I think
There's something so wrong
And disgusting
About ***.
I know,
Im unnatural
And it isn't.

Look at me*
Tremors wrack my
Tense,
Paranoid form.
There's nothing wrong with you.
My mouth hangs slightly open,
And I believe the man
Who waits patiently
within my head.

Dude, I ******* made you-
You hated who you were.
Thank me with a severed spine,
And wishes on a star.
Empty hands, I used to hold
But you've taken them too far.
Everything I had in me;
it's everything you are.

You wreak
Of blood.
You muderer!*
I only hurt myself.

I can't even be honest creatively anymore.
She killed him.
I miscarried.
There's a poem in here somewhere,
I just can't tell it to you.

Paranoia has settled it's way
Back into my diseased head.
I hide from the eyes
Of windows
And I'm trembling again.

You burn yourself away
On my silver tongue and taste
because Im the only light
That makes your darkness seem okay.

All I need
Is fire and a memory.
All you did was brand me.

Nothings sweeter
Than my heart-shaped mouth
Nothings more bitter, either.

Midnight talks,
Spinning words like
Wheels burned out on pavement.

Entire weeks spent
In passion,
-not love,
But
*****,
Fevered
Passion
And then, I fell apart.
You lost me
In my grief and anger.
You said you cared 'a lot'
I told you to **** yourself.
Then nothing.
You moved on to the real thing
I moved states.

I still paint with words and hate the taste
but I'll never take for granted
the ones you waste.

I became fire
Licking at canvas- deep and blue.
Clutching tin with sharp edges
And biting at a ball in my lip.

There was one last lipstick stained cigarette
In the ashtray
Laced with memories I could forget

I wanted to die in the trees
Shed my broken skin like ***** ticks and fleas
Have my spirit dog the falling leaves
While branches dip themselves in grief

I'll hold your hand
If you can make me fall
Or get me to stand again.

I'd give anything to be the blade between her teeth,
to be the irony that inspires her unease
As she drifts unwillingly
and tastes of salt and sea- foam dreams,
Stars fall upon our cheeks,
While she speaks in tongues like winds from east
and I sit quietly
sipping on every note that she can sing.

My mind is a flash of memory,
I laughed as the blade makes light of pretty skin
I caught bullets before they passed my teeth,
And dripped blood as cost for my silver tongue-
*Ecstasy, you torture me.

Can I **** another night
Or maybe just myself
All this angers hurting me
Make me ashes on a shelf

little pills to balance mood and hospital stays
days and nights melt, seeing only shades of grey
microbursts of blackout pain
ideas of nine bullets in an alleyway
I bite the blame with a razor blade
and think in metaphors and bright red stains
sat and stared at glass from broken frames
spat blood, turned, and walked away.

My skin feels like you kept it.

I don't know
How to accept
Anyone being kind.
It's gotten to the point
Where I just feel
Heartbreak in advance.

I love your words
Before I let them leave
Your mouth
Because
Believe me,
Just the taste is enough.

Since I was little,
I'd drag my nails across
My skin until I bled.
Teeth clenched,
Body tense-
So then I could
Dream.

I held your hand
With caution,
I thought you took mine by mistake.

My head aches,
My hands and legs shake,
Caffeine drenched just to feel awake.

**”-...Anna? Did you take your meds?”

If I cant get rid of this sickness
Ill be dead before I even get the chance
To ******* dreams
And notice that things aren't as bad as they seemed.
Im just so stuck in this mindset
And the ghosts I can't forget
Reaching for anything I can
Just so I don't have to deal with it.
So ashamed,
so caught up in a game
I invented
But can cope enough to play.
Tell me souls can change
Hell, you could tell me anything
'cause **** starts feeling real
when you describe the way the night feels
And the pain my breath instills
when I try to give my everything
But can't find my own free will

My fingertips are runny, they drip and ooze with ink
I keep them tied with garbage bags and drain them in the sink
Shades so dark, they'll break your heart- of those, I do not drink.
If I'm always cleaning up a spill, I don't have to stop and think.

I'm weary.
Forsaken.
I think I'll
**** myself.

What's bothering you?
The dryness of my tongue.
The itch in my mind.
The bugs beneath my skin and between my teeth.
Nothing.

Can I see them?**
I sighed, and rolled up my sleeves.
I was puzzled by the boy
and offended.
He ran his fingers across my soul.

Love is something else today, not Disney with their lies.
I learned the hardest way that love can mean demise.
Love is not enough today, despite the times we tried
Tried and true, our triggers do- they start to dry our eyes.
"Empty clips for broken hearts"- they should put that on a sign
I could make a million dollars but I can't leave this heart behind
Like shattered glass, I'm deadly, but just half of what could be
Like shattered hearts we always hang the pieces in the trees
Like necks in nooses, willingly, this love could set you free.
We beat the **** out of each other because the best love costs a fee.

We made it to the east coast
i saw the ocean, mom.
Dad saw a needle.
My ole man yelled and held my hand

These dreams could make the corpses bleed I keep beneath my bed,
and these stitches couldn't really be 'till I had them in my head
You used to call me in the hospital and laugh with me,
and cry.
Now you're handing me a knife and offering a ride.

I did something unforgivable.
I am wretched
Selfish
Stupid
Who am I to get better
When my heart is decaying
Because I keep letting
You down.

I hate all this rain
And I wish you were dead
'Cause I know you'll never love a girl whos
Heart hurts her head.

If I had the will,
I would cut my lips away
to be a face of bared teeth
And unsettling disgust.

He took my hand,
And led me up the stairs.
Past his younger brother
That I went to school with.
When we got to his room
He threw me against walls
Grabbed my hair
Slammed my head against the bed post.
I stayed quiet,
Because no one
Will hear me whimper like
A wounded animal.

I fell apart so fluidly, I'm always breaking down
I built this place for both of us, but I only see the ground
Tell me what it's like, when you think you've lost all hope
While your eyes still burn like fire and I'm choking on this smoke
I believed in everything you knew you couldn't do,
I believe you lied to me,
and you believe it, too.

The only things
That're sweet to me
Is blood
And *****.

I don't feel anything
Besides a storm
And the knife between my thighs.
I'm sorry.
I want you.
I want me.
But right now
All I am is bleeding.

Four missed calls
From a number unknown.
More anxiety.
Who would need to speak
At this hour?
I won't call back,
Because it could be a ghost
And they could trap me with their voice.

I watched him drown,
I didn't dare move
The beauty took my breath away.

Your lonely poems used to be of comfort to me,
your new perspective on repeat
was guaranteed to make them bleed
but they're exactly what I need.