a feeling of sickness runs through my stomach
a drop in temperature
a flush in my cheeks

my heart races
and my mind swells
an attack on all my senses

i feel panicked
panicked that i dont know what your thinking
i dont know what your feeling

souls that were once so connected
ripped apart and torn
one still longing for the other

my world turns silent
and my thought go to you
our amazing love and our horrible fall out

I cant stand to think of you and her
the loving way you would caress me
now your fingertips gracing her

those lips that were forever mine
rubbing against the stranger to our love
making me feel sick to my stomach

I throw up the lusting you have for her
wondering if you are starting to love her
what happened to your love for me

What happened to us
what happened to you
my love for you is still the same

My heart still wants to claim yours
my soul still connected to yours
but aching at every rejection of being ignored

You have hurt me more than anyone i have ever met
and yet my heart longs for you the most
and soul aches for you

And you want another
you wont talk to me
your done

Im here standing in shock.
You said you wanted to marry me
You said you wanted me to have your children
You said for me to leave you alone forever

How does this all add up

Who am I to love you
If you don't want my love
if you don't want my heart

Who am I to tell you to decide
If I am what you want
If a relationship  can be repaired

Who am I to tell you that you cant sleep with her or you shouldnt have slept with them
If you weren't mine at the time
If you didn't want me at that time

Who am I to demand that you choose
If you yourself knows as much as I do
If you are lost

Who am I to continue to want something
that isn't the best for me any longer
that isn't the best for you any longer

Who am I?

our kiss
when your lips gently touch mine
is something my mind can never forget

softness of your lips gently caressing mine
the way our lips fit together
like they were meant to be

the feeling of you wanting nothing but me
through that one kiss
is something my body and soul will always crave

rage circulates through my blood
with love racing behind it
while anguish lies in the back

an iv drips in the back ground
morphine to drown out the emotions
and fill me with a numbness

hospitalized again
for feeling the way i have times before
when my brain and heart want two different things

my body feels light and motionless
the drug is seeping into my soul
and shutting who i am off

the emotional basket case
has ceased and left behind
a caccoon of a normal human being

who feels to only a degree of what i feel
senses a fraction of what i sense
and dreams of things much smaller than i do

guess im back to being one of them

And each day a memory fades until there are none left
and we become strangers

ones that were never in love, never shared thoughts,
secrets, insecurities, laughter, or tears
or even life together

We never were lost in the love we shared
or lost in each other arms
days spent being lost in bed together

A life time of things meant to do and say
to never happen
a love line of memories lost

Your no longer in my head
your voice the only constant thing
your touch the only constant feeling worth re living

The patient tone of your voice
becoming silent in the midst of rustling noises
to loud for myself to think

To loud to think of us
or think of you
losing it in every which way

and each day that goes by
I saw farewell to a memory of you
to a memory of what we were

Until I no longer crave you
Until I no longer know you
Until I no longer know what we were

to let go
is to suffer for a good cause

When you say goodbye
is when your heart hurts the most

when you let you heart ache
and your tears swell

all to let go of something or someone
to release them from your hearts grip

to rid your soul and bones free of them
to let yourself wallow in suffering for one more moment

with eyes at the end of the dark corridor
look only at the end of light

setting goals for feeling much better
but dealing with so much first