To see their lips in unison
is to scream my lungs out
with silence as the witness
because whenever I close
both my eyelids
it becomes the only scene
my heart plays on repeat

once again, I threw myself to hell
faking every curve of smile on my lips
just to get other guy placed his hand on my hips
just kiss me tonight, do what he'd does
disinfect me from the lies he whispered
about how deep he was in love with me
make my body forget the way it yearns
for his touch everytime I undress myself
love me, love me more, and I promise
I'd say I love you and stay forever

two pairs of our ebony eyes
are locking deeply
and in that frozen time
I can feel the L word is ready
to jump out of our mouths
so I shut them up
by kissing him
many times

Boneless tongue might say things we don't mean
cause both you and I cursed each other like nemesis
yet my arms stay circling around your neck
and yours on my hips when we share a long kiss

But the moment you tell me that you love me
and I say it back to you
Every syllable just feels so right in my eardrums
and my sieve heart absorbs those words completely
and the motion of our lips looks strangely sweet
they tempt us to lock them together slowly

At times when he says "Iloveyou"
I'd reply with "welcome home"
cause to love and be loved by him
is to be home

dream is the only place I have left
to meet you and laugh with you
so I'd rather sleep as long as I can
than staying awake and living life without you

Have some patience
I know they hurt you
but I am trying to stitch them
with my shades of true

and please remember
I have my scars too
for the wound you made
still give me pain

Now will you plaster mine?
or are we going to keep
opening them and watch
each other bleed?

I wonder if you're reading this right now
how I am truly sorry about the pain
we caused you out of our selfishness
but he keeps the air I'm breathing
I need it, so does he, cause I keep his
have you ever realize that his heart
is always mine to hold and not yours?
you should understand that I was just
taking back what is mine in the first place
I hope you can finally cope soon
because I've been in your shoes

I wonder what you're thinking right now
and
I'd love to know head to head from you

Surely I have no idea about jealousy
until I see her having a lovely dinner
next to my table with her mother

it's true that my lungs tightened up
filled with butterflies and flowers
when you put a perfect curve on your lips
and you know, you know I'm in love
but what you don't know is;
I've been in love just like this before
and before, he crushed me
cause he knocked and I let him in
now
now it won't happen again
I will never let you in

I wonder if there will come a time
when you finally aware of what you make me feel
how I always consider myself as a fool for you
and the way you twist your words hurts my bones

do you even hear my tears dropping down my cheeks?
do you even see the frown I make beneath my smile?
do you even want to know?
do you even care to ask?

but when that moment arrived,
I swear it will be too late
I will be walking away too far
and you won't be able to even grasp my shadow

Bad dreams stole the love you have for me piece by piece until you frown
Good dreams kidnapped your stranded body to the arms of a face unknown

There there my darling open your heavy eyelids to me
No more running around inside the compelling dreams where you cannot see
I will design your reality to be worth living than whatever dreams may be
With laughter as the original soundtrack and both of us as the main casts
where myself as a whole is meant to return to your rib cage
and when the time is properly given to stitch up the wounds I made

Hey, I'm here
Bleeding in the deepest space of your heart
Can you feel me?
Here, come closer
let me whisper you a secret
You see, time doesn't fly in my galaxy
it's frozen after you left me
guess you've cast a charmed
to keep my open flesh unarmed

Never before I feel so desperately weak
when you raised your tone with a voice so bleak
that was the moment I am certain of one thing
I need to be closer to you
badly, so badly, very badly
and I wanted to be forgiven wholeheartedly

There are no word I can spell
To show you how deep I have fell
Only my bursting eyes can tell
I love you with my every cell
But time passes and so does your heart
Only it never changes mine
I really wish it did
Right the moment when
You stopped being sweet
Well, I should have known better
My mistake, I was hallucinating
To even trust your twist and turn words
Cause you were too perfect to be true
Guess I am not the perfect one for you
But hear this;
Do call me, find me
When you're not busy thinking about
Your pride or your ego
For I am always near
Make amends and I will forgive you
Make amends and I will take you back

I switch off the light
Trying to sleep off my tired heart
I listen to the same song
Over and over again
As if I'd play it on my death bed

And you
You're merely an illusion
Cause I have authentic proves.
A moving pictures.
That contains your laughs and
That you were happy
With me

Were

Then what happened?
You lost yourself
Why lost me too?

You said I deserve something
No, I deserve you

And I never, not even once
Ever asked you to love me
The way I love you
Cause I'm aware that it's impossible
For you to do so

My love for you has no limit

Why pushed me away?
Let me in
Ask me to stay

Can you hear me weeping?
Both my eyes are swollen by now

Darling,
Be cautious cause
If you continue
To keep me in the distance
I might as well
Be overly comfortable there

Please,
Grab me by the hand
Cause my feet is on the doorstep
Ready to take off

The lipstick I am wearing
misses the way you ruin it
until it paints the depth of love
I feel for you on your lips
and it marks the truth that
I am solely meant for you

Be a Queen
Marry a King
Build your empire
Together

I wish I had been kinder to him
I wish he realizes how devastating I am feeling
I wish I was more careful
I wish he left me earlier than he should be
I wish I can actually stop thinking about him
I wish he didn't take me for granted
I wish I am worth his fight and effort
I wish he would stop treating me like trash
I wish I can stop treating myself like trash
I wish he respects the love I gave him
I wish I can laugh wholeheartedly
I wish he can laugh wholeheartedly
I wish I can understand what's on his mind
I wish he gave me more chances and time
I wish I can find a reason to hate him
I wish he's in love with me

I wish wishes do come true

My loving heaven,

If there is a way for me to explain
who I am now to you, I will say;
I am half of your retrograde,
the slowest rotation on your earth
that is wrong enough to be right
and half of your marquis diamond,
the most expensive shape
that lingers best around you

Your devoted Angel,
A

Wouldn't it be nice
to feel your hot breathing
on my cold neck right now
and to smile is as easy
as turning my body to yours?

cause it's 2.44am
where I woke up
finding myself alone
—trembling with the need
to run so fast to where you are

when I know
you're sleeping with someone else

there are a few specifications I need
to make all the things in my life working
like a pair of hands to do stuffs
a pair of feet to move to places
a pair of eyes to see both sides
a pair of ears to listen to advice
one mouth to speak my mind
one nose to savor the air
and one heart to keep me alive
I need those
specifically yours

Every single night
I sleep wearing the black t-shirt
or the other shirts that you left
and wrapping my neck
with your favorite scarf

somehow the convinced me
that you will come around
and your heart is very near to mine

Your chat room

He nurtured
The flowers
With proper love
It could grow
On its own
After he left

Here we are
on the same date
the same celebration
the same wish for you
in front of the candle
the same promise I made
to have this day spent
and for the rest of
the same date
that there are

only each time
we will spend it
with deeper love
than it's ever before

I could
Gather the whole stars
And reassemble them
Yet
It wouldn't be enough
To describe
How impeccable you are
In my eyes

Cause you
Are the kind of man
Who keeps me fall in love
With just breathing
Who has the brightest eyes
That make me couldn't turn away
Who own the ability
To make me cry of laughter
With just one word

And you are the love
Of my deepest heart
That I fall for
So deeply

Once or twice of a mistake is humane
The third mistake is probably dumb
but the fourth mistake? Oh baby
trust me, that's your choice
Therefore, you have used
every straw I gave you
Now, leave

there's a room I left empty
but full of your memory
in that room I see a door
it's unlock but what for?
I'm imprisoned for life
a prisoner of your love

you would have been holding me
to sleep tonight in your orange room
if what Jeremy Passion said in his song
were truly meant for me

truth to be told, my heart been wondering
are you happier now that I'm no longer there?
for me, everything in me feels strange
how's the girl you're clinging to now?
I bet her heart is kind, unlike mine
should you know I remember you
in too many ways I can count
like when I eat that spicy food you love
or whenever I pass on a very tall guy
I wonder how you remember me now
how you remember me at all
but mostly I wonder
if you ever think of coming home to me

it's amazing to know that
he is in the same space as i am

because whenever he's near
all of my doubts disappear
and the air around me glows
as if all the stars gather their lights
pointing at him creating rainbow

and when he pulls me closer
I can feel his love spoiled out from his fingers
he is the only man who makes me tremble
trembling out of happiness and laughter

love is a myth, love is an illusion
love in the air creates pollution
I want to stop loving—I have to
cause everything I've ever loved left
just like you

the void in my heart
glows as if fireflies are dancing
along with how you sing me
all the things I want to hear

Stop tearing up my heart
you live inside there, remember?

I live, I breathe
I laugh everyday
but I cry each night
with the hope to return
to the almighty God
and I wake up each morning
with the realization that
I have no capability to see
my beloved mum, dad
and my kind brother
and I walk around
seeing the sun and the moon
switch places as always
with the fear at some point
the people whom I love
so very much stop inhaling
the air forever, again

Has passed
yet I can still recall how the stars aligned when we first say hi
how you answered my question with Craig David singing Rendezvous
"tonight is your night," you said on the dark road that seemed oddly bright
how you willingly opened up my door in a funny way just because I asked you to
how you took my hand after a couple of beers, a long chat, and the last order in that cafe
how the darkest sky turned white with you sitting down in front of me near the beach
how we shared our very first kiss, breakfast, dinner, until the very first morning
waking up to your beautiful brown eyes and the heat from your dutch white skin
I recall the Summer, where my heart melted to your lips whispering Iloveyou
and the Rainy days, when the cold clouds kept you sleeping inside my loving arms

but I also remember
how you broke my heart with all the secrets you hide deeper than my scars
how your words sliced my bones the nights you decided to left me with question marks
how green my eyes turned when you innocently treated her like she meant more than I was
how you pushed the restart button for the bridges you've exploded to ashes

In spite all that, aside from the bitter-sweet journey we have,
this I know for sure;
time has failed to separate parts of you in all of me along with the love I promise to keep

Ah, go ahead
cut my flesh open
let me bleed until I'm dry
and tell me to absorb
all the pain
as I cry my lungs out
then tell me you can't heal me
simply because you're afraid of blood

I don't want to speak
Nor to be alone
Therefore, I will sit
Amidst the crowd
Enjoying their laugh
Mixed with the blaring sound
From my playlist
Smelling the scent of coffee
And my earl grey tea

That way
Only that way, I'd be able
To hold the tears
From my aching heart
*That you caused

her sanity lingers
cause she pours her insanity
by tainting her fingers
with ink and poetry

I'm on my knees begging to God not to cross my footsteps to yours ever again
And I'm asking for His forgiveness and thanking Him because He showed me my own karma—you
Lesson learned and very well noted
You are the best and the worst person I have ever met
And though I meant absolutely nothing to you but you meant the world for me
Iloveyou
I still do
But you destroyed me—big time
All the kisses and the laughs
Our memories and songs
I'm ashamed
Turned out I was just another shirt you're changing
Still
I love you with such respect and honesty
I love you with a big amount of trust and support
And everything that you did
Every single drop of kindness that you did
Was a big fat lie
Therefore the only thing left you can do is to disappear into thin air
You are not allowed to call me
Erase my number and my pictures on your phone
I forbid you to even say that you've ever known me
Don't you dare say hi if we ever meet on a street
I am neither your fans nor your ex not even close to a friend for you
I am nobody—like I have always been
Your existence is invalid for me
Vice versa
You are a very great karma on which I promise myself not to make the same terrible mistake like I did before you
You are the only good in goodbye
I hope not to see you again

Because I am madly in love
with the angel I found
within his **demon

Maybe we both are cursed
By the mistaken time
Who cast a spell
And made us fell

In between the high grass
And the tall trees,
The love we share
Is a myth of unfair

Recall the sunrise
You brought for a gift
It's filling my eyes
With sunset adrift

I want you and
You want me
But that reason is never
Good enough to make us be

As much as I know
That he loves me
Yet his silence is colder
Than an iceberg can be
And sometimes
Silence is
A horrible ferocity

Sweetie, hey,
Look at your reflection in the mirror
Not your pool of tears

See? you're young and beautiful
Not to mention that gorgeous smile

Yes, I know it hurts
When he chose to forget you
As you promised to remember him

But, Darling, you knew
You always knew
He never gives you his heart

Now, stop being so ******* yourself
Realize that it's neither your fault
Cause heart loves whom it chooses

Yes, you both didn't work out
Or at least that's what he said
But it doesn't mean love wasn't there
In that blink of a time
Love was there

I understand that you want him, only him
But you also need to use your mind
If he crossed your road
Someone else will do too
Eventhough this new guy will have his smile
Or his crooked teeth and sinking cheeks
But he will be able to fall as hard as you will

Baby, forgive yourself
Make peace with fate
Recall the fact that he refused to be the sun
For your white roses
Therefore you should make your own light
And decorate your garden with grace

I promise the right guy is waiting
He might be stuck on some tree right now
But he's around

It's a long tunnel indeed
But it all will be worth every dime

XO,
Amalia

'Note this, my favorite gal is you'

And I know if I fall for your line
I will only create another big mistake
but who cares?
if it is a mistake then you'll be my mistake
so basically, you're mine in that state

Okay, you can shout
Maybe my sob was too loud
Fine, punch me to the wall
Maybe just a drop of blood will fall
Alright, kick me when I crawl
Maybe bruises won't make me sprawl
Sure, that was all my fault
Maybe I deserve this assault

Just remember to say sorry
*Cause, you know, I'll forgive you, baby

with him, I can see the end when we begin
with him, I have no attachment, just comfort
with him, I am able to go on my own and grow
with him, I learn how to love me more
with him, I know it's okay to be honest
with him, I feel possible to take chances
with him, maybe, just maybe
I can find the road to love again

Unlike Bonnie and Clyde,
Our devils could dance together in sight
Unlike Jack and Sally,
We'll create nightmare on Christmas party
Unlike Orpheus and Eurydice,
Our yearning soul will never dies
Unlike Napoleon and Josephine,
We'll embrace each flaw on our skins

They might have loved so keen
But they all have their parting scene
Now, Darling, trust me this;
Our love is greater than they've ever been

he said, "let's keep this between us"
while pulling my hair, kissing my tired lips
both my eyesight and judgment are clouded
by his handsome look, facing one breathe away
but the night is changing, so does his mind
when the morning knocks, I was alone
laying on my bed, missing his gentle hug
with our secret Sunday

I'll tell you what's funny
it is when you look at me
and have no idea whatsoever
that you put my heart on a race
where it keeps pulsing restlessly
but never reach the first place