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 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Theia Gwen
My mother is one of those people
Who buys stupid things with trivial cliches on them
Needlepoint pillows with overused sayings
And there is a wooden sign hanging from the wall
She probably wasted at least 15 dollars on it
I pass by it every day
But only recently have I started thinking about it
It says,
"Home is the starting place of love and dreams."
Which I find ironic
Since this house that I live in is not a home
Which I realize is a cliche in itself
But it's true
This house comes with memories engrained
Of my mother yelling and screaming
Of me purging and crying
So where is my home?
Where is my "starting place of love and dreams?"
I've made a home in you
I want to memorize all of you
Count every single freckle on your face
And curl up beside you and leave my memories in your brain
Your arms wrapped around me is when I'm home
Your smile is my home,
Your laugh,
Your kindness,
Telling me the things my mother never meant
May be that's why even when I'm in my house
And we're not together
I can't stop thinking about my home
 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Theia Gwen
She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                            ­           It's her coping defence
                                                                ­               When nothing else will suffice
                                                         ­               She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                            ­     To escape somewhere far away
                                                            ­             And she'll sob for the characters
                                                      ­                       Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                            ­                                   And then she'll sleep
                                                           ­                                   And have sweet dreams
                                                          ­              Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape
 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Theia Gwen
I can see you perfectly
In a gown and cap on graduation day
With a pretty ******* your arm once you've forgotten about me
Because you got your PhD in Biology
But I think you should have got a degree in breaking hearts
And here I am studying Psychology
Trying to forget we're 2,345.51 miles apart
I can't even figure out the **** in my own mind
I thought college was supposed to open up doors?
Not make everyone I love leave me behind
I know someday I'll just be but some fuzzy memories
I should be happy for you, having it all figured out
And you honestly deserve so much better than me
The course I was on is not good enough for you
And I know your future doesn't involve me
I'd go after you
It doesn't matter how much land I'd have to trek
I'm just terrified you wouldn't do the same for me
Considering you're the one who left
It's almost 10:00 and I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm writing this since this has no relevance to me at all at the moment. I guess I'm just great at seeing the end of all good things. Was kinda inspired by Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie.
 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Theia Gwen
They say that love is blind
But unfortunately hate can make you blind
To a love that's right in front of you
Darling, untie the blindfold,
Open the curtains,
You're drowning so deep in your self loathing
You can't see how many people are jumping in after
Trying to save you from yourself
 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Theia Gwen
She's just looking for attention
That has to be it, right?
Just a melodramatic girl
They ignore all the signs

She's just looking for attention
That's what they're all saying
It's funny how when it's all said and done
They'll cry that they didn't see it coming

She's just looking for attention
They yell "You shouldn't joke about suicide!"
She represses a bitter laugh and thinks
Too bad I won't see your reaction to the punchline
It ****** me off how depression and suicide are so stigmatized that people can't reach out for help without being called an attention seeker. I hate how our society can't have real conversations about suicide and every sign is ignored. I don't know. I've been really suicidal recently.
 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Ian Cairns
Attention class:
There's been a shift in our syllabus
There are some questions on my mind that warrant a new lessonplan: Does true love exist?
I will admit lately I've hypothesized that it's merely just a myth
Some wishful thinking from romantic half-wit heretics
So I'm assigning a soul mate science test
A pop quiz prophecy that could bind two of us together forever
Proving true love is suited for scientific vindication
If you respond to each question honestly
One trusty staple is capable of uniting this loose leaf love
Depending on your lead-based expressions
And their smudge-marked impressions
So please put your notebooks down
And pick your pencils up
Let's begin:

1. Is the beauty you possess easily represented in the thoughts you express?
Provide an ample sample size of your logic to suggest your loveliness works wonders.
2. Given that the fastest manned aircraft reached 4500 mph
If you spiraled down from the heavens at 9.8 m/s²
How long would it take for you to shatter record speed
And recognize that my arms are open to being your landing pad?
3. If your failures colored red and successes tinted blue
Became marbles piled high in mason jars
Would you let me embrace your entirety in the most worthy shade of purple?
4. Skin, rarely remembered, is the human body's largest *****.
Without caution, show me that your brain and heart
Are eager to become the king and queen of your anatomy.
That your organic vastness can infiltrate others' flesh majestically.
5. Think carefully. Who was the last man you kissed?
Are his lips worth enough for you to dismiss
A potential chance at creating unending bliss?
6. True or False: You would lie to me to spare a hurtful truth.
Provide evidence that you are comfortable revealing the undisputed details of your personal journal
Unraveling the spools of your most mysterious fibers.
7. Disprove Heartbreak Theory.
Show your work with mild-mannered mannerisms and sentimental illustrations.
Use crayons or colored pencils to emphasize your best intentions.
8. Chemistry is the study of the properties of matter.  
Using the periodic table of elementary emotions
Describe what matters most to you.
Remember to cite your sources of inspiration.
The inner workings of your engine that fuel your fondest explorations.
9. Fill in the blank spaces between my fingertips with your tenderness.
Is it a perfect fit?
If not, describe the characteristics possibly prohibiting this grip.
10. Cells are the smallest units of life.
Draw a diagram dissecting the little pieces of you
That belong in my possession at all times.
Include both strengths and vices.
Exhibit a sense of self-awareness that I can mimic
When I'm stuck inside my quicksand mind.

And one final reminder:
Remember to print your name legibly on the front page.
Failure to do so will result in catastrophe.
An unidentified masterpiece resulting in agony for you and I.
Practically reversing the critical proofs that your pen just described.
So let my eyes scan your signature with methodical joy.
And the curves of your cursive ink lines can become my mind's strongest ally.
Let me know you're willing to be known.
Because I need to know you're alive.
 Feb 2014 Alyssa Yu
Ian Cairns
I see you

I've seen those eyes before
Drowning in patched-up paddle boats
With promises of tomorrow slipping down your face
Like saline shipwrecks fleeing harbor
And greeting the ocean floor with damaged handshakes
And now you're hopeless
Focused on could have been's and maybe one day's
Knowing one day
Swelled up storm clouds
Could slide through your cheek bones
Like sunshowers preventing your skyline parades
But I see you still searching for rainbows
Covering your face with two handfuls of imagination
Daydreaming of days where technicolor dreamcoats
Become wrapped around your soul
Like tuxedos for the bold

I've seen those arms before
Deafeated willow branches in the moonlight
Rebellious to rise upright
And now you're tired
Only fired up when your flesh
Converts to kindling on a campfire
Building sparks that shimmer for seconds
When your light deserves a lifetime
But I see you still inclined to shine brightly
Trying to assign meaning to your life with two inspired limbs
That can freely build bridges or climb mountaintops
Clinging onto hope with sturdy fists
Exploring the peaks of your potential

I've seen those legs before
Tattered toothpicks on prom night
Frozen in stage fright on the dance floor
Pressing muted prayers with each footstep
Into creaky floorboards waiting for silence to ensue
And now you're nervous
You're certain those two left feet can't possibly find the rhythm
So your shoes are the victims of bashfulness
Fearing one false step will uproot your jitterbugs
And place them alongside the butterflies in your stomach
But I see you still owning your insecurities
Because you know you're alive just fine

I see you
You are who I envisioned you to be
I see you
Brushstrokes of imperfections shaded in perfectly
I see you
It's more than just your typical hello
It's a phrase for all of us to speak solely with our souls
It can make you feel at home at the center of your bones
When all your hope is lost and there's no where left to go
So when I greet you
Listen carefully
This is a reminder that your eyes can be thunderous
Your arms can be victorious
And your legs can be ambitious
Your presence is necessary for this discussion
And your essence is accepted here
Let me speak your spirit into existence
Seeing is believing
And believe me
I see you
I never thought leaving you would make me feel so alone.
I thought I would be fine without you (I'm not).
There are a million things I can/should be doing.
It all seems pointless without you.
I tried to keep busy, carry on with my life,
but that hurt too much.
So I'm trying not to do much of anything (it still hurts).
The sad part is
you would take me back.
At least,
I think you would.
But how can I tell you how wrong I was?
Would you understand my intentions?
After you see what a mess I've become,
could you still see me as you once did?
I don't think so.
So I'll be alone with my writing
and sad music,
and you'll move on
and be happy
and listen to rad music
and eventually,
you'll leave me (what's left of me).
can you tell i just got out of a relationship
i only wrote two poems about it
(plus the ones i'm not posting on here but whatever)
 Jan 2014 Alyssa Yu
Ian Cairns
I'm speechless
That's my approach as you approach me
And usually I'm too focused on finding the perfect words
To penetrate the simple space I provide
So when beautiful girls intentionally invade my atmosphere
My need for speech is satisfied
Your beauty speaks sufficiently for two
So while I'm struggling for oxygen, I hope you recognize
Your presence is all I've ever needed to breathe easily

I'm stuck
Between unexpressed elegance
And helplessness
My mouth is screaming out
But frozen completely shut
I'm worried my compliments
May be complications
That my suggestions
Might suppress my objective here

We typically rely on our words
To settle the score
As if you and I are in overtime
Of a tie ballgame
Looking for phrases to frame the scoreboard
With an absolute victor
But I was hoping that you'd be willing to join forces
To break through the proverbial force field
That prohibits rivals from overthrowing obstacles
Because I've always believed the input overpowers the outcome

What if it were possible
To eliminate our speech
So our ears could erase the need to draw conclusions
We don't etch our words in pencil
Our words are enunciated in permanent marker
Brutally beating through our eardrums
Rhythmically reminding us
That silence can be more sweet sounding than any set of syllables

All I know is I'm hell-bent on remaining a straight shooter
My arrows will always be designed for the bulls-eye
But lately I've been questioning my targets
They haven't been painted red and white for all the world to see
They've been camouflaged by constricted communication
Secretly searching for statements that haven't met the airwaves yet
So I'd much rather absorb your definite thoughts
Than accept your remarks as absolute
  
The truth is
I'm not sure
What needs to be said.
The syllables I've learned to form
Don't apply to situations where
Words remain inherently absent.
And too often we force our hand
To make phrases appear
Where they don't belong.

But something about
Silent speeches is appealing to me.
Because the power in your eyes reduce
The need for any type of sound.
And the shock waves your steps make
As you inch closer to mine
Create the sweetest melodies.
So all I will tell you is this:
Let's leave words out of this.
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