i wish i had any other addiction than this;







breathing.

Twins of you
Face to face
Shocked to what they see.
Wandering if this could really be.

The revealing lies that they have just seen
Mad at the world
Because they have learned
This is who they have become.

They can't take no more.
Shatters all over the ground
Piece by piece
Standing and just staring

Finally realizing that it's just me.
I am my own person
And I just needed to be set free

you told me you were leaving
because i smoke cigarettes
i stopped smoking in fear
of losing you forever
i went by your place to tell you
that i broke my bad habit
i saw you pressing your lips
against someone new
my walk home was lonely
and the only thing pressed to my lips
was a cigarette
i guess it's time to quit my bad habit:
you.

where is my mind
where did it go
i must have lost it
while searching for you
and the gun that destroyed
your lovely eyes
and blew your ******* brains
all over the driveway
and all over my mind
maybe it should stay lost
maybe i should too
(cjw)

Like an infectious disease
you spread your lies
despite the hurt the pleas and cries
your actions they intoxicated
a delicate soul
we all played into your game
gave you all the control.

Cruising down the road full of snow flurries
She clenched her wheel tightly because she was scared.
Scared that she might not see the moon again.
She was in love with the moon.
Every night she would write in her journal.
She was diagnosed with insanity
But in order for her to continue in society she had to write.
Everyday.
She wanted to prove she could still be okay
Everyday.
To her the snow was trying to keep her away from society.
So this was her fear
Everyday...

When you yourself suffer with depression you think it's awful. You feel worthless and numb and absolutely any other possible emotion you could think of. Everything and nothing all at once. It cripples you and leaves you stranded in the middle of an open abyss with nothing but your thoughts and dreams of someday being happy but when someone you love is depressed it reveals a whole new level of just how demonic of a disease it is. When the person you care about more than anything and who has saved you yourself from the wraths of suicidal thoughts is calling you and asking you for help you see how truly horrible it can be. As her voice cracks and you can physically hear the pain behind every word it rips your heart out and tosses it off of a cliff and laughs as you watch her crumble before you and all you can do is pray that she can find an ounce of strength left in her body not to do this. Not to let the depression win again because she's always been the strong one, the one to take care of you, but now that the roles are reversed you realize there's nothing you can do and you feel again like your stranded only this time it's behind a clear sheet of glass and on the other side she's standing there surrounded by physical versions of all of the demons in her head, some of which you didn't even know could exist within someone that beautiful, and she's staring at you, eyes pleading and spilling with tears as the demons surround her every movement all you can do is watch. You watch and hope to anyone or anything that may exist with the power to save her to please just do something because as she's being dragged to the ground you think maybe if you tear into your own veins deeps enough and release your own demons that hers will be distracted by the mass amounts of blood and sorrows covering the floor in front of you and even if she only gets away for five minutes, gets to breathe and not scream into nothingness for five minutes, it's worth it because you love her so ******* much that you would risk anything, even liters of your own blood and rooms full of your own monsters living deep in your soul that it would be worth it. C.a.l

I LOVED YOU I ******* LOVED YOU AND YOU KNEW YOU DIDNT LOVE ME YOU KNEW IT WAS ALL A GAME TO YOU AND YOU LOVED THE WAY I FIT INTO THE PALM OF YOUR HAND LIKE A PERFECT CHESS PIECE BUT YOU DIDNT ******* LOVE ME YOU DIDNT THINK ABOUT ME AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT COMPLETELY FORGETTING THAT YOU NEEDED SLEEP AND YOUR HEART DIDNT ACHE WHEN I CRIED AND YOU DIDNT CLENCH YOUR FISTS SO HARD YOUR KNUCKLES TURNED WHITE WHEN I TOLD YOU HE HURT ME SO YOU DIDNT LOVE ME BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY THEIR LAUGH IS THE ONLY THING IN EXISTENCE THAT CAN MAKE YOUR HEART BEAT SO FAST YOU CANT BREATHE AND WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU DONT LOOK AT THEIR LIPS AND THINK OF KISSING THEM YOU LOOK AT THEIR LIPS AND THINK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY LOOK WHEN THEY FORM THE WORDS I LOVE YOU MORE AND YOU NEVER ******* LOVED ME BECAUSE YOU NEVER REALLY CARED WHEN YOU ASKED IF I WAS OKAY AND I KNOW ALL OF THESE THINGS BECAUSE I ******* LOVED YOU. I LOVED YOU MORE THAN I HAD EVER LOVED ANYONE AND MORE THAN I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO LOVE ANYONE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE WHEN YOU FINALLY ADMITTED IT WAS ALL A GAME TO YOU IT LEFT MY SOUL SO IRREPARABLY SCARRED THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FEEL LOVE FOR ANYONE ELSE BECAUSE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAL THOSE WOUNDS ARE YOU BUT INSTEAD YOURE STANDING THERE WONDERING WHY I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT BEGGING YOU TO COME TO  MY FUNERAL IN A WEEK AND YOU STILL DONT ******* LOVE ME c.a.l