from the first time
your eyes and mine met
i saw something there

something i only knew i wanted to know more of
your smile that kept me guessing
that feeling in the pit of my stomach

my heart wanted yours
the only love at first sight i knew
the feelings flooding my head

your innocence of life
helped me feel whole again
brought me home from war

your laughter
rang in my ears
creating happiness

your arms around me
giving me strength to overcome
helped me feel safe

your voice
that calmed my nightmares
and brought me back to who i was

your touch
that penetrated my soul
made my heart race

your eyes
the way they saw me, so deeply into who i am
made me want to stare forever, and feel so at home

your heart
that was so kind to those you loved
that stole mine

I'm trying to put it into words
why i really love you
and there aren't words strong enough

aren't strong enough to convey
that i want you forever
i want us forever

I want this feeling forever
this feeling of our hearts being connected
our souls entwined

from the first moment
i knew there was something there
from the way my heart screamed at me

Forever you will have piece of my heart
forever i will love you
forever i will want to stare into your eyes and feel it all over again.

when our love was alive
i knew that i loved you
now that it has dissipated
i know how much i really loved you

i never meant to love you that much
i never meant to let my self get this vulnerable
i tried to somewhat protect my heart
i tried to not love you completely

its to late now
im already hurting day by day
as you continue life like it never happened
like im just another girl

like we never made love
like we never touched each other souls
like we never stared into each others eyes
like we never wanted to say i do

im trying to be like you
move on with someone new
but my heart wont be the same
it wont love anyone new yet

i stand there trying to block my mind
block from remembering you
block from telling me how i feel
block from letting the sickness enter my body again

my heart and head are against each other
and im lost in the middle
trying to figure everything out
guess this is heartache...

heat rises to my cheeks
and embarrassment flushes my face
I avert my eyes for a moment only to be met by yours
playing coy games as I walk away regretting the moment I lost to see you

my breathing staggers
nervousness agitating the blood pulsing through my veins
adrenaline blocking my thoughts and emotions
your fingertips dripping over my heart

heat rises to my cheeks
anger fills my heart
I avert my eyes for the moment my tears scar my face
awarding myself with a moment to not see you

my breathing staggers
salt agitating my eyes from all the tears
pain seeping in my thoughts and emotions
your hurtful words dripping into my heart

A cycle of love to loss
causing pain to suffocate my lungs
causing loss to pierce my heart
causing gratitude to penetrate my brain
for letting something so good and so wrong go

your heart doesnt beat for me any longer
it sits there stagnate wanting nothing to do with me

it wants to be free of me
and ready to beat for another

you made love to me
your kiss touching every inch of my soul

your hands wrapped in mine
the words i love you spilling out

you broke my heart
time and again and left the pieces on the cold pavement

you left me used
and for someone else to repair

you were so in tune with me for awhile
until something interrupted it

Leaving only anger behind
anger for what we weren't

anger for something that we couldnt be
and im still here

standing here, naked with emotions
telling you what my heart wants

and you want none of it,
not my love

not my spirit
not my heart to call your own

nothing.

Do I let you go
Am I holding you back from some amazing place
Are you sitting there suffering on my account
Do you feel the same as I do

The moment I heard the truth
I felt so lost
So lost in myself

You were so much of who I am
And then to have you taken from me
Took a piece of me with you

I can no longer call you mine
I no longer have you

But is it the same for you
You ache as much as I do
Are you stuck in some limbo
Because im being selfish

I don’t want to let you go
I still want you to come back
Id give up everything to have you back

Back for her
Back for me
Back for what we all used to be

I hope your in heaven
Because heaven needs you
It would be lost without your glorious soul

I hope your looking down on me
Proud of what your daughter has accomplished
I hope your guiding me on the right path
I hope your protecting me

I hope im not  holding you back.

Tick tock tick tock
The melody of paint drying on a wall
The soothing sound of a fan humming

I sit and watch
People, places, and interactions
Seeing my self struggling

My mind and body numbing
To actions that need no intellectual background
Losing my mind in motions

Pitter pat pitter pat
The silence of my conscious
Listen to the little voice of doubt, in every thought

Numbed and yet severely angered to an absolute sadness
A hurt a burn and a pain
The only feeling that tantalizes me

Gasp gasp gasp
Stuck crying with furious tears
Dripping salt into my wounds

Gasp, tick, pitter
Losing every single emotion
To a vile of emptiness

Tick tock tick tock
The hum of my heart beating
Mixing with yours

Writing a lullaby
That’s words are unknown to either of us
But still cant get it out our minds

Thump thump thump
The number sounds dissipate
Your all I hear

She ‘s here with me, I feel her around me
She watches me cry
She watches me as I lose myself
She just stands there and watches

She knows I feel her, but she does nothing
She doesn’t wipe my tears
She doesn’t show me where I have gone
She just stand there and watches

She’s here in the room
She cannot speak
She cannot touch
She can only see

I look into her eyes
In that moment I regret my entire life
That agony in her eyes
That pain she feels, makes me want to die

I hate myself
I hate myself for wanting her to console me
She is the one in need
How could I be so selfish

I reach my hand out to her
To touch her face, to soothe her soul
To help her in some humanly way
For she looks no longer human

My hands pass through her
Her ghostly body still standing in front of me
I want to hug her
I want her to know things will be okay

She walks to the end of the room
Then back again, passing the dry empty room
She walks back to me, she is crying
She takes a mirror out of her pocket

She turns the mirror towards me,
The image is myself,
I am her
She is me.