Surrounded by people
Who've known me all my life
And yet not labeled "my family",
I can't help but feel alone.
Though we laugh and cavort
In companionable glee
The fact that they don't know
The unmasked me
Saddens my hermit-yet-lonely heart.
I can sit alone in a full room
And feel the same as if it were empty
For the level of empathy,
Understanding, and knowing
Never changes, never grows.
It stays at zero zero point zero.
Like the monotone screech
Of a lifeless heart on the monitor
Never fluctuating up or down,
I sit here unknown, unconnected,
Alone.

I'm taking it kinda hard--
Not having you around any more.
Sometimes my heart stops
And I have to remind myself
That living isn't just a thing I have to do
But something I want
Even more than getting you back.

So to that end,
I gave all your favorite records
To the local vinyl shop
And donated your sweaters
To the thrift store down the street
And sold your bike for twenty bucks
To the neighborhood paper boy
And finally bought myself
A new set of dishes (after breaking
All of yours).

I think I'm finally ready to say
Regardless of what you think of me,
My life is my choice.
Like the poetry I write just for me,
I'll live each day in just the same way:
For me.

I.  
A word that defines
Only one thing
And yet covers a universe.

I
Is me,
And yet is you.

I
Is strong, stubborn, iron-willed
And yet supple, compliant, meek.

I
Is fair beauty
And yet homely.

I
Is man
And yet woman.

I
Is small
And yet...not.

I
Is me
With you.

What words are there
That can adequately describe
The reasons why I hide
Behind
A mask of congeniality
And blissful frivolity
With just a dash of innocent naivety
Due to my blatant apathy
Towards
Everything?

I'm a turtle withdrawn in my shell.
And I like it here!

There.
I think those words are adequately perfect!

Sitting alone under a darkened sky
Oft leads to meandering thoughts
Of things both blithely blissful
And bitterly biting.

Like the time we held hands
On a road trip across the country
That ended in sour silence
And restrained rhetorical retorts.

Like the time we warmly watched
The sun set over an orange ocean,
Only to go home feeling colder
Than the biting breeze that rose with dusk.

Like the time I said "I love you"
To your goofy grinning face
And in the same breath, "Goodbye"
To your vanishing visage.

Two sides of the same coin--
That's just life.
I guess this is why it's called
Bittersweet.