.
This is how you taught me to care for you.

Shards of memories,
Fragments of myself.
Were I to lose these, could I ever by myself?
Each memory, each object in my life, each person I have encountered.
They have their story; a special place in my heart.
I could never bare parting with them, emptiness would envelope my mind.
If one day I awoke,
mind blank, and naive of myself,
the me now wouldn't be able  to even imagine;
life without my talents, these precious memories, the close relationships with my friends and family. If I lost these cherished moments that make life worth living, I would cease to exist.
If my reasons for happiness, sadness, shyness, and kindness disappeared; I would leave with them.

*If I ever lose my memories, I'd lose myself