he looks at me
like he never see
anything else
that ever looked
more beautiful
than I do before
and I stare back at him
like he holds the universe
hiding within his cells
and I bite my tongue
cause no word can be speak
to explain that he is more,
more than the universe I lived in

My oh my
The act of erasing you from my phone
is keeping both my cheeks wet

I am letting him go
I will be able to find someone better
I never meant anything to him
I won't come back to him
He never loved me anyway
He doesn't care for me
He doesn't want me
*He doesn't know what he's doing

Just when I thought by putting back the puzzle
will create a bulletproof bond between us,
he destroyed my poor heart all over again

even a heartbreak is an understatement now

the wound I keep stitching are also keep opening
and the way he react wasn't suppose to surprised me
but in the end, adding an ultimate decision
with someone you want the most will always be
a bombshell even for someone as tough as I am

because being completely in love is nothing like
any other pain I had suffer before
it is my utmost invisible foe
that drag me into an eternal woe

The kind of yielding warmth from your kiss
is the kind of paradise I never want to miss

there I stood amidst the shimmering lights
faking another curve on my red lips last night
until I saw a familiar silhouette with a longing scent
slowly walking towards my walls of pretend

he was the one who got away with a piece of my heart
yet he managed to kiss me like we were never apart

If I know where to begin
he is my again

just before he left
I kissed him again
and he pulled me deeper
I thought he was the gravity

All the wrong decisions
that lead to our separation
are repeating themselves
and keeping me
awake and aware
we should've been
what we are not;
together

After 26 days
I realize that I was not in the right place
to make any decision for both of us
I also realize that being in love with you
is a choice that I keep on making
every single day

She is spelling
His name
Like an excuse
And painting
His soul
Like cracked
Eggshells

Fireworks doesn't captivate me
It lost its colors
Rain doesn't comfort me
It brings cold
Clown doesn't interest me
It doesn't look funny

And I

I don't fit you
Or
It's the other way around

Like east and west
Like ocean and city
Like life and death

We were told not to be together
And neither of us even bother
To work it out nor try harder
Yet, we simply surrender

'Do you hear my beating heart?'
He asked me once
Well this I must say,
He is not a musician
Yet, I do listen to his heartbeat
Making a rhythm, a soundtrack
A love song
Just for me to hear

I am wide awake
making an ultimate decision
to stop myself from running back
to you

He paints rainbow
—lights the shooting star
hit me hard like an arrow
left me with the biggest scar

I showed him
my black past
and he showed me
peace in the dark

Sweetheart, remain calm, read this
Word by word

Walk in accordance with my footsteps
Glance at your shoulder where I am equal
Keep in mind that I am here
Neither to be followed nor to follow you

Grab my hand—reassure my consuming doubt
Cause I broke the mirror
When I saw worries and tiredness
Along my face lines to my Achilles heels

I am standing inside a tunnel
Where I can't see or hear
The compel you chant
To coaxed me into devotion

Sing louder so I’ll stop my tears
*Scream to me so I’ll understand

Falling for him was her first mistake
The rest? Oh, Darling
They spread faster than venom

Then again, I am just a home
a blank space you spare
for the emptiness you couldn't be bear
a charger for your tired soul
when the world turned into a big foul

after you done resting,
you will shut out my front door
leaving me empty and lonely
not a single fun you ever bring for me

but you're just a silly boy
who has no idea
what a home truly means
until you lost it

he stood so close to me, asking
"what are you thinking? tell me"
my heart skipped a beat
cause he often questioned me,
stared with his beautiful eyes
as if he could hear my brain
screaming his name and love
in one simple line

"Baby, I can't take this no more, I'm leaving"
she stuttered, crying
"But, Darling, I love you, I swear I'll change"
he replied, begging

she knows him well
and he does aswell
he's lying
as she's staying
swallowing his lies

From the very start, you were holding my hand
locking them tightly each and everyday
then at some point they loosen up
and I hate that so I try my best to fix them

now, our hand grip is different;
it’s close and very comforting
it’s warm and encouraging
it’s yours and mine becoming ours

it’s in the stage where we can clearly see
what we’re sharing together is
more than the selfishness of oneself
and past way up the capacity of love itself

That night, I nearly gave up on you
Just like how you nearly left me untrue
I nearly cried and pushed your limit
Just like how you nearly threw a *******
I nearly become a video game
Just like how you nearly played me like an arcade
I nearly turned into a clown
Just like how you nearly dissed my frown
I nearly took off your chances
Just like how you nearly burned your bridges
~
But to hurt and to cherish are on a par
In a trail we're trying to walk far
Under the bright moon and twinkling star
*To return to each other is what we are

When the rain pours
I remember our nights
of you, every prepositions of place
and me
then I feel my heart blackened—
painted by our bitter-sweet memories
hoping that another rain
will fall hard enough
to wash away your love for me

My tired heart sighs and breaks all over again
as I'm watching our movie goes on and on
about us standing on each others' shoulder

I try so hard to push the restart button
but you're handcuffing me both my hands
with the weight of my faults

guess it's wiser to push the stop button instead

The sound of our sweat
From the friction
The perpetual black and white
From the dark room

My breathing and yours
Echoes around
As you closing down on me
And I to you

Then I hear nothing
But a tender silence
While I rest my hand
To caress your cheek

Thinking, wishing,
I could just stop this moment
And repeat it for eternity
Little did I forgot

Time is count from good
To gone

Curling up inside my blanket tonight
realizes me that I'm lacking something
—something sweet like a memory
of the first air you gasp after a dive
one simple moment to let you know
that you are now safe and sound
exactly the same feeling I get
when I buried myself inside your hug
and allowed your soul touches mine

the more I push, the more I pull
I play smart but you made me a fool
the more I swim, the deeper I drown
I lost myself but it's you I found

falling hurts but it's the best part
you destroyed my walls with a single dart
baby won't you just walk away
before I beg and bribe you to stay?

dear Lord, I do not want to love again
but somehow with you, it quitely begins

I was a fool to even think
he can love me the second time
when he already failed
on his first

there I stood in the middle of the canyon walls
just to screamed out 'I don't love you anymore'
so that it echoes over and over back to me
because I cannot convince my heart
to ever believe that it needs to stop loving you

I know him as a man
who doesn't have a heart
yet he could make me
love him so much
I give away mine
just so he has one

And I cannot resist you
And you cannot keep your hands off me
And I keep on coming back
And you keep on opening your heart
And my ears always listen
And your mouth always speaks
And I count every lies
And you made all those lies
And I understand that you love me
And you say "I love you" in every way
And I know
And you know
Even they know
*But she doesn't know

I have a consuming flame
Inside me that keeps on
Burning things that cannot burn
And I have a thing about
Standing on the edge of a cliff
And shout at the storm
Until I slipped and fell
Stupid?
It could be my middle name
At least I tried
To melt your walls
And have faith
On the thread of
False hopes you spun

everyday, I see another lovers who are meant to be
they look like a hope to believe in for me
but then again, a hope is just a daydream
dressed well, leaving so quick, like him

To cherish every dark sides
To uphold your pride
To be kind in weakness
To smile in sadness
And to love very deeply
With every drop of blood
That runs within my veins

And I meant all of them in an equal measure

thinking back now
you are gone, now
no more birthdays to celebrate
no more parties to cheer on
no more jokes to laugh at
together with you
no more you
no more me too

you're the kind of guy
who always thinks that
it was only natural for me
to stand by your side
but I'm the kind of girl
who finally realizes that
she is so much worth
than just another plan
for you to delay

but, my darling
I'd steal health from Hygieia
**** Clotho for your thread of life
and let the Gods forbid me
breathing inside this galaxy
because you, your existence,
means a lot more important
than the all the beauty
they could ever offer me

there is a world I knew
where time stood still
with the happiness
I built with you

"I like another girl,
you have to let me go"

using a simple line last night
you destroyed that world
until there is no more light

only I who has the right
to cry myself wearing your worn-out shirt
to drink away our sweet memories
to isolate my heart from happiness

only you who has the right
to open up my deepest part
to kiss away my sorrow
to return and fill in my hollow

there, inside his eyes when he stare,
I saw the world that never exists
and when he laughs at my jokes,
I figured out that love has a sound

This is bad, i wanna cry again
I wanna cry all the time
over my comparison—jealousy
I'm insecure or probably just being greedy

now show me more, I want more
of you and me, of us, of ours
cause she's choking me for hours,
cause I keep seeing her being yours

so delete her, make her gone
promise me that you're done
give me all or give me none
we both know that I'm the one

Sometimes a home doesn't consist a roof nor walls
Like my home,
Has crooked teeth and heartbeats
And looks exactly like you

yes, I love you
I swear
on all my smiles
and all my cries
from the moment
I saw you walked by
until time told me
to say goodbye

but you should know
even right now,
the answer is
*still yes

You told me
"I miss your lips,
Touching mine"
Then you confirmed
When I randomly said
That I've got into your heart
You told me
If I stay, you stay
Now, by all means
Explain to me
Which part
Of your words
That you can deny
Even your hands
Cannot be kept
Too far from mine

Fear crept into my sleep
I suffocate and bleed
I screamed for help
But no hand to held

I woke up with pain
My chest hurts, again
Nightmare followed me
To daylight I still see

The loss death caused
When it approached

What I cannot understand is this;
I am addicted to the pain of suffocating
Like the thought of jumping off the cliff
Or hoping to get crashed by a car
Or drinking a glass of poison
I just need to have a taste on that dying moments
The urge to feel the ******* pain pulling me in
Then when I feel it, I’ll drown myself in it
I even ******* dive in it until I forgot
Which way is the surface
And when I finally got out,
I look for another pool of misery to dive into

Hello Mr. Moon
Ah, you're out of my reach
Yet I'm glad to know
That you're burning up
Above me, watching me
Tho the clouds sometimes
Overshine your light
But will you kiss me
A secret about
How to stop
Counting teardrops
When you're high?

once again, I threw myself to hell
faking every curve of smile on my lips
just to get other guy placed his hand on my hips
just kiss me tonight, do what he'd does
disinfect me from the lies he whispered
about how deep he was in love with me
make my body forget the way it yearns
for his touch everytime I undress myself
love me, love me more, and I promise
I'd say I love you and stay forever

To see their lips in unison
is to scream my lungs out
with silence as the witness
because whenever I close
both my eyelids
it becomes the only scene
my heart plays on repeat