Tell me, what have you learned?

Where do I begin?
I have learned that
The human experience
Is common to all mankind
And yet each man's life is unique.

I have learned that
Discrimination is unavoidable
For how can you ask a person
To not have their opinion or thought,
But that what man does with that opinion
Is more important than him having it.

I have learned that
Not everyone who is in the position
To teach you, to nurture you, to mould you
Has your best intentions in their hearts.

I have learned that
Love is always conditional
Even when we say it's not
And insist there are no strings attached
Because if love were truly unconditional
Then there would be
No war, no abuse, no struggling, no fights.

I have learned that
I am not the person reflected
In the iris of another's eyes
But rather I am still learning who I am.

I have learned
Many things which words cannot
Begin to describe or articulate
So I just have to end with:

Tell me, what have you learned?

Most days I'm ok.
I get up in the morning
Happy to go to work.
I eat my lunch under the pine trees
With a little lizard I've named Bob.
I get home at night and throw on
Smooth bluegrass while I make dinner.
I've got my routine and hardly vary.
But on the days that stray
From my habitual cadence
I also find my thoughts wander to you.
And even though you've been gone
For some time now, and we've both moved on,
I can't deny the existence
Of that small hole in my heart
You left behind.
And I wonder,

*Do you have one too?

Dust-covered two-lane highways
Catch the footfalls of my meanderings.
Meadowlarks and Phoebe-birds
Sing backup to my tuneless whistles.
Clouds illuminated by God-rays
Paint the sky above my head
And the Man in the Moon
Smiles as I bed neath a willow for the night.

I am a wanderer, a vagabond, a ***.
The iron wrought train tracks
I secretly ride pass through the fields,
The forests, the mountains and valleys,
The cities and suburbs, the small towns too,
Home to so many who choose there to dwell.
But my home is the open countryside,
The fields of wildflowers and bushes,
The occasional oak or poplar for shelter,
With a stone for my pillow
Anywhere I wish to rest.

I am a wanderer, a vagabond, a ***.
I am the outsider.

I still remember the feeling
Of how heavy my arms weighed
As I curled up to the risers of the stairs
I couldn't pick myself up from
After collapsing from the news.
I remember eyes staring at me,
Unsure of how to respond
To the usually stoic and strong me
Bawling uncontrollably
And heaving sobs wracking my body.
I remember cautious hands
Lifting my shoulders
And dragging me to bed
Where I stayed for three straight days.
I remember haziness setting in
And the following days and weeks
All blending into one.

I remember all that
But I don't remember your face.
Funny, isn't it?
What gets seared into our brains,
And what we lose because for so long
We took its presence for granted
Until it was too late
To remember.

One day when you lose the very person who makes your heart want to beat every moment for the rest of time and you no longer have the strength to find meaning in the simple joys of the daily mundane human life because there is no one to share it with anymore....

Then you'll know
What watching you
Walk out of my life felt like.

Then you'll understand
Me.

If I could
I would pack up my life
And drive across the Continent
To settle someplace new
And colder because I hate heat.

If I could
I would write poetry all day
And watch movies all night
Until I'm ready
To brave the world again.

If I could
I would join a dance class
And learn the basic
Foxtrot, waltz, and cha cha
Until I could twirl around
A ballroom
From sunrise to sunset.

If I could
I would "catch them all!"
And find the joy
In all the missed days
Of my childhood.

If I could
I would give back
All the years I took
From you.
The advice you gave
Both willingly and not.
The love we shared
Both unconditional and not.
The future I prevented
You from achieving or not.
And I'd give back
Whatever else you want.

If I could
I would...

At 10:32 at night
There isn't much I can do,
Except say to you
Goodnight.

Or maybe even,
Goodbye.